Ascendant
by Samurai101
Summary: Itachi's just died...and woken up thirteen again. The only problem is his thirteen year-old self doesn't like the idea of sharing his mind and body with his clan's killer. How hard would you fight to save your family from yourself? ::AU::COMPLETE::
1. How it Ends How it Begins

There was a burning pain in his chest. His eyes were on fire. The whole of him hurt, but his eyes and his chest were a special torment. He felt thick tears running down his face, and he knew they were blood. The world was dimmed, and he could barely see his brother's face.

Sasuke. Poor little Sasuke. The world would only ever use him, and Itachi had started that vicious cycle. How terrible was he, wretched, traitor brother of the poor little Sasuke.

Then he fell, words slipping past his lips and bloodied fingers sliding across Sasuke's face. The red smear was livid, like a fresh wound across the precious little brother's face. Itachi fell, hitting the ground with a spike of pain so bright he must still be alive. Then it faded. He was gone, slipping away from everything. His eyes weren't closed, but he couldn't see anything.

Uchiha Itachi died.

Itachi opened his eyes, eyes that burned, and looked across the room as a wall he knew so well it hurt. He was covered in a soft banket and lying on a soft bed.

He was back. He was home, and he could hear his father's voice down the hall. He gasped, and it hurt. Tears pricked his eyes, and it was agony.

Itachi screamed and pressed his hands to his burning, bleeding eyes.


	2. How the Child Breaks

-How The Child Breaks-

_So lock all your doors,  
And put your child to rest,  
It's quite in the street now,  
It's screaming in your head_.-Hey Now-Augustana

Fugaku, Mikoto, Shisui, and Shogo all sat in the kitchen, drinking tea and eating some sponge cake Mikoto had baked. It looked like a companionable family gathering, and it was. Mikoto was fond of her old cousin Shogo, and Shisui was more like a son to Fugaku and Mikoto, given all the time he'd been over to play with or watch Itachi or Sasuke. The words they spoke back and forth, though, were not typical of a happy family gathering.

"This is taking too long," Shisui complained softly.

Fugaku took a long sip of tea and looked at his cousin. "No one ever said the change would be instantaneous. Give it some time."

"We may not have time. Aiko and Kenji had to use _force_ to bring in one of the ninja yesterday. Aiko got her arm broken. We shouldn't have to do that. We're the police. They should listen to us. They should respect us, but they don't anymore. It's dangerous for us, and it's dangerous for them," Shisui almost growled. He gripped his tea cup and glared at it. "How are we supposed to do our job if every time we turn around we're being second guessed or undermined?"

"I know. I see the reports of officer injuries just like you do." Fugaku raised an eyebrow at Shisui, and it spoke volumes. He was the Chief of Police, after all, and the head of the Uchiha. "This isn't going to be easy."

"It feels impossible." Shisui's shoulders slumped. "What did we do wrong? Why do they corral us in here like rabid dogs, Fugaku-sama? The Uchiha have always served Konoha well, so why do they treat us like criminals now?"

Fugaku hummed softly, and turned his cup in his hands. "This may be partially my fault. The Uchiha have been losing favor for years, mostly because we had so much power and that made people suspicious and wary. After the fox attack, however..." The man gave an eloquent shrug filled with unsaid words. "Perhaps I should have been less complacent with the village elders. I expected this paranoia to go away in a few months or a year, not to grow as the years dragged on."

"No one can predict the twisted minds of the Konoha elders," Shogo nodded his wizened head. He looked across the table at Fugaku. "If the Yondaime were still alive..."

Fugaku gave a sad smile. "If he were still alive, many things would be better. I grieve for him more than anyone, Shogo-san. Minato was more than a Hokage to me, and if he were here, I'm certain he'd put things to right."

"It was probably due to him some of this happened," Mikoto put in. "If you hadn't been so close to him, people wouldn't have been so eager to put us down after his death. Your influence over him always made them nervous."

Fugaku shook his head. "I had no more influence over that man than anyone. I hardly thi-"

There was a high, terrified scream.

Shisui jumped to his feet, sloshing tea over his hands. Shogo looked up, alarmed. Fugaku didn't jump. He simply lowered his eyes and pressed his lips into a firm line. Mikoto glanced down the hall, eyes worried. She caught Shisui's pants leg.

"He has nightmares sometimes," Mikoto explained softly. Shogo nodded, but Shisui stayed standing. He looked down the hall, and Fugaku couldn't tell if the boy was mad, or about to cry. He slowly sat down, wiping the scalding tea off his hand. Waking up screaming was bad enough when one had a fragile sense of dignity, but having to acknowledge someone knew about it would be worse. At least, that was how it would be with Itachi.

"I'll keep trying on my end," Shisui spoke softly, slowly sitting back down. "There've been few results, but we'll try anyway."

"Thank you," Fugaku gave his cousin a small bow over the table. "You honor me greatly with your persistance. If all could be like you, we'd have no problems."

Shisui smiled a bit. "You flatter me, Fu-"

There was another scream. This time it was shriller. Shisui bolted to his feet again, followed an instant later by Fugaku. Fugaku hesitated, but Shisui took off down the hall. One scream could be discounted as a night terror, but two couldn't. There was another scream, almost a keening noise like an animal in pain.

Fugaku entered Itachi room seconds after Shisui, and found Shisui trying to keep Itachi's hand from his face. The boy fought and writhed like a snake, all the time making a terrible keening noise. His eyes were screwed shut, and Fugaku saw the glint of something wet on the boy's face. Mikoto entered with a candle to light the dim room as Itachi threw his head back, trying to bash his cousin's nose in and get loose.

In the candle's flickering light Fugaku saw that the wet on Itachi's cheeks wasn't tears as he'd thought but blood. Mikoto gasped, and candle flame lurched. Fugaku surged across the room and caught his child's small hands. They knotted together, and Itachi managed to catch Fugaku's finger in between some of his own. For a moment moment Fugaku thought his finger might break.

Shisui wrapped his arms around Itachi chest and Mikoto moved in to pin the boy's legs. Shogo held the candle now, and moved closer to the tangle of people on the room. Shisui had his head tucked against Itachi's neck to keep the boy from hitting his cousin with his wildly thrashing head, and there was a smear of blood in Shisui's hair. Fugaku tightened his grip on Itachi's hands, and the boy made another keening noise, small mouth open and gasping for air.

"Itachi!" Fugaku snapped the name out finally. Itachi's eyes flashed open, blood red and spinning madly. Fugaku felt something snag at his mind, trying to pull him down into...something. It was almost like genjutsu, but wrong and twisted and desperate, and it had a lot to do with those spinning eyes. Fugaku dropped Itachi's hands, which went immediately to his eyes, pressing into them and smearing blood everywhere. Fugaku reached forwrd and placed his hands Itachi's temples. A concentrated spike of chakra went through the boy's skull, and the Itachi's eyes snapped back to grey.

He screamed again, body jerking , and then he went limp. Shisui looked up at Fugaku, eyes wide and sharingan red.

"What," Shisui asked in a voice that was soft as a breath. "What was that?"

Fugaku looked at his child, and the blood trickling out from under his closed eyelids. It was caught in his eye lashes, and it looked kabuki paint for a horror play on the child's pale face. Fugaku touched the tacky blood on Itachi cheek and shook his head.

"I don't know." Fugaku pulled his hand back and looked at the limp form of his child in Shisui's arms. His face darkened.

"_Outou-san_, _Okaa-san_, what's wrong?" A soft, tremulous voice asked from the door. Fugaku shifted and made sure he was between Itachi's face and Sasuke.

"Your brother had a bad dream, Sasuke, that's all," Mikoto lied with the practiced ease on a ninja. She stood up gracefully and took the candle from Shogo. "Come with me, dear, and I'll put you back to bed. It's far too late for you to be up."

"I wanna say good night to Nii-san." Sasuke looked almost petulant, and he looked over at his brother.

"Not right now, he's sleeping. We don't want to wake him up," Mikoto reached down and took Sasuke's hand, leading him from the room. "Come one now, back to bed. You've got class tomorrow." Sasuke followed his mother out, but glanced back with a confused scowl on his face. Fugaku watched them go and then turned back to Itachi.

Even in the lessened light, he could still see the dark blood on his face. Fugaku gently took his son's limp body from Shisui. "Go get Genzai-sensei, and tell him it's urgent."

Shisui nodded, and instead of standing he flipped through signs and was gone. Shogo, wise old man that he was, left the room as softly as his stiff joints would allow. Fugaku sat on the floor and held his child like he hadn't for years. He didn't even care that his shirt was getting smeared with blood.

Mikoto came in and sat down beside him. She reached out and pushed Itachi's hair back from his face. Fugaku looked at his wife and wondered if he has the same look of sick dread on his face.

* * *

Genzai washed off his hands and carefully wiped them dry. He looked over at Fugaku and Mikoto. Shogo had gone home, since the hour was late, but Shisui was still there. He was with Sasuke, making sure the boy stayed asleep.

Itachi's face had been wiped clean of blood, and he was lying unconcious still on his futon. His hair was mussed by his earlier struggles, and there was still a trace of blood in his lashes and in the lines on his face. Mikoto had smoothed his hair back from his face while Genzai had examined the boy.

"Overuse of the sharingan, most likely," Genzai concluded. He looked at the boy and shook his head. "I've never seen anyone's eyes bleed from that, but Itachi-kun is a special case."

"So you don't actually know what's wrong?" Mikoto asked stiffly. She was frightened.

Genzai shook his head. "I can find nothing physcially wrong with him right now. Let him rest, and don't allow him to use the sharingan for a few days. If he feels fine tomorrow, count if off as a freak happening. I've never seen the sharingan so well developed in one so young, and it might just be taking an unexpected toll on his body. Don't worry about it too much, unless it happens again."

Fugaku nodded. "We'll be sure he rests."

"Has he been on any missions lately?" Genzai peeled back the lid of Itachi's eyes, revealing a blood shot white.

"He returned from one yesterday," Mikoto replied, still stiffly. It was nearing dawn now, so the boy hadn't been home more than twelve hours.

Genzai nodded and reached into his bag. "I'll take some blood and test it for poisons, just in case." Fugaku and Mikoto watched in grave silence as the man drew some blood from Itachi's arm, and carefully bandaged the sight back up. He took enough for two vials and carefully stored them away. "One, I will test, and the other I will ask the hospital to test. I should know by noon. When he wakes up, please come get me. I'd like to check him again."

Fugaku stood as the doctor did. "Certainly, and thank you for coming so quickly."

Genzai smiled wryly. "If I hadn't, Shisui-kun would have carried me here over his shoulder, and how could I not? Itachi-kun isn't just one of my patients, but a great member of the Uchiha clan. It would be a shame for anything to happen to him."

Fugaku knew he was right. Itachi wasn't just Fugaku's son. He was the Uchiha genius. He was possibly the next in line to be head of the Uchiha clan. He was a hope, a light, and he was never just Itachi, brother and son and nothing else. He had to be a ninja at all times, and the Uchiha genius. What a burden for a child.

"All the same, thank you," Mikoto added her thanks and stood. "Let me make you some tea before you leave."

The doctor nodded. "That would be most welcome. Someone should stay with Itachi-kun until he wakes up."

Fugaku nodded. "I'll be here, and I'll ask Shisui to watch him while Mikoto takes Sasuke to the Academy tomorrow." Genzai nodded and followed Mikoto out.

Fugaku sat in the still room, watching Itachi breath just to make sure he still was. He stayed until his work pulled him away, but as he sat he could still hear the shrill screams of his child, and he remembered the wide, panicked look he'd gotten from his son. Fugaku didn't think the fit was because the child was overtired, but what it was he had no idea.

Fugaku kissed his son on the forehead, and Mikoto, watching at the door, didn't say a word.


	3. How A Man Wakes Up a Child

-How a Man Wakes Up a Child-

_I wish you never told me,__  
I wish I never knew,__  
I wake up screaming,  
It's all because of you,  
So real these voices in my head_-Scared-Three Day's Grace

* * *

Itachi woke up lying on his side. His eyes burned. He felt like he'd been beaten. It hurt to breathe. No, no, it didn't hurt to breath. That phantom pain was fading away, leaving only the real ones. For a moment he was calm, and wondered where Kisame had gotten off to. He couldn't feel the man's presence.

His mind gave a sudden jerk as he looked across the worn tatami mat. He remembered those scuffs in vivid detail, and the wall he was staring at. His clothes were neatly folded and placed on top of a small chest. The Uchiha clan symbol sat above it, faded and worn with the years. Itachi breathed in a sharp breath and gave a small cry.

This wasn't where he should be. He remembered the rubble of a fight, his brother's blood smeared face. He remembered pain and falling and dying. He remembered the end, and the relief at finally having reached the end. He could finally stop. He could finally lie down and rest and know he had completed his duty.

How could dying be a relief, and why would _Sasuke_ kill him?

Itachi's mind conjured two very different images of Sasuke. One was of him at fifteen, steely eyed and almost maniac in his passion to kill his brother. The other was a gentle little child, still round cheeked and usually pouting at his brother's refusal to play with him. Which was true? Itachi's mind insisted both were, but that was impossible. The child had been left far in the past, but his mind half insisted that the child was a reality of now.

Itachi closed his eyes. His dream from last night was hammering about in his head and made him feel sick. It had been a terrible dream, filled with pain and death, and things Itachi could never do. Kill his whole clan, but leave Sasuke alone to suffer? He could never do that. He would have died with them. He was an Uchiha, and Uchiha did not turn traitor. They didn't.

This was all a dream, Itachi decided. This was his last moments before death showing what he wanted to see. This was his life before the massacre had happened. This was his life before any one had asked him to choose between duty and love. This was the time he'd ached for most of his life, and now, in the time before death, he'd managed to gain it back for a bit. Who knew how long this delusion would last?

This wasn't a delusion, this was life. He wasn't dying. He hadn't even gotten hit yesterday. It had been a ridiculously easy mission for an ANBU squad. Stupid, reallly, to waste ANBU on a job like that, but the man had wanted the fearsome spooks of Konoha, and nothing else would do. There were real missions they should have been doing instead of that one, but politics had to be played and people got what they paid for.

Ah, ANBU, that hell hole was probably the same as always. He hated it now. Every white mask he saw turned his stomach and made his stomach flip. ANBU made him wretch.

But he was ANBU. He didn't _like_ it, but he didn't hate it. His comrades were ninja serving Konoha just like him, so why...

"Nii-san."

Itachi glanced up, and even that much motion hurt his eyes. Sasuke stood in the doorway, school satchel over his shoulder. He would have been coming back from the Academy about now. Sasuke's brows were drawn low and he frowned. He curled and uncurled his toes as he looked down at his brother, uncertain if he was going to be welcomed or be told to leave.

"Sasuke," Itachi was surprised to hear his voice was a croak and it shook. Sasuke looked just as surprised, and he twisted his shirt between his fingers. Itachi closed his eyes and cleared his throat. He slowly pushed himself up, and it hurt. He gritted his teeth and made it into a slumped sitting position. He motioned his brother forward.

Sasuke came pattering in, and sat down near Itachi's futon. Itachi propped his chin on one hand and gave his brother a smile. "Did you have a good time today?"

Sasuke shook his head. "We learned boring stuff you and Shisui-nii-san already taught me about. Even though I knew it, they made me sit and learn it again. They didn't explain as good as you did either."

Itachi reached up and pressed two fingers to his brother's forehead. "Did everyone else understand it?"

Sasuke scowled. "No, so we had to go back and explain it again and again and again. It was _really_ boring and frustrating." Sasuke suddenly cocked his head to the side. "Nii-san, are you all right? Okaa-san said you had a bad dream, but then Genzai-sensei came and you don't bring a doctor if someone has a bad dream."

Itachi blinked. Bad dream? Or was this a dream? Of course this wasn't a dream. Sasuke's forehead was warm under his fingers, and there was no doubt his little brother was _here_. Itachi nodded. "It was just a bad dream." A terrible dream. A nightmare. "And I'm tired."

"Right, because you're busy." Sasuke nodded. He put on a serious face and leaned forward to press his sweaty child's hand against Itachi's forehead. "You're warm. Do you have a fever?"

Itachi shook his head, and thought it might fall right off his shoulders. "No, I've been sleeping." Sasuke smiled slowly, and Itachi let his eyes slide closed. He leaned his head forward so his forehead gently touched Sasuke's. "Sasuke, go ask Okaa-sanif I can have some tea, will you?"

"_Hai!_" Sasuke pulled away and trotted out, casting one almost amazed glance back at his brother. As soon as his little brother was gone, Itachi fell boneless onto the floor. His head throbbed and his eyes were on fire again. He lay panting, eyes clouding with tears that burned even more. Something in his chest twisted and _hurt_ over the fact Sasuke had looked at him and loved him.

He tried to tell himself Sasuke looked at him like that everyday, but it didn't make a difference. Part of him could only remember those dark eyes filled with hate and despair, and that hurt even more than the pain of his head or his eyes.

* * *

Genzai appeared in the late afternoon, just after Itachi had collapsed again. He said the boy had no trace of poison, which put his parents at ease, though there was still obviously something wrong with him. He was sleeping now, a heavy, hard sleep Fugaku hadn't seen in his son since he was a Gennin.

Mikoto was still worried. She had a drawn look about her, and scolded Sasuke for bothering his brother while the other was tired. Sasuke turned petulant and sulky, but Fugaku thought he might be on the verge of tears. Sasuke wasn't used to seeing Itachi vulnerable. He was used to his brother being strong and nigh invincible. He had been too young to remember the injuries Itachi had gotten as a Gennin. As the boy got older the injuries decreased, and now it was worth noting if he came back with something more serious than a scratch or bruise.

Genzai was now convinced Itachi had chronic chakra depletion. He'd been running almost back-to-back missions on an ANBU level, it wasn't strange such a thing would happen. What was strange was the fact that neither Fugaku nor Mikoto had noticed. Chakra exhaustion brought on by never quite recovering enough chakra and then almost depleting it was less noticeable than sudden chakra exhaustion, but Fugaku should have recognized it. He'd seen enough of it during the war to know the signs backwards and forwards.

Itachi hadn't shown any of the signs. He still wasn't showing any signs of chakra exhaustion, except that he was sleeping. Part of that was due to the drugs Genzai had given the boy, claiming they needed to force the body to rest if Itachi wouldn't let it.

Sasuke came slinking in while Fugaku was sitting with Itachi. He gave his father a look of guilty surprise. He was holding a stack of papers and a pen, obviously his homework.

"Can I..." The boy trailed off and took a step back.

"If you're quiet." Fugaku nodded to the boy, who beamed and settled himself beside his father. He placed his papers down and set to work. Fugaku glanced over as the child worked, His hand was neat and precise. Mikoto had taught him how to write, so she said, but it was Itachi who had begun the endeavor when he got tired of reading to his younger brother. It was also Itachi who'd taught Sasuke the basic principles of chakra and ninja life.

It was too bad the older boy had so little time for his younger brother now. The child still adored him, and it would mean much to have his brother's attention again. Itachi had never spent much time with Sasuke, but he'd usually made an effort to spend some time with his brother when he was home. Lately, he hadn't even tried. Lately a lot of things had been different about the boy. Fugaku frowned and looked at Itachi's lax face. Even in such a deep sleep it still had lines worn into it.

"Otou-san..." Sasuke started and then stopped. He looked up at his father slowly. "Nii-san's all right, isn't he?"

Fugaku nodded. "It's just chakra depletion. After he sleeps he'll be fine." Fugaku didn't add the 'we hope' everyone had been thinking all day.

Sasuke made a soft noise of assent and looked at his older brother. "He...he was crying, when we came back in with the tea. Did I make him cry?"

Fugaku sat silent and looked between his sons. Fugaku had never had a brother. He'd never been close to any of his cousins, really, except those who were now dead. He reached out a hand, and placed it on Sasuke's bristly head. The child sniffed and pretended he hadn't.

"No, your brother is very...tired. It was probably..." Fugaku faltered. Chakra depletion played havoc with emotions and everything else. It was no wonder Itachi had cried. He wasn't sure how to put it into words for Sasuke to understand. Fugaku knew intimately how it worked. He'd felt it times beyond count. It hadn't been strange to see a ninja, veteran or green rookie, crying in the trenches for no reason other than they were too tired and everything was too much.

"You didn't do anything, Sasuke. Your brother just needs to rest."

Sasuke nodded and went back to his work. It was simple things like trajectory and the ninja principles. Sasuke went through them with only a pause or two. He knew these things well. He was a budding ninja from a long line of ninja, and most of these things he'd learned from the cradle. The children from ninja families always had on advantage over their first generation ninja counterparts.

Sasuke finished up the work and set the papers aside. He sat watching his brother with large solemn eyes. Would Sasuke, given a few years, end up in a place like his brother? Would Fugaku sit a vigil for his younger son too, wonder what was wrong and how much pain his child was in? Would he sit and wonder if he had caused this to happen, or if it was just one of the unfortunate things that happened in life?

Fugaku looked at Sasuke, still young, round faced, and a child. At his age Itachi had been a Gennin, gaining scars and kills, and climbing the ninja ladder. No, Sasuke would never be like Itachi. He'd never achieve his brother's level of genius or excellence, and Fugaku couldn't be thankful enough for that. Having one genius ninja child was heartbreaking enough.

* * *

The longer Itachi was awake, the more confused he felt. It was like his mind had suddenly been split in two. On one side there was what he thought of as himself. He was thirteen, and ANBU captain, had a family and a little brother who adored him. One the other side, he was someone else, who claimed his brother hated him and had killed him. Itachi got the feeling the other's family was dead too, by the way it shied away from thinking about them.

Itachi was convinced the other was just the remnant of a bad dream, and the other was convinced he was having a flashback in his last dying moments. Itachi was incensed that he could be counted as a death hallucination, but the other was too distant for Itachi to know how it felt. Feeling what the other felt was like watching shimmering minnows in a fast moving stream. He thought he might have a guess at what they were, but until the other broke the surface, Itachi would still be guessing.

It would be better if one of them were more sure. Sometimes the other's perception overshadowed Itachi's, and sometimes Itachi's overshadowed the other's. It wavered back and forth, and the only peace was in sleep. Itachi knew he'd been drugged, and it still clung to his mind and body, making him feel heavy and slow. He hated it.

The other pressed that drugs weren't so bad. They took away the aching pain that breathing made. They eased the burning pain of his eyes. They were better than lying on the ground in agony, unable to breath or even use his sharingan.

Itachi had never felt that way, but the other insisted it had. Itachi could recall those pains and taste the bitter drugs as they passed over his tongue. It wasn't remembering. Remembering was for past things, and Itachi's past held no such things. The other agreed vaguely with this. At thirteen there had been no past like that, but now there was.

Itachi insisted thirteen was now, but all that got him was a vague confusion and a denial. Now was twenty-one, tired, aching, alone, and so ready to die. Now was waiting for his brother to finally gain enough skill to be a bother rather than an easy kill. Now was pain in the lungs with each breath, blood slipping through his lips as he coughed. Now was burning eyes that saw only in blurred, indistinct shapes. Now was pain in his eyes, blood crusting on his lashes and face. Now was death, slowly slipping onto him as he knew Sasuke had won.

Itachi pushed the other away in disgust. That wasn't now, and that would never be a now for Itachi. It was all just a dream-a terrible, horrible, very realistic dream. He wasn't remembering things, since it was impossible to remember what was to come. He was just remembering a dream, made too vivid by whatever bug he'd managed to catch on his last mission. Maybe Sasuke was right, and he did have a fever. This could all be fever induced. It wouldn't be the strangest thing Itachi had dreamed while fevered.

The realest, but not the strangest.

Itachi curled into a tight ball and breathed out. The drug was still thick in him. It wasn't as strong as it had been, but it made slipping off to sleep again easier. That was the only way he could get away from the other for a while. Maybe the dream would have faded when he got up, and the other lost in Itachi's mind as the fever broke.

Or he would be finally dead, and free of everything.


	4. How Parents Fight

-How Parents Fight-

_Now I'm going through changes, changes,__  
God,I feel so frustrated lately,__  
When I get suffocated, save me,  
Now I'm going through changes, changes._-Changes-3 Doors Down

* * *

They kept Itachi drugged for another day, and he slept hard. When he did wake up he was sleepy and confused. He was grouchy and snapped at everyone but Sasuke. He got an odd look in his eyes when the boy came in, and always motioned him over. He didn't always say anything, but he seemed glad to have the boy near. Sasuke didn't want to go to school, but his mother made him. Fugaku was at work, and didn't have a say in the matter.

Shisui or Shogo stayed with Itachi while Mikoto was out, but usually, she was there. She measured doses and dealt with the brunt of the drugged boy's attitude. Itachi had never been a gracious patient, always insisting he was fine, but drugged he was just irritatable. He kept saying something about a dream, and it either scared or disgusted him. Perhaps both. It was hard to get any sense out of him.

Shisui was visiting as the last of the drugs left Itachi's system. Itachi had been sulkily curled up under two blankets all evening, pretending to sleep. Fugaku had checked on him twice in the last few minutes, waiting for the boy to be awake enough to talk to. He'd like to know just what had proceeded the fit night before last.

Fugaku walked in and found Itachi's eyes were open and he was sitting up. His hair was mussed into spikes and probably mats. He was beginning to pick it out with a scowl on his face. His hands slipped and shook from the after effects of the drug, but he doggedly kept up his task, admittedly a hard one with shaking and sweaty fingers.

"Are you feeling better?" Fugaku asked as he sat. He hadn't spent so much time in Itachi's room in years.

Itachi shook his head. "I don't know. All I want to do is go back to sleep, but I can't. Please ask me again after all the drug has worn off." He dropped his brush and picked it up with an irritated noise. "I'm not sure I even felt bad to begin with."

He'd been crying blood, and he hadn't felt bad. Fugaku almost shook his head. "Do you remember what happened the night before last, after you got back from your mission?"

"I-" Itachi paused and picked at a particularly nasty snarl. His voice dropped lower. "I had a bad dream-a strange dream, but nothing else." His tone said he hoped it.

"You don't remember anything happening?" Fugaku pressed.

"No, no, I don't..." Itachi made a face and looked over at his father. "That wasn't part of the dream was it?" Itachi reached up and brushed a finger under his eye. "I apologize for that..."

"For crying blood? I'm not sure that's something you can apologize for, unless you know what caused it."

Itachi shook his head. "It's never happened before." There was almost a stutter between the words, as if he thought there might have been. He repeated the words with more conviction and he looked put out about something. Fugaku put it down to the drugs still coursing through Itachi's system.

"Genzai-sensei thinks you over used your sharingan." Fugaku wasn't certain that was it. He'd overused his sharingan many times, but he'd never had anything other than photophobia and migraines. Some people saw spots, some had blurred vision, but he'd never even heard of someone bleeding from the eyes.

"I didn't use my sharingan at all last mission. There was no need." Itachi paused and his fingers stilled for a moment. "Chakra exhaustion isn't likely either, since I haven't used much of it in the past few days, and I would know if my reserves were that low."

"It can sneak up on you, if you're constantly pushing," Fugaku pointed out. He watched as Itachi's fingers went back to work, tugging and coaxing each tangle out. The boy had found to keep his hair long since he was young, insisting it was better that way. He hardly ever let it get tangled, and it didn't usually get bad tangles, unless he tossed and turned on it for two days.

Itachi dropped the brush on the tatami and scowled as he leaned forward to pick it up. "I don't think that's it." He held the brush firmly in his shaking hand and looked at his father squarely. "I know my own strength. I have been pushing it since joining ANBU, yes, but I haven't been pushing it very badly. I have more chakra than the average ninja already, and I have excellent control of it."

From anyone else Fugaku would have called it a boast, but from Itachi it was the simple truth. He nodded in acceptance of his child's words. "Just rest, then. It can't do you any harm, and you seem to be recovering well from your…fit."

Itachi made the soft humming noise that meant he agreed in a vague way, but didn't want to bother speaking. He tugged the brushed through the first inch of his hair and gave a small sigh. He had a long way to go. Fugaku held out his hand for the brush. Itachi looked at him, surprised, but he slowly handed the brush over to his father. Fugaku took the brush and moved to sit behind Itachi.

Itachi pushed his hair over his shoulder and sat up straight as his father began the slow process of brushing Itachi's hair. It was thick and coarse, thought not as coarse as Sasuke's promised to be. It was more like Fugaku's than Mikoto's. Strange, that was the only way Itachi favored his father in looks. Then again, the boy didn't look much like his mother either. Especially his extravagant lashes.

If Itachi had been anyone other than he was, his face and build probably would have landed him in seduction. Who knew, he could still manage to get himself hooked into that business. It was a sobering thought. The seduction corps had short runs and often came out broken in new ways. Fugaku wanted to believe Itachi was too young for anyone to even think of putting him on such a mission, but he'd known of younger agent doomed to that fate.

Fugaku pulled the brush through Itachi's hair one more time, and it slid through. The boy was relaxed now, shoulders just a tiny bit slumped and his head bowed forward. So, it still worked. Fugaku could remember hours of walking up and down the halls with Itachi, running his hand through the boy's hair until he fell asleep. It had been a fail-safe way of getting Itachi to nap as a toddler, and it seemed to still have the same effect on him years later.

"Itachi, you're awake," Mikoto came in with a smile on her face and a tray in hand. There was rice and tea on the tray. It was simple food, but Itachi perked up at the sight of it. He hadn't eaten much at all since his 'fit', as Fugaku had begun to think of it.

"Yes, I am," Itachi gave a small bow, his hair sliding over his shoulder. "I apologize for causing you such concern." There was Itachi, always formal.

Mikoto gave her head a little shake and sat down, not even jostling the items on her tray. Fugaku always had to marvel such a fearsome kunoichi had been content to settle down and have children. "Are you feeling better, Itachi?"

"_Hai_, I feel much better, _Okaa-san_." Itachi straightened up and flicked his hair back behind his shoulder. Fugaku moved to sit beside his wife. Mikoto handed Itachi the tray and gave him a very serious look over.

"You look better, please keep resting, though." Mikoto stood and Fugaku followed her. He glanced back at Itachi and saw the boy was eating more slowly than usual, but considering how the boy usually inhaled his food, it was an improvement.

"I'd like to know what was wrong with him," Mikoto intoned as she walked back to the kitchen.

"Whatever it was, he seems to be recovering." Fugaku wasn't satisfied with that anymore than Mikoto was. Anything that might interfere with his son's capabilities as a ninja was a large worry. Bleeding from the eyes fell into that category without a doubt.

"Doesn't he," Mikoto replied. She wasn't satisfied with that. Fugaku leaned against the doorframe and watched her move around the kitchen.

"Mikoto, don't worry. He'll be fine-"

Mikoto whirled around, and the sharingan flashed in her eyes. It was alarming to see it after her eyes had been a docile grey for so long, even if it only had two tomoe whirling in it.

"Like he always is? He comes home broken and bleeding and you _always_ say that, Fugaku! Do you see him as anything but a ninja? Can't you see him as your son-as the child he is? He woke up screaming and bleeding, and we don't know why, but all you say is he'll be fine?" Mikoto didn't raise her voice, but she went cold.

"I see him as my son," Fugaku defended. "He's been acting fine today, Mikoto, and Itachi's-"

"Invincible? Amazingly resilient?" Mikoto asked. "He's thirteen, Fugaku. He's still a child no matter how you try to treat him like he's not!"

"Mikoto, he's not as much of a child as you think he is. He's grown up faster than he should, and he'd no longer a _child_ that you can mother and protect. He's a ninja, a Jounin and ANBU besides, you can not-"

_"GET OUT! SHI- GET OUT!"_

For the second time there was screaming coming from Itachi's room. Mikoto and Fugaku didn't pause. They ran to their child's room.

* * *

Itachi ate slowly, for him at least. He was through with the rice by the time there was a knock on the door. Itachi glanced up and gave his cousin a smile.

"Shi-nii-san," Itachi almost chirped. Shisui was his favorite cousin, more like a brother than a second cousin, actually. Shisui smiled back and walked softly into the room. He was dressed in his uniform, flak vest and all, and his short ponytail stuck out more to the left than the center.

It was a familiar sight, but something in Itachi's mind recoiled from it. Images tried to clamber into his mind unbidden, and he pushed them down. Such things had been trying to happen ever since he'd woken up. He knew the other was responsible for it, and it was annoying to find that the thing was still hanging around. Itachi firmly blamed the drugs.

"Before you ask, I'm feeling better," Itachi snapped his chopsticks at his cousin and placed the tray aside. "I'm not sure when they'll be content to let me go back on duty, though."

Shisui sighed. "'Tachi, you were crying blood, so I don't think they're going to let you go back until they're sure it won't happen again, which can only be a good thing, in my opinion. Besides, you need a break. You haven't had one since you joined ANBU."

Itachi made a noise of grudging consent into his tea mug. He set both mug and tray aside and folded his hands in his lap. "I'm scheduled to take another mission at the end of the week, so a break right now would be inconvenient."

"I think they'll get over it. You haven't even been removed from duty for injuries yet." Shisui reached out and tugged his cousin's bangs.

Itahci blinked at him. "Why would I?" Itachi asked. He knew why. ANBU was the most dangerous branch any Konoha shinobi could participate in, and Itachi had gone through three months with nothing more than bruises and scrapes. He was a genius, but what he had done was almost unheard of.

"You're a brat, you know that?" Shisui was grinning as he said it, and he reached out to ruffled Itachi's hair. Itachi ducked, grabbing his cousin's hand in a steel grip.

"Watch it. I'm an ANBU captain, and I won't stand to have my hair ruffled by the likes you, Special Jounin Uchiha."Itachi followed up the threat by sticking out his tongue. It was good to be around Shisui again. To him, Itachi would always just be Itachi, little cousin and younger brother in everything but blood.

Shisui's hand snaked out, and he almost caught Itachi tongue. "Hey, you watch yourself, Itachi-_chan_.I'm your elder, and you should treat me with respect."

Itachi rolled his eyes. "Elder, and inferior. How pathetic, Shi-nii-san. I'd think you wouldn't want to remind me of how much older than me you are."

Shisui chuckled. "Itachi, you can become Hokage and I'll still be your elder cousin, and you'll never be able to beat me at transolcation, right?"

"That's because your chakra does that weird twist-twitch thing that it's not supposed to," Itachi pointed out with a superior smirk.

"Oh, so I'm just defective, is that it?" Shisui asked, eyebrows going up and a smile curving up his lips.

"Yes." Itachi lifted his head and looked down his nose at Shisui.

Shisui heaved a dramatic sigh. "I guess I'll just go jump up of a bridge and rid the Uchiha family up such a blight to their name. Woe, is me, I am _defective_."

Itachi giggled. "But you can swi-"

_Jump off a bridge-drowned in the river-tragic, suicide, not, liar_

Itachi's body drew tight, and he recognized the other's thoughts slipping across his. His breath caught and he couldn't take his eyes off Shisui. He wasn't seeing his cousin, with concern slowly growing on his face. He _was_ seeing his cousin, but not with the traces of a smile still on his face. He was-

He was holding Shisui under water, just so as not to leave a bruise. His hands were braced against his cousin's neck, and chakra kept him on the surface of the water while he held his victim under. The night was dark, the streets were quiet, but it would still be a nerve wracking three minutes before his cousin passed out and he could let go.

Shisui's dark little ponytail had come loose, and bloomed across the dark water like a shadow. He struggled, but the struggles were getting weaker. He was losing oxygen. He was seconds away from passing out. Itachi kept his hold strong and concentrated on not leaving any marks. He couldn't leave a mark, and he wouldn't He was a genius, and he could do things like that. Things like drowning people who could swim like a fish. Things like killing his closest friend and confidant for power that would let him-

No, no, no, Itachi had never done that. He could never do that. Kill Shisui? Itachi could _never_ kill Shisui. Never.

But he had, or he would. The other whispered across his mind, and Itachi saw his cousin's body sink down below the inky waters. He didn't feel regret. He didn't feel remorse. He was _satisfied_.

Itachi gagged on the bile that rose in his throat and found his hands were convulsively knotted in the blankets over his legs. He was still staring at Shisui. Shisui, his cousin, his brother, his best friend, a man he had just seen drowned at Itachi's own hands. He could see how it would go. He could hear the words he'd use to lure Shisui out to the river. He knew the drugs to mix into the tea to make precise chakra manipulation impossible for Shisui for a few minutes. He knew. He'd done it.

But Shisui was right in front of him, reaching out to touch him. He'd done it that night, reached out and touched Itachi, not knowing his darling little cousin was planning to kill him. To drown him in the river Shisui had taught Itachi to swim in.

_Go jump off a bridge._

"Itachi?" Shisui's hand touched Itachi's sleeve, and the boy jumped like he'd been burned.

"Don't touch me!" Itachi snapped, suddenly frightened. He'd never kill Shisui, but he had, his mind told him. It was impossible, but he had. He would. He was _capable_ of killing his cousin.

"Itachi, what's-"

Itachi's sharingan activated. Stress and fright brought it out even when he didn't want it. Itachi gasped, a high, pained noise that slipped out of him unwillingly. His eyes burned. His sight dimmed and blurred and tears gathered in his eyes. Itachi whimpered and hunched over, trying frantically to stop the pain, to make the sharingan go away.

"Itachi," Shisui's hand was on Itachi's shoulder. Itachi was flipping him around, shoving him face first into the water, holding him down under the surface waiting for him to drown...

"Shisui, get out!" Itachi almost shouted. Shisui recoiled, but he didn't move away. He didn't even stand up. "Get out now!" Itachi gasped and he actually _whined_ as the burning of his eyes doubled. He could feel his chest starting to burn, and he couldn't breathe. Itachi tried to shove those things away. They weren't his. They belonged to the other, like the memory of killing Shisui.

" Get out!" Itachi was shouting now, his voice strained. "Shi-get out!" His eyes were on fire, and no matter how tightly he closed them they still hurt. He couldn't make the burning pain go away. He couldn't make it any better. He whimpered and felt thick hot tears start down his face.

"Oh, ashes and death," Shisui breathed. Itachi heard the door flung open. People were shouting. Someone grabbed Itachi's shoulder. He cried out, and someone tipped his head up, telling him to open his eyes. Just open his eyes.

Itachi's eyes flashed open and he looked up at his father's face through a red haze. Itachi choked on the bile rising in his throat. The only thing worse than killing Shisui would be killing his parents, and when he looked up at his father, he saw the man crumpled on the ground, bleeding with Itachi's sword in his stomach.

Itachi thought he might scream, but pain spiked through his temples and everything went black and blessedly blank.


	5. How a Father Watches

-How a Father Watches-

_Everyday I fight a war against the mirror,__  
I can't take the person staring back at me,  
I'm a hazard to myself,  
Don't let me get me,  
I'm my own worst enemy_-Don't Let Me Get Me-Pink

* * *

It was Friday, three days after Itachi had woken up screaming. Fugaku was technically on his lunch break, but he had an important errand to run. The ANBU headquarters was just as dismal as the man remembered, though he'd never joined the organization. Fugaku had been a front line fighter in the War before becoming the head of the police department, and there'd never been time for him to get involved with ANBU.

Mikoto had served a short stint in ANBU before Itachi had been born. She'd been an excellent assassin, quick, quiet, and deadly. It still amazed Fuagku that she'd managed to settle down into the woman she was. Being a mother seemed to be her world now. Fugaku shook his head and wondered if he would ever be able to set aside his ninja duties and just be a father.

He doubted it.

Yesterday Itachi's eyes had bled again, and the person most distressed was Shisui. The boy was convinced he'd done something to bring on the attack, and he'd refused to go back in the room with Itachi again, but he wouldn't leave. Instead, he'd played with Sasuke out in the garden, and in the end, taken Sasuke to his house for the night.

Genzai could still find nothing wrong with the boy, and Itachi had gone into lock down after he woke up last night. He didn't want to talk to anyone. He wanted to be left alone, and Fugaku had convinced Mikoto that was the best thing to do. He hoped he was right. Itachi had always been a solitary person, and if he needed his space, it would be unwise not to give it to him. Maybe all he needed was rest.

Fugaku was waved through by the Chuunin at the main desk. Normally Fugaku would just report his son's leave of absence to his captain, but Itachi was the captain. In light of that, Fugaku made his way to the Second in commands office. He knew the way, even though he'd never been in ANBU.

He got several stares as he walked down the halls. It was obvious who he was, and he knew by the time he left there would be many rumors and whispers. Fugaku ignored them and knocked on the appropriate door. It took a while for him to get a response, but eventually a muffled voice called for him to come in.

Fugaku stepped into the small office and gave the man behind the desk a small bow. "Ken'ichi-san, it's a pleasure to see you again."

The man glanced up, and he looked far from pleased. "Fugaku-sama, to what so I owe this pleasure?"

"It's strictly business, I'm afraid." Fugaku handed the man a sealed scroll. "I regret to inform you my son is going to have to take a medical leave for a while."

"That's unfortunate news." Ken'ichi broke open the scroll and read it through. "We have him squad scheduled to take a mission in a few days. They were requested especially for this one. Itachi-kun is a valuable operative."

Fugaku nodded. "Then you should be more than willing to grant him a needed medical leave. It wouldn't do any good to cripple him now, so early in his career."

Ken'ichi made a noise that could have been assent. "The physician who examined him said he's suffering from chakra exhaustion, but it hasn't affected his performance on missions so far." Ken'ichi made the inquiry polite and unstated. Was there anything really wrong with the boy?

"It came on suddenly," Fugaku admitted. "Itachi's chakra system is not full developed, and the strain of running so many missions is undoubtedly catching up to him."

Ken'ichi's dark eyes got colder. "You wouldn't be suggesting ANBU has something to do with Itachi-kun's current condition, would you?"

Fugaku shook his head. "Not intentionally. Yes, it is the strain of keeping up with the demands of ANBU duty that has laid him low, but after a rest he will be ready to resume his duties in ANBU. He has gone three months now without any sort of break for injuries or otherwise. Would you begrudge such a faithful operative a little time to recuperate?"

Ken'ichi gave Fugaku a long level look before answering. "How long will he be 'recuperating'?"

"A week, at least. We're not sure exactly how long it will take him to get back to top form, but we will be certain to inform you when he does," Fugaku replied evenly.

"This, you understand, is highly irregular." Ken'ichi handed Fugaku back his scroll. "Most agents report directly here or to the medic for medical leave."

"Itachi is still a minor, and my son, ANBU or not. He resides in my house, under my care, and I think I am an accurate judge of his needs. At this time he is recovering and unable to appear before you himself." Fugaku gave the man a small bow. "Itachi sends his regards and his apologies." He would, if he was speaking to anyone at the moment.

Ken'ichi looked suspicious. This could, of course, be a plot by the Uchiha to get their genius back. Fugaku didn't have time to think about that. His son was not fit for any sort of ninja duty right now, much less ANBU level missions. Fugaku wasn't going to cause his son's death by trying to avoid whispers. The Uchiha needed Itachi alive and well, and Itachi was Fugaku's son.

Ken'ichi nodded. "Tell Itachi-kun we'll be happy to have him back, when his medical leave is over." The man said the words 'medical leave' as if they were bitter.

"My thanks, Ken'ichi-san." Fugaku gave the man a bow and walked out of his office.

It rankled to think that the man thought Fugaku had anything but his son's best interest at heart. Certainly, Itachi was the Uchiha Genius, and there was a lot riding on him, but he was still Fugaku's son. Fugaku might not always act like he remembered it, but he did. It was easier to always consider Sasuke as a son, since he was not yet a ninja and Fugaku had been around Sasuke for the boy's whole life. It was easy to look at Sasuke and think of the tiny baby he had been. With Itachi, it was harder.

Fugaku had been fighting in the war the first few years of Itachi's life, and he had only seen his son a few times a year. Itachi was already learning to be a ninja to fill up the shortage the war had created by the time Fugaku was home for good, and then Fugaku'd been dragged off to fulfill his duties as head of the clan and Chief of Police. He felt he was always playing catch up with his oldest son, who was growing more into his role as a ninja and a tool every time Fuagku turned around. It was becoming harder and harder to see him as a child and son, but these past few days had made it easier.

"Fugaku-sama!" The name came out quickly, like the speaker was surprised.

Fugaku turned and found himself looking at a tawny eyed man with dirty blond hair. He was in full ANBU gear, and there were a smear of blood on his bone white uniform. He stood with the rest of his squad, obviously just returned from a mission. Fugaku smiled and gave the man a bow. "Genma-kun, what a pleasure to see you again, and Raidou-kun, Iniochi-san, Tsume-san, and Kuromaru." Fugaku bowed to each in turn, even the dog.

Shiranui Genma smiled almost sheepishly back and rubbed at the back of his head. "Ah, the same...are you looking for Itachi-kun?"

Fugaku shook his head. "Unfortunately, Itachi is under the weather right now, and is on medical leave. I was just stopping by to inform Ken'ichi-san of this."

Genma looked suitably concerned. He had been Itachi's Sensei while the boy had been a Gennin. After graduating his team to Chuunin, Genma had returned to ANBU for a second stint in a place not many people survived their first. Raidou, Inoichi, and Tsume were also on their second ANBU runs.

"It's nothing too bad is it?" Genma asked.

"No, no, just some chakra exhaustion." In theory, and most hopefully. "He'll be back soon."

"Nothing you're not used to dealing with, ne, Fugaku-sama," Raidou put in. They'd met and fought briefly together during the war, and Fugaku and the fledgling medic Genma had spent a night coaxing both Raidou and Minato through acute chakra depletion, trying not to let them go into shock. The memory had stuck with Raidou, evidently.

"The pup looked pretty bad when we saw him last week, remember?" Tsume nudged Inoichi. "All pale and sick like. Smelled something terrible of ink and blood too."

Iniochi nodded. "We saw his squad coming back from what I assume was a bad mission. Itachi-kun looked worse for the wear, but he was with his squad so we didn't ask any questions."

Fugaku nodded, filing the information away. He'd ask Itachi about it when he got home. "If he was with his squad, I'm sure he was in very capable hands."

"Ah, leeches and ticks," Tsume growled. She held up her arm and displayed blood dripping out from under a bandage. "You were right, Genma. There was an anticoagulant on that guy's blade. This thing is _still_ bleeding."

"I told you," Genma sighed gave Tsume a pointed look. "I am a poison expert, aren't I? I know these things. Hold pressure, will you? I ain't carryin' you when you pass out." Kuromaru growled at Genma who scowled back at the dog.

Fuagku shook his head and shared a look with Inoichi and Raidou. Once a medic, always a medic. "I can see you have some business to attend to, so I'll leave you to that." Fuagku gracefully withdrew, bowing again and exchanging goodbyes with Inoichi and Raidou. Genma was too busy fussing over Tsume to notice the man's departure.

Fugaku shook his head as he walked out the building. In ANBU there were war veterans struggling through their second stint. There were broken ninja no one else dare use. There were ninja one act away from being declared missing-nin. There were suicidal ninja just waiting to die. There were ninja who didn't care if the lived, died, or killed. Then there was Itachi, and Fugaku wondered, where did his child fit into this nest of mad-men and lunatics?

* * *

Itachi sat out on the back porch and watched a plant get pollinated by a bee. Itachi liked bees. They were busy, quick, and they commanded respect even though they were so small. Itachi had once told Shisui that he was like a bee. Shisui had laughed and said Itachi was more like a wasp than anything else. He didn't die after stinging someone, and his poison was potent.

Itachi watched the bee and drew himself inward. He focused himself and sighed. The other was still there, lurking in Itachi's mind. The other's thoughts were like a rumbling undercurrent to anything Itachi thought, and it was driving the Uchiha to distraction. What was it? why was it in his head?

Most importantly, how did he get it out?

How arrogant he was to assume he could get 'it' out, and how dare he call 'it' and 'it'.

Itachi pounced on that thought, drawing back to its source. He brushed against the other and for a moment he felt giddy. It had memories that Itachi had, some identical, and it had memories Itachi didn't have, and never would, like drowning Shisui, and murdering his parents. Itachi would never do those things.

_What makes you so sure?_

Itachi was startled to feel the other's thought so plainly. Other times the other's thoughts had been hard to distinguish from Itachi's own thoughts. Was he now hearing the other so well because he know knew there was something alien in his mind?

_There's nothing alien about me. I'm having a fascinatingly confusing flash back right before I die._

Itachi scowled and pushed at the other. It didn't budge. It was disgusting how Itachi could hear the other's longing for death. Longing for death was weak. Why would anyone long for death? It was a cheap cop out when living got to hard. Itachi would never choose death over life just to escape misery.

_So righteous in your naive stupidity. You'll beg for it one day._

No, he wouldn't. He was an Uchiha, and he would never beg for death.

_You'll beg because you are Uchiha Itachi_.

And why was that important? Why did that make the other so sure such a thing would happen.

_I'm Uchiha Itachi, older, wiser, more miserable, and dying._

Itachi snorted. Right. He had his older self in his head. Itachi knew one thing, and that was he would never grow up to be like the other. He would never kill Shisui, and he'd never kill his parents. He especially would never alienate Sasuke so much the boy wanted to kill him, and he'd never welcome death. The other was too stupid to be Itachi. Ever.

_You're already alienating your bother, and do you realize you've just called yourself stupid?_

Itachi was not the other. He was himself. The other was to alien a creature in thought and memory to be Itachi.

_You're right. I'm not you, but you'll be me given time._

Itachi snorted again. Never. He would never be the other. He would never do all the things swirling in his head. He'd never associate with missing-nin, He'd never be one. He'd never betray Konoha. He'd never betray his family. There was no way he'd ever end up like the other. Maybe the other was some strange genjutsu left over from some mission.

_If you believe that, you really are stupid._

Itachi closed his eyes, and he knew. It struck him hard and made him suddenly cold. He could feel the other reaching out, touching Itachi's chakra network, and it responded. It knew the other's touch, clumsy as it was. The other _knew_ Itachi's body from the inside out, though his memory of it being so small and frail were old and rusty. Itachi realized with a jolt the only reason he was still in control of his body was the fact the other had trouble thinking of the thirteen year-old body as 'his'.

When the other did get over that stumbling block, though, would it be able to take control of Itachi's body? What would it do if it ever got control? Itachi shuddered as the images of death ran through his mind. He shoved the other away, pushing it farther and farther back into his mind. He would never do those things. Never.

_Never say never. I said never, and created hell on earth. You'll do it too. You can't do anything else._

Itachi whimpered and curled into a tight ball, hand over his ears and eyes scrunched shut. They burned. He burned. His chakra smoldered under his skin and his eyes _burned. _He would die before he did those things. Itachi choked on what might have been a sob and gagged on burning bile that followed. He heard the other chuckle in the back of his mind, and squeezed his hands over his ears.

It didn't help, of course. There was no way to silence a voice in your head.


	6. How a Brother Worries

-How a Brother Worries-

_I hear your voice, it's drowning in the whispers,  
It's just skin and bones, there's nothing left to take,  
You'll never know the way, it tears me up inside to see you,  
I wish that I could tell you something to take it all away_-"Save You" Simple Plan

* * *

Itachi didn't think. He didn't think things that would call up the other, and he didn't search his mind for the other. He didn't have to. He could feel the other in the back of his head, waiting and watching. The other seemed content to only watch, but for how long would that last?

Fugaku opened the door out onto the porch and stepped out beside his son. Itachi looked up at him from his perch on the porch. He had been looking mindlessly out over their meticulous garden. It helped keep him from thinking, but at the appearance of his father he felt a flurry of images from the other trying to push through to Itachi. He forced them down.

Fugaku crouched down by Itachi, and his knees popped. "Are you feeling better today?"

Itachi took a deep breath and let it out slowly. he looked away across the garden. "A bit." No, he felt worse. There was something in his head that had killed Itachi's family, and it was going to take over Itachi's body. It _said_ it was Itachi too, but Itachi would never do the things it had done. He was incapable of them.

"Ah," Fugaku nodded and was silent for a few seconds. "I ran into Genma-kun when I went to report your medical leave. His squad said they say you pretty drained looking last week."

"Last week?" Itachi cocked his head to the side and shook his head. "I don't..." What did he remember about last week? There had been one mission, but not a bad one. There had been something with the T&I, but...

Itachi dug back deeper in his memory, and he found nothing. There was a gap, he knew, somehow. He was missing something, but he couldn't for the life of him figure out what it was. That disturbed him greatly. It was like finding out you were standing on a high building with no guardrail when there had been one just a moment before.

"You think they were mistaken?" Fugaku pressed gently. Itachi knew that voice. That was the voice his father used when coaxing victims to give testimonies.

"No, I don't doubt they did. My memory is not the best of late." Itachi shook his head, ignoring the growl in his head. He wasn't a victim. He wasn't the sort to allow himself to be used.

_But you will be_.

Itachi sat up straight, eyes flashing wide. His digging in his own memories had somehow allowed the other to get closer to the surface, or had the other managed that by himself? Itachi tensed and pushed the other down, horrified to find that his awareness of the other didn't diminish but _grew_.

"Itachi."

Itachi glanced up at Fugaku, and immediately knew it was a bad idea. The sight of his father's face was the cue for the other to push unwanted images into Itachi's mind, all gruesome and disturbing and-stop it, stop it, _stop it._

Itachi gasped and doubled over as his sharingan activated, whirring like mad and_ burning_. He couldn't see. he was going blind. Everything was a blur and pain and his eyes were-

Itachi felt his father's fingers on his temples. He shook himself loose of the other's thought and remembered feelings. "No, it's fine." The words came out breathless. Itachi squeezed his eyes shut and struggled to get control of his eyes. He couldn't manipulate his chakra like he wanted to. Why was it so hard? This was easy stuff. Itachi had been doing this for _years_.

Itachi took a deep breath of relief as he finally managed to release the sharingan. His face was streaked his tears, and he felt shaky, but he'd managed it. Even better, Fugaku had let him. Itachi rubbed the wet marks off his cheeks, and tried to make himself stop shaking.

Fugaku put his hand on Itachi's shoulder. "Come eat some breakfast." Itachi could hear the smile and relief in his father's voice. He nodded and stood slowly, blinking away the darkness that ate into his vision as he stood. His father reached out an automatic hand to steady him, and Itachi didn't flinched away from the touch. In a family where hypotension ran rampant, it was almost reflex to reach out and steady someone when they stood.

Itachi stepped away as his vision cleared and his head steadied. Fugaku's hand lingered on his shoulder, and Itachi thought he felt it give a squeeze before it pulled away entirely. Itachi glanced up and give his father a curios look, but Fugaku was striding away to the kitchen. Itachi gave a mental shrug and followed.

Sasuke was already in the kitchen, devouring his breakfast. Mikoto was laying out three more places. She smiled at Itachi, and asked how he felt. Itachi repeated what he had said to his father and sat down beside Sasuke. Sasuke looked at Itachi sideways through his bangs, eyes large in his face. He bit his lip and paused in his head long race through his food.

"Good morning, Sasuke," Itachi greeted, picking at his own food. He wasn't hungry, which was alarming. He was always starving, but he hadn't used any chakra at all in the past few days. Maybe that was why, or maybe he was sicker than supposed. Itachi made himself eat, and he thought it tasted like ash and sulfur. His stomach twisted and knotted like a snake.

"Good morning, Nii-san," Sasuke almost chirped. He gave Itachi a hesitant grin, and then an almost worried look. Itachi frowned a little. Why should Sasuke be worried?

_Why shouldn't he be?_

Because there was nothing to worry about. Itachi was getting better and there had really been nothing wrong with him that rest wouldn't fix.

_And how should he know that? How does he know you'll be okay?_

Itachi was always coming out 'okay.' Poisoned, bleeding, supposedly dying, he was always bouncing back with a bored expression. Sasuke should know that. Itachi was always okay.

"Time for you to leave for school, Sasuke, are you ready?" Mikoto was holding the boy's lunch and smiling down at her youngest child. She usually walked him out of the Uchiha District at least, but today she thought it best to stay home with Itachi.

"Nn," Sasuke nodded. He shoved the last bit of breakfast into his mouth. Itachi got one more look from his brother, and he thought Sasuke was going to ask him the same questions everyone else had. He didn't. His eyes drew in, and he looked down before heading for the door. Mikoto walked with him, making sure he had his bag and remembered to get his shoes.

_Say something. Tell him goodbye at least!_

Itachi opened his mouth, but he hadn't. Fugaku got up to wish Sasuke well for the day, and Itachi's hand knotted into fists. The other was yelling at him softly, telling him to get up, to go after Sasuke. Itachi didn't trust the other. The other was the one who wanted to kill Itachi's parents. The other was the one who remembered drowning Shisui, and for what? Why had the other done those things?

"Itachi..." Mikoto's hand touched Itachi's hand. Itachi jerked away, whirling to face his mother. His balance shifted, and he saw images and felt impulse flashing through him that weren't his. Part of him _knew_ he should dodge one way and catch himself, and the other _insisted_ he should do it another way. Itachi felt himself falling back, and he knew he wasn't going to be able to catch himself in time.

Itachi hit the tatami mat with a jolt, and his instinct took over again. He rolled back and into a crouched position. His mother and father were giving him startled looks, and Itachi felt a flush creeping up onto his cheeks. They had every right to stare at him like that. What had happened anyway? Itachi should not have overreacted like that, and he shouldn't have toppled over like that either.

Itachi felt the other sliding back, retreating slowly from a panicked grabbing at control. Itachi almost shuddered with a feeling he could not name and went meekly back to breakfast. His parents didn't ask him what had happened, but the looks they kept sending each other were worse.

* * *

"Naruto! Stop pulling on Ino's hair!" Iruka was shouting and moving across the playground with menace. Naruto let go of Ino's hair and ran straight into Mizuki, who dragged the boy off to deal out punishment. Naruto was always getting punished for one thing or another.

Sasuke watched the drama unfold from his perch in one of the trees. It wasn't one of the great trees, but it was pretty high for an eight year-old. Sasuke didn't mind heights. He liked climbing trees. Itachi had taught him, back when Itachi had time to teach Sasuke things.

Sasuke frowned to himself and picked a bug off the tree's rough bark. He held the little beetle bug delicately between his fingers and watched its legs flail for a hold. He wondered if it was one of Shino's bugs, or something else. Sasuke released the bug, which grabbed onto Sasuke's finger. He watched it climb down his finger, and then it flew away. Sasuke watched it go and sat back, lips pushing forward in an almost pout.

He should be down 'playing' with the others, but he didn't feel like it. He kept thinking about Itachi, and how no one would tell him what was going on. Everyone kept telling him that Itachi was fine, just a little sick, but Sasuke knew better. He wasn't stupid. Itachi didn't get sick like that. Sasuke had seen the blood on his brother's face, and he had heard the screams.

Sasuke had nightmares all the time. Sometimes he woke up trying to scream, but unable to because he was just too scared. Only once had he ever woken up screaming, and then the first one to get to him had been Itachi. It had been Itachi who had checked him for injuries, but Itachi had left as soon as their parents had arrived, leaving Mikoto to tend to Sasuke's fears. Sasuke knew all abut having bad dreams, and Itachi wasn't just having bad dreams. There was something else going on.

Shisui thought it was something bad, or maybe he was mad at Itachi. he hadn't been back to the house since the last time Itachi had started screaming. He had stayed with Sasuke for a little while, but he hadn't come back after leaving. It was strange, because Shisui was always coming to see Itachi, or Itachi was always going to see Shisui. Shisui was like their other brother, far closer to Itachi than Sasuke was, and if Itachi was sick Shisui should be there.

Itachi was sick, even though everyone just said he was tired. Sasuke was sure of it. Everyone was keeping the real secret of what was wrong with Itachi from Sasuke, because he was a little kid. They didn't want him to worry about things like that. Sasuke usually didn't. Itachi didn't make people worry. He took care of himself. He was like one of the stray cats in the district, which managed to sleek despite the fact no one expressly watched out for it.

Sasuke was worried anyway. Itachi looked so strange this morning, and he was acting strange. He was sick and no one would say _anything_. Sasuke pressed his face against the rough bark of the tree and squeezed his eyes shut. He was scared. His brother was sick, and if adults didn't say anything about someone being sick, it was bad. Like Kiki-baa-san, who'd gotten sick and just wasted away. Sasuke bit his lip, and he hoped Itachi wasn't sick like that. He didn't want to see his bother withering away into nothing.

"Sasuke, everything okay? Why aren't you playing with the rest of the kids?"

Sasuke blinked and found Iruka was crouched in the tree with him. Iruka was nice. He was a new teacher, since the old one was getting ready to retire. He liked kids, he said, but he got mad and awful lot. Of course, with a kid like Naruto, Sasuke could see why.

"My stomach hurts." That was true. His stomach was a cold knot that made him feel like he needed to throw something up, but he didn't. He wasn't sure he could get rid of the cold, heavy feeling in his gut even if he did throw up.

"Is that so?" Iruka sat down on the branch beside Sasuke. "Are you sick? Maybe you caught what Itachi has. I heard he was sick."

Sasuke didn't question how Iruka knew Itachi was sick. Iruka knew a lot of things Sasuke thought he shouldn't. Maybe that was part of being a teacher. Sasuke shook his head and kicked his feet. He looked past them to the ground, which was a long way down. Sasuke wasn't scared. Itachi had taught him how to climb trees, so Sasuke was an expert.

Sasuke shook his head. "No. Itachi's sick in a different way. He's more sick than I am."

"Oh?" Iruka sat down on his branch. "How sick is he, Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke shrugged. "I dunno. Mom and Dad say he's getting better, but he doesn't act better, and he..." Sasuke looked down and kicked his feet. "I think he's sicker than they wanna tell me he is. Itachi doesn't ever get sick, and no one wants me to know how sick he is. They're whispering in halls." Sasuke nodded, half expecting Iruka to laugh at him.

Iruka nodded sagely. "It's a little scary when someone gets sick, isn't it? I used to worry a lot when I knew something was wrong but my parents wouldn't tell me." Iruka kicked his feet like Sasuke was. They were bother wearing blue zori, but Iruka's feet were way bigger than Sasuke's.

"But, you know-" There was always a 'but, you know' when Iruka talked. It was usually pretty good. "even when my parents did whisper in halls and I got scared and worried, things turned out okay. Parents are really good at making things work out, no matter how much they whisper in halls." Iruka smiled, and his scar crinkled up. Sasuke always wanted to know where that scar came from, but he thought it would be impolite to ask. Iruka hadn't told Naruto when he'd asked, so he probably wouldn't tell Sasuke either.

"I guess," Sasuke admitted sulkily. He kicked his feet again. He didn't think his parents were so good at handling Itachi being sick. They were fighting a lot now. They did it quietly, but Sasuke could hear the harsh whispers through the walls, sliding easily to his ears like a dagger through the soft dark of the house. He didn't mean to eavesdrop on them, but he did. Sasuke heard a lot of things he knew he wasn't supposed to, but the air in their house was really good at carrying whispers.

"So, how bad is your stomach-ache?" Iruka asked.

Sasuke shrugged. "Kind of bad." His breakfast was sitting in his stomach like a rock, and that just made his stomach feel heavier and worse.

"Bad enough you want to go home?" Iruka asked kindly. "If your are sick, you should go home and rest."

Sasuke frowned a little. He didn't want to be at school today. He wanted to be home making sure Itachi was okay. He didn't like Itachi being sick. He didn't like the cold heavy feeling in his stomach. He wanted Itachi to get better and be normal again.

"Yes," Sasuke decided. He slumped against the tree truck and stared out through the branches. Tears suddenly pricked his eyes and he blinked rapidly. "I-I want to go home." _I want my brother_. Iruka's broad hand touched Sasuke's shoulder, warm and comforting. Itachi's hands were always cold.


	7. How a Brother Loves

-How a Brother Loves-

_What I really mean to say,  
__Is I'm sorry for the way I am,  
I never meant to be so cold to you-_"Cold"-Crossfade

* * *

It had taken forever for Itachi to convince his mother he was all right now. She'd finally gone out to make her customary social calls, and Itachi breathed a sigh of relief as she left. He'd said he was going to rest, maybe even go back to sleep. His mother had been pleased by that suggestion. Rest was good for the ailing, even when one didn't know the ailment. Itachi's topple at breakfast had both his parents worried again. They didn't know what had caused it. Itachi did.

Itachi went to the garden, and started going through kata. He knew why he'd fallen over at breakfast, and he didn't like it. It showed him the other was still around, and it wasn't fading like Itachi thought it should be doing if it were just some strange remnant from a nightmare. It also showed Itachi he wasn't as good at holding the other back as he'd thought. He was beginning to think the other was only pushed back because it let itself be pushed back.

_Still an 'it', am I?_

Itachi ignored the soft thought and went through the mindless motions. The other had been talking to Itachi all morning, and Itachi hadn't realized it at first. He hadn't pegged the thoughts as instantly not his own, and that made Itachi think. How much control did he really have over the other? Did he only have what control he did because the other let him have it? Was the other trying to drag Itachi into a sense of false security before the other took over?

Itachi's pattern stuttered as he got a phantom feeling his legs should be longer. He scowled and went on, movements smooth once more. His head was pounding a little, but he ignored it. The air was sweet with the smell of blossoms, and the sun was shining down. This was right. This was good. This was home and where he belonged. This was where he'd always belong.

No, blood, death, carnage, and betrayal would pull him away. He would never be welcome here again. He would never want to come back. He would live in torment and hellish conviction of what he had done. He would cry himself to sleep, choking on regret and trying _so_ hard not to let anyone hear the awful noises he made.

Itachi snarled and shoved the other away. It went, but Itachi knew it went because it wanted to. Itachi didn't have much if any control over it. He was fighting a losing battle over this thing that wanted his parents dead. He was going to end up blood-covered with corpses piled at his feet, and Sasuke screaming hate at him. What a terrible, terrible thing to look forward to.

Except he wasn't fighting. Itachi felt the air move past him as his movements sped up. He frowned to himself and let the motions carry him away. He wasn't fighting the other, he was running away. He was scared of the other, and the things it showed him. He was terrified, deep down in some part of himself he tried to deny-the part that woke up screaming and crying from nightmares in the middle of the night and wanted to go find someone to sleep with just so he would know he wasn't alone. Itachi was just ignoring the other, and that wasn't working. He was going to have to fight if he wanted to subdue the other.

That would be hard. The other was strong. It was filled with things Itachi didn't understand and didn't want to know. He just wanted to run and hide and ignore the other. He didn't want to face the images and thoughts he knew the other held. He didn't want to see himself drowning Shisui. He didn't want to see his parents dead. He didn't want to see Sasuke hating and killing him.

He didn't want to, but he would have to. How did he go about subduing the other, though? What would he have to do? What would it take?

_You think you even have a chance of that?_

The other slipped around Itachi, pressing on his thoughts and Itachi could feel phantom fingers prying into his brain. He could feel something that wasn't him slipping into his skin, sliding him out of control like one would pull a kitten away from something. Itachi hung helpless and gave a mental shout of rage at the other. He was ignored.

Itachi's steps faltered again, and suddenly his balance left him. His legs were too short.. His movements weren't right, but they _were._ He knew they were, but that didn't stop him from falling for the second time that morning. He felt the other's shock and surprise, and then Itachi's head struck one of the ornamental rocks littering the garden.

He lay on the ground stunned for a few seconds, and then tried to pull himself up. He almost fell back down. Something insisted his body was too small and frail. It should be bigger. His arms should reach farther. He should have to go farther up to be standing. This wasn't right.

It was, Itachi insisted. This was his body. Thirteen and small. He was still growing. He'd be bigger one day, but not before then. For now he was small, but that meant little. He was still a competent ninja, no matter what his size. He was still strong. Itachi slowly pulled himself up, a little dizzy. He stood in the garden and breathed slowly, centering himself and found the other had retreated for now, bewildered and in pain.

Itachi was in pain too. His head was throbbing where it had struck the rock, and he felt sickly dizzy. He grimaced and slowly tottered back to the porch to sit down. The wood was sun warmed. Itachi turned his face up to the sky and breathed out slowly. This was his body, and he wasn't going to let the other have it. He would be the one in control. He had to be.

Itachi cocked his head to the side. Someone was knocking. Itachi slowly pulled himself up and wondered who it was. If it were Mikoto, the only reason she'd knock would be that her hands were full. Itachi carefully padded through the house, wary of his now aching head. He fingered the growing knot on the back of his head as he approached the door. It was tender to the touch, but the skin wasn't broken.

Itachi pulled the door open and found Iruka standing there, Sasuke piggy backed. Iruka turned his beaming smile on Itachi and slowly let Sasuke slide down to the ground.

"Hello, Itachi!" Iruka greeted. Itachi looked from Iruka to Sasuke, a frown forming on his face.

"What's wrong?" Itachi asked Iruka, but his eyes were on Sasuke. He didn't see any obvious injuries on the boy, so had he gotten in trouble?

"Sasuke-kun had a stomach ache, so we decided it would be best if he came home," Iruka explained, dropping a hand to Sasuke's head.

"Ah," Itachi felt tension drain out of him. If that was all... "Thank you for bringing him home, Iruka. Would you care for a drink?" It was hot outside, and if Iruka had carried Sasuke all the way from the Academy, then it was only polite to offer some refreshment.

"Ah, that would be nice," Iruka admitted. "But I can't stay long. I have to get back to the Academy."

Itachi nodded and looked down to his little brother."Sasuke, go put your things in your room."

Sasuke glanced between his brother and teacher. He did look paler than usual, and there was something strained about his face. Sasuke nodded slowly and kicked off his shoes. He walked gingerly past his brothers, and Itachi let a gentle hand touch his brother on the head before focusing on Iruka again.

"Please follow me," Itachi bowed and motioned towards the kitchen. He led Iruka in, and listened to the man's heavier footfalls. The two were friends of a sort, having been Genin together for a few years. Iruka had been a Genin much longer than Itachi, but the Uchiha had graduated at an odd time, and been stuck with some older Genin. Iruka had tried to watch out for the diminutive Uchiha, who had often gotten himself into trouble due to his small size. There was a large difference in size between an eight year-old and a thirteen year-old boy, and while skill could make up for that difference in most cases, sometimes it wasn't enough.

Itachi pulled a cup from the cabinet and put some ice in it before filling it with water. Water was best on days like this, and Iruka would appreciate water more than anything else. Itachi handed the cup over, and Iruka's calloused hand brushed against Itachi's smaller one. Itachi pulled his hand back and leaned against the counter. He looked up at Iruka, who was regarding him with friendly eyes.

Iruka took a sip and made a pleased noise. "So, Sasuke said you're sick. You don't look very sick, but you are off mission duty for the next week." Iruka took another sip.

"Chakra exhaustion," Itachi replied shortly. Iruka, for all he was only a Chuunin, he could be counted on to know almost everything. How he did that, Itachi would never know, but Iruka was on top of all the latest in Konoha ninja gossip.

"Yeah, right," Iruka looked at Itachi, and the light from the kitchen window gleamed off his dark eyes, growing blue around the black pupils. "I know you Itachi, and I never saw you with chakra exhaustion when we were Genin. I somehow doubt you'd run into it as a Jounin."

Itachi gave an eloquent shrug. "Believe what you want." Itachi didn't think it was chakra exhaustion either, but it was something.

"Mmm," Iruka took a long drink and gave Itachi a smile. "Common rumor says something's up besides you being sick."

Itachi let his eyes sink half closed. "Common rumor twists the truth. I am sick." Itachi lowered his voice and gingerly felt the knot on the back of his head. "My balance is off. I fell over doing _kata_ just before you got here. That is not something I normally do."

Iruka looked surprised. "I hope not. Really? _You_ fell down? Let me see. Did it leave a bump? How long ago?" Iruka set his glass down and reached out his brown hands. He paused and cocked his head to the side. "May I?"

Itachi nodded. Iruka reached out and prodded the back of Itachi's head, feeling the growing lump gently. He pulled his hands back a little, and Itachi could almost feel them going through signs behind his head. Iruka's hands touched the back of Itachi head again, and the throbbing pain lessened and slowly vanished. Itachi gave a soft sigh of relief, and Iruka stepped back, hand coming back to his cup, which was almost empty.

"Thank you," Itachi gave Iruka a small bow.

"Anytime," Iruka drank the last of his water. "Now, I have to head back. Will you two sickies be okay alone?" Iruka asked, a teasing grin pulling at his lips.

Itachi's face deadpanned. Iruka could be annoying when he wanted to be. "My mother will be home soon. I think we can manage until she returns."

"Excellent!" Iruka clapped his hands and Itachi escorted him back to the door. "I hope Sasuke's well enough to come back to class tomorrow. He's really our best student, but that's not surprising, considering where he's coming from."

_Sasuke isn't anything like me. Don't say that. Don't compare him to me. He'll never be me._

"He's an Uchiha, of course he does well," Itachi responded, ignoring the other. Obviously, Sasuke was no genius. Everyone knew that.

Iruka slipped his shoes back on and gave Itachi a puzzled look. "I meant he's your brother, and he's got you to learn from. Uchiha or no, you're a genius, Itachi, and Sasuke is learning from you as much as anyone else. It's a good thing he is too. These kids need all the extra help they can get to survive being a ninja."

"I-" Itachi felt his face suddenly flush, but with shame, not pride. When was the last time he'd helped Sasuke with anything? How long had it been? Could something he'd neglected to teach his brother get Sasuke killed one day? "Thank you."

Iruka grinned and laughed, wild and free. Itachi looked at him, and for a moment, he wished he wasn't an Uchiha. He wished he was a ninja like Iruka, with no greater concern than his own welfare. He wished he didn't have a fan on his back and a point to prove to everyone he met. Then, he remembered Sasuke, his family, the over whelming support of knowing he had a whole clan backing him. That meant more to him than freedom, and it was worth everything just to have them.

"Don't mention it!" Iruka gave Itachi a sloppy salute and a wave. "See you around, Itachi!"

"_Aa_," Itachi gave a half wave in return and watched Iruka leave. He stood for a moment, just looking at the door. He dropped his hand and curled his hands into fists, eyes dropping closed. He felt the other stir sluggishly. Itachi took a deep breath and turned around, slowly opening his eyes. He blinked and took a hurried step back. Sasuke was standing there, huge black eyes, pale face, and dark marks under his eyes.

Itachi felt a note of worry resound in his chest. He leaned down and placed a hand on Sasuke's forehead, pushing the boy's bangs up and away from his face. He frowned a little, and Sasuke looked down, biting his lip.

"How bad do you feel?" Itachi asked. Sasuke's forehead was warm, but Itachi's hands were always cold. It was hard for him to tell if his little brother had a fever.

Sasuke shrugged. "I dunno. Bad."

Itachi frowned and pulled his hand back. He hated it when Sasuke sulked. It was annoying. "That was very informative Sasuke, thank you." Itachi straightened up and walked past Sasuke, intending to go back out to the garden. If Sasuke wanted to be sulky and petulant, Itachi didn't want to deal with him.

_Do _not _leave him there. You turn around and ask him what's wrong._

Itachi's footsteps faltered. For a moment he felt like a child under the chastisement of an adult for a very foolish act. His earlier chagrin at Iruka's words flooded back, and he realized he was doing it again. He was ignoring Sasuke because he felt he had better things to do. Sasuke was eight. He was going to be annoying and petulant, and Itachi shouldn't just walk away from his little brother because of that.

They were brothers, bound by blood and so much more.

"Sasuke." Itachi turned back around. Sasuke's back was to him, and Itachi could see the tension in his brother's back and shoulders clearly. Itachi gave a tiny sigh, and went down on his knees. He turned his brother around with a tug on his shirt, and looked up into the little boy's face. For a moment it was overlaid with one that was more angular, and those sulky eyes were bright with a maniac hate that made Itachi's heart freeze.

"Sasuke, what's really wrong?" Itachi asked softly, placing his hands on his brother's shoulders. Sasuke's shoulders were tiny, just bone underneath the cloth. He was so tiny, just a child. Sasuke met his brother's gaze, and Itachi let his expression soften. He squeezed Sasuke's tiny shoulders, and for a moment he felt something he hadn't even known had been there give way.

Sasuke took a breath, and it shook. He looked at his brother and his mouth moved. He blinked and closed his eyes, taking a few more breaths. Sasuke opened his eyes again, and this time he managed words. "Are you going to die?"

Itachi blinked. His mouth fell slack in shock, and he gave Sasuke an incredulous look. He saw Sasuke's lip tremble, and the over-bright look in his brother's eye. Itachi shook his head. "No, Sasuke, I'm not. I'm just...just a little sick. I'll be okay."

Sasuke nodded, and he blinked. Itachi thought for a moment Sasuke would be okay. He thought the boy might walk away, and go do his schoolwork or something. How ridiculous it was for him to think that Itachi might be dying. Where had he gotten an idea like that?

Sasuke looked at Itachi, and for a moment Itachi almost reached out to hug Sasuke, tear bright and trembling with his made up fears. He really was just a kid, and even though Itachi could remember being eight, he'd never been like Sasuke. Was that a good thing or a bad thing?

The door opened and Mikoto walked in. She was visibly surprised to see both her sons home. Itachi dropped his arms, and Sasuke turned to look at his mother. She took in Sasuke's expression and softly swooped in with motherly concern, asking Sasuke what was wrong, why he was home, and everything she should. She gave him a hug and told him to go lie down, maybe he'd feel better. She would make him some soup in the mean time.

Itachi watched from the floor, feeling suddenly small and isolated. He felt like an outsider, staring at his mother and his brother, especially after the questioning look his mother gave him as she left for the kitchen. What had he done for Sasuke, she wanted to know. Itachi looked at his cold hands in his laps and knew exactly what he'd done to Sasuke.

He'd done nothing.


	8. How a Child Fights

--How a Child Fights--

_If you feel so angry,  
So ripped off so stepped on,  
You're not the only one,  
Refusing to back down,  
You're not the only one,  
So get up.--Riot--Three Day's Grace

* * *

_

Fugaku looked over the report in his hand and signed a few lines. He handed it over to Kakai, who hurried away to hand it off to someone else. Fugaku stepped forward, ducking under the bright red tape that denoted a crime scene. He didn't get out in the field much anymore, but he tried to be as active as possible. Today, he was beginning to wish he'd stayed to do paperwork

Fugaku found himself standing by a lithe man with red hair, It was cropped short, and the man had an old scar across his face, and a wooden bokken at his side. He looked up at Fugaku with soft green eyes and gave the Uchiha a bow. "Fugaku-san, what a pleasant surprise."

"The same to you, Haruno-san. I only wish the circumstances of our meeting were happier," Fugaku replied. Kenji Haruno was one of the civilian police officers, and Fugaku had worked with him in the past. He was a good man with a quick mind.

Kenji shook his head. "Murder brings everyone together in unpleasant ways, though it's not often I get a case with a dead ninja. Do you know who he is yet?"

"Beshimi Souji, a chuunin, and just back from a mission," Fugaku rattled of softly. He looked at the young face and shook his head. "The woman?"

"A prostitute from the Red Fish, but I've asked and no one could think of any reason for someone to want her dead. She's Hanako, by the way. We haven't gotten a real name yet." Kenji gave an eloquent shrug. "I don't have much hope for this case."

"He hasn't been dead long, so we can try a few jutsu and see if we can retrieve any memories. That should help us along a little." Fugaku motioned some police with stretchers forward and they carefully loaded the bodies onto them. The woman really was beautiful.

"How is Sakura-chan doing?" Fugaku asked as he turned his eyes back to the crime scene.

Kenji chuckled. "She's still dead set on being a ninja. She's convinced she wants to be an ANBU, like Itachi-kun. That, or she's going to be a police ninja." Kenji looked over at Fugaku with a fond smile on his face at the thought of his daughter.

Fugaku returned the smile wryly. "We usually don't let non-Uchiha into the police force, but I'm sure we could make an exception for a bright girl like Sakura. She's one of the top performers in her class, I hear."

Kenji looked pleased. "She is. She's really taking to it more than her mother and I ever thought she would, but that's Sakura for you. She's head strong as a bull, and once she knows what she wants, she goes after it with everything she has." Kenji shook his head and drew his eyes down to the bloody ground. "Is our killer a ninja or civilian?"

"Either a civilian or a ninja trying to make us think it was one. We'll ask around and see if Beshimi had any enemies," Fugaku replied. There wasn't much evidence, and if it had been a ninja who had killed the two, there wouldn't be any.

"And I'll peer into the civilian side of things and see what I can find out." Kenji gave a small sigh and nodded. He looked up at Fugaku. "You know, I feel much better about this knowing the Uchiha are working with us."

Fugaku gave the man a bow. "We are ever at your service." He caught the elated look of one of his officers upon hearing Kenji's words. Yes, they were making progress, however slow it was. Person by person, they were building back trust in the Uchiha name.

---

The good thing about being sick was no one bothered you when you were pretending to nap. Itachi was curled up on the porch, having dragged a blanket out of his room to make himself more comfortable. He wasn't asleep, but his back was too the house and his breathing was steady enough to make it look like he was. He was actually thinking--well, more like plotting, really. He'd been rolling over the problem of the other in his mind all afternoon.

The other, after the blow to the head, seemed slow and almost sleepy now. It didn't care much what Itachi thought as long as Sasuke wasn't involved, and Itachi was taking full advantage of that. Itachi knew he couldn't ignore the other anymore. That wasn't getting him anywhere useful. He needed to find a way to gain leverage over the other. He needed to be completely in control of his body and his mind.

How he was going to do that was the problem. He got the feeling the other, as much as he didn't want to admit it, was stronger than he was. He'd felt it just push him aside like an annoyance, and it seemed to be getting stronger as time went on. Itachi needed to act quickly, or he was going to lose control of his body to the other, and he did not want that to happen.

He'd die before he let the other have his body.

_Now who's wishing for death_.

Itachi watched the other surface and sink away. The thought hadn't been pointed, just there. Itachi slowly prodded where the other sat in his mind, and felt only a faint acknowledgement. He drew back a little, and then pressed again. Thoughts bubbled up. A blue man with a wicked smile. Blood all around and the sickening stench of burning flesh. Great spinning red eyes burning into his soul. Burning and burning and burning.....

"Itachi."

Itahci jumped, body jerking and twisting to face the speaker. His eyes flashed red and he whipped around too look up at his father, for a moment sharingan red spun in his eyes, and a deep, throbbing ache started up. Itachi closed his eyes and forced the sharingan away, and with it the burning feeling in his chest and the aches in his joints. Itahci propped himself up on his elbows and looked up at his father.

Fugaku kept his face mostly impassive, but Itachi could see the questions and worry lurking in his father's eyes. "Supper's ready."

"Ah, thank you." Itachi slowly stood and gathered up his blanket. He would return it to his room before he went to supper. Itachi pause as his father turned to head back to dinner. "Otou-san...."

Fugaku turned and looked back at his son. He didn't say anything, but there was a question in his eyes. _What? Ask, say, speak child, I'm listening._

Itachi found himself almost smiling. "Otou-san, if you...if there's a spy in your group, one you can not kill and must work hand in hand with, how do you make your mission a success?"

Itachi didn't know if his father looked suddenly disappointed, or if he were imagining things. Fugaku rubbed his chin and frowned. "You make them yours." Itachi frowned and his father continued.

"You take the spy into your group. You make them your own--learn everything about them, gain leverage, figure out what makes them do what they do. You make them your creature, and once you've done that, your mission will succeed without interference from the spy. It is a dangerous and difficult process, though, and some spies are too loyal or blinded to be made your own," Fugaku explained. He looked over his son, and Itachi could see he was on the verge of asking why Itachi wanted to know these things, but he didn't ask. Itachi was relieved.

"Thank you, Otou-san." Itachi gave his father a bow and hurried off to his room. So, he needed to make the other his own? He needed to know everything there was to know about the other, and figure out what made it tick? The idea was beyond dangerous. If Itachi opened up to the other, he was positive the other would be opened to Itachi. He could lose himself faster this way, but...

At least he would go down fighting. Itachi placed the blanket away and went to supper. Supper was a quiet affair. Itachi was mulling over what his father had told him, and Sasuke was mum. Itachi really didn't notice. His father started asking Sasuke how his day had gone, if he felt better, and banter started up slowly. Sasuke made a comment he was bored and already knew everything he was being taught.

"Then maybe, since your brother has leave, he can teach you some more complex things," Fugaku said, and Itachi blinked as he was jerked into the conversation. He looked at his father, and then at Sasuke. Sasuke looked like he was afraid to show any emotion. Itachi caught the edges of hope and longing in his eyes, and looked back at his father.

"I-" Itachi almost made an excuse. He almost said he needed to rest, not teach Sasuke things he would learn eventually if he was patient. Why couldn't he just take things in stride like the rest of the class? Itachi didn't have _time_ to bother with things like that. He needed to..to....

Itachi caught the look in his father's eyes as he formed the refusal, and he stopped. His father knew what he was going to say--all the excuses that would come out of Itachi's mouth. His mother didn't even look up at them all. She knew how this would play out too, and Itachi balked. He gave them all a mental scowl. If they knew, why even ask?

_Hope springs eternal_.

"If he wants me to." Itachi tipped his head in Sasuke's direction. "It shouldn't be too much strain, and it will get boring just sitting around all day."

"Really?" Sasuke asked, and he sounded so hesitant Itachi's chest _hurt_. Fugaku nodded and smiled very slightly, and Mikoto looked pleasantly surprised.

"I said I would," Itachi replied, letting his tone slip into something almost annoyed. Sasuke just grinned. Itachi settled back, and his parents began talking again. Fugaku was evidently working on a double homicide, ninja and civilian mixed. He didn't give any more details, and Mikoto launched into talking about what she had done. Itachi ate in silence, sinking further into himself and wondering if he even dared do what his father had suggested. Could he risk it? Could he risk not doing it?

Itachi looked across the table at Sasuke's smile, and he knew his mind was made up.

---

Mikoto sat brushing out her hair. Fugaku could hear each stroke. The children had gone to bed, Sasuke still grinning over his brother's promise to teach him. It was a sad thing he was so ecstatic over such a simple thing, but when did the boy ever get to spend time with his brother anymore? Fugaku was glad Itachi had agreed to spend time with the boy, at least. Maybe something good would come of all of this after all.

Fugaku turned and watched his wife pull the brush through her hair a few more times before he got up. He took the brush from her hand and sat down behind her. Mikoto smiled at him in the mirror and pushed her hair back to fall down her back in one long fall. Fugaku gathered it up and pulled his fingers and the brush through her hair. He used to do this a lot when they were first married, and his calloused hands still caught in her hair like they always did.

Still, he brushed until it was smooth, and a little after that. The dim light in the room caught on her hair, making soft yellow highlights that rippled when he pulled the brush through her hair. Finally, Fugaku placed the brush down and began to braid her hair. It made a thick, heavy braid, and as he tied it off he noted how long it had gotten. When they'd gotten married, Mikoto's hair had been cropped short by her ears. Fugaku's hair had been longer than hers.

Fugaku pushed Mikoto's braid to one side and leaned down to press a kiss to her neck. She smelled like the kitchen, and soap. She smelled clean, and good, and like home. She always had, and Fugaku could love her just for that. Mikoto leaned back against him, her head falling back onto his shoulder. He hadn't realized until it had come back, but they'd been missing these small moments of intimacy for months now. Ever since Itachi had gotten sick, they seemed to appear magically almost daily.

"It's nice, having you home every night," Mikoto observed in an eerie echo of Fugaku's thoughts. "You usually work so late you just catch a nap at the station. Have you had a lighter load?"

"I've been delegating my work more," Fugaku replied, though muffled my Mikoto's skin. He touched her sides and ran his hands around to her firm stomach. She wasn't fighting fit anymore, but she still maintained an athletic fitness. She was just a little softer around the edges.

"I thought you didn't like delegating your work," Mikoto murmured.

"I don't, but I thought it was better for me to be home right now." Fugaku felt Mikoto tensed and he cursed inwardly.

"Because Itachi's sick." Mikoto picked her head up. "I've been trying to get you to let the others help you more with your work for months now, and the minute Itachi gets sick you drop everything and rush home."

"Forgive me for wanting to be with my son while he's sick." Fugaku didn't pull back, but he could feel the distance building between them again. It always happened. The more he was home, the more it happened. Oh, they had good moments, hours, even nights, but eventually it boiled down to another sharing of embittered words. This was just the beginning.

"You wouldn't do this for anyone but Itachi. If Sasuke were sick--"

"If Sasuke were as sick as Itachi, you know I would be with him," Fugaku countered.

"Would you really?" Mikoto turned around in her husbands arms and regarded him with her dark eyes. He hated to see what was swirling in them. "You never take any other time off for him. You weren't even going to go to the ceremony when he started at the Academy until Itachi insisted on it."

"Please, not this again, Mikoto. I spend as much time with Sasuke as I can."

"And you spend more with Itachi. You've always played favorites with them, Fugaku. Sasuke's just as deserving of your time and love as Itachi is."

"No, he's not." Fugaku's finger shot up to block Mikoto's angry words. "Sasuke, we both know, will never be the ninja Itachi is. As clan leader I should be putting more time into my more talented and promising heir, not the other. All children are not equal, Mikoto." But that didn't mean their parents could ignore one, or love one less. That didn't make it right to do such a thing.

"I love Sasuke just as much as I love Itachi, but we're losing Itachi. He's growing up too fast. He's not a child anymore, and soon he won't even be living under our roof."

"So you think because Sasuke's younger he'll wait around for you to finish running after Itachi before he grows up?" Mikoto asked sharply. "You spent twice as much time with Itachi when he was Sasuke's age."

"I was gone for the first four years of Itachi's life--"

Mikoto shook her head. "That doesn't make any difference. You've been gone most of Sasuke's life, even though you've been in the village for all of it. He barely even knows who his father is, and you won't give him a chance to. You're always making time for Itachi, your perfect son--your favorite."

Fugaku looked at his wife, and his lips quirked into that smile that they both knew she hated. "Isn't Itachi everyone's favorite? Who is Sasuke always tagging along after? Who do people always ask after when you visit, Mikoto? People can't help favoring Itachi, because he's so far above their understanding. They want to feel closer to him, hoping his greatness will rub off on them. When Itachi's in the room, don't you feel everyone else isn't as significant? Don't you feel they can be ignored as long as Itachi is in the room?"

Mikoto shoved herself up from the floor, and walked across the room in strides that said more than words ever could Fugaku listened to her. He set her brush down on the small table and put out the dim light. He could hear Mikoto getting into bed, sliding under the covers. Her back was to him. He couldn't see it, but he could feel it.

"That's why you hound after me so much to spend time with him. You find yourself ignoring Sasuke in favor of Itachi, and when you see me doing it, it sends the knife of guilt deeper. Mothers should be impartial, shouldn't they?"

"Father's too."

"No one's impartial. Everyone plays favorites."

"Even the police force?"

"We're only human."

There was a silence that Fugaku knew all too well. His marriage was filled with these silences. Their marriage had been for bloodlines and excellence, not love. They had learned to love later, though sometimes it was shakey and shallow. It used to be better, when they were younger. Now, the silences were longer, more frequent, and possibly why Fugaku found it more restful to nap on a couch at the station than to come home to his family.

"I love Sasuke more than Itachi. I raised Sasuke for myself. I raised Itachi for you and Konoha. I want everyone to love Sasuke like I do, but not even you will." Mikoto's voice was soft in the darkness. Fugaku moved to the bed and slid under the covers. He placed his back to Mikoto's, and wondered why it was easier to tell nasty truths in the dark. The dark didn't make them less real or heard.

* * *

**A/N: I'm really of a mixed mind about the Fugaku/Mikoto bit of this. **

**Thanks for reviewing: Anomous duckweed, Mika, TombCrank the Crafty, Wing Moon, ellesra, viciouscallisto, yoru-girl-nya, TatraMegami, Sarah1281, and dundee 998!**

**See you Tuesday!**


	9. How an Elder Teaches

--How an Elder Teaches--

_Don't try to save yourself,  
The circle is complete. . . .  
Hold your colours against the wall,  
When they take everything away_-Hold Your Colors--Pendulum

* * *

Itachi sat in a meditative position in a corner of his room. He sought out the other, sleepy as it seemed to be. It met him with a mental yawn, and Itachi stood poised. He looked at the other, and he wondered if he knew what he was doing. He didn't, but he was going to do it anyways. Itachi took a deep breath, and as he let it out he reached out, and fell into the other.

_A blue skinned man sat beside him. Chakra pressed down on him, but that was normal. This was normal. Cicadas were singing, and his lungs were oddly tight. It was a cold. A lingering cold, but his chakra had been running low, and that always made the colds last longer. It was nothing to worry about. He would be fine after they got back to base and rested. _

_"Ne, Itachi-san, ready to move on?" The blue man asked. He was Kisame. He was an S-class missing-nin, and Itachi's partner. He was vicious, despicable, and he was the closest thing Itachi had to a friend these days. These were very sad and pitiful days. He felt a wry laugh bubble in him, but he didn't let it out. He didn't laugh anymore. Nothing was funny these days._

_"I'm ready." He stood, but it was a mass of twisted pains as he straightened. When had his knees gotten so stiff? Why did his head spin like a top? When had the pain in his lungs grown to sharp or deep? He coughed and doubled over, bringing thick mucus into his mouth. He spat it out, and looked at the blood flecking it. Kisame was looking at it too, and Itachi could hear the man wondering how much longer Itachi had. How much longer would he be able to stay ahead--or to even keep up?_

_"Let's go, Kisame." Itachi coughed softly, if anything that hurt so much could be called _soft, _and walked. He lead the way. He was ahead of Kisame, and that was where he would stay. For now. For as long as he could. He had to stay ahead for just a little while longer. He had to stay ahead until Sasuke came to put him to rest. Then he could stop the struggle. Then he could lay down and rest his aches and pains and dishonor forever._

_"I expect great things from you," The man said. Itachi looked up from what seemed a long way down. He was on his knees on a hard floor, and looking up at red eyes. Those eyes....red eyes, burning, spinning, into him--into his very soul. He knew what those eyes expected of him. He could hear it whispered in his mind and all through him. _

_He felt drunk and dizzy, sick within his mind. He was going to fall down. He felt giddy. He could see blood all over him, though he'd scrubbed his skin almost raw to get all that blood off. He could still feel it on him though. The eyes were one him. Boring into him. Into his flesh. Into his soul. Trapping him within._

_Nothing he would do was great. Everything he did was terrible. It was horrifying. It was great._

_The blond was speaking again, asking something about Itachi. What made him so great? Why was he to be feared? Why did everyone give him extra space and even Hidan shut his trap when the black-haired man looked at him? Why was this one treated with such reverence, but watched so sharply?_

_Because, that one was not here for the same reason they all were. When that one looked at you, you weren't looking into the eyes of a comrade. You were looking at a caged man, driven into a corner by his life and circumstances. He could kill you, and no one would protest. He could go insane at any moment and kill himself. You were supposed to stop him if he tried. He wasn't allowed to kill himself. That would be too easy. That would ruin all the fun._

_He smiled at Deidara, whose eyes were wide now, wondering, and watching just as sharply as all the others. Itachi would kill him first as soon as the shackles fell off. If the shackles ever fell off. His flesh was beginning to grow over the shackles, and they were becoming a permanent part of him. He would never get these off unless he left his flesh behind. He would have to die._

_But dying wasn't allowed. Dying, the tiny, all encompassing voice in his head whispered sweetly to him, would ruin all the fun._

_This wasn't fun. This wasn't enjoyable. Itachi washed the blood off of his hands again and looked over at Kisame. The man had enjoyed it. He was a true missing-nin from the horror stories. He reveled in blood shed and killing all her could manage. He was the monster Itachi had been taught to fear and hate. Itachi wasn't like that._

_No, no, he was much worse. He was a terror and a half. He would smile and kill at the same time. He didn't enjoy this bountiful killing, but he did it anyway. He was more a monster than Kisame. He was pushing himself against his nature, and he was suffering for it. Still, he kept pushing. He couldn't stop. He was trapped in this vicious pushing, and he would never stop. He wasn't allowed to stop. If he stopped he'd never do anything again._

_He coughed, breath crackling and spiking through his pain. Itachi gasped as his chest convulsed, and he coughed. his wet hand flew to his mouth, and he coughed again. He coughed and coughed and coughed, and Kisame just sat and watched him. They both knew this might be his only way out of the shackles. They both saw the wasting flesh when he changed clothes. They both saw it. They both knew what it meant. Kisame didn't say a word. Did that make him more of a killer or less of one? Was he being nice to Itachi or mean to him?_

_Kisame didn't even comment when Itachi pulled his hand back and blood ran down it. They never said anything about it, but their eyes met, and Kisame's said the little brother had better hurry up. Itachi was not going to last. They'd known that all along, that Itachi wasn't going to last, but now he was lasting even less. His days were now numbered, not just his months or years. The end was in sight, and Sasuke wasn't anywhere near where he needed to be._

_He would. Itachi just had to give him time. Sasuke would come. He couldn't do anything else. He was a prisoner just as Itachi was. Itachi had made him a prisoner so he could get out one day. Sasuke was prisoner and he held a key in his hands--his key and Itachi's key. They'd be released at the same time._

_Still. it was a wicked, wicked thing to take someone prisoner for such a terrible purpose. He was no better than the ones who had shackled him to his fate. He just prayed Sasuke was kinder than his older brother, and wouldn't imprison anyone to set himself free._

_You were never free._

_"What's that?" Kisame asked. He pointed with a large finger. Itachi glanced back at his partner as he continued to strip. He'd been waiting all week for a bath and he was going to take it now. Kisame had seen his naked times beyond count by now. Modesty didn't come into account anymore._

_"Do you have a bruise?" Kisame was teasing. He moved forward and touched Itachi's back, low, just between the two dimples his pelvis made, right on his back bone. Itachi twisted his head and body, but could not see the mark Kisame was talking about. It didn't hurt, though. It must not be a bruise. Maybe dirt, or maybe just Kisame playing a prank again._

_"Stop touching me, Kisame," Itachi intoned. His partner's intruding hand removed, and Itachi self consciously ran his hand over the mark as he stepped into the hot water--it was a shame he couldn't have a proper bath. It didn't hurt. There probably wasn't a mark at all. That didn't stop his from scrubbing the spot vigorously. There was no mark. It was just Kisame having a joke on his silly new partner. _

_The next morning, when Kisame came in to see why the mirror had shattered, Itachi thought he might kill the man. His hand was over the mark on his back, and it burned hot up his spine, right into his mind. There was more burning in his mind, angry and dry as it pounced on him. It sensed Itachi's fury, and in moments he was on the ground, Kisame holding him down and shouting at him to calm down, stop it, useless little brat....._

He didn't understand. There was too much, too fast, while the other could see all the connections and know where each memory went, Itachi couldn't see them. He felt lost. He felt dizzy with all the information. He was going to fall, but he was limp against the wall, eyes closed. He didn't think he could see right now even if they were open. What was he seeing? How far down into the other was he?

Not far enough. He didn't understand, but he was still holding back. He saw Sasuke hating him, killing him. He saw his parents dead. He saw himself drowning Shisui, his cousin's dark hair splayed like ink against the dark waters. Itachi choked on a gasp and fell deeper in, letting go and hoping, praying, that he would be able to come out again.

There were red eyes looking at him, boring into his soul. He'd never get out alive, and they'd never let him die.

---

Breakfast without Itachi wasn't such a strange thing. Still, after the boy's illness they all felt his absence. Sasuke was silent. If Itachi wasn't feeling well, he wouldn't be able teach Sasuke after school. Mikoto looked worried, and she was speaking to Fugaku as little as possible today. Fugaku didn't blame her. Sasuke didn't notice. Maybe he was too absorbed in his own hopes for the afternoon, or maybe this was such a common occurrence he didn't notice it. Fugaku and Mikoto never fought in front of their children, but could the children tell they'd fought anyway?

They all jumped as someone rapped sharply on the door. Fugaku stood, motioned Mikoto to stay. "I'll get it." Mikoto settled back down and watched Fugaku as he padded across the tatami. Sasuke watched his father go too, and wondered who was at the door. They didn't usually get visitors this early. Maybe it was Genzai-sensei coming to tell them what was wrong with Itachi.

It wasn't. It was Hitomi-oba-san, and she looked mad. Fugaku lead her off into the house. Sasuke gobbled up the last of his breakfast and stood up from the table. He hurried back to his room to get his bag for school. His mother had some errands to run, so she was going to walk with him today. They'd be leaving Itachi alone, but he was better now. At least, his parents said he was getting better. Sasuke tried to believe them, but sometimes it was hard, and it was taking a _long_ time for Itachi to get better.

"--third time. He's off duty for a week because of it, and, frankly, I'm not so sure I should let him go back! This is his own team, Fugaku. He shouldn't have to face this with them." Sasuke paused as he heard Hitomi-oba-san's voice. He stopped before passing in front of the door behind which she and Fugaku were talking. He really shouldn't eavesdrop, but he did want to know what had Hitomi-oba-san so upset.

"You cannot keep Yahiko at home because his Gennin teammates are picking on him. Have you talked to his Jounin sensei?" Fugaku asked, and Sasuke would hear the tired edge in his father's voice. It was almost always there.

"I have, but he sees nothing wrong with their despicable behavior. This is all happening because Yahiko is an Uchiha, Fugaku! This is a clan problem. They don't respect him at all! They ridicule him for being part of what should be the villages most respected clan!" Hitomi-oba-san was ranting now. Sasuke gripped his bag and listened on. He really should be moving now, but....

"What do you want me to do, Hitomi? Lodge a complaint because Yahiko is getting picked on? With the position we're in we can not afford to look-"

"This is not teasing, Fugaku. Yahiko has a concussion."

"Teasing can go too far, especially with ninja children. I think you maybe overreacting to all of this."

"I am not. You just refuse to see the gravity of what's happening! Nothing is going to change if you do not make some noise, Fugaku. As clan head it's your job to maintain the good relations of the clan with the village and watch out for the well being of those in the clan. You see where all of this is going. Yahiko is just the first. Soon everyone will be treating the Uchiha like trash all the time."

"The Uchiha are not being treated like trash--" Fugaku was cut off by Hitomi's outraged noise.

"We are not? They've locked us up in here like cattle, and refuse to let us out. Oh, they say we want to live in our ancestral home, but this was not our choice! We're prisoners, Fugaku! Open your eyes to the simple facts!"

"And what would you have me do? I can not go about slinging accusations, Hitomi. You don't understand how precarious our position is? I'll admit something needs to be done, but we need to move carefully to avoid--"

Sasuke heard his mother moving into the kitchen. He scurried past the door, and came flying into the kitchen where his mother was, hoping she's think he'd gotten side tracked and not stopped to eavesdrop. Mikoto smiled and reached down to give Sasuke a hug.

"They you are! Are you all ready for school?" Mikoto straightened Sasuke's bangs and smiled. Sasuke ducked out from under her hand, and wished she would stop babying him. She always did that. She never fussed with Itachi's hair.

"I'm ready." Sasuke slipped his arms through the straps on his bag and watched his mother put the final touches on his bento box. He leaned against the counter and wondered if there would be enough to bribe Naruto with. Naruto never had a very good lunch, and if Sasuke shared his lunch then the other boy would put a beetle on Ino if she started bothering Sasuke. Sasuke wasn't supposed to hit his comrades, so he couldn't do anything to Ino when she started bothering him, and she would not leave him alone when he asked. The beetle would have her chasing Naruto all of their free time.

Sasuke smirked. Even if he didn't have enough, being hungry was better than being bugged by Ino. It was better for Ino to be bugged. Sasuke snickered, and then gave his mother an innocent grin when she looked down at him. She would think he was being mean. Sasuke should remember to tell Itachi. Itachi would appreciate a plan like that, Sasuke was sure. He might even smile.

Fugaku and Hitomi-oba-san went through, and Hitomi look mad. Mikoto watched with a growing frown on her face. They heard Fugaklu wish Hitomi well, though the woman did not reply, and then Fugaku came back into the kitchen. He had creases between his eyes, and he looked tired. Fugaku always looked tired, though. Sasuke didn't know if he always was, or is he just looked like it. He couldn't remember his father not looking tired.

"All ready for school?" Fugaku asked Sasuke. He reached down to ruffled Sasuke's hair as the boy nodded. "Have a good day."

Sasuke nodded. Mikoto slipped off her apron, and exchanged looks with her husband before following Sasuke to the door. Fugaku came with them. He was going off to work now. Sasuke bit his tongue to keep from asking if anyone needed to stay with Itachi, and followed his parents. Itachi was okay.

"Sasuke."

Sasuke turned and saw his brother standing there, in his yukata, hair still mussed from sleep. Itachi gave Sasuke a small smile, one Sasuke hadn't seen in a long time. Sasuke almost stepped back, because Itachi's eyes look a little too wide, and there was just something off about his older brother's expression. Something about it scared Sasuke. He wanted to go hide behind his parent, but that was silly. It was just Itachi.

Itachi walked up to his little brother, dropped down to his knees, and hugged Sasuke. Sasuke was too shocked to even hug back. Itachi sat back and put his hands on Sasuke's shoulders. He grinned a little more, and Sasuke offered a hesitant one back. Itachi was acting _very_ strangely--not that it was a bad strange, really, but it still wasn't how Sasuke knew Itachi should act.

"Have a good day. I'll help you train when you get back, okay?" Itachi said.

"If you're not too tired, right?" Sasuke amended hesitantly. Itachi usually left himself a way out of any engagement.

Itachi shook his head. "I won't be too tired, I promise." Itachi spoke the words in such a way that Sasuke didn't even think to doubt him. He nodded and beamed.

"_Hai_," Sasuke couldn't even dampen the grin on his face. So what if Itachi was acting strangely. He'd just promised to train with Sasuke, and Itachi never broke a promise. If Itachi said the word 'promise', he'd keep it.

"Good, now, off to school." Itachi turned Sasuke around and gave him a gentle shove towards their parents Fugaku and Mikoto looked a little startled, but Sasuke didn't care. He was too happy. Though, and they said their good-byes and started down the street, Sasuke couldn't help but think, the only thing familiar about Itachi this morning had been how he looked. It was a little like someone else was wearing Itachi's face....but that couldn't happen.

"Sasuke, hurry up, dear!" Mikoto called. Sasuke realized he had stopped and ran to catch up with his mother. He was being silly. There was no way that had been anyone but Itachi. No way at all.

* * *

**A/N:Confused by the italic part? You should be. :) Thank you for all the lovely reviews! And I must say, next chapter is my favorite so far.**


	10. How to Reach Back

--How to Reach Back--

Itachi didn't like the idea of staying indoors all day, so he went out for a walk. He was surprised by what he saw. This was a Konoha he hadn't seen in years. He walked through the streets of the Uchiha compound, and people waved at him. Several stopped and said they were glad to see he was getting better. He was even a little overwhelmed by all of this. These people, if not loved, liked him. The held him in esteem. They didn't show abject fear or hatred when he walked by. He didn't have to worry about them turning around and stabbing him in the back.

Well, not literally, anyway. Metaphorically was another thing all together.

Itachi had a stick of dango forced on him. He took it and wandered down the street, nibbling on it. Without the bitter, lingering tastes he was so used to in his mouth, this was almost too sweet. He wanted it though. How long had it been since he'd had some dango?

_Last week, Shi-nii-san brought some._

Maybe for the younger one, but Itachi hadn't had Dango in too long. His stomach had been too queasy, and nothing about the sugary treat had interested him. That was probably when Kisame realized the Uchiha was on his last leg. He could be going out at any moment. Itachi breathed in deep, and his chest didn't ache. He didn't have stabbing pains in his lungs. His joints moved freely, with no grating or pain. His eyes weren't a dull, firey pain. His body was young again.

Itachi grinned to himself and he pulled the last ball of dango off it's stick. He'd forgotten what it was like to be young, though he felt fragile right now. His wrists, in particular, were tiny. He didn't see how they could hold up to the rigors of ninja life. His hands was small too, thin and delicate with spidery looking fingers. How had he ever managed with such tiny little hands? How had he managed to kill so many with these child's hands? It didn't make much sense, no matter how he thought about it. It seemed rather impossible.

But it had happened. He remembered small hands covered in black gloves slick with blood. How terrible it had been, seeing all that blood spilt. How revolting to know it was his blood, in a sense. He's bled himself dry that night, hadn't he? The younger one set up a racket at the thought of the massacre. He tried to grab control again. Itachi almost laughed. The younger managed to get some sort of hold, though. Itachi carefully pried each precarious hold loose, careful not to hurt either himself or the younger. It was like pulling a young kittens claws out of your shirt.

Itachi gave a mental chuckle at that thought. He tossed the 'kitten' away, and listened to him yowl in protest. As soon as he realized he was being called kitten, he protested that too. Itachi thought the kitten had little to complained about. He called Itachi 'it', after all. Itachi smiled at the kitten's indigence, and walked on.

It was funny, after all these years, now that he was back in it's shady streets, Itachi still thought of Konoha as home. Funny, how that was. Itachi really should hate this place, and everything that had been done to him here. He should despise it, but he felt so at ease walking under the trees and among these people. This, he could not deny, was home. This would always be his home, no matter how far he went or what he did. It was odd.

_Where _else_ would home be_?

The kitten was disgusted, growling and hissing. He didn't like behind out of control. He was almost frantic with worry and panic, but he was hiding it well under irritation and sharp thoughts. It was impossible for him to hide what he was thinking or feeling from Itachi, but the kitten was trying anyway. Itachi was much more used to sharing a mind with something else, and the kitten had absolutely no experience with it. It was a very unfair battle. Poor little kitten.

_Give me my body back! You said yourself you're dead, and if you're dead you shouldn't be walking around!_

Itachi laughed. A few people gave him odd looks, but no one ran screaming because the S-class missing-nin had just laughed. That was nice, though he had to admit having a fearsome reputation was good for some

things. Now we was juts a thirteen year-old ANBU kid. Really a kid. Sasuke was older than the kitten was...

_Sasuke's _eight_ genius_.

Right, the kitten's Sasuke was eight, and so innocent. It made Itachi's chest ache to think about that. He loved Sasuke, he reallly did, and seeing his little brother turned into what he'd become was terrible. That was one thing Itachi would never be able to forgive himself for.

_There are a lot of things you should never be forgiven for_.

The kitten had another point. Itachi shook his head, and considered taking to the roof tops. He was quickly getting used to this too small body, but he didn't think he was up to chakra manipulation yet--especially not when a fall could mean a broken leg. In any case, his chakra network ached softly like a strained muscle. The kitten acknowledged that, and Itachi wondered if his coming to occupy the kitten's body had done that, or if something else was wrong. The kitten sulled up and refused to offer anything. Itachi shrugged and walked on.

It was a little odd, not to have Kisame following behind him. It was nerve wracking, and at the same time a relief. There was no one watching his back, but at the same time he didn't have to worry about when Kisame would decide he'd had enough of Itachi and should kill him. Though, here in the heart of Konoha, Itachi shouldn't need to worry about anyone attacking him. He should be safe.

He was. The heart of Konoha wasn't what he needed to be leery of. No, he needed to be wary of the roots.

_Roots?_

The thought was soft and confused. The kitten was trying to delve into Itachi's memories and find a deeper significance for that word. Itachi gently shoved the kitten away and stopped to look around. He saw the Hokages' monument and he smiled. Well, why not go there? It would probably be deserted, and after all the bed rest this small body had had, the walk and climb would be good for it. Itachi set off with a little smile, enjoying the play of the sun through the trees and the fact no one looked the least bit frightened of him. It was nice.

Judging by the faint burning in his legs when he finally reached the top of the monument, Itachi had needed the exercise. He lay down on the sun heated rock--on the Yondaime's head. He propped his chin on his arms and half closed his eyes. He looked out across the village and he felt tired. He felt old, but his body was young. He felt dirty, but people treated him like he was clean. This was all very, very strange, but Itachi thought it might be good. He hadn't felt like this in years.

He'd thought, when Sasuke had killed him, it was all over. He'd thought he was done living with regret and remorse and all the terrible things he'd done. He'd thought he could finally leave his rotting body and be free of all the pain, sorrow, and cares he had. Evidently not. He'd left his body behind, but now he was here, thirteen and basking in the sun in Konoha. He still had all his past deeds--which were future deeds now--hanging onto him. This might even be worse. When could he live without all of that hanging off of him, since death didn't seem to be relieving him of any of those burdens.

_Give me back my body. You don't want it_.

The kitten sounded almost plaintive. Itachi pushed him away, slowly compressing the kitten into a small corner of Itachi's mind, and locking him away. There was nothing around to arouse the kitten's awareness, so as long as Itachi was here, on the monument, he could keep the kitten locked away with relative ease. He wasn't alone in his head, but he was more alone than he had been in years. Itachi yawned and let his eyes fall further closed as he looked out over the village.

---

It was late afternoon. There was a different feel to the air. More people were out and about. Itachi walked softly through the streets, eyes on everything. He felt like a kid at a festival. He wanted to run through the streets and shout for joy. He wanted to stand on a corner and preach doom and death to these people. What day was it? What month? How much longer did these people have?

Itachi passed to children bickering, and he wanted to tell them to stop. They should not fight. Didn't they know how little time they had? They shouldn't waste it in fighting. They had no idea what was going to happen. They were oblivious, Worse, they were innocent. They knew nothing of what was going to happen, but it was going to happen to them anyway. They had done no wrong, only been born to the wrong parents in the wrong time.

These children had done nothing. So many people in this compound were innocent, and yet, they would all die for the sins of one group. They were going to be immortalized in a bloody death that would be remembered for ages and bring about the full destruction of one of the world's greatest clans, and it was all his fault. It was all his doing.

Itachi hit a wall of the alley as he staggered. Bile rose in his throat, and he vomited onto the dry ground. He was breathing heavily, and his head felt like it was spinning. His head felt heavy, and for a moment he felt sick to death again. The old aches and pain crept in, from the pain in his crackling lungs to the grating joints. He leaned against the wall, and almost slipped to the ground. He closed his eyes and he felt the world tip sideways and upside down. He was going to fall down.

The kitten stirred at all this. He'd been hidden deep down until now, and at Itachi's distress, he ventured out a little. Itachi felt the kitten recoil slightly from all the pain, and then laugh at it,. Stupid, he had the body of a thirteen year-old. None of that hurt. It was all phantom pains.

Itachi smiled. Phantom pains from his old, decrepit twenty-one year-old body? He'd never heard of anything like that before. The pains, though, were fading. with the kitten sensible scorn they had started to recede. Itachi wondered if they would always start coming back every time he slipped to far into remembering. He didn't like the idea of that. It would mean hardly thinking at all. Everything here was remembering for him. Maybe thinking too much would send him back to his dead body, and into death.

_By all means, think away_.

Itachi shook his head. How did the kitten now he himself wouldn't vanish?

_Because I'm real. I know that. Real people don't go 'poof' when the delusional ones vanish._

But, which one of them was real? Didn't they both exist? Itachi heard the kitten's hissing denial, and almost laughed. He wiped his mouth of with the back of his hand, and pushed off the wall. His steps were almost unsteady, but he had a appointment to keep. He'd promised the boy he would train with him, and that was what he was going to do. He wasn't going to break a promise to his brother again. He wasn't going to ignore Sasuke.

_Why? Hasn't he already killed you? If these is just a hallucination, why do you feel the need to be nice to him? Are you trying to atone for ignoring him and making him hate you? Do you actually think you can atone for what you did? Do you think there's enough forgiveness in the world for someone like you? Do you think anyone would waste forgiveness on filth like you?_

The kitten's words were sharp and vicious. He stabbed each one into Itachi's conscience, mercilessly ripping into Itachi's soft under belly. Oh, the kitten was Itachi all right. he was vicious and ruthless, and his enemies got no mercy. Itachi could feel hate radiating off the kitten in waves, burning against his senses. Itachi shuddered. He could remember another feeling like that--hate hate hate all wrapped up inside his head and unable to get out. Stuck, chained, trapped, caught and buried so deep he felt he'd never get out only in death.

You were only free in death, but you could never die.

Itachi looked at the blue sky, and he laughed. No, he was never going to die, was he? He was stuck in this hellish circle, and he would relive his life again and again until he had suffered enough to be released from this terrible cycle of death and destruction and despair. Itachi was going to live a million years, and he didn't want to live another second. Life was ironic.

Itachi felt the kitten's confusion and a little bit of disdain. Of course, the kitten was too young to understand all of this. He hadn't seen enough. He didn't know.....oh, he didn't know all that yet. He hadn't felt what it was like. All those things, all those terrible things....

"Itachi."

Itachi turned to face his father. He had to look up, and he saw almost tender concern on his father's face. He also saw wariness, and Itachi realized he was still laughing a little, and tears were crawling down his face.

"Oh, 'Tou-san," Itachi rubbed at the tears and tried to stop laughing. It kept bubbling out, and Itachi couldn't look away. Here was Fugaku again, old ninja, war veteran, Itachi's father. The man who had walked Itachi up and down the halls when the child wouldn't sleep. Here was Itachi's father, alive and well, with worry lines in his face and grey fatigue in his eyes.

Soon, he'd be dead just like all the others.

"Itachi..." Fugaku reached out and put his hands on Itachi's shoulders. He looked his son in the eye, and his lips folded into a frown Itachi knew very well. Itachi met his father's eyes, still rubbing tears off his young, smooth cheeks and trying to stop the hicupping giggling that was shaking his shoulders under his father's strong broad hands. Hysterics. Itachi was having hysterics.

It was no wonder, he thought. He was finally going insane, but unfortunately he seemed terribly lucid. Or maybe this all was just a hallucination. Maybe he'd been crazy all along and was finally coming to his senses. Maybe all his life from this point on had just been illusion of his cracked and broken mind, and not reality at all. Wouldn't that be nice?

He remembered all the burning pain, and the high pitched keening of someone past despair, drowned in every negative emotion possible, and he knew it had all happened. It would all happen. He knew it. It was inevitable. He looked at his farther through tear blurred vision, and he wanted to laugh until he couldn't breath. He really had gone crazy now, hadn't he?

"'Tachi." Fugaku's voice had a snap and made Itachi give a start. Fugaku looked down with a frown. "Itachi. are you all right?" That wasn't the question that was being asked. Itachi could see that. What was being asked was 'what is wrong'. Itachi met his farther's gaze and tried his hardest to stop the infernal, cracked giggling.

"I-I'm all right, maybe just a little tired," Itachi lied to his long dead, ever present father, smiling at the man like he could never remember doing before. The world, Itachi knew with a sudden conviction, was crazy. Itachi was crazy. Everything was crazy, tipping out of control and reason. It was all absolutely insane, and he was just as cracked and outside the bounds of reason as everything else was. Maybe that was why Itachi was a genius. He was insane enough to understand the workings of a crazy world and all the other people in it who played at being sane.

Fuagkue looked Itachi over, and then nodded. Itachi wondered at how the man took his thirteen year-old son at his word. Itachi never remembered being particularly truthful to his father, but he never remembered outright lying to his father....until the end, when it was necessary. The end. The very end of everything. Funny, Itachi and Sasuke had lived past the end, but Itachi still thought of it as the end. It had been an end, but was it really the end? Did the extinction of a clan merit that name?

Itachi and Fugaku started walking towards home. Itachi cast a sideways glance up at his father. Fuagku looked down, like he felt that look. Maybe he'd seen Itachi's eyes move, but, for some reason, Itachi didn't think that was why Fugaku had looked at him. "Where have you been all day?" Fugaku asked in a low, gentle voice. Itachi didn't remember Fuagku sounding like that. He father had always sounded busy and monotonous. Was this a different Fugaku, or was Itachi listening with different ears now?

"I went to the Hokage's monument," Itachi admitted as they walked along. "I....lost track of time."

Fugaku made a soft noise of assent. "That's a long walk for someone who's recovering. You should take it easier than that." Even the admonishment sounded gentle.

"Aah," Itachi paused. He felt suddenly exposed, only in his ninja black, with no cloak to pull tight around him–to conceal him from all the friendly eyes around. "We didn't go to the Monument last October."

"I went, but you were gone on a mission," Fugaku corrected. "We can both go this year."

"Aah," Itachi agreed, but he knew they wouldn't. By October, the end would have come There would be no one to sit on the Yondaime's monument and talk to him like he was an old friend. No one would ever get scolded for dumping cake icing down in the Yondoame's hair again. This would end. So many things would end..

Itachi glanced down, and saw his small hand swinging next to his father's kunai holster. If it was all going to end, why not start now? It wasn't ideal, but he could track down those that ran away easily enough. He could see now how he would do it. First would be his father, and it would only take one kunai. Itachi would stab Fugaku in the gut, and when the man hunched over, slit his throat. Then Itachi would move onto the man standing down the street, and so forth until there were none left. He'd just have to start with his father....

_DON'T YOU TOUCH HIM!_

Itachi reeled. The shout from the kitten made him dizzy. For a moment the kitten almost shoved Itachi out of control. Itachi felt his knees get weak, and Fugaku's hand close around his arm. Itachi stumbled and then stood still. The kitten faded pack, hissing and growling, and making a venomous racket, but it was all just noise. None of it had the force of what his shout had possessed. None of it almost shoved Itachi out of control.

"I think, tomorrow you should stay in bed and rest," Fugaku said firmly, and Itachi knew there was no thinking to be done. He nodded mutely. He suddenly felt very tired, but he didn't say that.

"I'll go straight to bed...after I train with Sasuke." Itachi said it just as firmly as his father did. Fugaku looked a little surprised, and the barest of smiles pulled at the corners of his lips before he nodded. Itachi started walking again, and he got the feeling Fugaku more than approved of his son's words. Itachi smiled to himself as he walked.

In the back of his mind, the kitten was still growling, ineffectual, but still there.

* * *

**A/N: Ugh, serious problems getting this chapter uploaded. I don't know if it was my computer or fanfiction itself, but yuck. The chapter's here now, at least. This is the longest chapter so far! :O Unfortunately, it brings bad news. Updates will only be on Fridays until further notice, which makes me very sad. I hope to get back to the twice weekly updates soon.**

**Still, I like this chapter for the Itachi interaction.**

**Thank for the reviews Maelza, Ellisama, SkywardShadow, PaintTheNight, dundee998, Koolneko22, RmfD, ellesra, TombCrank the Crafty, and Sarah1281!**

**See you lovelies Friday!  
**


	11. How a Child Pushes

--How a Child Pushes--

"Ready Sasuke?" Itachi asked his brother. Sasuke looked up from where he was sitting and blinked. His eyes went wide, but then he looked down, acting like he wasn't excited. Itachi smiled a little at that. He remembered those gestures so well. They haunted his dreams....and his waking moments as well. Now, they were real again.

"Ready for what?" Sasuke asked.

Itachi smirked. "Training. I can see we need to work on a lot more than your shuriken throwing technique, though. Your memory seems to be pretty bad too."

Sasuke scowled and his gaze shot back up. "I remembered!" Itachi raised a questioning eyebrow and his brother, who scowled harder. "I just.....'Tou-san said you were tired. I didn't think you wanted to train with me."

Itachi shook his head. "I said I would, didn't I? Also, helping you train isn't that hard."

Sasuke made a face at that. "Why not?" He stood up, eyes eager despite the perplexed look on his face. Oh, he wanted to spend time with his idolized older brother. Maybe Itachi would even praise him. Maybe his father would look at him and smile. Itachi's face smoothed out, and he knew this wouldn't make Fugaku smile at Sasuke. Poor little Sasuke, born into a family of secrets, liars, and killers.

"Why not?" Itachi repeated the words to get his wandering thoughts under control. "Sasuke, I've been throwing shuriken around longer than you've been alive. I think it should be obvious why teaching you such a simple thing would be easy for me." Itachi motioned for Sasuke to move towards the garden. Itachi went to retrieve the shuriken.

Itachi watched Sasuke throw, and then moved in to correct his little brother. He adjusted Sasuke's finger's hold with his own, and gently nudged the boy's feet and legs into a better stance. It was practical to correct Sasuke with touches instead of words. It was more precise. Itachi explained what he was doing as he did it, and Sasuke looked down at Itachi, meeting his brother's gaze solemnly and drinking in every word.

Sasuke was so small and soft. His little legs still had chubby baby fat, and even his finger were rounded. Itachi's own looked spidery thin next to Sasuke's. Sasuke was so young. He was still a child right now--practically a baby. His face was round, his eyes were bright, and he stuck out his tongue as he tried to hit the targets set up in one corner of their garden. He was so young.

Itachi was both sad and happy to see his younger brother like this. Soon, though, Sasuke would be like what Itachi remembered. He'd go from singing Itachi's praises to praying for his doom. What was Itachi doing here now? Teaching his little brother so he could kill Itachi that much faster? Itachi watched as Sasuke made another throw, this one more powerful and much more accurate. He looked at Itachi, face flushed with excitement, eyes bright with pride and accomplishment.

Itachi opened his mouth to praise, and he couldn't hear the words that came out. Sasuke did, and he nodded before turning back to his practice. Should Itachi instead be showing Sasuke how best to kill his brother? Should he be school his this child to be an assassin, so this time around Itachi could suffer less? Should he be whispering in Sasuke's ears the best places to land a killing blow with those small hands?

Itachi's head hurt. He pressed a hand to his temple, and almost slumped to the ground. He felt the kitten come alert. He stalked up, watching Itachi's weakness avidly. Itachi knew if he let his guard down, the kitten would pounce and try to take control. Itachi shook his head and looked back to Sasuke. He looked at the serious look on the child's face, and he wished he could change what was going to happen. Sasuke didn't deserve it.

_None of them deserved it. How could anyone have deserved being slaughtered by you?_

Itachi felt the kitten's shock at the remorse. The kitten was also confused, prowling around a prodding gently, trying to get a better idea at what was going on inside the other's head. The kitten was curious, no doubt, and he needed that information. He thought if he had enough information he could control Itachi. That was what had gotten the kitten into the situation he was in now, though. He had dug to deep, and he'd gotten lost in all Itachi's memories--or what would be. Now the kitten was a prisoner in his own mind.

Itachi felt a pang of guilt and anger. Who was he....who was he do to that to someone else after what had happened to him? Did he have any right to? No, he didn't, but he was doing it. He was as despicable as ever. He shouldn't even be surprised by the things he did any more.

_Woe is me! I am wicked, terrible, and utterly unloved! Maybe because I killed my clan. Hmmmm.....will you get over yourself? Being trapped in here is bad enough without listening to you whine._

Itachi ignored the crabby griping of the kitten and turned back to Sasuke. "That's good Sasuke, but you're not using your wrist enough." Itachi adjusted his brother's hold, and watched as Sasuke tried again. Itachi nodded. "Better."

Sasuke beamed. Itachi's heart lurched. Did such a simple word of praise make Sasuke that happy? Was he so starved and needy for attention and acknowledgement?

_He loves you--me. Sasuke's always like that. He's always smiling at me, or trailing after me hoping for praise and acknowledgement. Sasuke lives for those words, from anyone, but he treasures them from me. He loves his family. He bases his existence on the people he loves. And you--you're going to take that away from him. You talk about how poor he is, and how you want to spare him. You act like you might love him, but how can you love him if you're going to take everything away from him? Do you think he'd want to live in a world like that? It would be better if you killed him too._

No, he couldn't kill Sasuke. He'd kill everyone else. He knew he could manage that, but he couldn't kill Sasuke. He didn't want to kill Sasuke. Not killing Sasuke had been his one victory in this. He'd let his innocent brother live on. Sasuke didn't deserve to die.

_But he deserved to live in Hell? Gods, you _killed our family_! Why would he want to live beyond that? You made him hate you! You forced him to hate you or be disloyal to his memories of his family. You make me sick. It'd be better just to kill him too. It'd be better if you'd just thrown yourself off a bridge instead of Shisui. You're the one who's too weak to live! _

The kitten didn't know. The kitten hadn't seen all of that. The kitten hadn't felt the hot, angry press around his mind, his very being. The kitten didn't know what it was to fight. The kitten knew nothing. Nothing at all. He had no idea what he would face. He couldn't say what was right or wrong. He really didn't know what he was talking about. The kitten was still a child, naive and as innocent as Sasuke when compared to Itachi. The kitten didn't know anything.

_I know better than to make my brother a shell with nothing to live for but killing the last living person he loves. Do you think he ever stopped loving you? How could you do that to him? How can you pretend you ever loved him? How can you get onto me for ignoring him, especially when you seem to think your gods awful future is inevitable. It will all just hurt him more. _

The kitten had jammed his foot into a sore spot, and he was using that to wriggle his way further into control. Itachi's blood was pounding in his ears. His head was spinning.

_Why didn't you kill Sasuke?! Why _did _you kill anyone of them!?_

Because he could save Sasuke. How could he save them all? The kitten knew nothing. He hadn't felt the burning back up his spine, eating into his brain. He hadn't felt the white hot fury mixed so thick with despair it was too thick to even breath through. He didn't know what it was to want to scream and be unable to. He didn't know. He didn't know...

_I can't--_

The world filled upside down. Itachi staggered, knees buckling, head spinning, eyes aching, and stomach lurching. For a moment he thought he was falling up, and then he realized he was slipping down. His eyes saw everything in too many colors, and he realized his sharingan was activated. He saw Sasuke, wide eyed, looking at him. He was falling.

Strong hands caught Itachi's shoulders, and his head and shoulders fell back against hard, warm flesh. He smelled sulfur, paper, and acrid ink. Itachi's head fell back, and he looked up to see his father looking down at him. Itachi blinked, and the sharingan vanished. The world returned to its normal colors, and seemed almost darker for it. His legs went completely limp, and the only thing holding him up was his father's hands on his arms.

Fuagku's mouth was moving, and Itachi couldn't hear anything but the blood pounding in his ears. He couldn't hear _anything-_

"NII-SAN!" Sasuke's high voice, panicked and scared, broke through. His hands jerked on Itachi's shirt, grounding him to reality. Itachi took a quick breath and looked down at Sasuke. Noise crashed down around him, and after hearing it with the other as a filter all day, Itachi was disoriented. His head pounded harder with the onslaught, and he was certain he was going to pass out.

Fugaku was carrying him into the house, his arms warm across Itachi's shoulder and under the crook of his knees. Itachi blinked at the blue sky. He heard Sasuke's anxious little feet pattering after them. Itachi stirred, muscles tightening--finally under his control-- and his mouth moved.

"I'm all right."

It was soft, almost a dreamy whisper. He didn't really feel all right. His chakra system ached. His eyes felt raw, and there was an unpleasant feeling of heat up and down his back. Still, he didn't need to be carried like a child. "It was just a dizzy spell....I probably need to eat something."

Fugaku gave Itachi an uncertain look, but he righted Itachi and set his son's feet on the porch. Itachi felt his knees try to buckle, but he managed to stay standing. He did feel dizzy and light headed like he did when he went too long between meals, but he didn't think that was it. Something about wrenching control away from the other had made him feel this way.

"Is everything all right?" Mikoto asked. Her brows were drawn down in worry, and her lips were pursed.

"It is-"

"Itachi fell down! He started shaking and then he started to fall down!" Sasuke interrupted. He looked from parent to parent to Itachi, eyes wide. "He-he's not okay! He fell down. He shouldn't fall down while he's just standing there. Something's _wrong_." Sasuke's eyes darted between them all. His voice rose, and the panic in it was stabbing into Itachi's achy head.

Mikoto's face softened, and she opened her mouth to speak. Itachi turned and clapping his hands sharply together, cutting through Sasuke's words and startling the boy into silence. Fugaku looked a little startled as well.

"Sasuke, I'm all right." Itachi said shortly, eyes locked on his younger brother's pale face. "I was sick, but I'm getting better. I haven't eaten enough today, so I got dizzy. It's going to take some time for me to get completely better, okay?" Itachi's expression and tone softened a little. "You don't have to worry about me, Sasuke. I'm okay."

Sasuke blinked. He sniffed and looked just a bit less panicked. "It...it's my fault you fell down, isn't it? I shouldn't have asked you to-"

"No, it's not. I should have eaten something more today," Itachi said firmly. He ignored the fact both his parents were looking between him and Sasuke with unreadable looks.

"Supper's ready," Mikoto intoned, still looking between her boys.

Itachi nodded, and motioned for Sasuke to follow him. "Come on Sasuke, we need to wash up." Itachi's hands were a little grimy from the other's climb onto the monument. He wiped them together, as if that could clean them, and padded past his mother into the house. Sasuke followed, hesitant in his footsteps. Itachi reached the bathroom first and turned on the faucet. When the cold water splashed over his hands he jerked, and everything snapped back into focus.

He was back in control of his body now, totally and completely. He took a quick breath and closed his eyes. For a while....he'd thought he might have lost control to the other forever. He'd thought he'd lost control, and doomed his family to the horrific death the other had in mind for them.

Except, the other seemed sadder about their deaths than happy. It insisted they would die, and Itachi would kill them, but he didn't seem to take joy in that fact. When Itachi focused on the dizzy memories from last night floating around in his head, he knew he was missing something from the other's motives and reasons, but he couldn't see what it was. Itachi bit into his lower lip in frustration. If he wanted to keep the other from killing his family, he needed that missing piece.

"Nii-san...." Sasuke's small voice jerked Itachi back to the present. He realized he was just standing there, wringing his hands under the water. Itachi blinked and stepped back, motioning his brother forward. Sasuke eyed his brother warily before stepping forward to wash his hands. Itachi watched the water fall over his brother's small hands. He caught sight of Sasuke's pale neck, and for a moment he thought he saw a dark spot on it--dirt or a bruise maybe.

Itachi reached forward and touched the spot, only to find it was clean skin. There was nothing there, and there never had been. Would there be something there one day? Sasuke twisted his head to the side a little. Itachi looked down at met his brother's gaze. Itachi removed his finger from his brother's neck, and hurried out to supper. Once again, it was quiet affair. Itachi hated the looks people kept shooting him. It made it hard for him to think, and he was so _tired_. He needed to think, though. He needed to analyze what had happened. He needed to think over what he's learned about the other so he could apply it.

He was too tired to make any connections. His muscles ached, liked he'd done strenuous activity, which he hadn't. His chakra network felt stretched too, tired, like he'd been reaching too far with it for too long. His eyes ached like he'd been awake too long. Itachi blinked heavily, and his head nodded forward while he was picking through his rice. He felt the looks he was getting.

When he almost nodded off in his Miso soup, his mother sent him to bed like a child. He bowed his head and went, only staggering once as he went down the hall. He was exhausted. He could only guess the sudden exhaustion had something to do with the struggle for control with the other. Why it would make him feel so exhausted, he didn't know. He readied for bed slowly, moving careful to accommodate for all his aches. He settled the soft, worn cloth of his yukata around his shoulders, and rubbed the fabric between his fingers.

He stared blankly at the wall of his dimly lit room. His sharingan slowly swirled into life, bringing everything into sharper focus and color. Itachi breathed in slowly, relaxing the frantic spinning. He could feel it-almost hear it spinning. Everyone in the clan had praised Itachi on how sensitive his sharingan was to react to movement, tracking it almost without Itachi's consent at times. Itachi blinked. He felt the sharingan trying to pull into something....else. Itachi frowned. He let the pull grow stronger.

Itachi gasped, hunched over, and dropped to his hands and knees as his eyes exploded with pain. The world warped, shifted, changed, _bent_ under his eyes and he gagged on a noise that wanted to be pained and helpless. Itachi scrunched his eyes shut, and forced the sharingan off. It left with a sickening lurch. Itachi wiped his hand cross his face, clearing off the tears that had started falling. His hand came away red and sticky with blood. Itachi stared at the obscenely bright liquid, and his mouth went dry.

He felt the trail of blood up his face to his eyes, and he shuddered. His eyes hurt. He closed them and rubbed at the blood, smearing it more over his face rather than getting it off. Itachi stood, took a step that was almost a stumble, and sank down by the black clothes he'd just taken off. He used the inside of his shirt to wipe the blood off his face, and checked in a mirror to see he'd gotten it all off. He could still see the barest traces of the viscous liquid stuck in his eye lashes, but it would do.

Itachi folded his shirt back up with shaking hands, and placed the mirror away. He rolled out his futon and slowly lowered himself down into it. It was still light in the room, but soft enough he could easily fall asleep. As his head hit his pillow, he felt something rise up to greet him. Itachi recoiled, but his body was heavy and slipping off into sleep. He knew this feeling, dark, thick, and sticky like the blood running from his eyes. This was the other's dreams--memories, rising up to meet him.

Itachi struggled, but he knew he was trapped. He was dragged down into the memories, like the night before, and he could not get away. Itachi felt the other chuckle.

_How can you escape from yourself?_

_

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_

**A/N: Am of mixed feelings about the quality of writing in this chapter. But, we're moving forward at but surely we're moving forward.  
**

**Thank for the reviews: SkywardShadow, Koolneko22, maelza, new moongirl, dundee998, RmfD. Sarah 1281, and ellesra! You guys rock, and I love you all. **


	12. How Love Blinds

Shisui placed a cup of thick, black, steaming coffee in front of Fugaku on the desk, which was piled with papers and files weighted down with dull kunai and shuriken. Fugaku glanced up and made a motion of thanks. Shisui nodded and sat down, his own cup cradled in his hands. Shisui grabbed a file and flipped it open, fingers skimming across the papers as he looked for one phrase.

"How's Itachi doing?" Shisui asked, eyes still on the documents in hand. He tried to make it sound casual, but he knew it wasn't. Fugaku knew it wasn't. Shisui asked about Itachi every time Fugaku came on shift. Almost everyone did. They were a clan--a family group, and Itachi was the darling of the family right now. He was the bright, shining star everyone was watching. No one liked to see the brightest star in the sky dimmed--unless it was dimmed by a brighter star.

Fugaku took a sip of his coffee, delicate in the motion as he tried not to burn his lips or tongue on the hot liquid. "He was doing better, but today he pushed himself a bit too hard and almost passed out in the garden while he was helping Sasuke train. He went to bed early." Fugaku was looking through his own folder, and making notations as he went.

"Ah," Shisui blew on his coffee and took a sip. "Wait, he was helping Sasuke train, really?" Shisui couldn't wipe the surprise off of his face. "That's..." Unexpected. Rare. "Great."

Fugaku nodded, and Shisui could tell he was pleased. "It was good for Sasuke. Itachi being sick has been hard on him. He's been more worried than I thought he would be."

"Mah, of course he's worried. Sasuke practically worships Itachi, and with Itachi being so obviously ill, it's going to scare him. He's not used to seeing Itachi vulnerable--I'm not used to seeing Itachi vulnerable," Shisui pointed out, placing his mug back on the table.

Fufaku made a soft hum of agreement. "So, is that why you haven't been by to see how Itachi is doing yourself?"

Shisui flinched. He remembered his little cousin clutching his eyes and screaming for Shisui to get out. He knew he'd somehow caused that episode. He didn't know how, but he knew he had. He didn't want to trigger something like that again. If Itachi was getting better, he didn't want to impede the process. "Something like that," Shisui muttered. He took another hasty sip of coffee, and burned his mouth.

"Of course," Fugaku said, and Shisui didn't look up from his black drink. He knew that added drawl to Fugaku's voice. He heard it very often in Itachi's voice. That drawl was sarcasm at its best, and Shisui knew he was getting a bland look that hid a very sharp one from Fugaku.

Shisui sipped his coffee, which tasted burnt now that he'd singed his tongue. "Have you found any other evidence on the ANBU case?" Shisui switched subjects, daring to look up at Fugaku. Fugaku met Shisui's look, and then looked back down to his papers he was sorting through.

"No, there's nothing new," Fugaku shuffled a few more papers and made a few more notes. "I haven't been able to question Itachi since his last mission. I was going to tonight, but in light of what happened...." Fugaku made a gesture that was apologetic and almost a shrug. "I hesitate to tax him while he's still....recovering."

Still sick, in Shisui's eyes. No one could say what was wrong with Itachi, or if he'd ever completely recover. "It'll keep," Shisui assured Fugaku. "What's important right now is letting Itachi get better. I'm due to go back on missions duty day after tomorrow. I'm not in as good a position to hear things as Itachi, but I will keep my ears and eyes open for anything."

Fugaku nodded his thanks, sipping his drink again. Fugaku never gulped coffee, though that had to be the only thing keeping him awake right now. He's come in this morning with bags under his eyes from a restless night, and here was was, pulling another all nighter. He hadn't done one since Itachi had gotten sick, so the boy must be getting better. Shisui shuffled papers and grabbed a pencil to make his own marks.

"None of our other ANBU agents are making any head-way," Fugaku breathed as he changed files. He moved papers from one file to the next. "Itachi is the only one who was pulling in any information."

"Itachi sees things no one else does," Shisui agreed. Also, the boy was simply a genius. He could get where the other agents couldn't. His mind, Shisui had learned, was a quick, terrifying place. If there was something to find out, Itachi would find out. He was the one most likely to suceed in his mission without ANBU ferretting him out. Secrecy was key in this mission, and everyone was afriad of letting even a whiff of this get sniffed out by ANBU's dogs--or anyone else's for that matter.

The two worked in silence for a while, double checking papers and looking for the break through. Shisui switched from the ANBU case to another one he was working on. It was one of the little crimes Shisui hated. It was unlikely to get solved, and those drove him mad. They seemed to be pulling in a lot of those unsolvable cases lately. Shisui whistled through his teeth and scowled.

"You should be home resting. This is your third double shift this week," Fugaku intoned from over the paper stacked desk. "You shouldn't even be here."

"I'm fine for paper work," Shisui promised. "I wouldn't be able to sleep if I were at home, and I want to get some more work on these cases done before I go back to missions duty. I hate leaving these cases unsolved."

Fugaku nodded. "You'll learn to live with them. Don't obsess too much over what you can't help, and try not to lose too much hair or sleep over them." Fugaku traded files again, a frown creasing his face. "I'm pulling Michiyo off."

Shisui looked up, alarmed. "Really? I thought she was getting close to something."

Fugaku shook his head. "It's a trap. I'll tell her to back off for a few weeks and see what happens them," Fugalku lasped into silence again, eyes scanning the pages in front of him. Shisui watched, like he could see the wheels turning in Fugaku's head. The man was a veteran ninja. He'd ferreted out spies and terrorist during the ninja war, after an injury had taken him off the front lines. If Shisui had to pick one of the Uchiha to be his role model, it would be Fugaku without a doubt.

"We need Itachi back in there," Fugaku muttered softly, sighing as he ran a hand over his tired face. Shisui had to nod. With Michiyo backing off, they did need another agent in it. Itachi's purpose in ANBU was two-fold, and his absence was hurting both causes. Still, what could they do? Itachi was sick. He needed to recover.

Shisui gnawed on his lower lip, and ignored the pain in his stomach, which had been growing for the past few months. He hated the position the Uchiha were being backed into. After listening to the older members talk about how the Uchiha clan had been before the war--before the Kyuubi attack, even, he could see how the clan was losing power. It wasn't just political and pretige wise either. The Uchiha as a whole were a weaker clan than they had been in decades past. Itachi and Shisui were the strongest the clan had seen in a generation or two. Everyong was hoping this was a sign that the next generation of Uchiha would be stronger too.

Shisui could only hope. He hoped for a lot of things these days, mostly for his clan as a whole. It rankled him to see the disrespect some of the officers got when they went about their duties. It rankled even more to see people look down on any Uchiha. They were the Uchiha. They deserved respect. Why shouldn't they be given it? They were one of the founding clans of Konoha. The Senjuu clan was scattered and all but dead, but the Uchiha were still strong. Shouldn't they be looked up to for that at least?

"You should go by my house after your shift and see Itachi before you start running missions again," Fugaku intoned, breaking through Shisui's irrate thoughts.

"Eh?" Shisui blinked. He was met by Fugaku's impassive gaze, and then a quirked eyebrow. Shisui looked down. He nodded. "I'll think about it...." He heard Fugaku nod and go back to his paper work. Shisui turned to his own, and tried to block out his resentful thoughts, Fugaku said that wouldn't help them at all. He said they needed to work slowly and gain back the trust they had somehow lost. He said to take things slowly and follow his lead.

Shisui felt his teeth break through his skin, and snatched his teeth away from his lip. Patience is a virtue, he reminded himself. He just wished he didn't need so much.

---

Itachi woke up after everyone was gone. He ate a cold breakfast and at on the porch with a blanket. He watched the garden with sleepy eyes, and squashed the annoying drone in the back of his mind from time to time. He didn't feel like dealing with that right now. He was enjoying the garden, the quiet, and everything else about this moment.

_Is this going to happen _every_ morning?_

Who knew? Itachi let the kitten grouse on, and watched a bee fly from flower to flower. He's forgotten how vibrant the flowers in his mother's garden were. The kitten yowled something and snarled, poking tiny claws into Itachi's mind. It was looking for a hold again, but it wouldn't find one right now. Itachi wasn't tired, like he had been yesterday.

_Tired after a day of contemplating all the ways you were going to kill your clan_.

Itachi rolled his eyes at the kitten, and gave it a small shove. The kitten rolled away, but came bouncing right back, claws out and teeth bared--milk teeth and claws he couldn't properly control.

_You seemed so apologetic yesterday--so mournful over the inevitable loss of your family._

Itachi had been lost in ghosts yesterday, though he did feel a pang for all the death that was to come. He didn't like it. That thought sent the kitten into fit of confusion. He didn't understand Itachi at all right now. He poked and prodded with his prickly little kitten paws, and rolled around the memories he'd managed to mine from Itachi's mind, trying to make it all fit together. So far, he wasn't having much luck.

_I didn't get to say goodbye to Sasuke this morning_.

Would the kitten have, if he could have? He didn't seem so inclined to remember his little brother when he didn't have to. He was a very bad brother, actually. Would it be that hard to give Sasuke a little more attention?

_At least I haven't made his life a living Hell and raised him to kill the only person he has left_.

Not yet, at least. Itachi flinched still at the thought. The kitten enjoyed poking his little feet into that sore spot. He thought if he did it enough he could recreate yesterday's miracle and get back in control of his body. It wouldn't happen. Itachi was sleepy, but he wasn't bone tired like he had been. He also wasn't going to let the kitten's barbed thoughts dig in like they had yesterday.

_It hurts, because you know I'm right. _

Itachi ignored the kitten. He watched the garden instead, eyes half closed. He liked this quiet life. He liked the garden, and the soft sounds of the empty house. He liked knowing Sasuke would be back this afternoon with a smile. He liked knowing his mother would be back in a few hours to make lunch, her soft feet padding through the halls and her busy hands working away. He liked to know his father would be back for supper, tired, but there. They were all going to be here. He just had to wait, and they would come back.

Itachi wanted to laugh at the thought of it.

_By your logic, they'll be dead soon, won't they? Why be happy that they're here? Shouldn't you just off them right now and be done with it?_

No, no, he didn't have to do that yet. He could be the genius and not the mass murderer for a while yet. He liked his soft genius status. It wasn't so hard to hold onto. It was what he was by birth. He hadn't forced himself into that role at all. It had been gifted to him. It had strung him along into his next role, though. How else could he have done it? Only a genius could manage to kill his whole clan like that.

_Or an idiot. You're absolutely insane, you know that?_

Oh, Itachi knew. He knew. He smiled, and tipped his head back. It was cloudy today. Maybe it would rain. Kisame always liked the rain......

Someone was knocking--no, now someone was coming into the house, calling in a hesitant voice. Itachi's heart lurched, pounded, and he grew cold. He couldn't move, stand, or call out as he heard someone walking towards the house, footsteps careless on the worn tatami. Itachi's hands convulsed into knots, and as the footsteps, accompanied by a call of Itachi's name were almost at the porch.

Itachi stood like a puppet. He turned and reached for the shoji as it opened. The kitten made such a racket Itachi had to lip read the words dropping from his cousin's mouth as he looked up at the older boy. Itachi felt a smile cross his face.

"Shi-nii-san." It was a cheerful greeting, despite the gut clenching feeling in Itachi's stomach. Shisui, Shisui, Shisui. The first. The closest. The most important death of Itachi's life. Shisui had made it all possible. Dear, dear, cousin Shisui, face down in the river, hair spread around him like a cloud of ink...

_No! No! No! Shisui get away from him!_

"'Tachi, you look better," Shisui said, ignorant of the kitten's cries and what he was facing. He was smiling. He was happy to see his darling younger cousin up and about. They were like brothers, weren't they? They probably acted more like brothers than Sasuke and Itachi did. Funny how this would all play out, in light of that.

"I feel much better," Itachi responded, smile still in place. He did, considering what he'd felt like before dying. The kitten seemed to be feeling better too, so it was true for both of them.

"That's good," Shisui said, and he looked nervous. Why? Itachi had never made him nervous before, had he? It was hard for him to remember Shisui, and why was that? His memories of the other scattered as he reached for them, and they all seemed so faded. Why was that? He remembered everything else with startling clarity, but Shisui....why couldn't he remember Shisui like that? Why did it all crumble under his fingers?

_Shisui, Shisui, Shisui, you _idiot, _ get away from me! Get away!_

"Hai," Itachi nodded and found the words stopped coming to him. He looked at his long dead cousin--the first Uchiha Itachi had ever killed and the first he would kill again given time--and noted how tired he looked. He noted the pinched look about Shisui's face, and he frowned.

"Shisui....are you all right?" Itachi asked, putting his head to the side.

"Ah?" Shisui looked taken aback. "I'm fine...just a little tired. I just came from a shift at the police station." Shisui reached up and drew his hands through his hair, smiling wistfully. "We're all a little run down now, aren't we?"

"We are," Itachi responded on reflex.

_Get away. Get away. Get. Away._

"I almost wish I could get sick and take a break," Shisui chuckled.

"I didn't get sick on purpose," Itachi's tone was defensive, and Shisui blinked before holding up a hand.

"No, Itachi, I didn't mean that..." Shisui was shaking his head--

His head was thrashing under water, snapping this way and that as he fought to get up, get breath, get anything. There was a small pond in the garden, not large, but he could fit someone's head in it easily. It wouldn't be as clean as the river, messier, not so beleivable a suicide, but he could do it. He could pull it off. He was a genius, after all. He could do anything.

Shisui was smiling at him. He had no idea. That was the whole point, wasn't it? No one had any idea. Itachi opened his mouth, images of inky hair splayed in the water and the desperate thrashings of a dying man flashing through his mind.

_SHISUI YOU IDIOT! STOP SMILLING AT ME! I'M GOING TO __**KILL YOU!**_

Itachi blinked, struck dumb under the force of the shout. This one was louder than yesterdays. This one was twice as desperate. There was more than a touch of hysteria in the shout, and Itachi stood, mind and ears ringing with a noise that couldn't be heard, but could definately be _felt_.

"What did you say?" Shisui asked, his brows drawing down in confusion. Itachi blanched. What had he said? Had the mind shout been so forceful it had come out of his mouth? Had he just told his cousin he was going to kill him. Itachi felt light headed, and he wanted to sit down. He needed to sit down. He was tired.

Itachi blinked and looked up at Shisui. He frowned, and crossed his arms over his chest. "I said, what made you wait to long to come visit me? It's been lonely."

Shisui made a face that said he didn't think that was what Itachi had been about to say at all. Itachi's heart started pounding, and his stomach twisted into knots. Shisui gave the tiniest of head shakes and put his hands on his hips. "I was busy."

Itachi relaxed, and quirked an eyebrow at his cousin. "Busy? I see where I rank now." Itachi turned and sat down on the porch, cushioned by the blanket as he looked back over the garden. "You've made your obligatory visit, so you can go home now."

Itachi heard Shisui chuckle as he eased himself down onto the porch. "You're such a brat."

Itachi looked at his cousin and smirked. "And you seriously look terrible. Your face must be scaring the populace of Konoha silly. It's a good thing they're finally sending your out of the village."

"Oh, ha ha, 'Tachi-chan," Shisui rolled his eyes, and reached out to ruffled Itachi's hair. Itachi vision swam as his head wobbled form side ot side, but he didn't mind. The other crawled out from where the shove from power had thrown it, and Itachi could feel its surprise.

_How did you do that? You shouldn't be able to....._

Itachi smirk widened. He was a genius, wasn't he? He could do anything.

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**A/N: This chapter was written in the space of five hours. No kidding.**

**Thank you all my lovely reviewers. You know who you are. :] I'd thank you one by one, but my throbbing head says go to bed.**


	13. How to Interpret Yourself

Shisui was still here, and Itachi was doing kata. Shisui had protested, but Itachi had insisted he'd be all right. He had been lax these past few days, and he needed to keep in condition. He couldn't keep the smug smirk off of his face as he moved. He had twice now pushed the other out of control. After an initial bout of weakness, Itachi was recovering nicely from his struggle. He moved smoothly through simple routines, under the watchful eyes of his cousin.

He was getting better at this.

_Hmm, maybe you are._

Itachi scoffed at the other's thought, and fell through a few more moves. He'd be back in ANBU soon, and he was aware everyone was watching him there. He had to be perfect in everything he did. He was _the_ Uchiha genius. There was no room for him to make mistakes. He needed to keep on his toes, because he was certain he wouldn't be cut any slack for his illness.

_Which no one but your family thinks you actually had_.

What did it matter? Itachi was coming back to ANBU, and that was all they should be concerned about. He'd needed a break, and he'd taken it. There was very little comradery between Itachi and his ANBU compatriot. There was the huge age difference to factor in, and other things as well....

"'Tachi, I'm going to see who's at the door!" Shisui called, standing slowly. He seemed reluctant to leave Itachi alone. Itachi waved him off and paused in his kata. He was breathing hard and sweating. Itachi wiped the salty liquid off his forehead and breathed out slowly. He really was out of shape.

_You have no pain in your joints when you move, your breathing isn't accompanied with stabbing pains....I think you're better off than you think._

Itachi scoffed. Right. Just because he wasn't old and decrepit, didn't mean anything. He knew the other felt this body and condition was a great improvement, but Itachi knew just how badly the other's body had been failing it. It made Itachi wonder just how the other had managed as an S-class missing-nin. Had his partner, the hulking Kisame, been forced to pick up the failing Uchiha's slack? Why hadn't the other get eaten alive?

_My physical capabilities are not my only asset as a ninja. My chakra control and manipulation were much better than yours are now, even if you might have been able to beat me in a straight up taijutsu match. Also, I had the Mangekyou._

Something would have had to be much better than anything Itachi had. Itachi cocked his head to the side, eyes caught on one of his mother's day lilies as he listened to the other's words. What was the Mangekyou? There was a fleeting image that came with it, and a feeling of dread. Itachi's eyes burned. He reached up and rubbed at them, almost expecting to see blood as he pulled his hand away. His hand was clean.

Mangekyou...blood and burning eyes--Shisui under water, struggling and dying. Itachi closed his eyes and swallowed the bile that rose in his throat. The sharingan. Mangekyou Sharingan–something warped, large and twisted when compared to Itachi's own sharingan, also stronger. Itachi scrunched his eyes shut and tried to banish the aching feeling in his eyes. He didn't have this other sharingan.

_You shouldn't...._

Itachi felt the question. He remembered the blood tracking down his face. He remembered the burning and the wrenching pull that had bent reality. Was that the Mangekyou?

_No....yes....perhaps. You shouldn't be able to use it. You haven't--you can't have the Mangekyou._

But _something_ was off with his sharingan. He knew that wasn't normal. Itachi felt the other's assent, and the soft hum of thoughts underneath his as the other thought. Itachi rolled his eyes and went back to his kata, trying to keep the movements strong and smooth. He leveled out his breathing, and focused on the movements like he hadn't for a while. He lost himself in the concentration--keeping it all flowing, feeling every bunch and release of muscles.

He wasn't as out of shape as he'd thought just....out of tune. Everything felt a little different, especially the coils of his chakra. He felt like he was just a little off of everything--too small and twisted just a tiny bit too far to the left and down. Itachi breathed out, and he had to wonder if the other didn't have everything to do with this feeling. Were their perceptions meshing over just slightly? It was hard to imagine something else could live in your head and not meld with you in some way.

_Here, try this._

'This' was a complex set of hand signs with a twist of chakra that Itachi wasn't sure was do-able. He suddenly knew the justu as the other thrust the memory of the sharingan recorded technique at him. Technically, Itachi should be able to do it, having those memories, but he knew he couldn't. Fuuton were not his strong point. He couldn't focus his chakra enough to make the jutsu act as it should....

_Just try it. I want to see what happens._

The other pressed, and Itachi felt a head-ache coming on. He frowned and sighed before setting his hands into the first of the seals. He focused on one of the tiger lilies in the garden, and began carefully folding signs and pressing his chakra into the unfamiliar shape. He honestly didn't think he could manage the jutsu, but he tried, pushing, pulling, and forcing his chakra to bend in a strange way his mind half insisted he could--had done many times.

Itachi snapped his hands through the last of the seal and _pushed_. The tiger lily quivered and then fell to the ground. Itachi walked over and picked it up, carefully examining the end of the stem. It wasn't as clean cut as it should be. There was fraying of the fibers, where it should look like a clean cut with a sharp knife. Itachi was only surprised the jutsu had worked at all.

His chakra system ached. Itachi grimaced. He was getting used to that. It made sense, though. The other, being older and having more experience, would be able to do this Itachi couldn't. It didn't follow Itachi's body could do the same things--like his body his chakra system was still growing, and he simply didn't have the reach and fine control the other remembered having over its own body.

The admittance of weakness rankled. Itachi scowled. The other chuckled at him.

"Itachi, your squad's here to see you," Shisui called suddenly--no, it wasn't sudden, Itachi had just been to tangled in his own thoughts to realize his cousin had returned. Itachi let the lily fall from his hand as he turned. Behind Shisui came three ninja, all in black and all relaxed in the way of a predator. Itachi knew them well--knew their habits and fighting techniques and vices at least.

Akihiko, Renji, and Misao had all been members of Itachi's squad since he'd made captain. It was odd they'd be here. Itachi frowned a little at that, but he walked forward with a polite bow, welcoming to his home as he'd been taught. Inside his head the other had gone deathly still and silent with an undercurrent and venomous words and thoughts.

_Hate. Hate. Hate._

Itachi ignored the vehemence of the sickly strong anger and looked up at his squad mates. "May I ask what brings you here?"

"We just thought we'd come see how you were doing," Misao intoned, smiling down at Itachi. He didn't like the way she tried to mother him. He was young, but he was a better ninja than she was. She should treat him with more respect.

"Yeah, but you seem to be doin' fine," Renji added, looking around. "Forgot you're the Heads kid. Doesn't look like you lack anything up here. I bet the Hokage doesn't live in a nicer place."

"I am recovering," Itachi responded, ignoring Renji's comment. This was the Uchiha ancestral home, and his mother took great pride in keeping it nice. The garden was her passion now, replacing her former love of the ninja arts. Itachi felt a twinge of regret for the tiger lily. He should get it and put it in water before it wilted, at least.

"That's good to hear. When will you be back on duty?" Akihiko asked. Renji was looking around still. Itachi would say he was admiring the garden if it weren't for the twist of his lips and the look in his eyes. He almost looked jealous.

_....high and mighty Uchiha in their pretty compound. It makes me wish we could just seal them up in there and let them devour each other like rats. What did they do to deserve any of that? Nothing, they were just born. They get born Uchiha, and get a free pass to greatness. The best thing they've turned out in generations is Itachi, and look at him---_

Look at him. Itachi blinked. Renji had never said that, but his words were swimming in Itachi's head. It was like the other's memories, but it had an odd echo to it. Itachi blinked slowly, realizing the sharingan had flashed to life in his eyes. The other was all tensed and ready, radiating the need to be on gaud. He hated these three people--no, the other hated them. Itachi didn't. He had no reason to.

_Yet._

Shisui made a motion with his hand, asking if Itachi was all right. He wouldn't as it aloud, not with other people here. Shisui was as much an elitist as anyone, and would never betray his fellow Uchiha's weakened condition to an outsider. That was Shisui's problem. He saw things in too few shades of grey. He didn't realize how similar the Uchiha and 'outsiders' were, but Itachi could forgive him for that. Shisui wasn't a bad or cruel man, just biased towards his family and bloodline.

Itachi flicked a few fingers, dismissing Shisui's concern. He was all right. He squad mates were looking at him curiously, obviously noting the sharingan swirling lazily in Itachi's eyes. Renji watched perhaps more avidly than was warranted, or that could have been the other tainting Itachi's perception of the situation.

"I'll be returning when I am fully recovered, and beyond that I cannot tell you anything," Itachi replied, giving another bow. "I am sorry for the inconvenience this may cause you." He didn't even know what he meant by recovery. Did he mean when he finally got the other out of his head? When he had the other completely under his control? When the sharingan stopped randomly activating, and he could be certain he wouldn't start crying blood? How was he supposed to get to any of those places?

"You look fine now," Renji asserted, looking Itachi over. Maybe he was just anxious to be back running missions, or perhaps....

Maybe they were here checking up on him. Maybe they wanted to be certain the Uchiha genius would be coming back, and that was he really ill. Itachi gave a mental grimace as he realized the other was tinging his thoughts now. Paranoia was all well and good, but it didn't serve a ninja well to be too suspicious of his comrades.

Itachi heard the other give a dark, cynical chuckle. He ignored it.

Itachi blinked and forced the sharingan away. "I'm still...." He paused and careful considered the next words. "I still find it difficult to manipulate my chakra as I should without some pain, and my sharingan....." Itachi motioned towards his eyes and gave a shrug. "I'm afraid I cannot return until I know I am capable of preforming at my best. I would not want to be a burden to you."

"Is that's what's wrong? How did you do that?" Akihiko looked puzzled, and Misao was frowning.

Itachi blinked, trying to cut off the sharingan. Questions--things they didn't need to ask. Liar. Traitors--

_--holding Itachi wrists down, Akihiko's forehead against Itachi's, eyes locked to keep the justu in place. Renji's iron hand on his ankles, lashing them in place. Misao at the door, guarding and holding up the sound barrier. Signs, seals, the smell of ink and blood. Pain, flashing all up and down his spine, into his brain like tiny teeth of fire taking hold._

_Trapped. Driven into a corner. Fitted with a leash and collar that chafed and drew him up too short too fast and choked him. Pain--his spine, his brain, his back--traitors, dogs, better to kill them now--_

"'Tachi has chakra exhaustion. His systems still growing, so it takes it longer to recover." Shisui said the name with a snap that brought Itachi back, and explained everything smoothly. Itachi blinked and nodded as the world tipped under his feet. He was suddenly dizzy. The other's memory had the odd echo attached to them again, and Itachi felt suddenly sick. His spine hurt. His head hurt. There was a spot near the base of his spine that felt like it was on fire.

Itachi felt Shisui's steadying hand on his hand, a tight fist holding him up and steady. Itachi looked at his squad--_his_, he was their captain, and the sharingan spun in his eyes. It pulled hard, warping a twisting.

It _hurt_.

The other snapped the sharingan off so fast Itachi thought he'd gone blind. He blinked several times, fighting with the feeling he'd lost something--like he suddenly couldn't see blue or green instead of simply not being able to see active chakra. Itachi stopped leaning on Shisui and stood on his own, though he felt entirely unsteady and liable to tip over at any moment. He hated feeling like that. He hated the fact his squad mates were seeing it.

He hated them.

Itachi blinked as the door shut behind his squad mates. He took a quick breath, and looked around, eyes hurting, back on fire. He looked over at Shisui, whose mouth was moving. He was speaking. Itachi couldn't hear, and then, slowly, the words faded in. Itachi didn't understand them. He found himself nodding anyway, and realized he wasn't in control. He hadn't nodded. He was--

Itachi blinked and one hand fell to his back, pressing hard against the pained spot on his spine. It burned. Itachi closed his eyes and breathed. Shisui had stopped talking. Itachi felt unsteady and ill and _gods_ his back _hurt_. Itachi gritted his teeth and pressed his hand harder against his back. He could barely feel the pressure over the pain. What on earth.....

"'Tachi...."Shisui's hand touched Itachi's shoulder gently. His brows were furrowed. Itachi looked at him carefully. What had just happened? How had they gotten from the garden to here? What had the other done. What had he said? Why was Shisui giving Itachi that look?

"I'm fine," Itachi lied. He closed his eyes and loosened his jaw. "You should go home and rest. You've been pulling a lot of double shifts, right?"

"I know....look, Itachi, I don't want to leave you alone if you're not feeling well." Shisui gave Itachi a look that said he knew something was wrong.

Itachi shook his head. He grabbed Shisui's hand and pushed it away. "No, you're right. I'm not all right--I don't feel well, but you can't help me." Itachi made a face and dropped Shisui's hand. "Go take care of yourself, and let me sort myself out, all right?"

"Ita--"

"Shisui. Just go." Itachi pinned his cousin with a no nonsense glare. "You're not doing either of us any good by staying here. Go home and rest. The last thing the clan needs it both of us out of commission." Itachi waved his hands at his cousin, pantomiming 'shoo'ing him out. "Go."

"All right, all right, fine, but 'Tachi–"

"I know where to find you if I need you," Itachi finished, and he got a small smile from Shisui.

"Right, and--" Shisui grabbed Itachi's ears, and kissed the top of Itachi's head--an old bit of childhood teasing Shisui only fell back to when he didn't know what else to do. Itachi ducked his head, scowling as he should. Shisui left reluctantly, giving Itachi one last concerned look as he left. Itachi waved him off, and as soon as Shisui was gone, pressed his hand to his back again. He bit his lip and resisted the urge to curl up in a ball. It _hurt_. Why did it hurt so badly?

_Ask _them_. They know why. They'll laugh if you ask and tell you nothing's wrong with you. You're over working. Silly little Uchiha genius._

Itachi was used to regret in the other's thoughts, not this bitter, biting tone that reminded Itachi of himself. It roiled through his mind, pressing down on him with anger like he hadn't ever felt from the other, and indignation. Itachi felt his knees and hands hit the floor. He was suddenly lost in his own mind, which was filled with flickering images and disjointed thoughts filled with hate and the terrible feeling of being trapped.

Itachi could not stand the feeling of being trapped.

Itachi sat back and blinked, tear stinging his eyes. He could feel the old pains settling into his body while the burning in his spine faded. "Sorry, kitten, it looks like you're not as good at keeping me under control as you'd thought." Itachi felt the kitten give an outraged growl as he realized the overflow of emotion and sensations had mostly been to knock him off balance.

Itachi chuckle and stood slowly. His body ached. "Now, let's go get that tiger lily before it wilts."

* * *

**A/N: LATE. OH SO HORRIBLY TERRIBLY LATE. And I hate that it is. Unfortunately, due mostly to school(let's hear it for college, whooooo) I'm going to have to move to updating every other Friday for a bit, hopefully just for an update or two. Here's to hoping.**

**THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR REVIEWS!!! I love you all so much. :D**


	14. How The World Falls Apart

--How The World Falls Apart--

There was a tiger lily on the table in a vase when Mikoto got home. Much to her surprise, Itachi came in from the garden when she got home, and offered to help her with her work. It had been a long time since Mikoto had gotten domestic help from her oldest son. She knew he was still recovering, but there was no harm in letting him do some light chores. He even helped her with her stretches, which he hadn't done since he was five. His long, thing hand pressing on her back were much different from a chubby five year-old's, but he was still Itachi.

Though, she had to admit, he was acting a little strange. He kept giving things lingering looks--touching the worm tatami in the manner of someone saying good-bye, or someone saying hello. She didn't know which. He was also quiet in an odd way--serene was almost the word, but there was a strange sadness hanging around him. He almost seemed resigned. Of course, he said he was fine when she asked, but he gave her a smile that chilled her to the bone.

Fugaku was right. She didn't know her son anymore.

She'd thought she did, but this afternoon......she was so tempted to say this wasn't her Itachi. He didn't have any sharp words or looks. He'd even lost the playful teasing he would sometimes engage in. He acted like a very sad old man, and that was terrible for a thirteen year-old, ANBU or not. She knew--_knew_ he hadn't been like this even a day earlier, though, know that she thought about it, Itachi hadn't been completely himself since that night.

Sometimes he had been fully his old self, but other times, especially when he was with Sasuke, he'd been just....off. Alone, those incidents could be discounted, but added together, it made Mikoto wonder. She should probably mention this to Fugaku, except he would probably just tell her what he always did--that he wasn't her child anymore, but a ninja. If he did, she was going to be sorely tempted to stab him somewhere especially painful. She was sick of her concerns not being listened to. Itachi was her son to, and her opinion was just as valid as Fugaku's.

Even he should be able to admit Itachi was behaving very oddly this morning. There was always a certain degree of odd one had to expect when it came to Itachi, but this was beyond even that. Something, Mikoto through fiercely as she fixed supper, was wrong. She would even go as far as to suggest a mind control jutsu, but those were notoriously hard to carry off on sharingan users, unless one had the sharingan as well. Even the Yamanaka expressed difficulty over controlling an Uchiha.

She was almost ashamed at the relief she felt when Fugaku and Sasuke got home for supper. She hated the fact Itachi had unnerved her so much, but she could not help the rush of relief she felt when she heard Fugaku's deep voice calling that he was home, echoed by Sasuke's lighter voice. It was odd they should arrive home together, though, Mikoto wiped her hands and left her final preparation of supper to go greet the rest of the family.

Mikoto poked her head around the corner, pleasant smile pasted on her face. It dropped when she saw Sasuke's face, which had a livid bruise across it, starting on his right cheek and extending almost up to his hair line.

"He and Naruto-kun got into a small scuffle. Sasuke took Naruto's shin across his face," Fugaku explained, placing his hand on Sasuke's head and rumpling the already unruly mass.

"Nn, but I knocked out two of Naruto's teeth,:" Sasuke interjected, sounding both proud and a little ashamed. He looked hesitantly at his mother as if she might disapprove of what he'd done.

"What was the fight about?" Mikoto asked, leaning down to turn Sasuke's face from side to side, examining the bruise from all angles.

"I don't remember," Sasuke shrugged, and Fugaku gave the boy a fond, exasperated smile. "Iruka-sensei fixed the bruise so it wouldn't swell too much, and Mizuki-sensei made me put ice on it too." Sasuke submitted to the inspection without more protest, like a good child. Itachi would have fussed and refused, insisting he was more than fine and didn't need to be mothered.

"If you can't remember what you were fighting about, it probably wasn't a good reason to be fighting in the first place," Itachi intoned softly from where he'd crept in. Sasuke pulled back from his mother's hand and turned to face his brother. Mikoto saw him smother the smile that tried to grow on his face.

"I won," Sasuke said, trying to stand up straighter.

"Ah, but what did you win?" Itachi asked, voice coaxing instead of scornful or disapproving. Sasuke frowned, putting his head to this side as he tried to find the _right_ answer to Itachi's question.

"I just won," Sasuke replied slowly. "That's all." Itachi gave his head a very small shake, and Sasuke's face dropped. Whatever the right answer had been, he hadn't given it.

"At least you still have all your teeth," Itachi seemed resigned, and Sasuke looked wary. Itachi made a motion with his fingers--a come here motion he always used for Sasuke, calling him to heel like a puppy. Sasuke perked up and kicked off his shoes, shuffling forward to his brother.

"Mikoto, do you need help with supper?" Fugaku asked, eyes on the children.

she really didn't. She just needed to throw some things together and then it would be ready. "If you wouldn't mind......" Sasuke had grabbed onto Itachi's hand to keep his brother from poking him in the forehead, and Itachi was giving Sasuke and indulgent smile. Mikoto hurried back to the kitchen. She heard Fugaku washing up, smoothing the water over his scarred hands and splashing ir over his face.

She remembered when that face had been a mystery. When she'd been told she was to be betrothed to Uchiha Fugaku, she didn't have a face to put the name too. Everyone spoke highly of him, but Mikoto had never paid much attention to exactly who he was, thinking they would never really cross paths. The betrothal had, obviously, changed all of that. Mikoto also remembered the first time she'd ever seen Fugaku, just off the front lines with bags under his eyes and bone weary. Even then, he'd been handsome.

Now, with all the heavy lines of care and obsession in his face, he was a different sort of handsome to her.

Fugaku walked up beside her, and his nimble hands moved to help hers. Mikoto was silent for a bit, arranging and rearranging her words in her head. She felt like a little girl again, juts meeting her betrothed instead of a woman married fourteen years. Her hands slowly stilled, and Fugaku stopped to look at her.

"I want Itachi to get a psyche evaluation before you send he goes back to ANBU," Mikoto finally said, eyes steely and jaw set stubbornly.

Fugaku gave her a look with a slow blink. "Has he been that odd today?"

'Odd' didn't even begin to cover it. Mikoto scowled, lips twisted up. She resisted the urge to throw the word 'creepy' back at her husband. "He's not himself, Fugaku. I don't care what you say, but Itachi has _not_ been acting like himself. It's small things now, and it's not all the time, but you cannot tell me it's nothing to worry about. I can _feel _it."

Fugaku was silent for a moment, and his hands went back to work. He looked away from her piercing gaze. "I know."

"You _know_?" Mikoto pressed.

Fugaku nodded. "You're right. Itachi's not himself, and he hasn't been ever since he got sick." Fugaku sighed. "I'll make sure to get him a psych evaluation, but off the record. I'll asked Kaiko-sensei to–"

"No, I want a Yamanaka to do it," Mikoto said sharply. Fugaku nodded.

She expected Fugaku to protest how hard it would be to get a Yamanaka to do an off the record evaluation. He didn't. He hadn't even protested her insistence he get evaluated. Mikoto frowned and went back to work. "How long have you been thinking about getting him one?"

Fugaku sighed, and Mikoto began to think he wouldn't answer. "Ever since I met him coming back from the monument."

"Then why not before now?" Mikoto asked, chopping a carrot viciously into pieces. This was their son's mental health they were talking about.

"I was holding on to hope that he wouldn't need one after all," Fugaku said finally. "But, you're right, he should be evaluated."

"I'm glad we agree on something." Mikoto pressed a quick kiss to Fugaku's cheek before grabbed the bowl she'd just prepared and carrying it out.

"Mikoto," Fugaku's voice was tired and exasperated. Mikoto stopped and looked back at him. His face was dark, like it usually was these days. Mikoto hadn't seen him laugh in so long she didn't think he could anymore. She rarely even saw him smile, and the terrible things was he hadn't always been like this. He'd never been the happiest man, but he'd not been this severe grey man she barely spoke too anymore.

"The kids are waiting," Mikoto said shortly. She turned and walked out of the kitchen and heard Fugaku following her. She placed her bowl down and went back to the kitchen for the rest of the food. When she returned, Itachi and Sasuke were waiting at the table, Itachi still as stone, and Sasuke fidgeting as a child should.

Mikoto smiled and took her place, feeling rather fake tonight. She almost wished Fugaku hadn't come home, but at the same time she felt better he was here. Itachi, with his solemn eyes and quiet ways, was beginning to unnerve her. She kept catching herself watching him--as a ninja watched an opponent, not as a mother watched her son.

Half way through the meal Mikoto heard the door open. Fugaku frowned and began to stand, and both boys looked up sharply as they heard hurried feet coming up the hall. Mikoto began to rise, when Kaika came striding into the room. He was breathing hard and flushed.

"Fugaku-sama! There's been an incident. We need you at the police station," Kaika reported quickly, giving a bow. "And pardon my intrusion."

Fugaku stood, and Mikoto mirrored his motion, looking over at the boys. Sasuke looked frightened, glancing from his father to Kaika, who was usually a cheerful man. Itachi--Itachi looked thunderstruck. His eyes were downcast but wide. He looked almost sick, and Mikoto got a sudden feeling Itachi knew what had happened. It was impossible for him to know, but...

Itachi looked up and caught his mother's accusing look. He blinked, face smoothing out so perfectly it was revolting. His glance become questioning, and there was no trace of his earlier emotions. Mikoto quickly pulled her eyes away and followed after Fugaku and Kaika.

She found them in the hallway, and Fugaku's face was grave. He looked up at Mikoto. " There was an incident over by the Hicken district. A fight occurred, and, in the course of quelling it, a civilian was killed. By the police."

Mikoto moved closer to the two, lowering her voice. This certainly merited the disturbance of dinner. "Who was involved?"

"Kenji and Arai," Kaika reported softly.

"They're at the station, then? I'll head down right away." Fugaku said, and if he'd looked tired before, it was nothing like what he looked like now. There would be days and weeks of inquiries, questions, and other things on top off all the other work he had to do. This was also a big set back for the clan as a whole. No one liked to hear the police had killed someone--especially by accident.

"Ah, no, they're not at headquarters," Kaika managed softly. Fugaku shot him a sharp look. The police involved should be in holding until Fugaku got there to deal with it, unless they were injured. even Mikoto knew that.

"ANBU came and took them to the T and I department for questioning about the incident."

Fugaku's face darkened further. "This is not a matter for ANBU. This is a police matter, and they have no right to step in, and no certainly no reason of precedence for taking my officers into T and I for interrogation." Fugaku snapped.

"I know, but when we came to get them, they refused to give them back. They said they were too combative and--" Kaika stopped and then started again, almost stuttering. "We couldn't be trusted to be impartial because we were all 'Uchiha trash.'"

Mikoto glanced at Fugaku, and only caught a glimpse of the dark anger on his face before he shut all expression off of his face like a mask. "Kaika, go get Ryouma and Sanzo, and tell them to meet me at the red gate. Arai and Kenji are going to be back in our custody before midnight."

"Someone needs to tell Hanako and Kiki what's happened," Kaika put in softly, eyes going from Fugaku to Mikoto. He could feel, as they all could, this was a moment of change. When morning came, something would be vastly different.

"I'll go," Mikoto said quickly. "Hanako's nine months pregnant, and the news will need to be broken gently. I'll stop by Kiki's, tell her, and take her with me to Hanako's. We'll wait there until we here news."

Fugaku nodded. "I'll send a runner as soon as we have them, with a report on their conditions." Fugaku looked at Kaika and made an impatient motion. "You have your order, now go. We need to take action _now." _Kaika nodded, and hurried out of the door. Mikoto looked to Fugaku, who looked back.

Something was up--something more than the brutality incident. If ANBU had police officers in for interrogation, which they _should not_, but did now, it could be an overzealous captain, or it could be something more. This could be ANBU using any excuse, even when their wasn't one, to question an Uchiha under torture. Were Arai and Kenji in on the stickier plots? Mikoto didn't know. Even if they weren't, they could give away valuable information. It was important to get them out before then.

Fugaku dropped a hand onto Mikoto's shoulder, and gave it a squeeze before he headed off down the hall to their room to get his uniform. Mikoto took a breath and hurried back to where Sasuke and Itachi were waiting. Itachi was in the hall, and the look he gave Mikoto let her know he's heard everything.

"I'll watch Sasuke," Itachi told her as she approached, looking up with wide child's eyes.

"Itachi," Mikoto paused, and then blundered ahead. "Did you know what was going to happen?"

Itachi blinked, and he drew back a little. "How could I know?" He looked at her in shock. Was she suggesting this was a plot by ANBU and Itachi was in on it. Did the mother dare suspect her son of such a thing? Those eyes, accusing, wounded, and maybe a little scared, looked more like her son's. Mikoto's earlier suspicion softened when faced with that.

Mikoto shook her head. "You couldn't, I'm sorry.....with what happened we're all a little...uptight." Mikoto kissed Itachi on the top of his smooth head, and he bore the indulgence with a stiff back. "Watch out for Sasuke, and don't let him know what's going on. Oh, and help him with his homework, and get him to bed at a decent hour. He has class tomorrow." Mikoto hoped he did. This night could go terribly wrong.

"Mikoto," Fugaku appeared again, and he handed Mikoto a kunai holster, filled with deadly implements. Fugaku had his tonfa stuck in his belt. He looked like he was going to war. Mikoto didn't know if that was good or bad. She pressed her lips together and followed him out, catching the glance Fugaku gave Itachi. Was Fugaku going to ask Itachi to come--to pit him against his ANBU compatriots? Itachi returned it with an impassive face and went back to Sasuke. Fugaku walked on.

The night air was cool. Mikoto breathed in and looked up at the sky. Fugaku stepped out beside her, and for a moment they were still. "Do you think I'll need the kunai?" Mikoto asked somberly.

Fugaku let out a slow breath of air. "I don't know anymore, but if you do need them, I want you to have them. Whatever happens tonight, I want my family to be safe."

Mikoto nodded. "Then you'd best hurry. Two of your family are in T and I's care, and I don't think they're enjoying it much." Fugaku nodded, jaw hardening and eyes growing glassy. His hand brushed against Mikoto's, and then he was off, taking to the ninja highway of the rooftops. Mikoto watched him go, and then turned to walk down the darkening street.

* * *

**A/N:THIRTEEN REVIEWS WHOOOOOOOO! :D ((random stat, this story is on 84 people's alerts! :O)) Sorry this wasn't on Friday. T^T I will try to do better. I'll be down a class after this week, so I foresee more time to write.**

Thanks to: ClockRepair, Willow-Bee the Cat, Silver Queen, KyoxSakiFan, SkywardShadow, Ayame Shikazuge, PoisonBerry13, dundee998, RmfD, silvereyed, Koolneko22 and Ellesra!


	15. How Brothers Speak

--How Brothers Speak--

Itachi sat with Sasuke, who was so full of questions he could hardly focus on his homework. Itachi felt like a cage had closed in on him. The other had been waiting for this night. This night was significant somehow. This night, something was going to happen, and it was connected to his family's death at his hands. He refused to let the massacre the other haunted him with happen, but having things happen the other so strongly connected with the massacre made Itachi undeniably nervous. It made he think--doubt.

How was he supposed to stop this thing when he didn't even know how it was going to come about?

The memories he'd managed to mine from the other were not helpful in this regard. They were mostly about the other's time after the massacre. The memories before seemed to be locked down, far out of sight. Did the other simply not want Itachi to have access to the memories, so he couldn't stop the massacre, or was there something deeper going on? Itachi coudn't imagine living with the memories of killing his clan, especially his parents and Shisui.

But Itachi needed those memories. He needed to _know_ so he could head off the brewing disaster before it exploded on them. He didn't know why the other had killed its clan. He didn't know what domino effect had brought the other to the madness it would need to massacre a whole clan. Had the action been forced? A hostage was unlikely, since the whole clan had ended up dead.

Except Sasuke.

Had someone threatened to kill the whole clan if the other didn't? Had Sasuke been the hostage? Still, that didn't make much sense. The Uchiha were far from weak, and they could protect themselves if warned of the danger. How had the other managed to kill them _all_, anyway? Admittedly, Itachi was a genius, but he was thirteen. Somewhere along the process of wiping out a clan of ninja, he was bound to get hurt, or cause a disturbance. This compound was never really asleep, so taking everyone out while they slept was not an option. Someone was always awake, coming home late from missions, working the graveyard shift at the station, or just dealing with insomnia.

Even with the Mangekyou sharingan, how had the other pulled off the massacre?

_Red eyes, swirling, blurring, ancient. Hot skin. Hot mind, burning, crawling, creeping--_

Itachi blinked and drew back mentally in revulsion for what the other had just let slip through. The feel of whatever the other was remembering was stomach turning, and with that feeling came a hint of fear from the other--which tasted sour in the back of Itachi's mouth. What was that, and what did it have to do with the massacre?

"'Tachi...." Sasuke's soft voice brought Itachi back. He looked up and over. Sasuke was watched Itachi, teeth pressed into his lip. Sasuke glanced from side to side, and then up at Itachi.

Itachi gave a small sigh. He stood up and walked to where Sasuke was sitting, taking a seat beside his brother. Itachi propped his chin on his hand, and his elbow on his knee. He gave Sasuke a very serious look before tapping him in the forehead. "You cannot read my mind, so stop trying and ask whatever you're thinking about asking."

Much to Itachi's surprise, Sasuke smiled at that, reaching up to rub at his forehead. "You're not acting weird anymore."

Itachi made a face. "I haven't been acting 'weird'."

Sasuke shook his head. "You _have_, earlier today, and a lot of other times. You're a lot nicer to me when you act weird."

Itachi raised an eyebrow. Sasuke could certainly tell when the other was in control and when Itachi was. "Shouldn't you like it when I act weird if I'm nicer to you then?"

Sasuke shook his head harder. "No! 'Cause then you're not Itachi, and....and it scares me," Sasuke ended in a mumble, looking down to his homework. "It's like you're going to disappear, forever."

Sometimes, Sasuke was amazingly perceptive. He saw thing, whether he knew it or not, that other people missed. He took events, and his little mind wove them into a pattern. He would make a good clan head of police chief one day if he kept the habit when he got older. Sasuke wasn't a genius, but he was far from stupid.

"I'll be sure to be extra mean to you, so you know it's me," Itachi teased. Sasuke looked up, eyes wide, and then he scowled. He gave Itachi a classic Sasuke pout and crossed his arms. "I think I should start right now....."

Sasuke's eyes widened and he started to scramble up and away. Itachi pounced, pinning his brother to the floor with one hand, and wriggling his fingers up Sasuke's side with the other. Sasuke convulsed, giving a small shriek of laughter. He writhed, but couldn't manage to get away from Itachi, no matter how he twisted of flailing.

"I-ta-chiiiiii!" Sasuke wailed, voice broken up with cackles of laughter. He squirmed harder, and tried to hit Itachi with flailing arms and feet. Itachi easily ducked them, darting in to deliver more effective tickle to Sasuke's tender sides and stomach.

Itachi kept up his attack until Sasuke was crying from laughter. Itachi smirked and finished off the attack with a grand, wet zoober to Sasuke's bare stomach. Sasuke gave one last shriek, hands tangled in Itachi's hair as he tried to push his older brother away. Itachi turned his head as much as he could with his brother's fingers buried in his hair and looked at Sasuke. He rested his head on Sasuke's stomach, and he could hear the boy's pulse through his abdominal aorta.

Sasuke lay panting, fingers sliding out of Itachi hair as he finally relaxed. Itachi sat silent, sprawl across the floor at a right angle to Sasuke, head twisted to the side and resting on Sasuke's stomach, watching the frantic rise and fall of Sasuke's chest as it tried to get in more oxygen.

"You....haven't done that in a long time," Sasuke intoned between gasps. "You said....you said you were to old to do stuff like that."

"I lied,"Itachi replied flippantly. He sat up and looked down at Sasuke. "You should learn how to tell if people are lying better, or you'll never make a good police officer."

"I wanna be an ANBU, like you, not a police," Sasuke protested, sitting up. "And no one can tell when you're lying. You're a genius."

Itachi scoffed. "You'd hate ANBU. No one's very friendly, and at the police station they have donuts and better coffee." Itachi ruffled Sasuke's hair. "Besides, when I get older, I'll have to serve at least six months as a policeman. I might decide to stay one after that."

"Dad said you'd make a terrible policeman. You break too many rules," Sasuke reported sternly, no doubt imitating Fugaku's deeper, solemn tone.

Itachi raised his eyebrows. "And when did he say that?" It didn't sound like anything Fugaku would say in front of Sasuke.

Sasuke flushed. He looked down, large dark eyes darting back and forth. "I just heard it."

"You were eaves dropping." Itachi stated, giving his brother and admonishing look. "Sasuke, that's rude, and you know it." There were things talked about in this house Sasuke never needed to hear about, especially not at his age.

"The walls are thin," Sasuke sulked. "I can't help it sometimes." Itachi sighed. He ruffled Sasuke's hair, which made the boy scowl, and then look up hopefully at his brother. Was his transgression forgiven? Would Itachi tell their parents that Sasuke was being bad?

Itachi shook his head. "Time for bed Sasuke."

Sasuke frowned. "I want to wait for Kaa-san and Tou-san to get back."

Itachi shook his head. "They'll be out really late, and Kaa-san told me to get you to bed on time. It's time now, and you're going to go to bed." Itachi pulled Sasuke up to his feet, and gave the boy a shove in the right direction. "Go brush your teeth and wash your face, all right?"

Sasuke sighed and nodded. He looked back at Itachi, and Itachi saw a question bubbling up in those dark eyes. "What happened? Why did Kaa-san and Tou-san have to leave so fast?"

"One of the police officers got hurt," Itachi lied. "Kaa-san went to tell the officer's wife, and Tou-san went to talk to the officer and do the paper work for the incident." Sasuke nodded, perfectly accepting of this statement. He was at the age where if Itachi had told him the sky was green, he'd probably believe it.

_Or, he just trusts you that much. How could his loving older brother ever steer him wrong?_

Itachi pushed the other down, which did nothing. The other stayed in the fringes of Itachi's thought, filling it with a soft humming noise that was almost tuneless. Itachi almost recognized it. It sounded like a lullaby, but it wasn't one Itachi remembered hearing. His Kaa-san had never sung to him, though his Tou-san had. Itachi shook his head and went to make sure Sasuke was getting ready for bed.

The boy was, laying out his futon and arranging his covers. Itachi snagged the worn and over loved stuffed creature from Sasuke's floor, bringing it over to the bed. Sasuke pushed back the covers, dressed in a yukata now, and sat on the bed. He looked up at Itachi, as Itachi knelt down and handed the stuffed animal to Sasuke. Sasuke took it reluctantly, and, with an almost furtive glance to Itachi, hugged the bedraggled toy to his chest.

"Lay down so I can tuck you in," Itachi said. Sasuke looked over at his brother, and sighed before laying down, toy still in his arms. Itachi pulled the covers up to Sasuke's shoulders, gently tucking them in around Sasuke, making sure no drafts would get in. Sasuke yawned and looked up at Itachi eyes still wide open.

"Can you stay with me--for a little bit?" Sasuke asked hurriedly. "In case--in case I have a nightmare?" Sasuke, for whatever reason, always had nightmares--or night terrors. It was alarming to be woken up in the night by a scream, which was usually how Sasuke woke up when he had a night terror. Itachi couldn't count the number of times he'd come flying out of a deep sleep, and run to Sasuke's room, convinced something was killing the boy only to find the boy had had another bad dream.

Itachi should say now, since Sasuke was getting older and needed to learn to fall asleep when no one was around. Coddling Sasuke wouldn't be doing him any favors, and Itachi had enough of his own problems to worry about without watching out for something as silly as Sasuke's nightmares. Nightmares never hurt anyone, and there was something in Itachi's head planning a massacre of his clan that needed to be dealt with.

Itachi nodded slowly, and his head was filled with humming. "Only until Kaa-san and Tou-san get back, all right?" Sasuke's dark eye brightened, and he nodded before pulling his head farther under the covers and closing his eyes.

"G'night, 'Nii-san."

Good night Sasuke."

----

_"Are you singing?"_

_"Yes."_

_"...A lullaby?"_

_"Astute as always, Itachi-san."_

_He lowered himself back onto the ground, covered in both their cloaks and head pillowed on his pack. The moon was bright, washing Kisame's skin out to a pale, pale color that could almost be normal. Itachi breathed in the scent of the sea and watched his "partner"._

_"I didn't think someone like you would sing a lullaby," Itachi breathed the words out softly. He tried to do everything softly, and even with both their blankets under him, the ground was digging into his flesh and joints. Even with both their cloaks he was chilly. _

_"You say 'someone like me', like you're not the same as I am, Itachi-san, and is there some rule a man can't sing and song his mother taught him in the cradle?" Kisame asked, eyes on the sea--his eyes were always on the sea when it could be seen. Kisame had two loves that Itachi knew of, and the sea was the lesser._

_Itachi kept his eyes on the man, on the sword set beside the man. He knew Kisame was dangerous as they came. He knew that he was no longer a match for Kisame. He found it hard to care anymore. He was just so tired, filled with aches and pains, and sorrows that echoed in his mind and chest until he felt like a horn that had been blown too hard._

_"I know why you're my partner," Itachi said softly._

_Kisame looked back, eyes gleaming with amusement under the moon. "Oh, do you?"_

_"Yes."_

_There was silence. Kisame watched Itachi, and he was so amused it made Itachi sick. So what Itachi knew. So what? Why did it matter? It was all too late. Everything was too late. Itachi had always thought himself punctual, but now....now nothing was ever on time. Itachi sighed, and coughed. His body convulsed, jerking with the violence of the cough and the pain. _

_Kisame watched the attack, eyes just as amused as before. Itachi couldn't see--his own eyes clenched shut so hard it hurt, but he knew that amusement was there. Kisame found this whole situation amusing. He found Itachi amusing, in his lateness and desperate attempts to fix the unrepairable. He laughed on the inside, inside his smiling eyes and razor teeth._

_Madara only found it amusing as long as Itachi stayed in line. Kisame would find it amusing even if Itachi was free to cause the chaos he wanted to--to kill or try to kill everyone he blamed when he couldn't live with blaming himself. It really was pathetic when Itachi couldn't take responsibility for his own actions. He wasn't crazy or lost enough for that yet. He didn't think he'd ever be. He hoped he'd never be._

_"Guard dog," Itachi choked. His mouth was thick with the taste of copper, and his hand was slick with wet--blood. He could see how dark it was in the moonlight and he knew it was blood. He heard Kisame chuckled, and Itachi felt something in him pull. He had so many safeguards around him. He was so careful monitored, even now when his body was breaking down on him. _

_Even now, with death creeping up with open jaws, Itachi was a prisoner in a prison he'd helped create. He'd handed the masons the stones, and given his own blood to for the mortar. Too late, he's realized what was going on. Too late, as always. Too great to questions--too loyal--too--_

"They're both asleep." His father's voice, rough and tired.

"Poor Itachi, he must have been so tired." His mother's voice, calm, cool, compassion in a thimble for those she could touch.

"I'll ask Itachi in the morning." He heard his father move to close the shoji, to leave his two children blissfully asleep in the dark.

"You're just going to leave them like that?"His mother blocked the door. His father sighed, and moved into the room. He spread an extra blanket over a supposedly sleeping form.

"Let's get some sleep," His father said to his mother, closing the door on the sleeping children. Itachi blinked in the darkness, mind humming. Something was coming. Something was near. He was back--his time, his family, his reality. He could taste the salty air on his tongue. He could hear the waves crashing against the shore. He could see the man--Kisame watching him with a wicked laugh in his eyes and a rising chuckle in his throat.

Iatchi felt Sasuke breathing close at hand. He could see his brother's young face in the dim light. He could remember his parents tired voices. He could see so many other faces--remember so many voices of the clan. Good people, arrogant people, bad people, idiots, charmers, lovers, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, cousins, friends--al of them. He could see them all dead, awash in blood, dying over and over again in his mind as he lived nightmares like Sasuke's.

Except, it wouldn't happen. It would never happen. Itachi bit hard into his lip. There was no way he was going to let all of that happen. There would never be Kisame laughing at im–guarding him. There would never be a prison built so high and strong Itachi could never get out of it. He'd stay free and true to his clan and village.

_Except they've already laid the foundation and started building your cell, kitten. Now, it's too late. Now, we've gone too far done the path of no return. We can't stop this._

Itachi felt a shudder go through him and the utter conviction and truth of the other, and the deep tinged regret banked in a dark, sticky sorrow.

_There's no escape.

* * *

_**A/N:This story, in my mind, has two parts. After next chapter (in theory) we will be moving on to the second part, which is less Uchiha and more ANBU focused. And STUFF happens. :) Which I'm very excited about.**

I'm working on getting a backlog of chapters, so we can go back to weekly updates soon. *crosses fingers*

Nineteen reviews, you guys are awesome !(I'd type everyone's name, but I have a mouse sleeping in the crook of by elbow and can't type well right now. I need to get this chapter up before tomorrow.) I love you all so much it's not even funny. :D 


	16. How a Family Moves On

--How a Family Moves On--

Fugaku sat in his study, his aching head cradled in his hands. It was all a mess. Last night had been Hell. He knew ANBU and police relations were damaged know, but top priority last night had been getting the officers out of T and I's hands. That had been a nightmare. He'd been expecting a fight to start every word that was said, and he'd wanted to give a few blows himself before the night was up.

He didn't care what the police had done. Unless they'd been on a killing rampage, the ANBU had no right to take them into custody like that. It would have been fine if they'd just held them until the police could arrive and deal with the incident, but no, they'd sent the officers to T and I. That was unacceptable. What was even worse was Fugaku had had to go all the way to the Hokage to get his men back, and he had almost been barred from waking up the Hokage for such a trivial matter.

_Trivial_, ha! This was a direct under mining of the police's authority, and without the police Konoha would be in a bad place. Who would police the ninja if not for the Uchiha? Who would keep the order? There would be chaos and anarchy without the Uchiha to enforce the laws.

Fugaku had to wonder if ANBU wasn't suspicious. Did they suspect they were being investigated? Did they think Kenji and Arai had known something about that? They hadn't, thank goodness. T and I had left any marks on them, and neither man could remember doing anything but sitting around, but Fugaku suspected they'd had genjutsu used on them multiple times. Arai had been jumpy, and Kenji had thrown up twice for no apparent reason. There was no proof other than that and Fugaku's gut feeling.

Fugaku dragged a hand through his hair. It did nothing to alleviate his head-ache. Every time he turned around, things seemed to be falling apart. There was so much to do, and he had so little time to do any of it. No matter how much he delegated, there was always more work, and it all piled up. Now he was going to be quelling angry whispers and half-cocked plans for months after this incident.

Fugaku heard a soft knock on the door. He looked and found Itachi staring in around the corner of the shouji. His eyes were the normal dark grey, and they looked larger than usual. There were dark marks under his eyes, and soft lines in his face that had to be from stress or pain. It pulled at Fugaku's heart every time he saw his child in such a state, but what could he do? Every time he looked around there was more to do, and he had no idea how to help his son. Itachi had never been the sort of child to need help in anything.

"You wanted to see me, 'Tou-san?" Itachi asked in his normal soft voice.

Fugaku nodded. He motioned to the floor across from him. "Come and sit down, Itachi." The boy padded into the room with the grace of a ninja, eyes taking in everything, even though he knew this room by heart. Itachi settled softly across from Fugaku, back straight, hands folded in his lap, and face set in a dead serious expression.

"I need to ask for your report on ANBU," Fugaku began. "Considering the events of last night, it has become a pressing matter. Have you found out anything?"

Itachi looked instantly guarded. His expression was thoughtful, and he seemed to be looking inward. He was still for several long moments. He bit his lower lip, and there was a tension that passed through his body. He looked up at Fugaku again, and his face was calm and impassive.

"I can prove nothing, but there is something...off," Itachi's posture shifted. He leaned forward a bit, and one of his hands twitched, like he wanted to move it to better express his point. "My teammates....."Itachi stopped and started again. "'Tou-san, there's just something odd about them and some of the things they say. I thought it might be due to my age and rank, but I don't think that's it any more. I'm convinced there's something going on in ANBU, and given enough time, I'll find it." Itachi nodded, suddenly sure of himself for a moment, and then it was gone.

He looked pensive again. Fugaku watched carefully as Itachi dropped his gave to his hands. His eyes lost something. Fugaku had seen that look on men under genjutsu--the vacant, staring eyes that saw nothing real. Fugaku tensed. Itachi's lips moved slowly.

"The Roots."

Fugaku tensed. "The what?"

Itachi looked up and blinked, eyes snapping back into focus. "What did you say?"

"I was asking what you said."

Itachi blinked. He bit his bottom lip again. "It's nothing. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help." Itachi bowed, thick ponytail sliding over his shoulder. He almost pressed his forehead to the tatami.

"No, you're getting somewhere," Fugaku waited for Itachi to sit back up. The boy was waiting to be dismissed.

"Before you back to ANBU, your mother and I would like you to have a psych. evaluation, by a Yamanaka," Fugaku said. Mikoto was right. This was something they needed to do. Itachi was a Jounin, and and ANBU captain, but he was still only thirteen and their child.

Itachi nodded, as if he had been expecting this. "All right."

"I'll set it up this week, and we'd like it to be off record," Fugaku continued.

Itachi nodded again, face still impassive. Some days Fugaku wondered if anything fazed his son. He seemed to take everything in stride with a nod and casual acceptance. It made him appear older, and more knowledgeable than he was. When a man was unruffled by any news you handed him, you began to think he knew the news before you told it to him. It was an excellent tactic for unnerving your opponent.

"That's all," Fugaku told the boy. Itachi nodded and stood up. He straightened his pants as he stood. Fugaku looked up at Itachi, thin boned, wiry, and wondered how such a child had made it into ANBU. "You're feeling well today, aren't you?"

Itachi paused before nodding. "Yes, 'Tou-san, I'm feeling all right." Itachi gave his father a small smile before walking out of the room, bare feet hardly making any noise. Fugaku watched his son go, and wished, not for the first time, no one had ever breathed a word of Uchiha Fugaku becoming clan head, and his first child had been anything but a genius willing to serve.

----

Itachi was certain of one thing. The second a Yamanaka got a good look in his head, they would know something was wrong. A Yamanaka, when doing a pysch. evaluation, went inside the subjects head and looked around. There was no hiding from them. Itachi had been subjected to such an evaluation before he'd joined ANBU, and he knew that the fact he had something else in his head with him would be discovered.

_I am you, remember._

But, there shouldn't be two of one person in a single mind. It wasn't normal. It would get Itachi a room in the pysche ward before he could blink. An insane genius was never a good thing. Itachi pressed his lips into a thin line. He was basking on the front porch. He had his father were the only ones home.

_So, you still think I'm a product of you delusional little mind? I thought you had decided I was an older you._

If Itachi accepted that the other really was an older him, it sounded crazy. How did such a thing happen? There was no jutsu for time travel. Insanity was the more believable. It was the more _rational_ choice. Besides, insanity was a common thing for ninja, especially the young genius ones. Itachi was just following a well beaten path.

_Insane people are not rational, and you _know_ I'm what I say I am. How else could I know jutsu you don't? How do I know what I know? I am you. You know it. You're just afraid if you admit it, you'll have to face the reality of your clan's death._

Itachi grimaced. He was facing that. He just wasn't resigned to the fact like the other was. Itachi was going to prevent the massacre in any way possible. There was no justification for killing a whole clan, down to the smallest child. Taki-oba-san had just had a baby last week. What could justify the killing on an innocent new life like that? Nothing, Itachi was convinced of that fact. Any who said differently were liars, delusional, or simply evil. Itachi was not going to take the blade to his family.

_So you say now--_

So Itachi would always say, no matter what happened. There was _nothing_ that could change his mind.

_They don't need to change your mind...._

The thought trailed off into humming, and a rush of blood in Itachi's ears. For a moment he couldn't hear. He shook his head, and pressed after the other, seeking at end to that statement and an explanation.

_Rough skin--biting skin, tearing into his wrists. He fought, kicked, struggled, screamed. He lacked force. he lacked effectiveness. Everything was bottled up inside of him too tight. He lashed out without thought, just trying to relieve what crashed around inside his head. He didn't--he hadn't--_

_He stood, breathing hard, blood on im, eyes cold, heart ice, feet stone. He looked at the looming man beside him, and he didn't feel. He couldn't feel. His head was white cold--white hot. His spine was burning. He was sick, the taste of vomit sharp in his mouth. He looked at the looming man, better for him that the snake eyed man with his creeping hands and tongue._

_"Better now?" The man asked, hissing blue and sea surf in his tone. Itachi blinked, eyes wider, but seeing less and less. He didn't answer. Nothing would ever make this better. He just wished he could feel it like he needed to._

Itachi blinked. He was sprawled on the ground, almost rolled under the porch. Both he and the other had lost control of Itachi's body. Itachi blinked. He looked at his wrists and expected to see them covered in blood. There, of course, was none. Itachi flexed his hands and sat up. his head spun. What had that been? Kisame was there, so it was after the massacre, but what about everything else?

The cut of time and abrupt shift of feeling reminded Itachi of when he and the other switched out for control of Itachi's body. Beyond that, it left him feeling cold and small. He wanted to curl up in a ball and try to get warm. He knew--the other knew that it wouldn't help. No physical warmth could rid him of that cold.

What did it mean?

Itachi was jerked out of his musing as he heard voices. He perked up and followed the sound. The incident of ANBU holding the officers had been two days ago, but visitors were still common when Fugaku was at home. Itachi didn't like the building tension he felt around the house, or the other's growing silence. The other rarely spoke, and Itachi usually more felt than heard what it had to say. Maybe he should be glad for that, but in truth it only made him more worried.

Itachi padded through the house. He paused as the voices became comprehensible.

"...the hospital. It was all because he's an Uchiha. You heard what they said, Miyo-san." It was a woman's voice. Itachi couldn't place it, but he knew she was an Uchiha. He'd heard her voice before.

"Yeah, that's what they said. They said it was because he was a dirty Uchiha, who couldn't control his temper," A soft, young voice piped. Itachi stepped closer.

"You see, you see, I told you it would only get worse. You didn't believe me Fugaku, but I _told_ you. Look at where this has gotten Eiji! He's in the hospital. He'll never be a ninja again." That was Hitomi-oba-san. Itachi could recognize her voice anywhere.

"It's terrible," The first woman's voice was teary and troubled.

"See, if you had stepped up when this first happened, then Eiji would still be a ninja," Hitomi accused.

"It's far more complicated than that. Rest assured, the people who did this to him will be prosecuted," Fugaku said in a soft, but firm voice.

"So you say, but every time I turn around one of our children is getting hurt or crippled, and where are your children in all of this, Fugaku? One's in the Academy, a very safe place, and the other's here at home. Why is he still here? Is he still sick? Why haven't you placed _your_ child back in the line of fire?" Hitomi asked. "When things got hot you pulled him out, didn't you?"

"Itachi was sick, Hitomi-san. You heard what Genzai-sensei said. We're being cautious in his recovery because of the nature of his illness, and no other reason." Fugaku's voice was still calm, but Itachi could hear the steel in it.

"I heard Genzai-sensei. He said he couldn't find anything wrong with Itachi-kun," The woman shot back. Itachi tensed. Was she calling the clan head a lair? Did she dare take that step?

"Hitomi-san. What are you implying?" Fugaku asked, and Itachi knew that icy tone.

"I only want to know which is more important to you, Fugaku-sama. Your child's safety, or the well being of your clan? As clan head and police chief, I think you should know which to choose."

Itachi almost left. This was a question no parents should be made to answer, and no child should have to hear. Still, Itachi didn't move. He held his breath and strained to hear as his father's ever calm and collected voice deliver his answer.

----

Fugaku stopped in front of Itachi's door. "Where are you going?" Itachi looked up from wrapping his ankles. His hair was up, and he was in his Jounin uniform.

Itachi looked up at his father. He tied off the wraps and stood, zori in hand. "I'm going to head quarters to tell them I'm fit for duty now."

Fugaku looked a bit uncomfortable, and skeptical. "Are you certain that you are?"

Itachi nodded. "I'm not getting worse, and the sooner I go back the better. I'll ask Inoichi-san to do the evaluation you wanted." Itachi headed past Fugaku, every inch a perfect ninja, composed, controlled, and silent.

"Itachi."

Itachi turned, face politely inquiring, tipped just a bit to the left. Fugaku met Itachi's cool grey gaze. Itachi was stopped between one motion and the next. He'd be gone in a moment. This was just a pause in his life. No matter what Fugaku did, no matter how he stalled the boy, he would move on.

Fugaku waved his hands, dismissing his call. Itachi turned around and continued out. Fugaku stood in the hall, watching him go.

* * *

**A/N: He's the turning point I mentioned. :) Let the good times roll. Now, I have break this week, and then only two more weeks in the semester, so soon there will be weekly updates again(provided I don't get killed by finals)! :D  
**

** Thank you for all the reviews: Skedaddle-San, xXxKIxXx, thepenultimatefailure, Ayame Shizazuge, dundee998, 7orangesun, ~NightMareReVisisted~, Sear, ShadowHeart 251, ellesra, fool-kitty, Silver Queen, Sanninjanaru, ClockRepair, DmfD, Sarah1281, demon89, Dragon Firebender84, and Koolneko22!**


	17. Fall Into The Rhythm

-Fall Into The Rhythm-

Itachi had been back in ANBU two weeks. He'd run solo missions his first week back, hard and fast. That week was a blur of missions. This week he was back with his squad. They ran missions the same way, barely taking time to breath between them. ANBU ran a tough mission schedule, but not usually like this. Itachi went home to crash, and he slept hard.

He hardly saw his parents, and he saw Sasuke even less. Life was falling back into its normal rhythm. The only thing that was off was the other. It was still around, but Itachi was learning to take advantage of it. The other knew jutsu and tricks Itachi didn't. He knew little tricks and moves that made things easier. Itachi found himself using them on missions without thought. Slowly, having the other's voice and comments in his head was becoming normal. Even when they switched control it didn't seem so bad. The impending massacre was getting pushed to the back of Itachi's mind.

He still thought about it, and tried to find a way around it. Still, his ANBU and Uchiha duties came first--the tangible duties he knew he could accomplish. If he wanted to figure out what was rotten in ANBU, he was going to have to go deep. To the roots. Right now, however, he was just running missions, and making a good impression.

An image flashed through his head. Instead of the normal Konoha response Itachi would make to this attack, the other supplied a more efficient method. Itachi whirled closer to his opponent, hands slipping through signs he'd never seen before, and the flats of his hands slamming against his opponent's chest before Itachi jumped away again. His opponent fell, gasping and frothing. Itachi flipped a kunai into his hand and threw it at the next nin, hitting him in the neck.

His Squad were focusing on two of the group of missing-nin they were exterminating. Itachi had taken down two, and there were three more left. Itachi reached for his ninto, and the blade slid readily into his hand. The other knew more about swords than Itachi. It had learned this from Kisame, the blue skinned missing-nin. Before the third missing-nin could do more than half form a defensive position, Itachi had the ninto buried in his chest. Itachi yanked it out, blood flying up to fleck his white ANBU mask.

The next opponent hit his ninto with jarring force, leering over his sword and the diminutive ANBU. Itachi spun away from the blow, swords singing in pain as they skittered across each other. Itachi dropped to the ground, and rolled forward, under the man, between his leg. He was small enough to do that now, he thought, as he rose from the ground, sword spinning in his hand as it arched for the man's kidneys. He was small enough...

_Lithe enough, quick enough, young enough, with no aching crack to his joints and biting pains digging into him at every moment. His red, bright, flashing eyes saw it all--_everything_, every detail, every lack, every thing there ever was to see and take in. He saw. He could see it still. He was young. He was alive. He was--_

On the ground again, mouth filled with blood from a miss aimed dodge. His jumped to his feet, swallowing and accidental mouthful of his own blood. He streaked towards the sword wielder, chakra enhanced moves blurring like lightning. Itachi knew he was quick. He was deadly. He was bright, new, and older than anyone knew. Right now he was--

_Drinking in the smell of blood and carnage. Soaking in death. He was death. He was a ninja. He was a shadow of a shadow. He was death in the flesh, bone white mask, red black cloak, burning bloody eyes--_

Itachi cleanly decapitated the man. Blood fountained, and Itachi dashed away, feeling the hot, warm liquid splatter his arm, his neck, and his hair. He was getting soaked in blood. His fighting was usually so much cleaner than this, but he was so much faster. He was death. He was alive, quick, hot, and it was all almost too much. It was a heady, sickening sense of power that rose in him and almost made him fall to the ground and vomit.

Itachi's hands snapped up through signs. His hands came to his mouth, and the third man was devoured in a rush of flames. The heat from the attack blew Itachi's hair back. It made his face behind the mask feel burnt. It was too hot--much hotter than usually. He could concentrate his chakra better. It didn't hurt like it should.

Itachi's mind stumbled free of the overlay of the others, and he whipped around, senses heightened past reason and sanity. His feet slipped in the grass, and he raced to join the last fight. The last nin was injured, one arm down, bleeding heavily. Why wasn't he dead yet? The heavy chain scythe he swung with accuracy and precision was the answer. No one dared get closer. They were waiting for him to weaken. There was no time to wait for him to weaken. He needed to die now, before something happened and Itachi's squad mates were injured.

Itachi raced by Misao. He felt her jump. He went under strike, rolling on the ground, and over another, hands shoving off the shaft of the scythe, shoving the man's deadly spiraling dance out of order, causing a crash of the deadly universe. Itachi's ninto buried itself in the man's throat, and Itachi's duck only save him from half the arterial spray. The man fell. Itachi stood, drenched in blood, breathing hard.

He looked over at his squad mates, ninto held loosely in hand, eyes wide behind his mask. His heart was pounding. His chest heaved with each desperate breath. He couldn't feel where he ended and the other began. He'd never felt this sick high that dragged him up above the reality of the bloody massacre at his feet. His squad mates were looking at him. He couldn't see their faces behind there masks, but he could imagine they were afraid of him.

Him, Thirteen, young, small, delicate. How could they de afraid of him?

No, not him, not kitten. They were afraid of....they knew....

The spray of the shower was hot against Itachi's back. The water running out of his hair was tinged red. The echo in the showers was deafening. For a moment all Itachi could hear was water thundering around him. He almost gasped, for fear he was drowning. He blinked and looked around. He was in the ANBU showers. Hadn't he just been in the forest, with his Squad?

Itachi prodded the other, who gave an almost sleepy reply. Had the other taken over? Was that the cause of this jump? Itachi shook his head, pressing after the other for answers. He got slow vague ones--images and memories of coming back, and handing paperwork duty off so he could go get cleaned up. The other must have pushed Itachi out of control.

"Finally back among the living?" A lazy voice asked. Itachi glanced to the side, and saw Kakashi regarding him with his lazy eye. The other was scrunched shut, closing out the sharingan. Itachi blinked, his own eyes their calm grey. He had served under Kakashi briefly before making ANBU captain. Itachi nodded slowly.

"Was I gone long?" The question was light.

"Mah, hard to say. You came gone," Kakashi intoned. His white halo of hair was plastered to his face. The water smeared it down across his skin, and it looked bizarre.

"Ah," Itachi nodded. He went back to scrubbing his head, trying to get the last of the blood out of his hair. He could still feel his fingers catching on it, and the foam from the soap was pink tinted--like the water.

"Bad mission?" Kakashi hazarded as he shut his water off.

"Our goal was accomplished, and no one was badly injured," Itachi replied shortly. "Things just got messy." Itachi scrunched his eyes shut and turned hit face into the spray, feeling soap and water run down his face. He smoothed his hair back from his face, running his hands down its length to squeeze water and soap out before letting the water's spray get the rest of the soap out.

"None of your squad mates had half as much blood on them as you do. Did you take the whole crew out by yourself?" Kakashi asked, leaving the 'again' unspoken. "You're not usually that messy."

Itachi shook his head. "They were too slow." He wasn't usually this messy, but the other's methods, while efficient, were more brutal. They were messier. The other didn't want to use too many jutsu, since Itachi had a smaller chakra reserve than the other was used to having.

"I am aware you're a genius and one of the best ANBU has, Itachi-kun. There's no need to rub it in," Kakashi said calmly. He was toweling off his hair. Itachi shook his head. He wasn't trying to rub it in. Itachi pushed his wet hair back from his face and realized he was shaking. He felt light headed too. Itachi blinked, and the disoriented feeling he had put down to switching place with the other crashed down on him as everything went black.

Itachi knees buckled. He sank down, bracing his hands on the wet floor, and dropping his head into his knees. His pulse rang in his ears, and he felt so dizzy he wanted to be sick. His ears were ringing too. He knew this symptoms, and the sudden onset of them. Evidently he had been pushing to hard. Itachi felt bile rise in his throat, but he knew what was wrong.

This was chakra exhaustion, pure and simple.

The water shut off, and Itachi felt a towel pressed to his head. "Worse when you're small, isn't it?" Kakashi smoothed the towel back over Itachi. He made sure to gather the younger ANBU's hair and place it on top of the towel before draping it over Itachi's back. Itachi took a deep, shaky breath and wished he could curl up smaller. He felt suddenly miserable, but he needed to get up, dry off, and get home.

Kakashi knew when to back off. He left Itachi huddled in the shower stall and went about getting dressed. In a few minutes Itachi was feeling well enough to creep over to his clothes. He dressed in slow stages, having to pause and be still for minutes at a time while the feeling of imminent projectile vomit passed. Itachi didn't even touch his hair. He slid his feet into his zori and almost stumbled out of the bathroom. Kakashi look up from his reclined position down the hall, and gave Itachi a nod before walking off.

Itachi liked Kakashi for his ability to meddle without seeming to. Itachi headed slowly down the hall. People looked at him as he passed, and he wondered how bad he looked. He normally got curious stares and sometimes veiled hostile looks, but ever since he'd gotten back it was worse. He wondered what they were thinking. Had they not expected him to come back after the incident with the police force and ANBU? Itachi swallowed and tried to keep his walk straight and even. He kept feeling like he was going to pass out.

Itachi finally had to stop and lean against a wall, just breathing. He slid down it slowly, feeling the acrid bite of bile in the back of his throat. He was going to be sick, right here in the middle of the hallway in front of everyone. He couldn't. He needed to get up and act normal. He needed to put on a strong front. The Uchiha needed him to do that. His family--his father. He had to just stand up and bear it.

_Gods_, his head _hurt_--a thick, heavy, hot ache that made Itachi want to clutch at his head or go for an ice pack. He forced himself to take a deep breath and steady himself. He was going to get up, walk out of headquarters, and go home to get some rest. He just had to find his feet and stand.

Everyone was looking at him as they passed, but no one stopped. They all walked on, busy with their lives and their concerns. What has one agent huddled on the floor, trying to pull himself together? What was an Uchiha in pain to them?

"Itachi." The name was surprised, concerned, and almost a reprimand. Itachi jerked his head to the side to see who it was, and his head spiked with pain. His stomach flipped.

"You look terrible," Genma said, kneeling down. Slowly, and deliberately he placed to fingers on Itachi's neck, taking the boy's pulse.

"Chakra exhaustion--it's fine," Itachi said, and the words felt pale on his tongue. Genma gave him a look, and Itachi knew, at the moment, they were replaying their roles of student and teacher. It was impossible to completely leave those roles behind. Genma would always revert to that when he saw his student in trouble, and Itachi would let Genma. He trusted Genma. Genma had watched him go from an eight year-old trainee to the killer at eleven. It was impossible not to trust someone after they'd seen all of that.

"Fine and whatever your heart's doing don't belong anywhere near each other," Genma pointed out with a lazy eyed look at Itachi.

"Something wrong?" Raidou asked, as he suddenly loomed over the two. It wasn't surprising. Itachi looked up at him, and Raidou's eyebrows went up. "Chakra exhaustion? Kid needs to eat, Genma. That's the fastest way to get him back on his feet."

"Yeah, just tryna figure out if he can walk to the cafeteria," Genma intoned. "He's got that look, you know--like the kids always got in the trenches."

"I can walk," Itachi said, hoping he wasn't lying. He didn't like them talking over him, or the fact he wasn't in shape to protest what they said.

"We'll see," Genma replied, standing up and offering a hand down to help Itachi up. Itachi took it, and Genma levered him up, holding onto Itachi's arm. Itachi's head spun, and he closed his eyes and leaned against the wall as he waited for the dizzy feeling to pass. He could almost hear Genma and Raidou exchanging glances, but they didn't say anything. The sooner Itachi ate, the better--even if the cafeteria food wasn't so great.

Itachi made it all right, but the sight of food was making him feel worse. Nausea was a blast. Itachi ate slowly, picking tine pieces of food from the plate as Genma and Raidou watched, pretending to be eating their own food. Some of the food stung the cuts Itachi had in his mouth from the one blow he'd gotten on the mission.

"Better?" Genma asked. He was mostly pushing his food around. He didn't have to eat this stuff. He could wait to go home and eat real food.

"Almost...." Itachi admitted. He took another bite, and he felt like he was ten again. Genma and Raidou felt nothing like comrades. They felt like protectors, watching over him when he couldn't watch out for himself--when he didn't have the luxury of worrying about himself. There were so many other things going on with the investigation and not to mention the other's dour predictions of a clan wide massacre carried about by none other than Itachi himself.

Itachi wished, a bit, he'd been placed on Genma and Raidou's squad, or even stayed on Kakashi's a little longer. Six months was a record time for making captain, as was twelve a record age for joining ANBU. Itachi knew he was isolated from his fellow ANBU. He didn't go out drinking with them. He didn't share the raunchy details of last night with them. He was a killer on par with anyone else in ANBU, but he was still a child.

He wasn't just a child. He was a genius. He was better than all the rest of them, in their petty daily concerns and problems. He would never stumble like they did. He would never face humiliation like they would. He was something better. He was on a different level of being than these creatures that worked around him and tried to keep up. He had a purpose bigger than any of them knew or would ever have themselves. He was--

Itachi blinked. After all of this time with the other he knew when thoughts were not his. He blinked and followed that one, chasing it down a coiling depth into his mind. Maybe that had been the other. Itachi felt his head-ache get worse, and he took in a sharp breath.

"Itachi? Itachi!" A hard, painful rubbing against his sternum--sternum rub, Itachi identified the sensation scraping across his chest. That was what you did when someone was unresponsive. The pain helped them come around. Everything was spinning....

"Okay, brat, wake up. Wake _up._"

* * *

**A/N: Itachi has passed out a lot in this story. He will pass out a bit more before things are finished. I love passing out, don't you guys? I need to look into getting a beta for this story. -.-;; I am very crappy about finding my own typos and errors. ALSO weekly updates can start again is ya'll want 'em. ^.~**

Thank for teh reviews: edenforest1, Kirikiri Mai, Drake-Azahoth, Elisabetta Avalone, silver-eyed, terrorofthehighway, thepenultimatefailure, dundee998, Silver Queen, ellesra, Rose Lui, fool-kitty, KyoxSakiFan, Songstone, Ayame Shikazuge, Azelf1717, Skedaddle-san, Sarah1281, Sandninjanaru, ClockRepair, demon89, Koolneko22, RmfD, alolha123, and xXxKIxXx! There were a lot of new people this time. :D


	18. What Matters

-What Matters?-

"I'm fine now. I can walk home by myself," Itachi retorted, though he wasn't so sure. He'd only passed out for a few seconds, but Genma and Raidou were hovering. Itachi was perched on the edge of an exam table in the Medic's room, much less shaky now. He felt worlds better. He met Raidou and Genma's gazes steadily, but he was disquieted by the fainting fit. He'd felt so bad before that, but by the time Raidou and Genma had gotten Itachi to the infirmary, he was beginning to feel better. The Medic had given him fluids and glucose, and Itachi was perking right up.

"Yeah, and I'm the one who'll have to deal with your father if you pass out somewhere on the way," Genma shot back dryly. He was looking Itachi over, and kept checking the boy's heart rate. It was getting annoying. "Don't you know better than to let yourself get dehydrated, brat?"

"I wasn't dehydrated. I've been drinking _and_ eating enough," Itachi replied shortly. He met Genma's gaze squarely. "I know how to take care of myself."

Genma's look said he wasn't impressed. "You just passed out in front of a quarter of ANBU. You looked like death warmed over when Raidou and I found you. Something was _wrong_ with you."

"Chakra exhaustion which--"

"Is a problem, and not something you should consider normal," Genma retorted.

"I'm _thirteen_. I don't have the reserves to keep up with my teammates. They're larger, stronger, and faster--if I want to keep up, I have to burn more chakra. I just over did it a little today. After a good night's sleep, I'll be fine," Itachi pointed out calmly, though he didn't feel so calm anymore. The other was laughing at his indignation over all of this. It wasn't helping. It made Itachi feel even more like a child.

_You are a child. They've tried to make you think you aren't one, which makes you more of one. Everyone else treats you like an adult, when all you are is a child who can kill with more accuracy than most adults. You're not as controlled and mature as they--and you, think you are._

Itachi gave the other a shove, and felt an odd rebound--like there wasn't enough room to push the other away. It made his head spin a little. There was normally enough room....could one's mind shrink? Was it just fuller now that he was running so many missions, and had so much more information to process? Was the other taking up _more_ space than it had before? Was that possible? Was it just spreading out and setting up house in Itachi's head.

That was not a pleasant thought.

"Are you even listening anymore?" Genma asked, exasperated. Itachi blinked.

"I have been. Genma-san, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself now, and thank you for your assistance. I'm still recovering, and have pushed myself a bit too much. I'll take your words to heart." Itachi nodded his head towards Genma in deference. That was how you were supposed to take care of people like that. Honey, as always, worked much better than vinegar. Itachi blinked as he slid back into control of his body, and the other bowed out.

Itachi mentally seethed at the others act. This was his life, his body, and the other had no right to meddle in it. Genma looked surprised. Itachi rarely took such a formal tone with his former sensei. Itachi was suddenly wary, Would Genma think the words had been too odd to be Itachi's? Would he too think there was something odd about Itachi now? The last thing Itachi needed was _more_ suspicion laid on him for strange behavior.

"Kid has manners when he wants to use them," Raidou commented from his relaxed position against the wall. He was far more laid back then Genma most of the time. Genma fussed over the people he cared about. Raidou just fussed over Genma. They took care of each other like family.

"Che," Genma rolled his senbon between his teeth and fixed Itachi with a stern look. "Now, listen up, brat. Just because Raidou and I are leaving the room, does not give you permission to go tottering off and collapsing in the halls. If I hear about it happening again, I'm telling your father, your superiors, and the medic you're a danger to yourself and your squad mates, got it?"

Itachi nodded. "I do." Genma kept eye contact with Itachi for a few more moments, and then turned away with a grumble. Raidou raised his eyebrows at Genma, but followed the man out. Where were they going?

_Squad meeting. Genma explained when you were off thinking_.

Itachi stamped down any thanks he felt for the other. He looked at the IV attached to his arm, and decided the bag was empty enough for Itachi to go. Itachi carefully pulled the needle out, and grabbed a piece of gauze to stem the flow of blood that fell out after the needle. He looked up sharply as he heard someone enter the room.

The Hyuuga medic regarded him calmly. "You know I have to discharge you with a clean bill of health if you want to run missions."

Itachi returned the look, and began carefully tying to gauze into place. "I am going home to eat a good meal and a good night of sleep. My records are enough to indicate I will be back in top condition. If you're worried about me childishly and foolishly disregarding my body's needs, than I will remind you I have two parents who will not allow me to do that. By sending me home, you guarantee I will come back better."

The Hyuuga raised an eyebrow. "And if you don't tell your parents what happened?"

"They'll know even if I don't tell them," Itachi replied calmly.

"Their spies will tell them?" The Hyuuga asked in a casual tone. He was moving around and setting things in order that were all ready in order.

"They don't need spies to tell them. They're my parents." Itachi didn't deny the claim there were Uchiha spies in ANBU. He wouldn't be believed if he did. Itachi stood. His head gave a small, singular spin and was still. "Do you have any more relevant medical questions before you discharge me?"

Itachi made sure the tone was casual, but there was force behind the words. The Hyuuga would discharge him. This was all very silly, and unnecessary. Itachi met the white eyes calmly with his own grey ones. The Hyuuga snorted and shook his head, but he grabbed some papers and crabbed out words across them.

"You are discharged, agent Uchiha. Go home and rest." The Hyuuga filed the papers away. "Now, get out of my infirmary."

"Thank you," Itachi intoned, giving a small bow before heading out. He was outside the building in minutes, and the warn sunshine across his skin felt wonderful. Summer would be gone soon, but Itachi enjoyed it immensely. Itachi let out a long sigh and started walking briskly for home, careful not to push it.

What had happened was stupid. He'd just displayed, twice, he was weak. His reputation was severely damaged. Things like this could happen to any agent, but Itachi couldn't afford to have them happen to him. He was here representing the Uchiha, and he didn't need to be falling out. It made him, and his clan, look week. It made it look like they were pushing him to hard.

He needed a way to prove, where more than just his squad mates could see, that he was strong and capable. Itachi frowned and nibbled on his lower lip as he walked.

_What about your lost time, kitten? Doesn't that bother you?_

Should it? Hadn't it just been the other playing his normal tricks? That would explain why Itachi had used too much chakra, since the other was used to having larger reserves to pull on. It made sense. Itachi felt a jumbled thought of the others pass him by.

_We should pick up Sasuke._

We? Since when had they been a 'we'? And why pick up Sasuke? It wasn't like the boy couldn't walk himself home from school, and it would add a half mile to Itachi's walk, since he couldn't go by roof top. It would be an inconvenience, and a waste of energy. He had no good reason to do it.

Still, his feet turned in that direction. It was about time for Sasuke to get out of class.

_You miss him._

The other was smug. Itachi pushed the other away, and again got the off rebound feeling. He frowned and turned that over in his mind before wandering back to the problem of his ANBU reputation. He should request his squad be paired with other squads for harder missions. That would help prove his worth. It might mean longer missions, and being away from home more, but that was all right.

_If you're home, you can't kill anyone, can you?_

There was a point to. If Itachi wasn't home, he couldn't kill his clan--not that he ever would. Still, the other was starting to make him paranoid. The other was clever as Itachi himself was, but it was still insistent there was no way around the Uchiha massacre. It even seemed sad about that fact.

The Academy was coming up. Itachi could hear the screaming ruckus that children made. He sighed and forged ahead, walking calmly through the gates. He was only in plain black clothes and his head-band. He hated the flak vest, which rubbed against his chin. It was always hard getting one small enough, and the heavy, well fitted cloth made Itachi feel like he was choking. He didn't, oddly enough, have the same problem with the sturdy ANBU armor.

Itachi met Iruka before he got into the building. The older man was talking to the same man who had put Itachi through the Academy. Itachi blanched, but walked up to them. He wasn't sure where to find Sasuke so he could take him home, and, in any case, he needed to tell Iruka he was taking Sasuke home.

"'Tachi-kun!" Iruka waved as Itachi approached. Itachi gave him a nod of acknowledgement, and the same courteous hello to the man beside Iruka.

The man smiled. "Itachi-kun, how wonderful to see you again! I heard you just made ANBU captain--the youngest we've ever had, ne? I knew you were something special when you walked into my classroom."

Itachi hated the fact the man called him 'kun'. Itachi was above him in rank and skill. There was no call for that demeaning little honorific. Itachi was no child, or student of this man's He deserved the respect of an Uchiha and an ANBU. The man acted as if he'd had a hand in Itachi's glorious rise through the ranks. He hadn't. He'd only been a stepping stone Itachi had been forced to use. Itachi had only been in the Academy a year., and most of that time had been wasted letting other people figure out, yes, the little Uchiha _was_ that good.

"Are you here to pick up Sasuke?" Iruka asked cheerfully, derailing Itachi's venomous train of thought. He was surprised by it. It annoyed him when people of a lower rank called him 'kun', just because of his age, but did it bother him that much?

"Hai," Itachi managed. He looked at Iruka. "He's out of class now, isn't he?"

Iruka nodded, his ponytail wagging merrily. "Of course he is. He's--"

"_Nii-san_!" Sasuke's high voice was ecstatic, and almost before Itachi could turn, the younger Uchiha had grabbed his brother's hand. Itachi blinked and looked down. Sasuke's face was awash with delight. He looked ecstatic. Itachi hadn't seen him this happy in....he didn't know how long.

"Ne, ne! Sasuke, is that your brother?" A gaggle of children had come up with Sasuke. There were three boys, and one girl. The boy that had spoken was blond, and Itachi knew instantly he was Uzumaki Naruto. The boys were an Inuzuka, and the other was a Nara, certainly. The little girl--she was the Hyuuga clan head's daughter. Itachi knew her by sight.

"Yeah, it is," Sasuke returned, hanging off his brother's hand as he turned to look at them. "He's ANBU."

There was a chorus and 'ooh, ah, how cool' s from the kids. Naruto shook his head. "But he's not wearin' a mask!"

"Idiot, ANBU don't wear masks all the time!" Sasuke retorted. Itachi thumped Sasuke on the back of his head.

"Manners," Itachi hissed to the boy. Sasuke rubbed the back of his head, but he was still smiling. Itachi looked over at Naruto. "I'm off duty, Naruto-kun. You don't see many ANBU without their masks, ne?"

"Nah-uh, the ANBU always have their masks on!" Naruto piped. He looked up at Itachi. "An' how do you know my name?"

"Nii-san knows everything," Sasuke said, confidently. Itachi shook his head.

"Something like that, I suppose. I also know Hinata-chan--" Itachi gave the shy little girl a small bow. She blushed and hid behind the Inuzuka. "You, little ankle biter, and Tsume's kid--Kiba, aren't you? And the Nara is Shikamaru." Kiba nodded and growled, baring his tiny fangs. Shikimaru looked less than impressed. Naruto was. Sasuke was proud, and before Itachi knew it he was being pulled off by one kid on each hand to identify more of Sasuke's class.

Itachi, of course, remembered a few names from the entrance ceremony. The rest he knew from knowing their parents, or hearing about them from Sasuke. Sasuke looked over the four more kids he'd been dragged before. The rest of the kids were off playing.

"So, who're they?" Naruto asked, pointing at the kids, and looking at Sasuke challengingly. Itachi hid a smile at that. So, if Itachi failed, it would be Sasuke who would be the disappointment. Itachi wondered if Sasuke bragged about how great his genius brother was very often. Itachi would try to live up to his reputation.

"You are Ino," Itachi motioned towards a blond blue-eyed girl who was making eyes at Sasuke. Poor Sasuke. Yamanaka could be terrible when they wanted something. "The boy with the glasses is Aburame Shino, the other Akimich Chouji." Those were easy. They had the very distinct markings for their clan. The last girl, however, had no clan marking or ninja parents to give Itachi a clue. It didn't matter. He knew her anyway.

"And you, are Sakura, Kenji's daughter," Itachi gave the shy pink haired girl a smile. She was half hiding behind Ino. "Does that satisfy your curiosity, Naruto?"

"Yeah! That was awesome! How did you _ know_? Did you use a super cool genjutsu? Yeah, I bet you did! I bet you read everyone's mind and _that's_ how you knew!" Naruto accused, delighted with this possibility. Sasuke gave his brother a questioning look as Naruto danced around like the little hellion he was. He looked like the Yondaime had.

"No, I can't read minds," Itachi confessed. "And knowing your name's isn't something I'd waste a jutsu on. A good ninja could do that with just his ears and the information he already knows."

"Right, so you won't waste chakra," Sasuke piped, nodding his head seriously.

Itachi nodded. "That's right. Now, Sasuke, are you ready to go home, or were you going to walk home with your friends?"

"Nn," Sasuke's grip on Itachi's hand tightened. "I'm going home with you."

"Ne, ne, Sasuke's Nii-san, can you come back and play with us sometime? Since you're such a super cool ninja? I bet you know all sorts of tricks!" Naruto asked, bouncing from foot to foot. Itachi watched him, and wondered how Iruka made the little ball of neon yellow energy sit in a class room all day. Did he tie him to the ceiling, or glue him to a chair?

"No, he's busy. He doesn't have time to play," Sasuke shot at Naruto. "He's got important stuff to do--ANBU stuff. He doesn't have time."

No, he didn't. That was what Sasuke heard all of the time, wasn't it? Itachi was busy. Itachi needed to practice, rest, or leave. Itachi had a mission. Itachi was doing important things. Itachi was ANBU, and he was busy. What was really important anyway?

"I might, if I have time," Itachi said. Sasuke's look said Itachi never had time. Naruto gave a cheer, and Sasuke looked almost sullen. He knew Itachi would never come. He knew Itachi didn't have time, and that answer was just a cop-out with an empty promise. Itachi squeezed Sasuke's hand. "Let's go home."

Sasuke dark head nodded, and as Itachi lead his little brother off, he heard Naruto's bright voice calling after them for Itachi to come back soon. Evidently, Itachi had passed the test as the cool older brother. Sasuke didn't seem pleased with this. His face was sullen now.

"Have a goo day, Itachi-kun," Hato-sensai said as they passed by. He looked between the brother's, and as the passed he said to Iruka. "It's a shame they look so alike, but Sasuke's not the ninja Itachi was."

Iruka laughed. "That's true, but who could stand two Itachis? Sasuke's brilliant in his own way..." Itachi shook his head as the two headed for home. He had to shorten his strides to make up for Sasuke's short steps. The boy was small. His little legs couldn't reach very far. He was growing--that was true, but he was still so small....

"Ne, Sasuke, did you have a good day at school?" Itachi asked, bumping his brother's shoulder with his hand.

"Hai," Sasuke said softly, and rather subdued. That wasn't a normal answer for the boy. He could usually go on and on about school

Itachi frowned. "Well, then, what was the best part?"

Sasuke paused, his tiny feet stopping. He looked up at Itachi and smiled. "You really can't read minds, can you, Nii-san?"

Itachi shook his head. "I can't."

"The best part is now, and when you came to pick me up," Sasuke said with confidence. He gave his brother a smile. What else would it be?

_His brother, who's time if so precious. who's always so busy, took the time to come pick him up, and talk to his friend. What more could he want? What more does he need?_

Itachi looked down at Sasuke as they started walking again. Really, what was important? Being ANBU, the Uchiha genius, doing it all perfectly, or the smile glowing across his brother's face? Did the first two have any significance without the last? Could the last even be there without the others?

_You won't have any of that for much longer._

It wasn't his thought. It wasn't the other's. It was a horrible, jangled mix of their voices, and a chill shot down Itachi's spine as his head burned with pain.

* * *

**A/N: It's a nonsense chapter. :D Thanks for all the reviews! Next weeks update might be a little late--depends on how quickly I recover from getting my wisdom teeth slucked out.**


	19. Prove Your Worth

-Prove Your Worth-

"Head-ache again?" Shisui asked. Itachi was face down in some papers, bangs splayed across the white sheets. He was holding an ice pack to the back of his skull, with his ponytail flipped over his head. Shisui shook his head and leaned forward to draw his nails across Itachi scalp. There was a sigh and a shifting from the boy.

"Don't say 'again' like that," Itachi murmured. "I'm sick of hearing people say 'again', like they can't believe it. It's only a head-ache. It's not like I've chopped off my arm or something."

"You've had a steady head-ache every time I've seen you for the past week, Itachi," Shisui commented, signing his name to a paper and placing it in the appropriate stack. "I believe that deserves an 'again', Itachi."

"And how often have you seen me this week? Once, wasn't it?" Itachi accused, one long, thin finger pointing towards the ceiling. Shisui sighed and shook his head. Itachi was in pain and in a contrary mood. There would be no reasoning with him. Shisui moved some more papers around and started reading through the next report. Itachi didn't even twitch.

"Are you okay?" Shisui asked after a few moment silence.

Itachi gave a small groan. "Do you have any idea how sick I am of people asking me that? I came in here so people would stop asking me I was okay every time I turn around. It's driving me up the wall."

"Well, perhaps if you hadn't passed out in the halls of the ANBU headquarter, no one would be asking you if you were all right. If you don't want the clanly concern, then you can go back to ANBU," Shisui returned. Itachi only had himself to blame for the concern. By now, everyone knew he'd almost passed out in the halls, and that he had passed out in the cafeteria. None of the Uchiha liked to hear that. No one wanted to think their genius was failing.

Shisui could care less about the genius. He was too busy checking up on his baby cousin to spare the genius more than a passing thought, especially after the scare Itachi had given them all a few weeks ago. Shisui could still recall the gut-wrenching sight of the blood smeared down Itachi's face. When it came down to it, Itachi was Itachi, the bratty, amazing kid Shisui had half raised and who was more brother than anything else. Shisui loved him to death. He'd do _anything_ for Itachi.

Itachi made a noise Shisui didn't care to interpret. "There I get stared at. Everyone keeps looking at me, and I can almost hear them wondering if I'm still sick, or if I'm going to fail, or if I'm really as good as anyone says I am. I'm sick of having people look at me and try to take me apart. That's why I'm in here."

Shisui had long ago stopped trying to dissect his baby cousin. He knew what he needed to know about Itachi, and if he needed to know more, Itachi would tell him. Most of the time, Shisui was Itachi's confident. The boy couldn't whine to his father about how hard things were, since his father was the clanhead, but Shisui was fair game, and Shisui wouldn't be disappointed if Itachi was handling things less than perfectly. He'd been around when Itachi was still a clumsy child, stumbling his way to being a ninja. Shisui had also been the Uchiha genius, before being blown out of the water by Itachi.

"Why not go home for a bit? I'm sure your family would be happy to see you." Shisui rustled more papers, and set a folder by Itachi's head.

"Ehn," Itachi turned his head a little and sighed. "That's even worse. I'm fine. I just need a break from everyone shoving concern, suspicions, and speeches about the pride and glory of the Uchiha down my throat." There was a hollow tiredness in Itachi's voice that alarmed Shisui a little. He'd never seen Itachi burned out. He didn't think it was possible. Itachi was almost a higher sort of being who didn't function with the concerns of the other mortals of the world.

"Do you think it's a bad thing people are proud of being an Uchiha?" Shisui reached out and pulled Itachi's ponytail off the top of Itachi's head, letting the thick, inky strands slide through his hand.

"What makes the Uchiha any better or worse than anyone else? It's just a name. What matters is what you do with that name, isn't it?" Itachi asked.

"It matters. The name means things to people, Itachi. It's an old name, and every name carries connotations. You're part of the Uchiha, whether you want to be or not. It's something you can choose. You just are, and you are never going to be able to get out from under the shadow of the Uchiha name. You'll be the Uchiha genius all your life, and everything you do will color the Uchiha name, and everything the Uchiha do will color you.

"You can't get rid of it. You can't disregard it." It was a fact. There was some things that couldn't be changed, not even by geniuses like Itachi. Shisui couldn't see why the label of Uchiha chafed against Itachi as it did, but there was no doubt the boy might be happier if he didn't have the name trailing after him in everything he did. It would make things simpler--for all of them.

Maybe Shisui could see the reason, but it wasn't a good enough reason for him. He clung to his clan and the sense of belonging and family it gave him. If he stumbled, the Uchiha would help get him back to his feet. The Uchiha gave him Mikoto-baa-san, and Fugaku-sama, and Sasuke, and Itachi. It gave him a family and a place to live. It gave him something to protect. It gave him a purpose.

"I know," Itachi muttered. "I know, Shisui. You don't have to give me that speech. I've heard it before."

Shisui sighed and scratched Itachi's scalp. "Maybe you need to hear it again."

"Maybe you've heard it too much," Itachi replied, head tipping just enough for Shisui to see one grey eye regarding him calmly. There was something unnerving about that look and the calm certainty in his voice. Shisui looked away. He didn't know why, but he could swear it wasn't Itachi looking at him right now. It had to be, but Shisui couldn't shake the feeling that it just wasn't.

There was a silence painful and brittle. Shisui didn't know what to say to that, and Itachi seemed to have said all he was going to. Shisui was amazed to find he was a little hurt by his cousin's words. Itachi was the best of the Uchiha--shouldn't he be proud of his clan? Should Shisui be telling someone the genius was spouting words like this? It wasn't right, was it, to be so disloyal to your family? Itachi owed everything to the Uchiha--his name, his sharingan, his genius.

Maybe _that_ was the problem. What did Itachi have that he could call his without others laying claim to some part of it?

Shisui cleared his throat. "What are you going to do about the ANBU situation?"

Itachi closed his eye. "Run missions doubled with another team to make sure people know the Uchiha genius is everything people say he is. Don't worry. I'll make sure no one thinks badly of the Uchiha because of me." His voice was listless. He sounded bored, as if this were just another chore the Uchiha name had heaped upon him.

"Itachi--listen," Shisui was cut off as Itachi stood. He looked down at his older cousin, face impassive, with just the faintest traces of pain around his lips and eyes.

"Shisui, don't lecture me. In case you haven't noticed, I've moved beyond you. I'm on my own path now. It's one you will never comprehend. You're not a help. You're not an obstacle for me to overcome anymore. You're a distraction. If you truly value the Uchiha reputation, please stay away from me while I do my duties. I don't need anymore unnecessary complications." Itachi delivered his speech in a level voice, and Shisui could swear he was looking into a strangers face. His throat was tight.

"I understand." He didn't. Itachi had come here for comfort–no, Shisui saw it. Itachi had come for comfort and to get away from the burden of his Uchiha name to be with his cousin. Shisui had shoved that duty down his throat. Shisui had pushed him away, and Itachi was lashing back. Itachi felt betrayed by his cousin–the one person he thought he could trust to let him forget who he was supposed to be and just let him be himself. Shisui didn't buy the words, but he knew that trying to pin Itachi with words would only hurt them both right now. It would be better to let Itachi had his fit of pique, and when he was done being mad he'd come back and apologize and things would be the same as they had been.

Itachi nodded. He looked hesitant for one moment, and then he walked out. Shisui watched him go and went back to his work. He had things to do. He might not be _the_ Uchiha genius, but he could help his clan too. Shisui bit his lip. It always hurt more when Itachi was intentionally cruel, because he was mostly honest when he was. Shisui was below his cousin now. Shisui bit his lips and hoped Itachi had slipped more lies in then usual.

Shisui got the hollow feeling, as he sat alone in the room, Itachi hadn't.

----

_That was unnecessary, unless you just like causing your cousin pain._

The less Itachi was around Shisui, the less chance he would have of killing his cousin. Shisui would not stay away unless Itachi told him too. The same logic applied to his family. Until Itachi could sort out why the other was so convinced that the massacre would happen he needed some breathing room between him and his family. He also couldn't let this interfere with his duties.

_So, your family and those who care about you get shoved to the side?_

Itachi shoved at the other and got the odd rebound _again_. Why did the other care? It wanted them dead anyway.

_Never said that, kitten_.

There was a wash of something Itachi wanted to call remorse. There was a bitter taste of regret and frantic wishing and second guessing. It tasted like acid on the back of Itachi's tongue. He shook it off and shoved another kunai into his bag.

_I though you had decided I was just a figment of your imagination._

Itachi had, and then he hadn't. There were just so many things the other did and knew Itachi couldn't possibly know. He knew, deep down, that the other was not something his mind had made up. He knew that the other was him--old and terribly unknowable, but Itachi. Admitting that sounded crazy, though. If he believed that irrational statement, then maybe he was going insane.

Itachi sighed and stood, picking up his packed bag. He looked around his room, making sure it was all in order before heading out the door. He didn't like leaving anything out of place when he was going to be gone for a while. Itachi turned a corner and started. His father looked down at him, eyebrows raised. Itachi blinked. He'd been so wrapped up in his own thoughts he hadn't even heard his father come in. That was almost unheard of.

"Another mission?" Fugaku asked, motioning towards the bag Itachi carried. Itachi glanced at the bag and nodded.

"Yes, it's a long one, so I won't be home for a few days," Itachi informed his father. "Would you please tell Sasuke and 'Kaa-san that?"

Fugaku gave Itachi a look. "You should have told them yourself, Itachi. You know they would have wanted to say good-bye themselves."

Itachi nodded, and ignored the faint stab of guilt. "I wasn't aware of the mission until yesterday." Still, he'd had enough time to tell his mother and Sasuke. Fugaku gave Itachi a stern look--a look Itachi hadn't gotten from his father in a very long time. It was all Itachi could do not to drop his gaze like a guilty child, but, in a way, it was a relief beyong words to have his father treat him like a _child._

"Your mother will be home in soon, I passed her on my way here. You should wait for her at least," Fugaku said. Itachi nodded, ducking his head a little in submission. His father had a point.

"I'll wait." But not for Sasuke too. He needed to go. Itachi didn't have time to wait for Sasuke.

Fugaku nodded, darkly approving. "Have you had you psych. evaluation yet?"

Itachi nodded. "Yes sir, there were no major changes from last evaluation. I was still abnormal in most areas, but sane enough." Itachi lied. There was no way he was going to let a Yamanaka into his head right now. There was no way he could hide the other from one, and Itachi could not afford to be taken off mission duty now. He had no doubt he would be labeled insane.

Itachi thought Fugaku didn't look as relieved as he should, but maybe it was a trick of the light across the man's face. "That's good."

Itachi nodded. He knew Fugaku believed the lie. Itachi had always had a knack for false hoods, and this was one Fugaku desperately wanted to believe. He didn't want his son to be crazy. He didn't want or need that added stress. Besides, the Uchiha needed Itachi. Whatever would they do without him? Itachi's lips tried to warp into an ugly smile, but he stopped them. He walked past his father to put his bag by his door.

The house was silent with Mikoto and Sasuke gone. Itachi placed his bag by his shoes and stepped back. He blinked and saw bloody footprints on the ground. They lead past him into the house. He turned, and he saw a swipe of blood on the walls, left from bloody fingers. His chest tightened. His lips thinned. Itachi looked down at his own fingers. They were smeared in blood. He had a huge swath of red across his chest. His feet were caked in bloody mud.

Bile rose in Itachi's throat and he squeezed his eyes shut. He knew it was just the other's thoughts and visions. He knew none of this blood was real. He knew it, but it still turned his stomach. It still chilled him to the bone. It was his family's blood–his blood. Itachi swallowed nervously and breathed out slowly. He tried to calm the dizzy, sick spin of his head. This wasn't real. The massacre wouldn't happen. Itachi knew it was coming, and there was no way he was going to carry it out.

_White hot fist in his hair--his brain. Choking on screams. Body crusted with blood. Pain, all over. The horrible wracking pain that hit his nerves and made them scream. He screamed, but he didn't, mine and body clamped down under tight control--tighter than he'd ever had. Tighter than he wanted. Tighter than anyone wanted._

Itachi opened his eyes, and his fingers were still covered in blood. He took a short breath and something rose up in his chest. His head throbbed. He felt heavy, hot pain rolling up from the base of his skull. His lower back ached. He reached a hand around to cup the aching spot.

_Bloody fingers digging into his back. Nails ripping at the flesh. Blood pouring down--soaking into his pants. Soaking out of him. Soaking, burning, warm, wet, too much. Hands held him down. sandpaper hands disabled him, making it impossible to move. He didn't want to move anyway. He wanted it all to stop, but it never stopped. It just went on and on and on. _

_**WHAT IS THIS?**_

Itachi hit the floor, limp. He bounced back to awareness as his body smacked into the tatami mats. Itachi scrambled up, and found he was shaking all over. His heart and pounding, and he felt like someone had turned his brain over and shaken it roughly. The other was nowhere to be felt, lost somewhere in Itachi's pounding head. The blood was gone from everything. Itachi gained his feet and tried to calm his rapid breathing.

The door opened. Itachi whirled and found his mother standing there. She looked surprised, but her lips were working into a smile and words were forming.

_It's already too late._

The thought from the other was faint, shaky, and sent an electric thrill through Itachi. He felt panic rise in him, and fear. It was mindless, numbing fear that throttled his throat closed. Mikoto turned to close the door, and when she turned back around, Itachi was gone.

* * *

**A/N: Any contradictions Shisui made in his thoughts, actions, or words were intentional, so you know. =.=**

**Okay, news bits for ya'll! Bad news is Ascendant is going to be off regular updates for two reasons! One: I need to rework my sequence of events and make the story line tighter so I can write faster and finish this story sooner and hopefully write better. Two: I'm having eye problems that don't allow me to do close focusing than a half and hour or so at a time with a long rest in between those hours. So, unless I decide to pull an Uchiha and steal my younger brother's eyes I can't write much for at least two weeks, in which time I will have been to a doctor and hopefully have some glasses to help this problem.**

**I will update as soon as chapters are finished. -.-;; Sorry about all of this mess, but** _**THIRTY REVIEWS**_ **last chapter. You guys are awesome. :D **


	20. Dead End Streets

-Dead-end Streets-

_Stop and stare,  
I think I'm moving, but I go nowhere,  
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared,  
I've become what I can't be,  
Oh, do you see what I see--_Stop and Stare--One Republic

Itachi spent thirty minutes throwing up. It wasn't a constant thing, but every time he tried to get up and leave he'd get sick again. His face was damp now. He'd washed his mouth out and rinsed his face before heading to the debriefing. His head was still swimming. He felt sick, but what he wanted–what he needed–was a mission. He needed to get lost in the simple slaughter. He didn't want to think about everything anyone. He didn't want to guess if he were crazy or not. He just wanted to move–to act and not question if what he did was right of wrong or the best possible outcome. That was all he wanted.

Itachi pulled on the last of his gear and looked to his team. They were ready. Renji looked disgruntled, but that was usual for him. He caught Itachi looking, and his scowl deepened. Itachi raised a questioning eyebrow. He didn't feel up to talking. Hopefully Renji was just in a foul mood, and he'd work it out on the mission.

"What?" Renji snapped.

Itachi shook his head and started for the door. "Nothing. Let's go."

"High and mighty as always," Renji muttered, and Itachi could _hear_ the sneer in Renji's voice. Itachi stopped and turned. He didn't have his mask on yet, and he fixed Renji with an unreadable stare. Renji felt it and looked up.

"Do you have a problem with your captain giving orders?" Itachi asked in a carefully cold voice.

"No, I have a problem with you signing us up for double missions without asking any of us what we thought about it," Renji said, jerking his head back at Misao and Akihiko, who were studiously ignoring the exchange. Let the captain deal with it like he wanted to–it wasn't their authority he was questioning.

"You have objections to running double squad missions? They are riskier, and they do keep you away from Konoha longer," Itachi conceded. He didn't think that was Renji's problem.

"What I don't like is getting pulled around to fulfill your agenda, Uchiha," Renji countered, eyes narrowed, and he spat the name out like poison. Akihiko looked up sharply, and his mouth opened to reprimand Renji.

Itachi's sharp look made Akihiko's mouth shut with a snap. "If you don't like the way I run my squad, Renji-san, then you may leave it, but while you are on it, I'm your captain. I am your superior. My job is to serve Konoha, and run missions in such a way the damage to my squad is minimum. That is all. If you don't like the way I carry out my duties, there are other squads for you to join, and many others that would like to fill your place on this one."

Itachi's squad was well known for a lack of injury and death. Certainly, they got hurt, but not as much as some others did. Working with a genius had its benefits. Renji scowled and popped his mask into place. Itachi nodded and turned around again.

"Trust me brat, I'd be gone in a second if I was allowed," Renji grumbled as Itachi turned away, and Itachi knew he hadn't been meant to hear that. Instead of turning around to confront Renji, Itachi walked out, heading for their meeting place with the other team.

Itachi slid his hands over his cool, white mask and mulled over Renji's statement. Itachi had to take the venomous words as true. They echoed in his head eerily, and the other pushed them around until it was all Itachi could hear. _Allowed_? Renji hadn't been placed on Itachi's squad by random chance or at his own request? Was someone keeping him on Itachi's squad as a spy? Renji certainly didn't like Itachi, that was certain.

Why would anyone someone want an informant on Itachi's squad? Did they just want reports on the Uchiha genius's activities, or did they suspect Itachi was a spy? Could he even be watching for someone outside of ANBU? A spy from the council--outside of Konoha? The Uchiha?

No, the Uchiha had no reason to watch Itachi, and Itachi had no reason to suspect Renji of anything. Except for that unsettled feeling the other had about Itachi's ANBU squad and the hate the other felt for them. Then again, the other was convinced Itachi would kill his family, so how far could Itachi really trust the other?

The afternoon's hallucination came back to Itachi, and he swallowed nervously. His heart pounded as he thought of it, and his chest tightened. He would do anything to keep that from happening. He wasn't looking forward to explaining what had happened to his mother. He hoped Fugaku didn't find out he had lied about the evaluation. Itachi knew a Yamanaka would find the other in a second, and Itachi didn't want that.

Even if he was actually going crazy, which seemed less likely with each passing day, Itachi couldn't afford to be taken off duty, or put in therapy. There was something he was missing, and he knew it. His clan was in danger, and not just from him. Something had caused Itachi to kill his clan—whether he'd just snapped or something else. Something had happened, and Itachi needed to figure out what it was before it was too late. He refused to believe the other when it said it was already too late. It wasn't–it couldn't be.

Then there was ANBU. There was something going on in ANBU, as the Uchiha suspected, Itachi needed to figure that out too. The other knew that something was off with the organization, and maybe it could help Itachi figure out what was going on. Itachi sank deeper into thought as he walked along. He was in the ANBU headquarters still, so it wasn't like he was in any danger….

Itachi felt the kitten sink down into very, very deep thought. It was almost all subconscious—just following trails of consciousness and seeing where they took him. Itachi had been doing that all his life—never as effectively as the kitten was doing now. But now there was someone to watch the body as Itachi dug through the depths of his mind. Now the kitten didn't have to worry about anything but what happening in his mind and he reached a very odd, very deep level of thinking that would take him hours to come out of.

That was fine. Itachi would run this mission for the kitten. Itachi had been doing that a lot, though very often now it was both of them working together in the same body. Itachi loved having this young body—it responded with quick motions and he could _breathe_ again. There was something freeing about being able to breathe with no pain. There was something wonderful about bones that didn't ache, and joints that didn't scream in agony when he moved them. It was amazing to move in a body that wasn't falling apart.

They reached the squad they were to run the mission with. Itachi looked up at the other captain. The man looked down. Itachi had seniority as a captain, but the other captain had seniority as a ANBU operative. Itachi gave a bow, deep, polite, and ever so correct. His back didn't ache as he did it. It was a marvelous thing.

"Would you run as Captain for the mission, Shigure-san?" Itachi asked politely. The man was startled, fully expecting the Uchiha genius to jump at the chance for command.

"I will, Itachi-kun," The man said after a moments pause. Itachi nodded and fitted his mask over his face. He just wanted to run this mission. He just wanted to get lost in the sing and thrill of this body. He wanted to kill and bask in the glory of the horror ANBU brought down on the world. He wanted to prove to all of these people what he could do, and they would be breathless with awe when he was done. They would fall down and worship him as a god of death and carnage, and they would _fear_ him.

Itachi shuddered. Fear rose like bile in his throat. Something _purred_ in his mind, pleased like a cat who has cornered a mouse. Pleased--and Itachi was terrified. He broke out in a cold sweat, his breathing sped up, the sharingan whirled in his eyes, and he was almost frozen. He moved, his body remembering aches, pains, and deadness. Something hot and huge rolled up from the very depths of his mind, curling around the edges of thought.

If Itachi didn't know what it was, he wouldn't have thought a second thought about it. He would have discounted it as excitement and adrenaline for this upcoming mission, but Itachi knew. He knew, and his mouth was dry. He felt that great warmth—heat like red metal--white fire turned in his direction, drawing close to his thoughts and peering curiously at something that did not belong in the little ANBU captains mind.

The other dropped out, running and hiding, throwing all the walls it could muster around it. Itachi stood dumbfounded, and then something smothered him. His mouth filled and he choked—though his body went on unhindered. It was flying through the trees of Konoha with ease. Itachi felt something wrap him up and tuck him away in a small corner of his own mind, like a child being put down for a nap, and Itachi knew no more.

---

Itachi was hardly ever home. He was running missions. He was training. He was never at home, and Sasuke missed him. Everyone else seemed just as busy as Itachi. His father was either working or in a meeting. Even his mother was busier than usual. She was meeting people, talking to friends, or arguing with Fugaku.

They fought. They fought a lot, and it hurt Sasuke to hear it. He pressed his hands to his ears, but he couldn't block out the noises. They fought so much Sasuke was scared they'd start actually fighting--throwing kunai and hating each other. Sasuke could stand the screaming fights, or the noiseless fights that took place with glaring eyes over the breakfast table, but not real fights with blood and steel and death.

Worst of all, Itachi was starting to scare Sasuke. Itachi never scared Sasuke before. _Never_. Itachi scared a lot of people, but he had never scared Sasuke. Sasuke was scared _for_ Itachi a lot, but he'd never gotten scared_ of _his brother, no matter what Itachi did. Now, Sasuke was scared of his brother, and it was awful. Itachi was not being himself. He was all strange most of the time, if Sasuke ever saw him. When he wasn't being strange he was too tired to do anything but eat and sleep.

Sasuke thought Itachi should slow down, but Itachi wouldn't listen to Sasuke, of course. Sasuke tried to get his parents to talk to Itachi, but his mother just thinned her lips and 'tsk'ed. Fugaku shook his head and said things would get better. Sasuke thought Shisui would be his best bet, but Shisui just got a sad smile and said that they should let Itachi do what he needed to do. Everyone seemed to think that this was how things should be--that it was all right for Itachi to go all strange and scary and cry in his sleep.

Sasuke didn't tell anyone Itachi was crying in his sleep. Sasuke didn't think Itachi even knew. Sasuke knew all abut nightmares--he had them a lot. He knew Itachi was having them, but Sasuke didn't tell anyone. Itachi wouldn't want people to know. Itachi didn't like for people to fuss over him or worry abut him.

Sasuke worried.

He knew Shisui worried too, because Shisui had that pale, drawn look that Sasuke knew meant someone was tired or sick and worry made people sick and tired a lot. Sasuke was pretty sure Shisui was getting sick. He looked hollow--in his eyes and face, and his voice was tinged with something Sasuke didn't understand and lacked it's usually serene cheerfulness.

Everyone was acting strange, and Sasuke didn't know why. No one would tell him--he was just a kid after all. They'd just pat him on the head and tell him not to worry about things. He was just a kid, and he shouldn't worry about adult things. The adults could take care of them. So far, Sasuke thought the adults were doing a very sucky job at taking care of things. Itachi and Shisui especially--why didn't anyone see there was something _wrong_ with them both? Why didn't they see that about each other? Why weren't they trying to take care of each other? That was what a clan was supposed to do!

Sasuke came home to an empty looking house, as usual these past three weeks. No one was home--everyone was busy. Except Sasuke. Sasuke didn't have anything to be busy with. He trained as much as he could, but it was hard without anyone to help him. He didn't want to bother Shisui when Shisui was feeling sick. He didn't want to make more problems--he'd be like Itachi and take care of himself.

Only Itachi wasn't really taking care of himself very well. Sasuke padded into the house, breathing in a scent that meant to him there was no one in the house. He knew he couldn't smell that well--not like Kiba could, but he thought he smelled a difference when the house was empty.

Except it wasn't this time. There were voices from his father's study. Sasuke crept forward on bare, silent, ninja feet. he was a ninja, even if he was only in the Academy. He wasn't like Itachi--a genius, but he was better than the rest of his class. Sasuke intended just to sneak by, but he paused as one of the voices rose.

Eavesdropping was bad--Sasuke knew he wasn't suppose to listen, especially when people were in his father's study. Itachi got mad when Sasuke did and told Sasuke he wasn't old enough to do that. He said it was dangerous. Sasuke didn't really understand how words could be dangerous, but Fuagku seemed to agree with Itachi. The words spoken in Fugaku's study were dangerous.

Still, Sasuke listened. He wanted to know what was going on.

"....his mission reports are phenomenal. They have the highest success rate for any ANBU squad currently, the fastest completion rate, and the lowest injury rate. He certainly is something, Fugaku-sama. We're lucky to have him," One man chuckled. Sasuke knew they were talking about Itachi. People always talked about Itachi in that voice–mostly awe, mostly respect, with a mix of fear and jealousy thrown in.

"I'm concerned with the fact his mission partners--not his squad, mind, but the others he works with, comment on how vicious his kills are. They've said he's almost a machine they way he goes about it, but now he seems to indulging in a casual brutality. Not odd in ANBU, but Itachi is still a child--" That was a woman, and she was cut off by the man.

"A child? Maybe in looks, but Itachi-kun is not a child. He has the mind of an adult--he's a genius, after all. We can't judge him by normal standards."

"He's still thirteen, and with the pressure he's working under you'd expect anyone to crack even a little. Fuagku-sama, you are watching him carefully for any changes in mood or things like that? If Itachi falls apart, all of this will be for nothing," The woman pressed on. Sasuke wanted to cheer. Someone else was worried about Itachi! Someone else saw that all was not right!

"Itachi seems to be coping normally with everything--he's tired, but he's functioning well," Fugaku said, and Sasuke wanted to scream. No, no Itachi wasn't! He was acting all weird! He wasn't acting fine! This wasn't right!

"He's been more moody lately, but he is a teenager. Even a genius child is going to have that," Fugaku was tired. Sasuke could hear it in his voice. Sasuke was getting good and looking at voices and hearing what was in them–like love, jealousy, anger, and hate. Still, tired was no excuse. Why could no one else see what was going on with Itachi? Didn't they care? Weren't they worried? Didn't they want to make sure Itachi was okay?

"He's made good progress on his investigation--he's given us five names too look into, and he says he may be very close to something." The man said. There was a murmur of agreement. The voices faded. Sasuke looked at the door, and walked off. No one cared that Itachi wasn't well, did they? They were just worried about their missions and investigations. Sasuke didn't know what that was all about--it was another one of those things he wasn't supposed to ask about.

Everyone was worried about something. The adults talked in whispers and snapped their mouths shut when Sasuke walked by. They looked at Itachi with eyes filled with more hope than usual. Fugaku was working so much harder--there were all these meetings, and Sasuke kept hearing phrases like 'Uchiha pride' and 'Deserve respect' more and more often. The fevered tone and look some got when they said those words scared Sasuke.

Sasuke passed Itachi's door, and Itachi was home, for once. He was asleep, just passed out on the floor and not on his futon. Sasuke pouted at that. Was Itachi so tired he hadn't even pulled out his futon? Sasuke felt like that sometimes, but that was because he was still a kid. Maybe Itachi was still a kid too, though he never acted like one. Sasuke padded into the room, expecting Itachi to sit up as he did. Itachi woke up when people came in his room--unless he was sick. Itachi didn't sit up. His cheeks were wet.

Sasuke scowled. he grabbed Itachi's blanket and pulled it over--it was heavy. Sasuke pulled the blanket over Itachi and carefully as he could, tucking it around Itachi in the manner their mother did. Sasuke stepped back and looked at Itachi, who hadn't stirred, but there were tears still leaking out from under his thick lashes. Sasuke dropped to his knees and wriggled under the blanket. He wormed his way up to Itachi's chest, in his brother's curled arms. Sasuke kissed Itachi's wet smeared neck.

"I still love you," Sasuke said diffidently. "And I don't care if you stop running missions or go crazy or nothing. I still love you no matter what you do." Sasuke promised his sleeping brother. Sasuke wasn't tired, but he curled up with Itachi anyway, breathing in the deep, rich scent that was Itachi and safety in all in breath.

Fugaku stood by the door for a few moments longer, hand over his mouth before he went back to the meeting he had left.

* * *

**Hahaaaaaa . Never write Author's notes after a week long chest colds that makes breathing hurt and when tired. :D You guys are awesome, and thanks to **_**terrorofthehighway**_** for pointing out some spelling mistakes, which have been corrected! Funny things about this chapter--almost all of it was written one morning when I was sick, which is probably why the other harps on being able to breath. :D Also, brought to you by OneRepublic (writing with music is better)!  
**

**ABOUT UPDATES--still sporadic, but I found the muse for this again, and he's been running around cackling madly while we make sure things get finished. Incidentally, I found the muse after all the lovely reviews we got reminding me how much ya'll love this story--see? Reviews make things happen! I'm in school again, but it will NOT take me a month to get the next chapter up.**

**ABOUT TERRIBLE SPELLING and the like in previous chapters will be fixed after I finish the story. I'd do this now, but finishing this takes top priority right now. ^^**


	21. Can't Take Me

--Can't Take It/Me--

_You don't want to hurt me,  
But see how deep the bullet lies.  
Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder.  
There's a thunder in our hearts, baby,  
So much hate for the ones we love,  
Tell me, we both matter, don't we?--_Running up that Hill--Placebo.

"Fuagku, what did you say to Itachi?" Mikoto asked as she stood in the doorway or their bedroom. She looked down at her husband, who had his back to her. She knew he could feel her eyes on him. He didn't turn around.

"About what, Mikoto?" Fugaku asked. He was wrapping his wrists and ankles, getting ready for a day at work. He was still chief of police, along with everything else. He was getting to old to drag around like that--he should hand the post off to someone younger. He should delegate his duties more. He didn't have to do everything.

"About me. What did you say to him to make him avoid me like this?" Mikoto asked, voice gaining a strained tone she hated. She had never been like this when she was in ANBU. She'd never been this emotional when they'd let her be a ninja, which she was born and bred to be, and not a housewife who tried to take care of people who were bashing themselves against walls and running themselves into the ground.

"I didn't say anything to him, Mikoto," Fugaku said, voice just as tired and strained as Mikoto felt. He wasn't young anymore. Neither was she. They were both hitting the downward slope--Fugaku was running down it.

"Then why won't he talk to me? Why is it every time I try to ask him questions he clams up or he just leaves? Why won't he tell me anything, Fugaku?" Her voice rose. She tried to keep it low and calm, but it rose and cracked and frayed like everything else. This whole house was falling down around them, and no one seemed to care.

Or they cared about other things more.

Fugaku stood up and turned to face his wife. Mikoto struggled to school her face into some semblance of order. She couldn't. It wouldn't hold. Fugaku was looking at her like he didn't know her. "I haven't told him anything, Mikoto."

"Then why is he avoiding me? Are you two trying to keep me 'safe' like Sasuke? Do you think I'm not trustworthy, or strong enough to handle what's going on? I see what's happening to us, Fugaku! I see what's falling apart! I see the dissention, and I see the radicals, and I see that you're trying your damn hardest to stop it all, but you can't! I know what's going on, so don't treat me like a child or a brainless trophy wife! I am an Uchiha! I was ANBU. I'm just as much a ninja and Uchiha as you are, with just as much a right to now what's going on!

"I'm your wife! Itachi's my son, and I deserve to know what's going on."

"Mikoto, I haven't told him anything--he doesn't tell me anything except impertinent details about his investigations and missions. If he's avoiding you, than I'm the last one who'd know why," Fugaku's voice was level, calm, and Mikoto was both furious and ashamed. "None of us are safe right now."

"He passed his psych. eval," Mikoto said softly. "But he's not talking to us--he's not himself Fugaku. Doesn't that bother you? Can't you see what's happening?"

"Can I do anything about it?" Fugaku asked. He grabbed his tonfa.

"You can stop pushing him so hard. Fugaku, don't you see you're going to ruin our son? You can see it too. He's going to break if you don't tell him to slow down. You're clan head--it's you job to look out for these things, and he's your son!" Mikoto protested.

"He's also a vital member of the clan, and a key part in an investigation that will, if everything pans out, help the clan."

"So you'll sacrifice your son for the good of the clan?"

"Itachi understands what he's doing."

"He's doing it because you've _asked _him too. He doesn't want to let you down. How can you--"

"I have two sons, Mikoto. I have a clan that's practically dying out. How many children have been born this year? Sasuke is the third Uchiha to go into the Academy since Itachi went in. We're dying out--there aren't enough children. If we don't stand up and push, we'll die out just like the Senjuu clan, and fade away into nothing--"

"So it's all mean to an end! You have _two sons, _Fugaku, one of them being Itachi! I have two sons--I carried both of them inside of me for nine months. I fed them with my body. They are the future of the Uchiha. They are our children--both of them. Are you going to sacrifice one to save the future of the other?" Mikoto asked, cold, hard, angry and desperate. She couldn't say anything that would make Itachi stop. Itachi saw her only as his mother. Fugaku he saw as a father, his clean head, and his superior. He would _listen_ to Fugaku. If only Fugaku would say what Itachi needed to hear.

Fugaku met her gaze. "You're right. It's all means to an end, Mikoto. I sacrifice one child to the machinations of the clan and save the other so he can grow up as a child, and not some parody of one with killers hands and eyes. Itachi's not a child--he never was, and you started that. You were the one who began teaching him before he could properly walk how to kill. I may be the one pushing him now, but _you_ are the one who nursed him with blood and steel from your breast."

Mikoto's hand was caught in Fugaku's grip. She should know she couldn't hit him. She was out of practice. He was a ninja, and she was no longer. Mikoto's eyes were red, spinning and mad. Fugaku's were grey still--impassive and cold like Itachi's were now. Itachi had his father's eyes. Mikoto's chest was tight. She couldn't breath, but her heart was pounding. She was inches from Fugaku's face.

When had she started hating grey eyes?

"We've already lost him to the clan, Mikoto. You still have Sasuke--don't forget him." Fugaku released Mikoto's hand, and walked out.

"I hate you." Mikoto said, hand dropping to her side.

She heard Fugaku pause. "You're not the only one."

Mikoto knew he what he meant. She knew what he felt. She knew he felt the same feeling she did in his chest. It didn't make it any easier to take.

He was right. She had Sasuke. She's raised him to be a child, coddled and loved him like she never had Itachi. She was a mother to Sasuke, while for Itachi she had been a teacher of the killing arts. She'd learned how to be a mother since then, but now there was no child for her to mother. Now there was only, as Fugaku had said, the form of a child with the mind and soul of a killer--nursed on blood and steel from a cold ANBU's breast.

The Uchiha always bred true.

Mikoto hated herself too.

---

Itachi sat in a lonely room, filling out paperwork. With more missions came more reports. Itachi spent a few hours a week just writing out the things. He was practically living in the ANBU headquarters now. When he wasn't running missions, doing paper work, or training, he was poking around and seeing what he could hear of find out. He was always listening. Always.

He felt like time was running out--for him and his clan. The other had ended up killing his clan, though he didn't seem happy about it. He'd gotten no satisfaction from the kills, so why had he done it? Why did he insist Itachi would do it? Something had to change--either in Itachi or outside of him. Itachi had, in the other's past, possibly cracked. Maybe he'd simply gone crazy and killed everyone.

Why else would he do it? Itachi didn't want his clan dead--did someone else? Why would that make Itachi kill his clan? Had he been paid by an outside source to kill his clan? Why would he have accepted? Had he been forced to? How could you force someone to do something like that? Itachi didn't think you could. He didn't think it was possible.

He needed to figure this out. He needed to find out what had happened before it happened to him. He didn't know how soon this would take place. He had no landmarks to go by.

_Safe as long as Shisui is still alive_. The other interjected in a vague, sleepy way. The other, who for a while had been almost part of Itachi, had been mostly separate of late, and hard to sense most of the time. Other times it took over and Itachi knew nothing until he awakened hours, or in one case, days later. It usually happened on missions. The missions Itachi ran and remembered, he seemed to be guided--maybe goaded--into action by something inside him that wasn't precisely him--the other. Moves came to him that he'd never seen or imagined.

Why was Shisui's death do pivotal? Itachi gnawed on his pen and thought as he stared at the paper. Shisui was still alive and well, so if Itachi avoided Shisui, and the other didn't want the clan dead, then things should be okay. It would give Itachi some breathing room. He just needed some time to figure out what was going on in ANBU—he got the feeling that was connected to his clan's death somehow. He could be wrong, but he knew there was something odd going on in ANBU now.

The door to the room opened. Genma came strolling in, followed by Raidou. Itachi looked up, and then back down to his report. They were probably here to file a report, or pick other paperwork up. It was late--or early, and no one else was really around.

"Ne, Itachi," Genme said, brining Itachi's gaze back up. "Are you cleared for missions? Tsume had to pull out, and we're scheduled for a mission tonight. Can you do a switch for us?"

A 'switch' was pulling a member from another squad to fill out yours in case of an emergency. Itachi hadn't done it much, but squads that worked a lot together or knew each other well did it all the time. When Itachi had been on Kakashi's squad, they had done a lot of switching with Gai's squad.

"Yes, I can," Itachi closed the file he was working on and stood up. He put it away to be finished later, locking the box he put it in with his own chakra seal.

"Excellent--I don't have to go get Kakashi out of bed now," Genma grinned and grabbed a paper from a stack and wrote some things on it. He handed it to Itachi who made a few notes on it and signed his name. He was now temporarily on Inoichi'a squad. Genma and Raidou were already dressed and ready. Genma would get the paper sealed by the missions desk, and it would be placed in the report to explain why the squad had a different member. ANBU was half paper work--at least for the captains it was.

Itachi headed for the locker room to get ready. He found Inoichi was there, waiting for his team to return with the fourth member. He looked a bit surprised to see Itachi. Itachi gave him a bow and moved past to get dressed. He just needed his armor, being still in his black clothes and boots. Itachi began the mindless process. ANBU could dress in uniform in their sleep after a few months.

He could feel Inoichi's eyes on his back. It bothered him a but. He wondered what Inoichi thought of him--the Uchiha heir. Ino wasn't much younger than Itachi. Was he thinking that his own daughter might one day be ANBU? Was he thinking of all the heart-ache and pain being the parent of a ninja was? Did he regret ever teaching his daughter the ways of the ninja?

Did he teach her out of love or duty?

"I didn't expect Genma and Raidou to find you," Inoichi finally said. "It will be interesting to finally run a mission with you, Itachi-kun."

"With you as well," Itachi politely said. Actually, he was looking forward to running this mission. Genma and Raidou knew him as Itachi, the clumsy little gennin that had grown quick and fast into a more than competent ninja. He had nothing to prove to them, and Inoichi was going to think of Itachi as a small child no matter what he did here. Itachi grabbed his mask as Raidou and Genma returned.

Genma ruffled Itachi's hair. "Ready to go, brat?" Itachi cast him a sharp eyed look.

"Watch it, I hear he bites," Raidou called as he picked up his mask.

"Peh, kids bitten me more times than I can count. One more isn't going to hurt me," Genma replied, sliding his rat mask into place. Itachi should probably be more offended than he was but....this was Genma. He felt a grumble in his mind that said it didn't matter, the man should respect Itachi more, but Genma did respect Itachi. He'd seen Itachi grow at an unprecedented rate. He'd been the one to grab Itachi and keep him from running himself into the ground too early. He'd held Itachi back long enough to keep Itachi from falling on his face.

It was too bad Genma couldn't do that now.

Itachi placed his mask over his face and took a deep breath. The mission was about to begin.

Itachi was standing in front of the locker--his locker in ANBU headquarter. His gloves were a mess of crusted blood. His eyes--gods his eyes were on fire. They hurt. Itachi took a gulping breath under his mask, disoriented, pained, and almost panicked. What about the mission? How had he gotten here? Had the other done something again? Itachi took another breath, and it hurt. His chest was pain. He breaths were almost agony.

Had he taken a hit? He couldn't remember. Had he taken a blow to the head? He didn't know. His head didn't hurt--just his eyes, and his chest. It burned. Itachi gulped another shallow breath. He couldn't breath. The other was right--breathing hurt. Did his joints ache too? No, no, just his eyes and his chest.

His ribs. His ribs hurt--they were cracked or broken. Itachi hadn't had a bad injury for a while. Itachi took another shallow breath, telling himself to calm down. He was fine. He just needed to stop taking such deep breath. Why weren't his ribs wrapped? If he'd taken a hit, then they should have stopped to wrap his ribs before coming back to base. You didn't take chances with ribs--if you lost a lung out on the field it was a big problem.

His eyes hurt. There were tears trailing down his face--no, no, not tears.

_Oh gods_.

Itachi blinked, lashes thick and sticky. He knew what that was. He knew why his eyes hurt so much. Itachi pulled off his gloves. His hands were stained with blood. His whole uniform needed to be cleaned. Itachi felt like he'd bathed in blood--they'd been taking out a small group of missing-nin, so how had he gotten to messy? Why couldn't he remember the mission? Itachi pushed to find the other, but his mind was empty. It felt cold.

He gulped a breath, and couldn't find anything but pain.

_Chakra enforced kick, flying at him, No time to dodge--no, there was time, but taking the hit would allow for a double kill. The kick hit, and a kunai buried in the attacker's throat. Itachi hit the wall, breathless, choking on the sudden exhalation of air. His body moved without another breath, twisting into an attack and slamming his ninto home into the chest of another enemy. Blood showered him, bone crunched, things ripped and tore and all around him he could smell blood and death._

_There was pain, sharp, high, and annoying. There was a soft keening in his mind, crying softly because that hurt--hurt so bad, and why couldn't he breath? Why was he still moving? Why wasn't he waiting for the deep aching fire pain to stop and for his lungs to take in air again? The pain didn't hurt _him_. Oh, it hurt Itachi, had the little lamb crying inside his mind, keening like a broken animal. _He_ could ignore the pain. It wasn't _his_ to feel._

Itachi hand was on his side, gingerly cupping the ribs that ached. He was braced with one hand against the lockers, and he just couldn't find the right way to breathe without hurting. The faded, hate tinted images and thoughts racing through his mind didn't help. Itachi hadn't run the mission. Something else had. What though? The other?

"How bad're your ribs?" Genma asked from close at hand. Itachi jumped, eyes flashing wide into the sharingan. That was agony of a new level. His chakra pathways felt raw and sore--like they'd been over used and stretched in a way that wasn't possible. Itachi took a sharp breath, which he only managed half of before the sharp pain from his ribs stopped him.

"Fine," Itachi lied, stepping away from Genma. He squeezed his eyes shut behind his mask and swallowed. The sharingan spun, and calmed.

"Brat, your breathing's a mess. You should probably go to see the medic, or you can let me look and see if it's fine," Genma lectured, slipping into the tone of teacher to student. It rankled. Itachi felt hot anger rise up in him, burning him.

"I'm fine," Itachi almost growled. He felt his eyes burning, and the sharingan trying to come to life. He felt the trickle creeping down his cheek, pooling in the edge of his mask.

"Bratling's bleeding," Raidou intoned from across the row of lockers. Genma swore lightly, and Itachi stepped back again.

"It's nothing--I'm fine," Itachi started. he didn't want them to see that his eyes were bleeding. He didn't want those rumors to start, or for news of that to get back to his parents. They had enough to worry about, and it wasn't like worry would stop Itachi's eyes from bleeding. No one knew why that happened--no one could stop it.

"Uchiha, take your mask off and let Shiranui take a look at your ribs and whatever you've got under your mask," Inoichi said, with calm authority in his voice. At this moment, Itachi had to follow Inoichi's orders. The man was his superior.

But why should Itachi follow those orders? What right did that man have to give Itachi, of all people, orders? Inoichi was nothing in comparison to Itachi. He was just an old war veteran who'd outlive his glory days. He had no right to tell Itachi, who was a bright sun next to all these dying stars, what to do. Inoichi was weak--pathetic, and there was no way Itachi would take orders from a small time clanner like him if Itachi didn't want to.

Itachi felt the thick, hot rage swelling in him. It bubbled up in him, burning at the base of his skull. He saw red, and the sharing was spinning in his eyes, and, _gods_, it hurt but it didn't matter.

_**You're**__ not angry! That's not __**you!**_

It was like getting a slap with an icy cold hand. The color drained from Itachi face, along with the anger. It wasn't his, Itachi realized with a shock. It wasn't the other's--not since it was the other that had shocked Itachi from the rage. It was something else. There was something else in Itachi's mind. Itachi scrambled for the receding source of the rage—trying to see what it was, who it was, if it was really something other than Itachi. It was gone, leaving him feeling cold and drained. His mouth was dry. He had no doubt he'd felt whatever it was. He had no doubt it was real.

"Itachi." Genma's voice jerked Itachi from his thoughts. Itachi looked over at his former teacher, and he felt small and fragile again. He felt like a child--he was a child. He was only thirteen. Why was he here among these killers and battle hardened _men_? Why had they ever let a child, a creature so fragile, into their world of death and hardships? Why had he ever wanted to come here?

"Let me see."

See what? How broken Itachi was now? How far he had fallen? How broken he'd become? Itachi had been deluding himself this whole time. He didn't have his future self in his mind. He was going crazy--simple as that. That was why his clan was in danger. Itachi was crazy, and all he could think about was how they were going to die.

Genma touched Itachi's shoulder. Itachi whirled, smacking Genma's hand away. "Stay away from me," Itachi said, voice hard, cold, and that was the only things keeping it from being desperate. Genma looked a little shocked. Inoichi's brow was furrowing, and Raidou was moving towards them. Itachi walked around Genma, small legs reaching so he could get away from them.

"I'm going to see the medic," Itachi managed to keep his voice calm as he walked by them, wishing he could run, but his chest hurt too much for that. Walking was fast enough to get by them--to get away from them.

It was too bad they weren't the problem.

* * *

**A/N: This chapters is brought to you by Bronchitis! Yeah, I have no idea at this point if this chapter manages to make sense or if I need to do some serious work on it when I'm not medicated and feverish. I probably shouldn't even be posting it right now, but I am. If ya'll find it way too disjointed and illogical and the what-not, lemme know and I'll work on it.**

**Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews! :D You guys rock.**


	22. Terror in the Mirror

_Never thought I was crazy,  
Until you came around,  
Took me down to the river,  
So I could,  
Drown, drown, drown.--_Going Down--Three Day's Grace

Three broken ribs, and Itachi was off missions for four days to heal. Most of the healing was done through chakra, but Itachi still needed a few days for his body to finish the job and smooth out the pain. Itachi was stuck in his house, trapped with the people he'd been trying to avoid. There was no avoidance now, and Itachi withdrew as much as he could. There was only so much physical space he could get, so he withdrew mentally.

That was good—he needed time to think. He had a lot to think about.

The fact was, Uchiha Itachi, genius and heir of his clan, was going crazy. There were no doubts in Itachi's mind now. He'd been able to think the other was something other than a hallucination, or the product of a fracturing mind. It had been all too easy–preferable, to think that the other was actually Itachi's future self sent back by some strange twist of fate. He'd been able to delude himself that much, but now, with the appearance of this monster, hidden deep in Itachi's mind….

It happened. Ninja went crazy. The stress broke them apart, and some developed odd ways of dealing with that. Some created personas to hide behind, so they could say it wasn't me that killed that child, but that other creature. Itachi speculated that was what was happening. The other was obviously a shield Itachi had erected to preserve his sanity for a while. It had been doing something with ANBU, since the other seemed to hint at times it knew a lot more about what was rotten in ANBU than Itachi did.

Could that suggest that the rot in ANBU was linked to the Uchiha's massacre somehow, since the other has also proposed that idea? The other had to have picked that up somewhere. Was there an outside threat to the Uchiha? Was Itachi going to fall under a foreign power's control and be coerced into killing his clan? Would he be impersonated? Could ANBU want the Uchiha dead? The thought was absurd. ANBU and the Uchiha worked together to keep Konoha safe. There was tension and rivalry between the groups, but attacking each other as out of the question.

Why couldn't he assume that, since the other was not really him from the future, that the Uchiha were in no danger? There was nothing to suggest, besides the others warnings and disturbing visions, that the Uchiha were in trouble of a fatal kind. Still, if the other knew things Itachi didn't, then maybe there was some truth to his morbid obsession.

It wasn't just the other in his head anymore. No, now there was a new player in the cracking landscape of Itachi's mind, it seemed.

The monster was anger and arrogance and everything Itachi tried to suppress to be the perfect agent and Uchiha. He could look back now and see all the blackouts on missions hadn't been the other, as he had assumed, but the monster taking over. That was why Itachi always came back so bloody from the missions he didn't remember. The monster didn't kill efficiently, focusing on causing as little pain as possible to his target, but he killed with bloodlust and brutality. It was no wonder Itachi sometimes caught his squad looking at him with a mix of fear and revulsion. They were wondering if they were safe. They might not be.

In Itachi's head, he had two people--two fragments of himself. One was obsessed with his clan's slaughter and seemed to be involved with something rotten in ANBU--the roots. The other was a monster, filled with rage and bloodlust and arrogance and a disregard for Itachi's pain, given how the monster pushed Itachi's body. Three broken ribs hadn't slowed him down at all--would emotional pain slide off him too?

Itachi pursed his lips. He didn't like the mix of the two. If there was one in his head who thought about killing his family, and one he was almost certain would kill his family....where did that leave him?

It didn't all fit perfectly, of course. The other did know things Itachi didn't, but how long had the other been around anyway? Who was to say the other hadn't been around for years, and Itachi had just never noticed? Who was to say that when Itachi's brain had fractured, he hadn't lost some of his memories to the other? There was, however, the memories the other had of the 'future'. The images of Sasuke at sixteen, and Kisame, and the aching, broken down body. Could the other just be that complex a persona? Could that all have been made up in Itachi's subconscious? Was the other nothing more than a product of Itachi's imagination?

What about the fits he'd had? His eyes were bleeding now, and he had been sick right before the other had appeared, and why had the other expected Itachi's body to be bigger and more broken? Why did the other, at first, have trouble controlling Itachi's body? Had all of that been Itachi's mind trying to make the other's twisted story seem more real? Had Itachi been trying to keep his conscious mind from figuring out he was going crazy?

Why did Itachi expect insanity to be logical?

_Because, kitten, you know it should be. You're not crazy. You know that. You don't actually think you're crazy, deep down. You're just confused. Just think it through, and you'll get it right._

And crazy people always knew they were crazy, right. Itachi scoffed mentally at the other, who seemed smaller than usual. It seemed almost hesitant to be felt--like it was hiding from something. Maybe from the monster? Itachi didn't like the monster at all. He couldn't blame the other from hiding from the monster.

_Monster....that's a good name for him. But he's far away now, because he's not interested in your healing._

The monster would only come out when there was something exciting going on? That made sense. Itachi felt the other give an exasperated sigh. It didn't think Itachi was getting the point. Itachi closed his eyes, basking in the warmth of the sun. He was sprawled on the porch, soaking up the sunshine like a cat. His family was out, though his mother and Sasuke would be home soon. Then Itachi would have to retreat to his room.

Even if Itachi was going crazy, he couldn't ignore the other's warning about his clan's massacre. There was something going on in ANBU, and if the other was more involved--trying to protect Itachi from those things as an alternate personality should, then it was bad. It was dangerous. Could there be treachery planned in ANBU? If there was and the Uchiha got wind of it, they would have to act against it. It was their job to keep the ninja in line and following the Hokage. Even though they grumbled about not receiving their due, they would do their duty. They were Uchiha, and they were raised from the cradle on these things.

"Itachi!"

Itachi jumped, and turned to look at Sasuke. The boy had snuck in. He was beaming, and he was covered in small scratches. He looked like he'd fallen into a sticker patch--and he probably had. Itachi had meant to be in his room before Sasuke could say hello, but now he couldn't just leave without causing suspicion. Sasuke would notice if Itachi was acting strange.

"Sasuke, what did you do?" Itachi asked, frowning.

Sasuke looked at the scratches on his arms. "We were doing stuff, and we had an obstacle course, and Naruto pushed me off into the briar patch, and then I tripped him so he fell in the mud puddle, so we were even."

Itachi sighed, running his hands through his hair. He hid his smile Sasuke's world was so small and innocent. It was so clean and precise--with its weights and measures of justice and right and things of that nature. When had Itachi's world stopped being that way? Had it ever been that way? No, not in the way Sasuke's was.

"Otouto, come here," Itachi said, motioning Sasuke forward. Sasuke gave Itachi a wary look. Itachi never called him that. Itachi always called him Sasuke. Itachi choked and struggled, though Sasuke couldn't see or hear that. It was all mental. The monster shoved Itachi out of the way like one might dislodge a fly, and all Itachi could do was struggle impotently. Sasuke approached, and Itachi fought harder. No, not Sasuke, not his little brother. Leave Sasuke alone. Don't touch his little bro--

_An older face, still a younger brother--familiar but different. It looked at him with wide eyes, terrified. The younger brother started crying--started begging, and he was held down. The merciless hold creaked bones, and the one free hand shot out, digging into the face with expert precision. This moment had been fantasized about for months._

_There was blood all down that face, and horrible weeping sobs. There were empty sockets looking around, weeping blood and fluids all down that young face--all done to the face that the older brother was supposed to protect, not destroy. It wasn't right--it didn't matter. It was all means to an end. It was all about who deserved it more._

_He deserved it._

His fingers were reaching for Sasuke's face, and Itachi could _see _those fingers dipping into Sasuke's eye sockets—plucking out his small, round eye ball with a scream and soft squelch of flesh. Itachi could see the empty, gaping socket weeping blood and fluids. He could see—

Itachi jerked. He shoved Sasuke away from him. Sasuke stumbled back, eyes wide with shock, and small arms flailing to keep himself upright. He was falling. Itachi could have caught him. He could have reached out and saved his little brother, but the last thing he wanted to do right now was reach for his little brother. He didn't want Sasuke anywhere near him.

Sasuke's frail body hit the ground. His fragile skull snapped back on his twig like neck, cracking against one of the stones in the garden. His red mouth was slack with shock and the anticipation of pain. His round eyes were glued to Itachi, and Itachi was frozen. His chest was tight with a fearful ache. His throat was closed to all sound and breath.

"Sasuke!" Mikoto's voice was sharp and frayed. There was hysteria in it, fear, worry, suspicion all wound up in one high word. She came hurrying out, her body filled with frantic movement as she came off the porch and knelt by Sasuke. Her worn hands came to touch her son, cradle him. Her white hand came away with blood from the back of Sasuke's head. Sasuke had yet to make a sound. He was still staring at Itachi, and there were tears in his eyes--pain, shock, betrayal.

_How could you do that to me?_

Mikoto looked at Itachi. Her eyes were wide, and Itachi imagined she was seconds away from activating her sharingan. "Itachi, what happened?"

Itachi just looked at her, wide eyes and unable to answer. He could hear the unsaid words 'what did you do?' Why was his brother hurt in his presence? What had he done to Sasuke? Sasuke took a huge, gulping breath. Itachi jerked. He was on his feet. His mother was saying his name again. Itachi turned, his hand hit the shoji as he pushed into the dark house. Mikoto said something else--Itachi's name again, sharp, demanding. Itachi ignored it, biting back the rising panic in his chest.

_What did you do? What did you just do? What were you about to do to him?_

Itachi's shoulder jarred into his father's. Itachi spun around, eyes flashing red and hands flying into a defensive position. He looked up at his father, who looked down with calm, though startled eyes. He heard Mikoto from the garden. No doubt, he'd soon see Sasuke's bleeding head. He'd want to know what had happened.

Itachi turned back around and walked. He walked out of the house, each step more hurried than the last. He broke out into the sunshine, and the feeling that he was being smothered didn't diminish. He felt trapped on all sides. Itachi took to the roofs, ignoring the burning of the sun baked tiles on his feet. He scrambled up and over, his normal grace lost. He didn't know where he was going--all he knew was that he had to get away. The faster he went the more trapped he felt. He felt like a cage was closing in on him.

_Too late, kitten, too late. Stop. Stop running. Don't--_

Itachi's feet hit cold water. He jerked to a stop. He was standing in the shallow of the river. He remembered this place--Shisui had taught him to swim here. They'd spent hours here watching tadpoles as kids. The cold water calmed Itachi's racing thoughts--it seemed to banish the oppressive heat that had wrapped around him. His head felt clear. He could think. He was himself. Itachi breathed out slowly.

Itachi shook off the remaining vestiges of his confused state. He looked at the ripples across the water--the play of the sun and the almost painful glare of light. Everything was calm and quiet. Itachi heard a rustle in the grass. He could feel a presence--outside of himself. Itachi turned around.

The figure on the bank smiled, and Itachi's world gave out from under him.

---

Fugaku's desk was a mountain of paper work. His mouth was stale and burned from coffee. He hated the stuffy feeling the unseasonable heat had brought. He had no windows to prop open in his small office. He could hear the never ending buzz of the Uchiha around him. He could hear the roar of their wishes in his head. There was no end to that. They all wished, in loud thoughts, short words, and raised voices. Everyone wanted something. Fugaku was supposed to give them what they wanted.

He didn't think he could do that any more. He didn't think it was possible. Fugaku sighed. He put his head in his hands.

They were the police. They were supposed to keep the peace. Could they justify breaking it for any reason? Was there any other way?

"Fugaku-sama," Kaika called from the door. "Inoichi-san is here to see you."

Fugaku hid his surprise. "Let him in." Kaika nodded, and there was a murmur of voices before the blond entered. He gave Fugaku a bow, murmuring a polite apology for stopping in unannounced. Fugaku assured him it was no problem and offered him a seat--it was all polite nothings, but at least Fugaku could still get that from some people.

"I'm here about Itachi," Inoichi said without preamble. Fugaku sat up a little straighter, fixing the younger man was a serious look.

"I'm going to speak bluntly, as one father to another," Inoichi continued. "I was on the mission Itachi got injured on, and I thought some of his actions were...alarming. When was the last time he was evaluated?"

Fugaku paused. His mind ran back over Itachi's words. He'd had the evaluation done--he'd said he'd asked Inoichi himself to do it. Perhaps he'd asked another Yamanaka to do it. It could be as simple as that. "Not long ago, though it was off the record," Fugaku replied. "A Yamanaka did it."

Inoichi's brows drew down. "Fugaku-san...I asked around the Yamanaka to see if anyone had, but the last one to evaluate Itachi-kun was me, and that was over six months ago."

The Yamanka weren't as tight or as large a clan as the Uchiha, but if Itachi had gotten an evaluation from one of them, Inoichi would know if he'd asked around. Fugaku's face creased with another from. Itachi _had_ said he'd gotten evaluated. He'd said everything was fine. Obviously, that was a lie. Why would he lie about that? He would lie if he knew something was wrong, and he didn't want it to be found out.

Itachi had been acting strangely lately--especially this afternoon with Sasuke. Itachi had just taken off, and Mikoto was convinced Itachi had done something to hurt Sasuke. Fugaku almost wanted to say his son had looked scared when they'd met in the hall, but that was ridiculous, wasn't it? Why would Itachi be scared in his own home? Of all the places Itachi could be, his home was the safest. He should know that. If Itachi didn't even want an off record evaluation showing something was wrong...

Inoichi stirred, the motion and creak of the chair bringing Fugaku out of his downward spiral of thought. Fugaku looked into the calm blue eyes across from him, and he thought he read compassion and an understanding of the heartbreak it was to be a father.

"Would you like me to conduct one--off the record, of course," Inoichi offered. They both knew that the chances of Itachi calmly accepting an evaluation after he'd lied about taking one in the first place were small. Asking this of Inoichi would be more than just asking for a off the record check. Itachi could resist. It could devolve into something ugly.

It needed to be done.

"If you could be troubled to," Fugaku managed to say. He wouldn't confront Itachi about this--he'd let Inoichi have the element of surprise if he needed it. Fugaku cleared his throat, pushing away another clamor of worries. He was trying to go back and examine every single action of Itachi's that had sounded odd or false, but he didn't have time for that. There wasn't time for anything anymore.

"How is Ino-chan doing?" Fugaku asked, trying to put Itachi out of his mind. Inoichi smiled the indulgent father's smile, and Fugaku could remember smiling that smile. The unadulterated pride of seeing a child succeed, and the blind indulgence it brought. For Fugaku that glowing feeling was now tainted with blood and tears and seeing a child hurt and battered from succeeding all too well, all too often.

And now, his child was hiding something. Fugaku remembered those wide eyes. Maybe it had been fear. Maybe Itachi was afraid of himself. Could there be something seriously wrong? Could Itachi, with so quick, sharp, and brilliant a mind be in danger of losing it all? Even if Inoichi could tell Fugaku what was wrong, would Fugaku be able to fix it?

---

Itachi stood in his room. He was breathing hard. His head was fogged and it hurt. His eyes were burning. Itachi reached up and brushed his hand across his cheek. It was wet. He looked at the pale pink smear across his hand. Itachi was dripping wet.

Itachi rubbed at his eyes, feeling the burning pain ebb and grow like a pulse. He could feel the warm trickle of blood from his eyes. Itachi took a deep breath. He looked around his room. He looked at his wet body, black clothes sticking to him. Why was he so wet? How long had he been gone? Why did his head hurt so much? Why did he feel so tired? He ached with fatigue all over.

Itachi swallowed. His throat hurt. He looked down at his hand. He could remember the river. He could remember....

Itachi's mouth went dry. Bile rose in his throat.

_They're safe until Shisui's dead_.

The other had said that. The illogical sequence of events planned out in Itachi's crazy mind had Shisui dying before anything else--Shisui drowning. For the second time that day Itachi left his house--this time running. His eyes were on fire. How long did it take someone to drown? Itachi didn't have to ask.

He knew.

* * *

**A/N: You should all bow and worship terrorofthehighway who has agreed to beta for this story and is now saving you from the horror of my English errors and typos!**

**The next chapter shouldn't take so long, since I have a light school load next week, and then Spring Break! :D I'll try to get a back log worked up then. We're getting close to the end! Never fear!**

**Thanks for all the reviews!**


	23. Treading Water

--Treading Water --

_Through the blood he can look,__  
See the life that he took__,  
From council of one,  
He'll decide when he's done with the innocent_—From Yesterday

* * *

It was dark. The night air was thick with the threat of rain. Itachi didn't care. His bare feet slid in the dirt. His body was shaking all over. He could hear something in the back of his head _laughing _at him. It was the monster. The monster saw Itachi's panic and it amused him. The other was silent. Itachi couldn't feel its presence. He hadn't realized how used he was to feeling the other in the back of his mind. It felt like part of him was missing now.

His eyes were burning. They burned as he ran through the dark streets. He could see the glow from the houses, but he didn't feel a part of that. He was alone now. He was suddenly, sharply, and painfully apart from that world of safety and softly glowing lights. He had belonged to it just this morning....or had he? Maybe he'd been separate from these people for years, but had only just noticed. Maybe he'd never really been one of them. Maybe he was only an Uchiha in name, and that was what would allow him to kill them.

Itachi wasn't caught up the fanaticism that carried away most of his peers. He didn't get impassioned at meetings speaking about the glory of the Uchiha. He didn't feel a drive to have his clan exalted over all others. He got annoyed with his clan. He was often frustrated with their devotions and expectations, and with them in general. He often wondered what it would be like if he hadn't been an Uchiha. Would he still be hailed a genius? Would he be greater? Lesser? What would life be like without the name Uchiha embroidered on all his deeds? Sometimes, he wished for it desperately.

Itachi would never know. He couldn't escape his name even if all his clan were dead. Shisui was right--had been right. Itachi was an Uchiha, and he could never change that.

Itachi's feet hit the bridge that went over the river. His feet faltered. He turned to look at the inky waters. His mouth was dry, and his heart was pounding. He felt sick. He was dizzy. His body ached. He just hurt. His eyes, his muscles, his chest, his head...

Itachi reached back to rub a spot on his lower back. It ached like a strained muscle, or a very deep bruise. His fingers smoothed his slick shirt over the aching flesh, and Itachi's mind stuttered to a halt. That spot. On his spine. Right between the dimples made by his pelvis.

Itachi leaned heavily against the railing of the bridge. He squeezed his eyes shut.

_Maybe there was compassion even in killers. Itachi felt the hot press of a bag of rice against his back. He was on his stomach, face pressed into a pillow as he gulped and fought for each breath. He had never expected compassion. He had never expected anything but cold guarding. Maybe this was proof that everyone had a soul. Maybe this was proof that you could not remain impartial to someone who stayed closer to you than even a lover might for seven years._

_Ice could melt, stone could erode, metal could rust. A blood thirsty killer could have a moment of compassion for his partner, prisoner, or broken dying pet._

_Itachi choked. He coughed. A rough hand made his head turn from the pillow. Maybe it was all in the sake of prolonging a favorite game. Compassion had nothing to do with it. Itachi felt a splatter of blood in his mouth. He inhaled sharply, and choked again. He was drowning--drowning in blood. Kisame was cursing._

_Itachi hadn't cursed when Shisui had drowned. He'd just sat and watched with calm red eyes and felt the growing burn that was the Mangekyou pull at his eyes. He could feel it now, called into being by his thoughts. He could feel the painful burn, and the thick tears of blood start to form. There was so much blood. He'd prided himself in shedding so little of his own blood before that night. After that night, after he'd shed rivers of his own blood, the flow had never stopped. _

_It wouldn't stop until he was dead._

Itachi was sitting on the railing. His legs were hooked back, and his feet pressed against the edge of the bridge. He looked down at the black water. He could see Shisui's body in his mind. He could see the cloud of inky black hair, invisible in the dark water. He could see the pale skin, glistening wet. Itachi swallowed as bile rose in his throat. He could feel his feet slip and waver on the bridge. He could feel his hands gripping the railing.

Should he jump? Could he?

Itachi slowly sat back. He pulled his feet up, and set them on the railing. His frantic thoughts were calming. His eyes were streaming with tears and blood. Was there really no other way to save his clan now? He'd already killed one. Shisui was rotting in the water, but people would pull his body out before it got too bad. People would miss him. People would be sad, angry--

_Shisui would never commit suicide--he was too loyal. He was too true to the cause. Itachi wasn't. He could feel that screamed in their glances. Where had he been last night? A mission? Right. He was always on missions. How convenient that he should be away. How neat and tidy._

_They were policemen. They knew neat and tidy did not happen naturally. Neat and tidy meant fake. There should be loose strings and rough edges for anything to be real. It was all too neatly packaged. Itachi felt bile rise in his throat, and he didn't care if they cut him down right there. They were all blind. Couldn't they _see?

Itachi gasped. He looked down at the water. He didn't want to die. His hand loosened on the railing. He was only thirteen. He hadn't lived long at all. He could live longer. He could do better. He didn't want to die. Not here, not now. His feet were not firm on the boards of the wet bridge.

"Itachi!"

Itachi knew his name. He knew that voice. Itachi turned his head. In the faint light he could barely see a face. He knew it well. He knew those large dark eyes, crinkled at the edges with laughter. He knew those clever hands, quick and sure and devious. He knew that walk, the casual stalk of a predator. The name stuck in his throat as the man approached. Warmth spread through him. Cold washed it away. He shook.

_Shisui._

Itachi felt elated. He felt a relief so profound he almost started crying again. Shisui wasn't at the bottom of the river. He was right here. He was all right. He wasn't dead. Itachi still had time to figure out what was going on.

The monster was laughing. Shisui was coming closer. Itachi's head was filled with deep, melodious mirth that was stomach turning. Shisui was all right, yes, but for how long? He approached Itachi with a furrowed brow, mouth working through words that sounded worried at Itachi's state, drenched and bloody faced, came into view. Shisui was coming. The laughter reached a crescendo.

_NO! NO! NO! NOT __**AGAIN**_**! **

Itachi felt the other grab him. The laughter cut off, and Itachi didn't even have a chance to shout. He was falling, hands and feet slipping from the bridge as he fell down. He broke into the inky water, which was lukewarm and tepid. Itachi gasped as it closed over him. He choked as water filled his lungs.

He sank down. He tried to struggle up, but his body wasn't his own to control. He fought the bitter, grim determination of the other. He could feel the monster rousing to wakefulness, wondering why Itachi wasn't saving himself. Itachi couldn't. He struggled hard. He was frantic. He didn't want to die. He couldn't see anything under the dark water, and the current was dragging him along. It tumbled his unresponsive body around. Itachi could swim. Shisui had taught him. His lungs were burning. He was drowning. He was drowning in a river not a mile from home.

Itachi's body was yanked through the current. His head broke the surface for one moment, and then he went back under. He fought. He fought as hard as he could, and he could _not_ get himself free from the other. He was fighting, screaming--that one breath of air made him all the more determined to not _die__** here**_. Now, if he could just get his struggles to connect with his body, and make that useless but indispensible lump of flesh fight for survival too.

Itachi hit the hard ground of the bank. He coughed, oxygen surging back into his aching lungs. He coughed several more times, curling in on himself as his body gasped and convulsed. Water and saliva were dripping out his mouth, running out cool over his hot lips. Itachi gasped and choked again, coughing. His chest hurt. His throat was burning.

"What were you _doing_?!" Someone grabbed Itachi's shoulder and shook him hard. "What was that?"

Itachi looked up at Shisui. He felt small. Shisui's black hair straggled into his face. It was wet, spreading like ink across Shisui's pale face. His face was wet. He was dripping, and his eyes were an angry red, whirling round and round and round and round....

"Get away from me!" Itachi shouted, yanking away from Shisui, his twice-soaked shirt slipping through Shisui's fingers with the slick, terrible noise of fingernails dragging on cloth. Itachi kicked away, scrambling without grace on the ground. Like a bug--some twisted, poisonous bug turned over in its back. Itachi could feel the water fly past his lips as he spat the words out. He could feel it pooling in his mouth.

It tasted like blood.

Shisui was staring at Itachi like he'd just been slapped. The red was fading from his eyes. "What is wrong with you?"

The tone was wondering. It was concerned. It was going to get everyone killed. Didn't the idiot see that? Shisui moved, reaching for Itachi. His lips--always mobile, always turning into that soft, winsome smile that was Shisui--were forming Itachi's name. Itachi shuddered. The name was warm, twisted and soaked with meanings and images that Itachi couldn't stand at the moment. He could taste the trust of that name as it left Shisui's mouth. He could smell the affection on it like a sweet poison you just wanted to taste, even though you knew it was deadly.

Itachi slapped Shisui's hand away. He got to his feet in a heaving motion that reminded Itachi of the stumbling drunk agents he'd seen. Was this what it was like to be drunk? His mind was a whir.. It was filled with sound and static. He didn't know what he thought Someone was humming--a horrible tuneless lullaby that mothers sang to their killer children. Itachi's mother had never sung it to him. He was a killer. Shouldn't he have been sung a killer's lullaby from his mother's pale lips?

"Don't touch me," Itachi snarled. He knew his eyes were red. They were trying to pull and warp into something more--the horrible aching feeling was coming back. Itachi's chest was heaving, and there was blood pooling in his mouth.

It wasn't _blood_ ; it was water. It was just water. Just water.

Water killed just like blood did. '_Just_' water. Just a death. Just a kill. Just a quick, painless, five minute wait just to be sure. You never left a body unless you were _certain_ it was dead. Itachi knew that. He had learned that from his mother instead of a lullaby with no tune and no real words beyond death and flashes of glory that ended in blood.

The humming was getting louder. Itachi's body was drawing away from Shisui. Shisui was staring at Itachi like he'd never seen him before. His hand was drawn back. His eyes were wide. Itachi almost thought Shisui was frightened. He should be. Finally, someone was starting to see things for what they were. _Finally_ someone else could see what Itachi saw--the impending doom held back only by slowly fracturing dams.

Shisui was rising to his feet, his motions calm and slow. He kept eye contact with Itachi. He was mastering his maybe-fear and his eyes were screaming calm. He was a police officer. He knew how to handle frantic people. He knew how to calm the distressed. He knew how to talk down those hair trigger ninja who'd just had too much, and didn't think they could take anymore.

"Itachi-kun--"

Itachi had had enough. He couldn't take anymore.

"You're _weak_. I could kill you right now," Itachi spoke with a venom that burned his mouth. It burned through the taste of blood and brought Shisui up short. Itachi knew it was true. He thought Shisui knew it was true. He'd better know. If he were smart he'd run, but Shisui didn't run. Shisui would never run away. Not from him. Not from Itachi.

"Do you want to?" Shisui asked, voice calm and soothing, with hurt and wonder hidden under it. There was a morbid fascination. Did Itachi want to kill Shisui? Did he?

_Oh gods, oh gods. Just run away. Just go, Please, please just leave. You don't know--can't you see where this is headed? You know it's going to happen. You know you're capable of it._

"No." It came out in a helpless breath. Itachi stared at Shisui. He could feel the hot pain in the base of his spine. He could feel the anger building at the base of his skull. "But it's not about what I want anymore."

Had it ever really been?

Shisui's brows drew down. He was perplexed. He wanted to ask questions. He wanted to figure this out. He was a puzzle solver. He was good at putting things together. He was brilliant.

"Stay away from me." It was a command, given with a desperate authority. Itachi's eyes narrowed, and his eyes _hurt_ as they pulled and flashed into something _else_. The humming was getting louder. It was static in his head.

"Itachi, what is wrong?" Shisui asked, voice coaxing and concerned. But Shisui didn't really care, did he? He didn't care about Itachi. He cared about the Uchiha genius. He didn't really care about Itachi, with all his human frailties and failing. He cared about the Uchiha, and the promise of greatness and usefulness Itachi had for the Uchiha.

"I know something's wrong. You said you wanted me to stay away because I was distracting you--fine, I'd stay away for that, but not right now. Itachi, something's wrong, and you can't lie to me about that. I know you. I know something's wrong." Shisui coaxed more. His tones were soothing and familiar. Itachi wanted to stop. He wanted to break down and let that reaching hand touch him. He wanted to feel the warmth pressed against his cheek, and the solid skin telling him with every moment that Shisui was alive.

"I _said_ don't _touch _me." Itachi growled. His adolescent voice dropped low, rough with a sudden strain and panic. He stepped back from Shisui again, retreating. He could take Shisui. He could kill his cousin.

But he didn't want to. Gods, he didn't.

"Don't come near me again--don't interfere," Itachi went on in the same low, grating voice. "You're weak." Shisui was too weak. He was too trusting. He was too blindly loyal to a cause, and couldn't he see the cliff they were all running towards? Didn't he understand the gravity of the building events? Couldn't he see that they were flying too close to the sun? Fire burned everyone--it didn't care how experienced you were with working it. It would still burn you.

Shisui moved toward Itachi, his brows furrowed. The humming reached a peak, and it was all Itachi could hear. His ears were killed by the noise, and his head felt light. There was hot burning pain. His mouth was dry.

_Run go now! I can't--_He_'ll be here. I can't keep _Him_ from hearing. I can't keep _Him_ from knowing. If _He _comes Shisui will die. Go, go, just--_

"GO!" Itachi shouted, shaking loose the kitten. His body jerked and reacted. Shisui was left looking at an empty patch of air. Itachi went scrambling back for home, drenched body shivering even though it was warm out. The water ran off him, and it only took a cruel twist of the imagination to make that water look like blood.

It started to rain.

--

Itachi stripped of his wet clothes. Thunder crashed. He didn't jump. He was standing on a towel to keep his drips from getting onto the floor. He had another towel in his hands, slowly drying off his wet skin. His movements were jerky and slow. He kept stopping and staring at nothing.

The kitten was crying. He was terrified. There were muffled sobs in Itachi's head, and the frantic panic of a child that no longer knew how to control a deadly situation. The kitten had been bred and born for ninja life. He had been bred and raised for killing. Death was nothing new or frightening for him. Control was his mantra. He was the best and greatest of his age. He would be a great rising star.

Now, he couldn't even tell what was real anymore. He'd been convinced Shisui was dead, only to find that Shisui wasn't. Yet. What else could he be made to believe? That his family should die?

The kitten was terrified of himself now. He was scared like he'd never been in his life. Always there had been control, or no understanding of how little control the kitten actually had in life. Now there was little control, and the kitten saw it. He saw that. He had to fight for every inch of control now, or people would die. The kitten knew he was fighting a losing battle. He would fight though.

Itachi would fight too, but he didn't think it would help. He smoothed the soft cloth of the towel down his back. He winced as it passed over his lower back. He was aching all over. His young body had been pushed beyond limits. More tired than that was Itachi's mind. His head ached abysmally. He felt like each movement would have him puking. Itachi wrapped the towel around his shoulders and grabbed some dry clothes.

Itachi heard movements through the house. He'd come home to hear his parents locked in the same fight. They fought about him, about Sasuke, about who was pushing who too hard. About how Fugaku was never here, how he never cared. They fought about how Mikoto was too narrow minded, and her vision too limited. They spat venom at each other, stemming from other strains of life and increased the strain on each other. Itachi didn't know how long that would last, and why didn't he remember them fighting before? Had it not been there, or had he not paid attention to it?

The door leading to Itachi's room inched open. Sasuke's round eye peered in. He drew back a little as he saw Itachi was awake. Itachi held back a wince. It was better if Sasuke was afraid of him. Still, it hurt to know that. Itachi didn't want Sasuke to be afraid of him. He didn't want to see his little brother flinch like that.

Sasuke opened the door. "You're all wet." He stepped into the room, his brows drawing down in concern. His little mouth twisted into a frown.

"It's raining," Itachi pointed out in a tired voice. "Sasuke, go back to bed."

"Why were you in the rain?" Sasuke asked, pattering still closer on his small bare feet. He could sense no danger. He was just as blind as Shisui and everyone else. He'd already been hurt by Itachi, and he was still trusting. He still dared to come near to the killer.

"Sasuke, go back to bed. I'm too tired to deal with you," Itachi said shortly. His head hurt, and he didn't move towards his little brother. Sasuke was so young now. He was so unscarred and twisted by the world. Maybe this time Itachi would kill Sasuke and save him from years of vengeance driven madness.

_No, no, you're not going to kill Sasuke. You're not going to kill my little brother. You're not going to kill Shi-nii-san. You're not going to kill my mother, or my father, or Shogo-oji-san, or Kaika-san or....._

The list went on in old, tired litany, between tearful sobs of the mind. Itachi's lips pulled into an expression of resigned sorrow. It was only a litany of the dead to him.

Sasuke froze a foot from Itachi. He looked at his brother. "You're not Itachi."

Itachi's eyes widened a little. "Of course I am, Sasuke. How could I not be?" His voice was annoyed. How did Sasuke know?

"You're not," Sasuke insisted, with a stubborn set to his mouth.

"Oh, because I pushed you off the porch? Because I hurt you?" Itachi asked sharply. "Are you scared of me, Sasuke?"

"No," Sasuke insisted stubbornly. "Itachi pushed me off the porch by accident. I'm not supposed to startle him. You're not Itachi." Sasuke's scowl deepened. "Give him back."

"That was no accident." The kitten had been trying to save his brother from the monster. The monster was sleeping now, a deep, dark sleep that would take him hours to come out of. Even monsters needed to sleep. Luckily, ghosts didn't need to. Itachi almost smiled at that thought. Did he even count as a ghost anymore? Sasuke was looking at him with those wary eyes. The growing animosity in them made Itachi's heart clench.

"Sasuke, go away." If he was going to look at him like that--if he was already growing into the rage filled demon that Itachi remembered...

Itachi advanced towards Sasuke, eyes haunted. The sharingan was spinning. He could see every feature of Sasuke's face despite the darkness. He could see the stubborn insistence. He would see the fear creeping in and growing slowly into something more. He could see the love, the hate, the needs. Sasuke didn't move back. He didn't retreat as Itachi advanced. Here was another one just didn't know when to run away.

"Nii-san!" Sasuke shouted sharply. It was a command and call all at once. Itachi stopped.

"What?" Itachi asked. He was shaking again. He was so tired, and sick, and he just wanted to go to sleep. Itachi rubbed at his forehead. "Why're you even in here, Sasuke?"

Sasuke hit Itachi's waist in a hard hug. He buried his head in Itachi's still bare stomach. Itachi could feel the prickly press of Sasuke's rough hair. He could feel the flutter of Sasuke's eye lashes, kissing briefly against the vulnerable flesh. Sasuke's breath rushed hot and rapid across Itachi's skin.

Itachi pushed Sasuke back. He knelt down, putting himself at eye level with the boy. Itachi reached up with the corner of the towel still draped around his shoulders and wiped at the tears growing on Sasuke's face. "What's wrong?" Itachi asked, pulling out the coaxing voice Shisui had used not so long ago.

"I'm scared of you," Sasuke managed. His face was a mess of emotions and conflicts. He was fighting not to cry. The scene pulled at Itachi's heart. Maybe Itachi was called cold and cruel, but everyone had one weakness. Sasuke was definitely the chink in Itachi's armor.

"Some-something's wrong, and I know, and everyone else knows, but no one ever does anything about it," Sasuke whispered. He looked at Itachi. "Something's wrong with _you_."

Itachi could deny it. He could tell Sasuke he was being silly and send him back to bed. Itachi could disregard Sasuke because he was a child. Everyone else did. "You're right, something's wrong with me."

Sasuke's eyes flashed when Itachi said those words. "You should tell Kaa-san and Tou-san, 'cause if you tell them they'll have to do something about it!"

Itachi shook his head. Sasuke frowned again. It was more a pout. "It needs to get fixed."

"I don't think they can fix what's wrong with me, Sasuke," Itachi soothed. He didn't touch Sasuke though. He just looked at him.

"They could try!" Sasuke's voice rose. The tears were gathering again. "They would try, and maybe--maybe..."

Itachi pressed two fingers to Sasuke's lips. He shook his head. "No, Sasuke, they wouldn't. They can't right now." Sasuke grabbed Itachi's hand. Sasuke's hands were becoming rough now. They were losing their childish softness and roundness. They were becoming bird like, with bone and tendon clearly visible through the pale skin. Were these the hands of the one who would kill Itachi one day?

Itachi kissed Sasuke's forehead. It was warm. It was real. Itachi squeezed his eyes shut. "Sasuke....I need you to stay away from me unless you're sure it's _me_. If it's not, don't come near me no matter what, okay?"

Sasuke was silent for a few moments. His hands tightened on Itachi's. Water was dripping from Itachi's hair onto Sasuke's cheek. "Okay, but when it is you, I'm going to help you." Sasuke looked up with determined eyes. "That's what families do, right? And we're brothers, so we're the closest family you can get. I have to take care of you."

Itachi gave Sasuke a broken smile at those words. Brothers. They were brothers. They were of the same blood. They were the closest you could get without twins. Itachi felt those small hands. Sasuke take care of him? That was Itachi's job, wasn't it? He was failing at it, but it was still his job. "Thank you, Sasuke."

This was not something to burden any child with. It wasn't, but Itachi was doing it anyway. He didn't know if he had a choice right now, and he couldn't stand to see those deep, grey eyes disappointed again. Sasuke could do more than anyone gave him credit for. He had called Itachi back to himself, hadn't he?

Sasuke nodded. "First, you've gotta dry off your hair before you sleep, or you'll catch pneumonia."

Itachi couldn't help it. He laughed.

* * *

**A/N: Long confusing chapter for you guys. :D Have fun, and hang on. Maybe the next few chapters will clear things up for you.**


	24. Trench Warfare

--Trench Warfare--  
_So follow me down,_  
_And just fake it if you're out of direction,_  
_Fake it if you don't belong here,_  
_Fake it if you feel like affection,_  
_Woah you're such a little hypocrite_--Fake It--Seether

* * *

_Itachi waded through the water. It was hotter than the air around him. He looked to the bank. Kisame sat there, a huge, hulking figure with no real features except menace. Itachi's small hands cupped water, and tried to bring it to his face. It slipped through. His hands were so small, and the amount of water they cupped was insignificant. Itachi heard a chuckle and looked over at the bank. He could see the smile of Kisame._

_Itachi could also see a figure leaning against the tree behind Kisame. Itachi thought he knew that posture. He smiled. The shadow smiled and walked forward. Itachi echoed the smile and called a greeting. "Shisui!"_

_It wasn't. Itachi's eyes went wide and he dropped back. His small legs churned back into the deeper water. The figure came forward, past the grinning Kisame. Itachi knew a name to put to that face, but all he could think was 'monster'. Monster. Monster. Monster. _

_Hands closed around Itachi's throat, shoving him back into the water. This, Itachi knew, wasn't really a dream. This had happened, hadn't it?_

_"Let me show you how to drown him...." Hot, sick words thick in his mind, slid through his being, calling to him in a language that Itachi knew and loathed. Itachi couldn't breathe with those hands on his throat and the hot water racing over his face. He was--_

Cold water hit Itachi. He sat up and gasped, hand racing for the kunai he kept under his pillow, activated sharingan looking for any threats. His head and shoulders were wet, and he was looking through a curtain of messy bangs at the world. Sasuke stood a safe distance away with a large empty cup in hand.

"You were having a bad dream," Sasuke said. Itachi groaned and flopped back onto his now soggy bedding.

If only.

---

Itachi wasn't supposed to go back to ANBU for another day. He was there anyway. He was on a mission, and this one very personal. He was dressed simply in black, no insignia showing. He wasn't even wearing his headband. Still, no one questioned him as he moved through the building. It was obvious who he was, and no one could question his right to be there.

Yesterday, Sasuke had been Itachi's constant companion. Itachi had been 'himself' the entire time, and Sasuke knew it. Even when their mother tried to pry Sasuke away, telling him to stop bothering his brother, and to come get his homework down, Sasuke had just gotten the work and came back to Itachi. He wasn't going to leave his brother. Fugaku had come in to talk to Itachi, and when asked to leave, Sasuke had looked to Itachi for permission, and then given Fugaku a wary look before he'd left. Sasuke had stayed close, though. Nothing important could be said.

Itachi was glad for that. He wanted breathing room. He felt like his clan was trying to smother him. Maybe he owed them his obedience, for giving him life and raising him, but he needed space. He needed to move on his own, without a clan member asking what he was doing or checking up on him every time he turned around.

Itachi descended into the basements of ANBU headquarters. This was a place people avoided. The T and I were down here in the lower levels. Itachi didn't bat an eye as the deeper he went, the more he smelled human waste and blood mixed in with terror. If he was going to look for the rotten roots, then he would have to go down, wouldn't he?

The other was silent except for a soft humming, but present. The monster was gone, as he had been since the river incident. Itachi didn't think that meant the monster was gone forever. No, he was certain that wasn't the case. Itachi didn't have the luxury of assuming good things anymore. There were no more good things.

Itachi's feet lead him down further, into places he was almost certain he'd never been. No one questioned him as he went, though they gave him odd looks. Itachi walked like he was on a mission—like he belonged here. That held people who were merely curious back. Or, maybe, Itachi walking through these halls was a common sight, and the other had just kept those memories from Itachi. His feet certainly seemed to know the where he was going, though Itachi's conscious mind couldn't tell.

Itachi went through a set of locked doors—his chakra was keyed into the lock. As he passed through he was stopped by someone. Itachi didn't know who it was, but words bubbled into his mouth and passed through his lips quickly. "Danzou called for me."

The man nodded and let Itachi pass. In seconds Danzou would know Itachi was coming. Itachi passed through two more seal locked doors, both keyed to his chakra. No one else stopped him. Itachi knocked before entering the office. Danzo was looking over papers, and didn't even glance up as Itachi shut the door with a sharp 'snap'.

"I didn't call you," Danzou said.

"You were going to," Itachi replied with casual confidence he didn't feel. The other was humming still in the back of Itachi's mind. The sound washed against Itachi like waves, the same monotonous motion that you forgot was there after a while.

Danzou looked slightly surprised, though it was calculated to the very inch. "Oh, was I? How would you know that?"

Itachi's eyes were cold, and his face set in the almost sneer he'd learned watching some of the other Uchiha. "I know a lot more than you'd think. I hear more than you'd guess, and I see more than any other Uchiha." Itachi let his eyes pass over Danzou, in a lazy red haze. Danzou drew back a little from those eyes--sharingan, danger, death.

Itachi's lips curled back from his teeth a bit. "And your _dog_ barks too much."

Danzou's expression darkened an inch. "You think it was my dog?"

"I know they're yours," Itachi said softly. "I'm also aware of what you're planning. You know why my clan has me here, and that's why you've taken such great strides to make me your dog too. I'm harder to collar than your lapdogs."

Danzou watched, now impassive. The humming in Itachi's head grew louder for a moment. It was starting to sound like bees swarming. The old man's single eye flicked up, searching Itachi's face. Itachi knew he'd find nothing but a hollow mask there. Itachi was ANBU, and he knew all about when to wear a mask and how to keep it in place.

"Now, the Uchiha are like cats, aren't they? They can't be led or reasoned with," Danzou said calmly. "Are you threatening me, Uchiha-kun?"

"How could I threaten you, here in your own nest? Cats are also very adept at surviving at any cost, you understand. I see no reason to threaten you, when cutting a deal with you would be much better...." Itachi paused and, eyes still red and looking Danzou over. "For both of us."

"You think you have anything I want?" Danzou asked.

Itachi smiled. "I have exactly what you want." Itachi tapped his forehead. "You know I do, and you know you _cannot_ do without me when the time comes. You know it, I know it, and _he_ knows it too."

Itachi thought he saw a flicker of something in Danzou's face when the 'he' passed Iatchi's lips. Was it fear? Disgust? Annoyance? Maybe it was just a cramp or a twitch of an old body passing from usefulness. This man was almost as old as Sarutobi.

"You've been talking with him, then." It wasn't a question, but it was loaded.

"Of course," Itachi smiled the barest bit. "The night before last we met at the river. He told me some very interesting things."

"He's not supposed to be in Konoha."

"It goes against your agreement, doesn't it? He lied, you lied. We're all lying here, and isn't that expected? You're not at all surprised he was here. You are, however, surprised by the fact I talked to him and remember it. He needs his safeguards against you, just like you have your safeguards against him." Itachi felt his breath catch in his throat, and the humming was louder. He couldn't think about what he said, or he wouldn't know what to say.

"And you're content to be guarded on all sides?" Danzou's eye was sharp. He was far from stupid, and this encounter was very unexpected. He knew Itachi was headstrong. He knew Itachi would balk if he thought he was being manipulated. He just didn't know how hard or explosively.

"As I said, I won't be easy to collar or guard. I'm not like your lapdogs. You'd do better to deal with me face to face than try to pull my strings like you do theirs. Your safeguards don't work like they should on me, and I know more than you want me to know."

Danzou was still. "Such as?"

"Root is still with us," Itachi said simply. The word dropped heavily from his mouth. Danzou looked sharply at Itachi, and Itachi was aware he was one small, insane child in the middle of a nest of vipers. He was never going to get out alive, was he?

"Then you know what the ultimate end is in our plans for you?"

Itachi nodded, though he had no idea. "I find the idea crass but effective. I hope you can find a less....wasteful way to solve the problem."

"But you'll carry out the orders of your own will?" Danzou pressed.

Itachi smiled. "We're all liars in these deal, you know. My word means nothing to you, and you don't need it besides. You know I'll do it. I have no choice, do I?"

Itachi saw the ghost of a smile on Danzou's face. "No, you don't. You'll continue to funnel all reports meant for your clan through me. That's an order, Uchiha-kun."

Itachi felt a sharp stab go through his spine. He nodded without meaning to, and the other was still humming. Itachi closed his eyes one moment, breathing in deeply but afraid to do anymore than that. He felt like he should be trembling all over from this confrontation, but he was calm. There was, indeed, something rotten in ANBU. It was Root, and Danzou was involved. Itachi knew this, but he had no way to prove it. He needed proof. The Uchiha needed proof. The village needed proof.

"You're dismissed, Uchiha." Danzou waved a hand. Itachi turned to leave. The humming stopped. The other was gone. Itachi's body shook. He broke out in a cold sweat, and something grabbed him. He felt the monster jerk into his head, throwing him off balance. Itachi staggered, and the back of his head struck the door behind him. Itachi's eyes were wide, but he saw nothing.

"You think you can dismiss me like that?" Itachi said, but it wasn't his voice. It wasn't him. It wasn't the other. It was the monster, pulling Itachi's mouth and tongue into a dance of sounds that was so utterly unlike any speech Itachi had ever used it was hardly comprehensible. It was ancient and twisted into elegant shapes that no one used anymore. Only dead men talked like that now.

Danzou, for once, looked alarmed. His hand moved to some hidden weapon, and Itachi laughed. It was a low, silk noise that a child his age shouldn't have learned how to make. Itachi's body pulled up, and into a stance that was pure menace in a casual lean. "We, Danzou, have things to discuss."

Itachi screamed as he was shoved into a small, tight corner of his own mind, and locked easily away. There was no fight. It was like brushing off loose dirt from a silk shirt.

---

Itachi vomited noisily into someone's ornamental bush, clinging to a sun warmed roof. It was hardly a dignified position. His body felt old and tired. His limbs were loose, and he threatened to slide off the roof every other second. Itachi pushed himself back from the edge, and pressed his cheek against the warm roof.

The Monster was just as bad at using Itachi's body as the other had been in the beginning. Itachi could still remember how his body ached when the other had first started using Itachi's body freely. Itachi tried to let the sun ease the aches of his body, but nothing could be done for the drained feeling and the pain of his eyes and head. Itachi squeezed his precious Uchiha eyes shut and groaned.

He knew, or thought he knew, now that the other had been feeding Itachi bits of memories for the talk with Danzou. Neither of them had been in full control of Itachi's body for that time. The monster had come and taken control quickly. Danzou, evidently, knew of the monster. Maybe Itachi had been wrong, and the monster had been dealing with the dark side of ANBU, but the other knew so much. Maybe both of them were.

A wave of nausea swept over Itachi. He gritted his teeth and waited for it to pass. Itachi pressed his face into the crook of his elbows, trying to breathe without gagging.

_You see what we're dealing with?_

There was no we. Itachi was a little surprised to feel the other nudge him so gently. It was like a cat gentle nudging the hand of its master. Itachi smiled humorlessly. The Uchiha were cats, weren't they? Ornery alley cats that needed to be declawed. Danzou did not like the Uchiha, and if he was involved in bad dealings, he had reason to not like the Uchiha. They were the law and justice of Konoha, and they would move even against ANBU if they needed too.

_Even the highest limbs can get blight on them. It's easier to get rid of the rot in the leaves than the rot in the roots._

Itachi frowned. Not even Danzou would dare move openly against the Uchiha, would he? Konoha needed the Uchiha to function. You couldn't do away with the police who controlled the shinobi. The results would be disastrous.

_Or would they? How much do the Uchiha really do anymore? There's been less and less done by actually clan members over the years, hasn't there? Things keep getting delegated to other offices, other branches. If the police fail, there are provisions for ANBU to take temporary control of the law and order of the shinobi world._

But, for ANBU to be allowed to do that, then there would have to be no Uchiha suitable to take over the policing.

_Exactly_.

Itachi shook his head. That was impossible. It didn't matter how much Danzou disliked the Uchiha. He couldn't order their deaths, nor could he find someone who could do it without causing an uprising of all the other clans. Maybe the clans were not friendly at all times, but if one troublesome clan could be wiped out, why not another? It wouldn't be stood for.

The other was laughing. Itachi growled and tried to block out the noise. It sounded like the monster. Why should he trust what he was getting told, anyway? If the monster could make Itachi think he'd drowned Shisui, then who knew what the other could make Itachi think.

_It's a sad world when you can't trust your own thoughts._

Itachi couldn't trust anything now. ANBU was rotten. His head was filled with things that wanted to hurt those he loved, or played cruel mind games with him to make him think he had. He could only trust Sasuke now.

_What about your clan?_

Could Itachi still trust the Uchiha? Was he just being paranoid, or was he right to think there could be something going on there? They were his family, after all, and they wouldn't push him into an impossible situation, would they? Maybe they didn't care, as long as they got back the glory the Uchiha had lost. Maybe they thought he could get out of anything. He was their genius, after all. Why couldn't he handle impossible situations and escape alive and unharmed?

Itachi sighed and stood up. He almost fell off the roof. His joints were too loose, and his limbs were stubby and short.

_Where're we going?_

Itachi was going to see Sasuke. He wanted to see his little brother. Itachi stumbled and went tumbling headfirst off the roof and into a tangle of bushes below. He crawled gingerly out, feeling like a fool and a child. He wobbled to his feet and started walking, very careful to place his feet where he wanted them. He had to keep his eyes on the ground, or he knew his feet would trip him up.

It wasn't, Itachi realized, just his mind the other and the monster were wreaking havoc on. Itachi's body was suffering ill effects from their presence as well. The question was, which would give out first? Itachi hoped it was his body. If that broke down he wouldn't be able to hurt his family. He didn't want to kill them.

He wouldn't. He'd find out what was going on in ANBU. If Danzou thought Itachi would fall in line, Itachi could have more freedom to move around. It wouldn't last long, though. He needed to find proof quickly. He couldn't keep up that lie long, and he didn't know if the other or the monster would betray him. He would show the Uchiha, the Hokage, and someone would do something about it. Someone, who's own head wasn't trying to sabotage them, would do something about this crazy mess.

Itachi had to walk half a mile before he felt steady enough to take to the rooftops.

--

Sasuke was at a playground with some of his classmates. Itachi watched from a tree as they ran around screaming in high pitched voices. Ino was standing on top of the slide, declaring herself princess. Sasuke was supposed to be her prince, but he was too busy fighting with Naruto to save Ino from the Oni—Kiba and Akamaru. The rest of the children were playing tag.

Itachi watched for a moment, letting the sounds wash over him. He couldn't remember playing like this as a child. The war had just ended, so maybe he hadn't. He did remember playing with Shisui, but all their games were to hone their skills, even if the children didn't know it. This was just theplay of children who had never seen war. They didn't even remember the fox attack.

Itachi wanted to see Sasuke, but he was reluctant to break up the almost magical world of ignorance and innocence that the children rolled around in. He moved through the trees and touched down on a sheltered space beside a bench. Inoichi was sitting there, watching his daughter with a fond smile on his face. He looked up as Itachi's feet touched the ground.

"Hello, Itachi-kun," Inoichi greeted mildly. Itachi nodded and, after some mental debate, took a seat on the bench. His limbs still felt peculiar and just a little weak. His head was throbbing, and there was a soft ache in his back. He wondered if this was what being old felt like as he settled down into the hard, wooden bench. He felt the play of sunshine and shadow over his skin as he closed his eyes.

Itahci felt a subtle gathering of chakra from Inoichi. He opened his eyes and glanced over at the older man, not alarmed yet. He had a hard time thinking of why he should be. It was too much effort for so little a thing. What would Inoichi do to him, anyway? They were comrades. The real enemies were in Itachi's mind.

Itachi looked at the familiar hand sign aimed at him. He had just enough time to be alarmed and wonder if his head had room for anyone else in it before the jutsu grabbed him.

* * *

**A/N: Again, much thanks to terrorofthehighway for being a lovely beta. I SWEAR we're getting close to the end ^^;; Unfortunately, my dear readers, this years has been a rough one for me so far. I've sprained my right thumb, which effectively means I've lost use of that hand for another three weeks. That's why this chapter took so long, and, unfortunately, why the next one will be a while in coming. Sorry guys! I'll try to make it up to ya'll when I can properly type again!**

**Thanks for all the reviews!  
**


	25. No Admittance

--No Admittance--

_Take a breath, just take a seat,  
__You're falling apart and tearing at the seams,__  
Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why,  
Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright_.--Heaven Forbid--The Fray

* * *

Inoichi had been in Itachi's mind before. He'd done the boy's initial psyche evaluation when Itachi had first come to ANBU. Then, of course, Itachi had been willing to submit to, what was for an ANBU agent, a routine invasion of his privacy. Now there was no such guarantee. Inoichi wanted to keep the matter private, so he didn't want to conduct his exam in ANBU headquarters. He didn't know how he would manage to get into the boy's mind this time without making him suspicious. Genjutsu was the Uchiha's forte, after all, and once an Uchiha closed of his mind, it would be almost impossible for Inoichi to get in. If he forced his way in, he could damage Itachi's mind, and if the boy was already unstable it could be disasterous. This was especially true for Itachi, since the still developing mind of a child was a very delicate thing.

Inocihi was pondering this while watching Ino play with her classmates. They were all young, vibrant, and horribly ignorant. Inoichi loved his daughter without a doubt, but he didn't oppose her decision to be a ninja. He knew she'd never be a great ninja like some, unless she was a very late bloomer. Inoichi didn't know if she'd ever make it past Chuunin, but he'd make sure she was good enough to stay alive, whatever rank she achieved. Maybe she'd decide she didn't want to be a ninja when she realized everything that word meant. Maybe she'd decide the killing and murder was outweighed by protecting and serving her village, and maybe she'd surpass Inoichi's expectations. It might be easier if she didn't.

Inoichi's eyes drifted over to Sasuke. There was a bright child, though he didn't have the quicksilver sharpness of Itachi. Sasuke wasn't a genius, but he would be an excellent ninja in time. He'd make Jounin without a doubt, though at a higher age than Itachi had. Inoichi did not envy Fugaku for his genius child. He pitied the man. Itachi had hardly ever been a child, but he was still a child. He would always be Fugaku and Mikoto's child, no matter how hard they tried to say he was a ninja. In some deep part of their hearts, Itachi was always going to be something to protect and shelter no matter how unrealistic those feelings were.

Inoichi glanced up as Itachi descended, as if called by Inoichi's thoughts, from the trees. Inoichi greeted the child, and after a few moments, Itachi sat down. The boy looked haggard. There was a drawn look to his face that might have been signs of pain or just exhaustion. Itachi moved deliberately and carefully in a way that made Inoichi think the boy was trying not to shake or show weakness.

Itachi closed his eyes, and Inoichi saw his chance. He folded his hands through signs and gathered his chakra. Itachi looked up, but there was no sign of alarm yet. As Inoichi finished the last sign and looked into Itachi's eyes, they flashed wide in shock, realizing what was about to happen to him. It was too late for a counter. Itachi went limp on the bench and the jutsu pulled Inoichi out of his own mind and into Itachi's

* * *

Inoichi stood in a white space. It helped him that he had been in Itachi's head once before. This was a different jutsu from the body switch, but similar. Inoichi was inside Itachi's head—in his conscious and, partially, his subconscious mind. As a result, Inoichi was shuffled into a mental landscape, made possible by the jutsu but formed entirely by the individual's mind.

Itachi's head was endless white space, fading out into a dim grey and then black the farther you went. It was far from empty. There were boxes off all shapes and kinds stacked in piles that reached over Inoichi's head in some places. Some were tied, some were open, and others were tied _and_ bolted to the 'ground'. There was an order to the place that Inoichi had never seen before. Most people had regular scenery—forests, houses, and things like that. Inoichi had never met anyone else with such a organized mind. Minds were usually more random with hundreds of sprawling connections one had to follow. When asked for a memory Itachi wouldn't hesitate, but would head for a box and bring back an object that represented the memory for him.

"You shouldn't be in here."

Itachi's voice from behind startled Inoichi. People usually manifested in front of him, not behind. Inoichi turned and found the boy sitting on the floor with an open box. The black and red ropes that had been used to tie the box shut were coiled around it. Itachi was holding a pair of ragdolls with porcelain faces. There were other boxes opened around Itachi, and behind him there were a few knocked over, completely out of countenance with what Inoichi had seen before.

"It looks like you need to do some housekeeping, Itachi-kun," Inoichi commented, ignoring Itachi's statement. Inoichi really shouldn't be in here without Itachi's permission, but the situation called for it. It wasn't just Itachi's age that made Inoichi feel this way, but if Inoichi could prevent a mental break, then he would do whatever he could to do that. He'd seen too many agents lost or crippled because help had come too late for them.

Itachi looked at the dolls in his hands. One was wearing a police uniform. The other was wearing an ANBU uniform. Inoichi realized the faces were blank. These were generic people, simply known by their occupation. Itachi placed the dolls back in their boxes. The boy was dressed in simple black clothes with no insignia on him anywhere. Last time Inoichi had been here Itachi had been in full ANBU uniform with his painted mask at his hip and wearing his headband.

"People shouldn't barge in without warning. I was thinking," Itachi explained as he tied the box up. He looked at Inoichi, balancing his elbows on top of the box. "You shouldn't be in here."

"If I had warned you, then you would have closed the door before I could get in," Inoichi pointed out.

Itachi's eyes almost narrowed, but it was too vague a motion to really be anything. The boy seemed vague all over, almost fuzzy at the corners. There was none of his usual intensity. This was all mental, so any little difference was telling. Here, _everything_ had meaning.

"ANBU asked you to?" Itachi asked in a clear voice.

Inoichi shook his head. "No, your father did. He's worried about you, Itachi-kun."

Itachi's face shifted. His eyes widened, and Inoichi watched in fascinated horror as Itachi's mental form shifted. It looked younger now, maybe eleven. The clothes that had previously been an exact fit were hanging loose on the tiny frame. Itachi had always looked small, pushed in among the late teens and early twenties that populated most of ANBU's ranks, but this was a different, more fragile smallness. It looked like something meant to be broken.

Itachi looked down at the box. "He doesn't have time for that. I'm doing my job. He's doing his. There's nothing to worry about."

Inoichi was reminded of the faceless dolls, known only by their function in society. "He's worried about his son, and he has good reason to be. You've been acting oddly."

"I'm always odd," Itachi said, tossing his bangs out of his face and looking up at Inoichi. There was a hint of red in the boy's eyes. Agitation and anger were definitely present. Fear too? Iniochi couldn't tell. "I'm the 'baby' ANBU. The 'genius' Uchiha. I'm supposed to be out of the ordinary. I'm supposed to be 'odd'. That's my job."

_My duty_.

Inoichi heard the mental echo, though he wasn't sure Itachi knew he did. Inoichi frowned. From the looks of things, Itachi's mind, while a little disorderly, was the same as it had been. There was a different feel from last time, but that could have been because of the maturation process. The lessened control over mental representation and hiding thoughts could just be because the boy was tired. Everything meant something, but not everything meant what you thought it did. Reading the subconscious was a tricky thing.

But, after years of working in ANBU, Inoichi knew better than to discount a gut feeling. In this sort of situation, not even half formed suspicions should be disregarded.

Inoichi looked at Itachi, who stared back. There was something all together unnerving about that gaze. No matter how he looked now, Itachi was a child who could kill you without breaking a sweat. He was easy to see as a tool instead of a person--and what a tool a boy like this could be, as long as you could control him. Itachi had such a strong sense of self that it would be hard for anyone to impose their will on him when he didn't want them too.

"Get--" Itachi started to speak.

"Out of here. It's not a place for you to be," A voice behind Inoichi interrupted. Inoichi tensed. There should be only _one_ representation of Itachi in his head. Only _one_, and there should be no one in the boy's head except for Inoichi and Itachi. Inoichi turned and found himself looking at....well, he wasn't sure who it was for a moment, but he had to guess it was Itachi. Only older.

The man stared up at Inoichi. His eyes were a gory red. There were crusted tracks of blood leading down from his eyes and onto his neck. His Konoha headband had a strike though it. His face was gaunt, and there were thin lines of pain around his mouth. He was dressed in a cloak that hid most of his body, but Inoichi could guess the body was just as gaunt as the face. There was a necklace circling the pale neck, and, all together, the man looked _old_. Inoichi knew he wasn't. The 'old man' was probably in his early twenties, maybe even still a teen. He had the old look that the Gennin in the trenches had gotten during the war that had nothing to do with age, and everything to do with too much seen and done too soon.

"Itachi-kun, who is this?" Inoichi asked slowly, wary. The figure half felt like he belonged in this mental landscape. There was no feeling of total disconnect Inoichi would expect from a foreign presence, but the figure didn't fit. He jarred into the landscape, but he didn't break it apart. The man seemed almost anxious, his hands shifting, and his eyes searching around the white space.

"I don't know," Itachi answered. His voice shook. Inoichi glanced back and saw that Itachi wasn't anywhere close to thirteen anymore. He looked about seven, with huge eyes and small, still pudgy, hands. His mouth was parted, stuck between one sound and the next. He stared up at Inoichi over the box that had suddenly grown much larger.

"Get out. You'll ruin everything." The older Itachi said. He coughed, a deep, wracking sound that doubled him over. Inoichi could _feel_ the pain that radiated out from the figure. He heard the younger Itachi catch his breath. Inoichi had retrieved information from operatives in comas before. He knew what it was like to be in a mind that was wracked with pain.

The pain that snapped out from the man when he cough was all memory of pain, not actual pain, and with it came a full body ache that was agony even in the small spike of pain Inoichi got. If that was the memory of the pain, Inoichi never wanted to feel the pain that had left that memory behind. The older Itachi still stood, though blood was slipping through the hand cupped over his mouth. There was a ragged hitch in his breathing, which echoed all around the mind space. The whole scape seemed to catch and jerk when that hitch happened.

"It's not me. It's not me. That's not me," Inoichi glanced back and saw the young Itachi curled up, hands over his ears and eyes closed. The litany went on. Inoichi could feel something moving between the two Itachis. The older seemed to grow fainter as the younger grew more focused.

"Itachi, what's going on?" Inoichi asked slowly. He didn't like this. The ground felt unsteady under his feet, and everything had meaning here. If this mental landscape broke up then Inoichi could be caught in Itachi's mind. He could break apart with the landscape. Never mind what it would mean for the state of Itachi's mind.

"Not me. I'm not him. I'm not _dying._" Itachi took a quick, gasping breath before he looked up at Inoichi. His mouth hung open, and he _stared_. There was panic and fear in those huge eyes, and a desperate plea for _help._ "I didn't do it. Not yet. I haven't, and I'm not going to! I _won't do __**it!**_"

The older Itachi laughed. It was a terrible noise. It resounded like a bell, and Inoichi turned to face the older, whose blood-smeared face was broken up with the cracked, desperate laughter. Inoichi was unwilling to step from between the two so he could watch them both without turning his head. The fit ended in coughing, and the older Itachi doubled over, hacking and choking on air. Everything shuddered, and Iniochi felt a tight, hot hand close around his chest.

_Can't breathe. Choking. Dying. Blood. Breathing blood—no air. Gods, please just--_

"Kitten, kitten, what have I told you?" The older wheezed between gasps. The younger Itachi gave a full body jerk and surged to his feet. The box in front of him vanished.

Itachi stared at Inoichi, eyes red and almost crazed with panic or anger. Inoichi couldn't tell which. "I'm not crazy! I'm _not_! He's crazy, and he won't get out! I won't do it! Nothing can make me! I'm not going to _kill __**everyone**__!_"

The last words were shouted, and everything shook. Boxes fell, and the younger Itachi pressed his hand suddenly to the small of his back. He whimpered and stepped back, body hunched and eyes scrunching shut in pain.

"Kill who, Itachi-kun?" Inoichi coaxed, switching to the tone of voice he used for the unstable. He didn't know what he was dealing with here, but unstable might cover it. Unstable might not even _begin_ to cover it.

"He can't tell you, and stop asking or he'll try to anyway. You're only making things worse," The older Itachi put in. He was on the ground now, one hand slick with blood. His eyes were dead looking. They were tired, and Inoichi could feel the pull of exhaustion from where he stood. There was nothing from the younger but a desperate sense of trying to be small and unnoticed.

_Leave me alone. Don't notice me. I'm not here._

Inoichi looked between the two. He looked back to the younger, who was now thirteen again, and in full ANBU gear. The ANBU mask was on his face, making Itachi the anonymous killer. _That_ was bad. He shouldn't be shifting around this much. There shouldn't be two of him. Inoichi was growing more and more alarmed, but he kept it tightly hidden. It would be bad for Itachi to pick up on his panic. They were both at the mercy of Itachi's evidently fracturing psyche. If Inoichi made one wrong move, he could upset the delicate balance that was keeping Itachi's fragile psyche from shattering.

The child-the genius Uchiha, the baby ANBU-was, without a doubt, crazy. He was insane on the higher levels of the register, and, even if he was still functioning, it wouldn't be long before the boy just broke apart into who knew how many pieces. Itachi needed to be bound back together before that happened. He'd never recover if he did break.

"I can't help if you don't tell me what's wrong," Inoichi coaxed softly. The teen shook his head. He stopped and opened his eyes. They pinwheeled. Itachi's mouth opened to speak.

"It's too late." The older Itachi spoke. "_He's_ here. _He _knows. You should have left before now. Now _he_ won't let you out. You're stuck here with us in Hell." Inoichi glanced back, and the older Itachi gave the man a look of frantic terror and vanished. Simply vanished in the white space as if he'd never been there at all. Inoichi looked at the younger Itachi, who gave Inoichi a look of growing horror. His eyes went wide. His ANBU mask appeared on his face and. Inoichi felt _something_ coming. It grew like a thunder cloud pressing down on the senses with undeniable menace. Itachi's head snapped around as he looked for whatever it was.

Itachi's ANBU mask _shattered_. It rained off his face. He looked at Inoichi with a fear white face the same color as the broken mask. There was blood tracking down his face, coating in his lashes dark red. The boy was crying blood. From between two stacks of boxes came a rush of black. It wrapped around Itachi. The boy's mouth opened, and a scream of absolute _terror_ started before the mouth was filled with black. The boy's hands scrabbled for purchase on the black, but slipped through and out. There was no fighting this.

Inoichi reached out on reflex, but the black snatched the boy from sight, yanking the young, fragile body like it was a ragdoll. In the same movement, the black rose up toward Inoichi. It wasn't just black. It was red so dark it looked black except at the edges. Inoichi heard someone _laughing._

Something slammed into Inoichi, and he fell.

* * *

"I didn't count on having to deal with a Yamanka. You weren't around when I was about," Itachi's voice was low. He was looking straight into the meddling clanner's eyes. The pupiless blue might have unnerved another man, but not _him_. Itachi's lips pulled back in a pleased little smile.

"Well, I can't have you running around telling people what you saw, now can I?" As Itachi spoke, the Yamanaka was trying to pull himself together. The man had certainly never been knocked out of someone's head like _that_ before, the Uchiha thought with a smirk. Itachi's hands folded through signs. "That would just ruin everything if people started poking around in Itachi-kun's poor little head.

"Now, as skilled as you are with mental jutsu, a complete block would be far too intrusive. You'd know something was there, even if you couldn't break the block. No, I think for you I'll take the subtler route. I'll put weaker block that your little mind can break down over time. You won't notice it until it's almost gone," Itachi spoke with a smile. It was hard to make such a young, untrained throat and voice produce the right sounds. The tongue felt clumsy and stiff. The tones were almost too shrill. Adolescents were such awkward creatures.

Itachi's touched the Yamanaka on the forehead. The man tried to pull back, reacting to the strange voice from a familair face no doubt, but it was too late. Itachi smiled. The block would break down in a few days, but, by then, it wouldn't matter. Within seconds the man's memories of rummaging around in Itachi's head were locked away. There would be no interference from that quarter, as long as no one jostled the man's mind too much. Even then, it was impossible he would remember anything of the incident before the block broke down by itself. If the man had excellent control of his mind, he might notice that he was missing time, but that was highly unlikely.

"Nii-san!" Sasuke called suddenly, his high, delighted voice jerking Itachi from his gloating thoughts. Sasuke came pattering over, face an open book.

Itachi smiled back, and moved to stand and greet Sasuke. The boy suddenly halted. His face shuttered. He looked warily at Itachi, and stepped back a little. Itachi cursed mentally. The boy _knew_. Somehow, he knew this wasn't the brother who loved him. How Sasuke knew was a mystery, but he _did_ know.

Cursed little brat. If he started spouting suspicions here, then the block of Inoichi might not hold like it should, or, worse, the man might discover he had a block and get someone to look at _his_ head. Itachi wanted no suspicions in the man's mind until it was far too late. There would never be another chance like this one, and no little Uchiha bratling was going to ruin things.

Itachi reached into his mind. He grabbed the quivering mess that was 'Nii-san'-the 'rightful' Itachi brat. Itachi was shoved in control of his body. He jerked and almost staggered. His head was pounding. He felt sick. His body was so tired it ached. He couldn't remember where he was or why.

"Nii-san," Sasuke suddenly grabbed Itachi's hand. He looked up at Itachi's face, wide eyes worried. "Are you okay?"

Itachi didn't answer right away. He was in a playground with Sasuke. Inoichi was on the bench behind him. Itachi pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead. Was he all right? Could he really call himself all right with the mess he was in? He couldn't even keep track of where he was for more than ten minutes. Itachi found himself nodding. "I'm fine, Sasuke. I'm just...tired."

Itachi was always tired now. He was old and tired, even though he should be young and bright. Itachi gave Sasuke a weary smile. It was all right. They were all all right. They would be. They had to be. Itachi would die to make sure it was all right if he had to.

"Hey hey! It's Sasuke's brother!" Naruto came streaking up. Sasuke turned to face Naruto and scowled a pout at the boy, protectively putting himself in between Itachi and Naruto. The other kids were looking up and some were coming closer to see what was going on. Inoichi was watching with amused interest. Itachi could almost hear the man wondering how the genius Uchiha would deal with kids.

"Did you come to play with us?" Naruto asked, peering up with huge blue eyes. Sasuke opened his mouth, no doubt for a negative answer. Itachi gave Sasuke's hand a squeeze and a tug. Sasuke closed his mouth and glanced up at his brother. Itachi felt the dapple of sun through the trees on his skin. He looked at the playground, full in the blazing sun. The children darted from light to shadow of the trees with laughter. Itachi was tired. He felt all mixed up and confused. He didn't know what he was doing anymore.

"Sure, let's play," Itachi said at last. Sasuke's looked changed to one of astonishment. Itachi gave Sasuke's hand another squeeze, and Naruto gave a war whoop before charging off to tell the other children that Sasuke's brother was going to play with them and teach them all sorts of cool ninja tricks.

"You don't have to." Sasuke's brow furrowed with worry.

Itachi smiled a little wider. "I know." Itachi tugged on Sasuke's hand and led him out into the sunshine. He didn't have to do this. He was tired, but, for a while, he wanted to do something simple. He wanted to forget the complicated frustrations life had to offer, and playing simple children's games in the warm sunshine with his little brother seemed the best way to do this.

Sasuke's sweat damp hand clamped tightly around Itachi's, and the boy smiled before taking the lead to pull Itachi to the forming group of children.

* * *

**A/N: THANK YOU for all the reviews, and I had time to respond to you all, but you'd probably prefer I spent my time writing, huh? Now, let's see, my excuse for why this took so long(since I seem to have a lame excuse almost every chapter) will be.....return of the pleurisy? Hell that is finals? I was abducted by aliens? Take your pick....**

**MANY THANKS TO terrorofthehighway, who betas for me, and working the chapter over to make it (more) readable. It was a mess before she attacked it for me, lemme tell ya. ^^;; NEXT CHAPTER is halfway done. :D Hopefully I can have it up sooner than later.**


	26. Keeping Secrets

--Keeping Secrets—

_They smile and stab my back and,  
I lie and have to laugh,__  
__And it won't take long to burn,  
All eyes on me_--All Eyes On Me--Goo Goo Dolls

* * *

Shisui rubbed at his stomach. It hurt most days, sharp and quick like a knife in his side. He assumed it was from stress. He ate less, since eating made it worse. He kept telling himself the pain would either go away, or he would get it looked at....later. It was always later these days. There was always something more important he needed to do. Shisui pulled his hand through his mussed hair. His eyes felt dry and gritty. He hadn't been sleeping well. He wasn't sure anyone in the compound had been.

Everyone was stressed and verging on panic. The Uchiha got along well with civilians. The civilians loved having someone who would keep the ninja in line. The Uchiha were even well respected by the majority of ninja, up to the Chuunin rank. They weren't popular with some of the larger clans, but the smaller clans looked semi-favorably on them. The higher ranking the ninja were, however, the more likely they were to be hostile towards the Uchiha. Shisui didn't know if that was simply because a Jounin might resent the fact a Chuunin officer could arrest a Jounin, putting the Jounin below the Chunnin in certain situations, or if something else was going on. ANBU, as a general rule, was the worst to deal with. Breaking up a fight with ANBU was a living nightmare for the police right now. Broken bones were becoming a staple, and if Shisui didn't know any better, he'd think that the sudden rash of fights was planned.

The problem with respect wasn't the only thing going on, oh no, not by a long shot. Problems seemed to pile one on top of the other, and there was still the usual business to deal with. Shisui knew Fugaku was managing best he could, but there were still murmurs of discontent among the Uchiha. There were whispers that maybe the Uchiha needed to take a more aggressive stance before they were completely undermined. Shisui put his head in his hands. He wished those were his only concerns.

_I could kill you right now_.

The encounter with Itachi at the river had Shisui worried. Itachi had always been fine. He was the genius. He was a quick flash of fire that burnt away anything and everything that could ever think to harm him. He was fast, attacks only hitting his afterimages. When he did fall, he hit the ground hard and rolled around until he could bounce back onto his feet. Granted, Itachi had gotten hurt. He did get sick, but his mind had always been sharp and agile. Shisui had never questioned that. No one ever had. Itachi's mind was different, almost frightening at times, but he had always been _sane_.

Now, Shisui had to wonder. When he'd seen his cousin fall off the bridge and into the water, his heart had stopped. When Itachi hadn't bobbed to the surface, Shisui had panicked. He hadn't thought twice about leaping in after Itachi. There was no choice. It had been _Itachi_. Instinct had kicked in, never mind the fact Itachi could beat him now, and he hadn't needed anyone's help in years. Shisui could remember wiping Itachi's snotty nose and pulling him out of fish ponds.

_Don't touch me_.

The look in Itachi's eyes--the panic, the fear, the dull confusion that had clouded those bright eyes had Shisui's heart aching. Shisui closed his eyes and pressed a hand harder to his stomach. He felt like the world was unraveling. Especially after the visit he'd gotten. Shisui swallowed and let out a slow breath.

_We want you to watch Itachi-kun._

_Watch_. It was just a polite phrasing for 'spy on'. The Uchiha wanted Shisui to spy on Itachi. It was wrong on so many levels. This was their bright star. They shouldn't be second guessing him, of all people. And they wanted Shisui to do it. Granted, Shisui knew Itachi best, and he would be the one who knew if something was wrong with Itachi. Still, you shouldn't ask friends to tattle on each other. Shisui shouldn't have to be double questioning and checking every word and motion for motive or falsity with his best friend. He just shouldn't have to do that.

_Does Fugaku-sama really think-_

_Fugaku-sama's judgment in this area, understandably, is a little clouded...._

Fugaku didn't know. This was not the clan head's idea. This was someone else's suspicions. Maybe Fugaku himself was suspect. The clan itself was starting to fall apart. Shisui had never thought he'd see the day when Uchiha would suspect Uchiha. He had never _imagined_ that such a thing could happen. They had enough enemies without turning snarling jaws inwards. They were going to fall apart if this kept up. There would be no more clan. There was a certain camaraderie and sense of family that made the clan a _clan_. They were all of the same blood. They were family.

When you started to doubt your own family, things were going wrong. Shisui had wanted to laugh off those words to watch Itachi. He _had _wanted to, at least. Now, however, after that moment in the river.....

_It's not about what I want anymore_.

Itachi was right. This had all gone beyond what anyone wanted. The question was, whose wants were they now serving? Was Itachi serving the Uchiha as he always had or were the suspicions that Itachi was serving something else correct? He wouldn't, would he? Certainly, Itachi didn't act like the most devout lover of his clan, but this was his family. He'd never do anything to endanger them. He would never put Sasuke or his parents in danger. Itachi simply wouldn't do that. It would contradict his basic nature.

_Don't come near me again-don't interfere. You're weak._

Interfere with what? Shisui gave a small groan and curled into a small ball. His head was fogged. The coffee made his stomach hurt worse. He'd almost been sick yesterday. He was weak. Shisui doubted he could do what needed to be done. He was tired, and he wanted things to be simpler. He wanted to see Itachi in the street and not worry. He wanted to watch Itachi devour dango, that deadpan face with a glimmer of mischief as he stole Shisui's stick of dango and ate it too. There had been no suspicions in those days. There had been nothing but the hot sun glimmering on a sedate river.

Nothing was ever going to be that simple again. Tonight Shisui would give his first report on Itachi at the clan meeting. Tonight he would compromise something in himself. He didn't know what he'd say. He didn't know if he'd lie or tell the truth. Whatever he did, he didn't think it would be right.

But nothing felt right anymore.

* * *

"Fugaku suspects something."

Danzou actually jumped. Itachi's lips pulled back in a pleased smile. He stalked across the room towards Danzou's desk. There was a predatory grace present that the thirteen year-old usually didn't have. This was the tight, controlled gait of an ancient killer. His facial expressions were more languid, with an almost sensual nature in them. Every glance was appraising and almost _needy_. It was possessive.

"You shouldn't come here so often. Someone will suspect something." Danzou looked down at his papers. Papers were preferable to the face of the child right now. Itachi laughed, high, clear laugh inundated with wicked intent. It was repulsive and alluring at the same time--fascinating in the same manner that made people stop and stare at grisly crime scenes, especially when the body was still there.

"No one saw me," Itachi replied flippantly. This was all a game to him right now. Danzou preferred the contrary little ANBU child to this one.

"So you say," Danzou replied. He didn't give Itachi the satisfaction of eye contact or attention.

"You doubt me, Danzou? Ah, you've always been such a _pessimist_, haven't you?" Itachi leaned on the desk. "You should believe my pride wouldn't let me allow anyone to see me when I didn't want to be seen. I want this all to be finished just as much as you do, believe me."

Danzou glanced up. The Uchiha was looking down. Itachi's eyes were an arrogant red, constantly throwing in Danzou's face the superior bloodline he possessed. The Uchiha smirked, as if he could read Danzou's thoughts. This, Danzou thought, was the true face of all the Uchiha--the arrogant, self possessed expression with a smirk that belittled anyone who was not born with the black hair and hungry red eyes. Those eyes looked like they wanted to devour everything, and they would if allowed.

"I do not trust traitors," Danzou said simply, dropping his gaze from those eyes. It was avoiding the challenge, but it helped him hide things from those eyes.

Itachi laughed again. "I believe there is a quaint saying about a pot and a kettle that would fit with this occasion, Danzou. You always have loved to make yourself feel superior."

Danzou grunted and shifted his papers. If he were a younger man, he might have retaliated. If he didn't know exactly what was standing in front of him, he would have retaliated by now, despite his age. He knew better, though. It hadn't taken him long to learn that lesson. "What about Fugaku? How do you know he suspects something?"

"He tried to get a Yamanaka to do an evaluation on Itachi without his knowledge," The Uchiha reported simply, as if he were saying there would be rain tomorrow when they had planned a picnic.

Danzou stiffened. A Yamanaka could ruin everything. There were some obvious alterations in Itachi's mind that would be easy to pick up on if anyone poked around in it. Danzou took in Itachi's relaxed posture, and the easy expression on his face. "You killed him."

Itachi smiled. "That would be barbaric. I'm far more sophisticated than that. I placed a block on him that will last a few days, but it will break down, and _then _he will remember. Moreover, if Fugaku doesn't hear back from the Yamanaka, he might try another one. As I said, he suspects something is up."

"What does he suspect?" Danzou asked. They had days then, not weeks or months anymore.

"Oh, that his son is crazy." Itachi seemed almost gleeful. "He doesn't yet suspect that his son could be used against him, but he is getting close to the root of his problem with ANBU. Itachi is a very successful little agent, it would appear."

Danzou was silent as he mulled over his options. "Can Itachi do it now? Shisui is still alive."

"Yes, at this point Itachi doesn't need the Mangekyou to kill his clan. The genius has reached another level of greatness. I don't know when or how, but you've heard the reports. He fights like a demon." The red eyes flashed. The Uchiha were demons—like the Kyuubi they could control.

"I assumed that was you. It wasn't?" Danzou risked a sideways glance to gauge the expression.

"No, not all the time. Itachi was fighting like a possessed man before I showed up. Fugaku has the right of it. Something in Itachi is off kilter. The genius is starting to crack." Itachi leaned on Danzou's desk, splaying his thin hands across all the important papers he could touch. "I think your 'cautionary measure' pushed him over the edge. You should be more careful when you play with other people's toys."

"He was normal for a week after we did it. It's only recently he changed. I had nothing to do with it," Danzou. growled. Of course, the Uchiha would try to blame him for any problems. Uchiha never made mistakes, did they?

"No, it was after the Uchiha declared him unfit for duty, wasn't it?" Itachi looked speculative. "Perhaps they did something to him."

It wouldn't surprise Danzou if they had. It wouldn't surprise him if no one had done anything, and Itachi was just falling apart on his own. Danzou didn't care. As long as the boy lasted a few more days, he could fall apart however he pleased. "Let me see your back."

Itachi raised an eyebrow. Still, he turned so Danzou could see his back before reaching around and pulling his shirt up. Itachi's back was smooth and unblemished from scars. Danzou could see the tight muscles twisting under the skin as the body was contorted to show the back without completely turning around. There was a small, dark mark, almost the shade of a deep bruise, low on the Uchiha's back.

Danzou relaxed a little despite himself. He heard a chuckle and looked up to the red eyes. There was a sardonic quirk of the eyebrows. The lips pulled back in a condescending little smile. "And what would the Uchiha have to say to you if they knew how you'd _violated_ their precious genius?"

"They'd have more to say to you, joyriding as you are," Danzou returned. He really didn't care what the Uchiha would say. They were getting what was coming to them, and at the hands of one of their own. It would be poetic. It would be terrible and wonderful all at the same time. Danzou couldn't wait to see the end result of this venture.

Itachi laughed. "You think you wouldn't if you were in my position? Itachi-kun is a finely tuned instrument of death and grace. What more could anyone ask for? How could anyone resist? The boy just begs to be used, with his superior skills and contrary attitude. It makes you _want_ to break him and use him, doesn't it?"

Danzou didn't answer. What they were doing was answer enough. They both knew it. Danzou asked something else instead. "How long will it take you to get here?"

"A day or two," was the flippant reply. Itachi smoothed his shirt down, hands running down the smooth, lithe body. Everyone was vain, but could you call it vanity while you were in someone else's body, treating it as yours? Danzou moved his papers around.

"Then we'll do it then," Danzou said, and he couldn't stop a shiver of pleasure from passing through him. He had been planning this for years, but he wouldn't have been able to realize his plan without Itachi. The Uchiha had thrown the last needed part of Danzou's plan into his lap.

The Uchiha were in charge of the discipline of the ninja of Konoha. They were responsible for making sure everyone stayed in their place. They had little say in how the village was run, technically, but they had power. They had influence. If they said someone had done a wrong, then everyone took it for granted that the accused had actually done something wrong. With the Uchiha's watchful eye on things, it would be hard for anyone to cause too much discord in the city without bringing their wrath down on himself. If anyone wanted to change how things were done in Konoha, they would have to go through or do away with the Uchiha.

Danzou would have no rivals for power. The choice was obvious for him. The Hokage should have no rivals for power, especially the power hungry Uchiha, who though themselves so superior to everyone. Their arrogance had made them vulnerable, and it would be _very_ satisfying to turn their greatest member against them. They would never suspect it, and everyone would think the clan had brought about their own destruction.

"Remember our deal. I help you with this, and I get the left over shell for my own purposes," Itachi said, tapping himself on the chest.

As tempted as Danzou might be to keep Itachi around afterwards, it was obvious he couldn't. If anyone recognized the boy, there would be problems. The boy would have to be constantly watched, and if the 'precautions' ever failed, there would be no stopping his revenge. The boy was a magnificent tool, but he was a dangerous one for anyone to use—even the Uchiha, who thought him so safe. Itachi wasn't safe at all. He was an open flame that burned everything he touched.

"I'll keep our deal," Danzou assured the Uchiha.

The boy's head nodded. "Good, now, I'd better go tuck the child into bed. He's going to have a _very_ busy next few days." Itachi padded silently to the door. Danzou watched with both excitement and trepidation. So close to the end, and there were so many things that could go wrong. Danzou would not rest easy until it was over. The sooner it happened the better.

"If you double cross me…." Danzou's threat was cut off by another laugh. The Uchiha turned, red eyes flashing.

"If I double cross you, there's nothing you can do about it," Itachi said smoothly. "You made your deal with something bigger than you, and now you have to deal with that. _You_ are not in control anymore, and you haven't been since you asked for my help, Danzou. But I'll abide by our agreements. It serves me well."

_You serve me well_.

It rankled. It made Danzou feel hot with anger, and it was true. Danzou looked at those gloating red eyes. _That_ was why the Uchiha had to go. That mentality and the truth it held. The average Uchiha was better than the average ninja. Their sharingan gave them an edge, and they were trained from the cradle to be the best. Strength was good for Konoha, but the Uchiha's strength was horded only for the benefit of the clan, not the village they were supposed to serve.

There was never a better example of that than Uchiha Madara, ancient patriarch of the clan. He was the epitome of Uchiha arrogance, and the fact his clan had turned him, wounded his pride, was the reason he was here, in the Uchiha genius's body, plotting his clan's downfall.

Danzou didn't believe in justice or karma, but he did appreciate irony. The laughing glint in Itachi's eyes told Danzou that Madara did too.

* * *

**A/N: Mission: Finish fic before July. Let's go.**


	27. Fractures

-Fractures-

_I was alone, staring over the ledge,  
Trying my best not to forget,  
All manner of joy, all manner of glee,  
And our one heroic pledge.  
How it mattered to us, how it mattered to me,  
And the consequences.-_Meds-Placebo

* * *

Shisui had never been this tense for a meeting before, granted it wasn't often anymore that so many of the Uchiha were able to gather at one time. The gathering of almost all the important figures in the clan had begun almost an hour ago, the clanhead was absent for now and possibly for the rest of the meeting. There was more discontented murmuring, and a more bitter edge to everything. Shisui had been trained in how to deal with a mob when he became an officer. He knew how to read a crowd, and he didn't like what he read in this one.

When Fugaku had walked in, Shisui had relaxed a bit. Surely he wouldn't be expected to give a report on Itachi with Fugkua there. They would have to wait until a meeting when the man wasn't there. It happened. There were meetings almost every other day now, and there were still other duties to be carried out. No one made it to all the meetings, except, maybe, those who were off duty for injuries or too old to have any other duties.

There was talk going around. People were reporting on the injured, how many officers had been hurt, how many ninja, how people were recovering. People were reporting instances of disturbances, odd sightings, and general discontent. All the people mentioned were Uchiha, and all the incidents were to, either directly or indirectly, related to the lack or respect or animosity shown towards the Uchiha of late.

Shisui pressed his sweaty hands to his pants. He kept his body as relaxed as possible, but he knew he was still showing signs of tension. The talk was rising in volume. It sounded like an angry buzz. It was rising, rising, rising, and it would be overwhelming in moments The words all jumbled together in a chaotic swarm and it was nothing but noise to Shisui. His stomach stabbed with pain.

Someone saying his name brought Shisui's focus back. The room was utterly quiet. Shisui could hear his heart beating. He looked at the man had said his name. It was one of the Uchiha had come and asked him to 'keep an eye on' Itachi. Shisui's stomach twisted into a tight knot. He didn't want to be here. He didn't want to have to speak the words he'd been fighting with all day. Those _pathetic _words he'd been arranging, rearranging, discarding and adding all day in his head would have to fall out of his mouth for everyone to scrutinize. He would. He had to. _Someone_ had to say it—And who better than someone who knew Itachi best? Who better than Shisui?

"I think Itachi should be taken off the ANBU mission," Shisui said, and his voice was much calmer than he'd thought it would be. Even those who had asked him to watch Itachi looked shocked. They hadn't expected that. Shisui looked at Fugaku, and the man's face did not show as much concern as Shisui had expected to see in a father's face.

"Do you think Itachi is not to be trusted?" Fugaku asked. _Do you think he'd betray his family?_

"No!" Shisui said it sharply and quickly, maybe _too_ quickly. "That's not what I meant." Shisui had seen the ripple of unease that passed through the assembled at that thought. Only Fugaku hadn't seemed fazed by the idea his own son could be a traitor to his own clan.

There was a polite, but tense silence as Shisui was given a chance to explain himself further. "I don't doubt Itachi's loyalty," Shisui started, speaking softly. He'd thought all his words out before now, but he went over them again as he spoke, and they sounded wrong in his mind. "The mission he was assigned is a very difficult one, and without a doubt both dangerous and stressful. I think he needs to be pulled off before he gets too ragged and misses something important or makes a mistake."

"Pulling him off is not an option. We don't have anyone else in a position to take over, and we can't just drop the mission. Itachi has been giving us good leads for weeks. He's getting somewhere. Why should we pull him off now?" One man put in. His arm was in a sling, and his face was hot with pride and anger. "He hasn't made any mistakes yet, and who's to say he will? Itachi _is_ a genius. He's unprecedented."

There was a murmur of agreement. No one had ever seen Itachi make a deadly mistake. The boy had cultivated a sterling reputation among his clan members as invincible and hardly human. After all, how else could the boy have become ANBU captain at thirteen? They quickly forget any injuries or infirmaries the boy had. It helped that Itachi was more reserved than most people. He was intensely private, and rarely gave anything away except to those he was closest too, be it something as simply as a smile over dango or frustration with difficult tasks. He was only close to not even a handful of people. Shisui was the only one of those people in the room.

Talk grew, and they were was starting to move on. Shisui wasn't surprised his concerns were being dismissed lightly. Itachi would never stumble. He would never fall. He was the genius. He would never be anything but that. Shisui felt another stab of pain from his stomach. Why couldn't everyone else see what he saw? Why couldn't they see that Itachi, though great, was only human? Weren't they at least a little worried that something bad could happen to him?

Maybe they simply refused to consider it. Maybe it didn't matter as much to them. They refused to see Itachi as a fallible teenaged-hardly even teenaged boy. He was their genius. Their savior. Their _tool_.

"Itachi's only human," Shisui snapped out over the noise. "He hasn't been himself lately. You all know he was sick recently, and I don't think he ever fully recovered. You could ask Fugaku-sama, or Mikoto-san, or even Sasuke, and they'd all have to tell you Itachi hasn't been on top of his game since he was sick. He needs to rest. He needs a break."

"Itachi-kun's missions have all been successful since his sickness. He's only come home with one injury since then. In fact, the reports say he's doing even better-"

"That's not what I mean!" Shisui's voice rose, cutting off anyone who tried to speak over him. "If something's wrong with Itachi, his performance on missions is going to be the last thing to give you a clue. Itachi's not the sort of person to burn out quietly, in a gradual pattern of little slips you'll be able to recognize. By the time whatever is wrong with Itachi shows up in his mission performance, it'll be too late. You won't be bandaging up broken bones and telling him to get up and try again. You'll be preparing for a funeral!" _And it would serve you all right!_

His last words rang into an unsettled silence. Shisui knew his words struck true with some people, and others were just surprised by Shisui's outburst. Shisui had always been very concerned with the advancement of the clan, and a diligent boy full of respect for his elders and his clan. Shisui wasn't apologetic for his words, though. He felt it was justified and needed.

"I think you're being an alarmist, Shisui," Taka put in soothingly. The man was only a few years older than Shisui. His leg was in a cast from upper thigh to toes. "We're all working hard right now, and no one is at their best. Maybe Itachi is a little ragged, but everyone is. He can manage it. I'm sure if it gets to be too much, he'll back off."

_Calm down. Ignore it. He'll be fine if you just wait and see. It's nothing out of the ordinary. You're being silly, little one._

Shisui bit back a harsh laugh. "No, he won't. He's the only one who can do what he's doing, isn't he? He's the best chance we have with all of this ANBU business. He knows that. He knows we're all counting on him, and he won't back down because of that. He'll never disappoint his clan, even if it means destroying himself in the process."

"Itachi is doing what he needs to do to serve his clan. He's doing it willingly," Arai, an old man with white hair and a scar gnarled body spoke. "This is his choice, Shisui."

"It is, but..." Shisui shook his head. "We shouldn't be letting him. What sort of clan is it that lets you destroy yourself for their sake? If we don't look out for each other, maybe all those whispers are right. If we don't take care of our own, how are we going to treat those who aren't our blood?"

That caused an uproar as soon as the words fell from Shisui's mouth. One or two of the younger members surged to their feet, and disclaimers and protests filled the air. How dare Shisui suggest such a thing. How dare he condemn them—his family, his blood, his _clan_. Who did he think he was? Where did he get the right?

"Do you know how many people have died to preserve our clan? Sacrifices must be made-"

"Would you put the life of one person above the welfare of the whole clan?" Fugaku asked, and his calm voice cut through the cacophony of angry voices. Shisui looked over and met Fugaku's eyes. Without a doubt, Shisui respected Fugaku the most of anyone in the clan. The man was the closest thing to a hero Shisui had.

Fugaku returned Shisui's gave calmly, and Shisui couldn't guess what the older man was thinking at all. "Would you rather watch the whole clan fail than face the possibility of losing one of its parts?"

One part of the whole—one _small_ part of a _huge_ whole, was what Fugaku made it sound like. Itachi was just one member of the clan. Shisui shifted uncomfortably. The sharp pain in his stomach was an unwelcome distraction. "There's a difference between cutting off a few fingers and severing your arm or head. Itachi isn't just any member of the clan. He's the next clan head. He's the best Uchiha there's been since Konoha was founded. He _is_ our future, and if we have to destroy him to get to the future you desire, then it might not be one that's worth living in."

That got another murmur, but only a soft one. Everyone was watching Shisui and Fugaku closely.

"Sasuke could become clan head instead of his brother. You yourself are a genius, Shisui. Why do you feel Itachi is so precious he should be valued above the clan's well being?" Fugaku pressed, and Shisui wished he could read the man's mind right now. What was he trying to get at? What was he trying to get Shisui to say or realize?

"That's not what I said. I only meant…Itachi is irreplaceable. There will never be anyone like him, and burning him out right now doesn't seem to be wise," Shisui fumbled slowly with his words. He felt like he was being chased into a corner, and by Fugaku of all people! Shisui would have thought the man would be happy to get Itachi some reprieve. He had to see how Itachi was falling apart. He had to know. Why wasn't he worried? Didn't he care that his _son_ was in danger?

Or did he really put the welfare of the clan over everything, even his son?

"Shisui, which means more to you? Itachi or the clan?" Fugaku asked.

Shisui's mouth went dry. The obvious answer was the clan. The clan was more important than one member, even Itachi. Shisui knew that. He knew it, but he _could not_ get those words to fall from of his mouth. Fugaku broke the problem down from possibilities and maybes and was making Shisui choose left or right. Everyone in the room was waiting to hear that response. Everyone was waiting, and Shisui couldn't deliver what they wanted. Shisui had lectured Itachi on what it was to be an Uchiha—on how important it was, but Shisui couldn't say what his whole clan wanted to hear. Shisui couldn't give them the right answer.

And they were waiting.

"I-" Shisui was saved by the entrance of a small dark figure through the shoji door. Shisui's head whipped around to see who it was, though he'd known who it was the instant that someone had stepped through the door. It was Itachi himself.

Shisui was immediately struck by two things. Itachi was late, and while he often didn't attend meetings, he never arrived late to one, and the look the boy cast over the assembled group was almost panicked. The panicked look vanished after a moment, and Itachi bowed. He murmured an apology for his lateness before coming to take a seat in the circle on the floor with the rest of the gathered.

Everyone turned their attention to Itachi. Shisui saw hope light up tired eyes. He saw naked envy, greed, and ambition bared in the eyes that turned towards the Uchiha genius. They were like flowers turning towards the sun, but this sun wasn't as glorious and strong as they thought it was. It was a good thing they shrank back from getting too close, for fear of being burnt, or they would smother the sun with their designs and plans.

For once, Shisui was glad Itachi was so untouchable and aloof. Maybe that was all that had kept him alive this long.

Fugaku asked Itachi to relay the pertinent information he'd found out while investigating the ANBU case—all of it, so anyone who had missed a meeting would be on the same page as everyone else. Itachi nodded and rattled off things Shisui already knew. His cousin had been working hard to find out exactly what was going on in ANBU. He was already convinced there was something rotten there—something dangerous that needed to be flushed into the open. He'd given the Uchiha several names to look into, and all of them were starting to turn up little things that were adding up into a larger picture that made many people uneasy, or excited, depending on their personalities.

Shisui could feel people shooting him looks. See, the Uchiha heir had made such grand leaps and bounds. He was making such good progress, and he looked just fine. Shisui could practically hear all of their excited thoughts bouncing around in his skull. Itachi was great. Itachi was invincible. Itachi would serve them whatever they needed on a platter, because he was the genius Uchiha, and he was utterly loyal to his clan.

Shisui wonder how they couldn't see the deadness in Itachi's eyes. Couldn't they see the sharp lines in his face, where there really should have been rounded curves? Didn't they see the gaunt nature of Itachi's body, and the tired pull of his skin against his frame? The boy looked grey and threadbare. He looked like a soldier that had been fighting a war night and day with no reprieve.

"Shisui thinks you should be taken off the ANBU mission," Taka said bluntly as Itachi paused to gather breath after apparently finishing his report. Itachi blinked, obviously taken aback. His head swung around to stare at Shisui, his mouth open a little in slack shock. Shisui looked away, and felt a stab of anger directed at Taka. Itachi's look was like a knife to the gut, and Shisui had enough stabbing pains there already.

"I've been making progress," Itachi said firmly, and he sounded a little lost. _Don't you trust me?_

Shisui heard the unspoken question so clearly that he was surprised it hadn't been said aloud. Shisui looked up at Itachi. He met those heavy dark eyes, and Shisui knew he'd been right in asking to take Itachi off the mission. Itachi's eyes had never looked like that before. Even without the incident at the river to consider, it was obvious to Shisui that Itachi was coming undone at the seams.

_I'm worried about you. I trust you, but I'm worried about you. Can't you see that?_ Shisui kept Itachi's gaze, and he made himself speak, mindful of the question Fugaku had asked that Shisui hadn't been able to answer. "I meant maybe you should take a break and let someone else work it for a while."

Itachi immediately shook his head. "No. I'm making progress that no one else can. I'm in a position that no one else can take over for me now. I'll have to see this mission through to the end by myself." Itachi dropped his gaze from Shisui and looked around the room. "I'm close to getting the solid proof we need."

That was a welcome statement to almost everyone present. They had assumed that Itachi had nothing more to report after Taka spoke. Shisui shrank back from the sudden intensity of the people around him. They stared at Itachi, begging for more. Itachi's hands weren't still. They were fussing with the cloth of Itachi's pants. Itachi had never had nervous hands. Shisui felt his stomach twist.

"What have you found out?" Fugaku asked. Itachi looked at his father and hesitated. Shisui was certain he was the only one who saw the tightening of Itachi's throat, as if he tried to speak but his throat wouldn't let him.

"Root," Itachi spoke the words softly, eyes now downcast. Everyone caught the word.

"Root was disbanded years ago," Arai put in uncertainly. It had been, but he was reluctant to contradict the genius.

Itachi shook his head. "Not completely. I can't prove anything yet, but I know-" Itachi stopped with the same jerk of his throat that had stopped him before. "Give me another week, and I will have proof. A week is all I need." Itachi spoke those words with a harsh conviction. Shisui had no reason to doubt Itachi was telling the truth, but could Itachi last another week? Shisui looked at Fugaku, and saw the man was wearing a look of pride, marred with what Shisui guessed was guilt.

Shisui excused himself from the meeting early, while everyone was still comparing ideas and riding the rush of excitement Itachi's words had brought. They had hope now. They would dig out the rot in ANBU, and they would have their prestige again. They would have trust again. They could stop skulking around like whipped dogs. It was a good thing, if it all came to fruition as they planned it. Shisui shivered despite the warm night air.

All Shisui could see were Itachi's tired eyes, and that one flash of panic as the boy had walked into the room.

_But it's not about what I want anymore._

What was it about? Itachi made it clear he wasn't acting as he wanted to. He was bowing to a greater power right now, but Whose power? Did Itachi's wishes run counter to what the Uchiha wanted? Or was there someone else? The Hokage?

Shisui felt suddenly cold inside as another idea occurred to him. Itachi had mentioned Root. What better way to find out about a secret organization than to join it, even thought it held so many risks? Who knew what Root would do to keep a member, especially a member like Itachi who had previous allegiance to his clan, and was faithful to them alone. It would be too risky for the Uchiha and Itachi. If Itachi had wormed his way into Root…maybe the Uchiha couldn't trust him. Could Itachi be turned and used against his family? He might not even have to be willing. What if…

Shisui's stomach twisted up with another stab of pain. Shisui closed his eyes and let the nausea wash over him. It would pass like all the other times. It would-

Shisui lurched to the side of the road and vomited. The sick burn of stomach acid filled his mouth, under laid with the thick taste of copper. Shisui finished retching and straightened up, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath of the warm, humid air. Shisui looked up at the cloudy sky, and he couldn't help but feel the whole world was falling apart, and all he could do was watch.

* * *

**A/N: =.= So sorry this took so long. I got sick again and spent most of last week comatose in my bed...  
**

**So! We only have, maybe five more chapters? Less? I don't know. **


	28. Catch Me

-Catch Me—

_Can we pretend that airplanes,  
In the night sky,  
Are like shooting stars?_  
'_Cause I could really use a wish right now—_Airplanes-B.O.B.

* * *

_Shisui knows something's wrong with you_.

Itachi nodded, though he didn't have to. The other felt his assent clearly enough. Of all people, besides Sasuke, Itachi would expect Shisui to know something was wrong with Itachi. They had been inseparable as children and stayed close as they grew. It was no surprise Shisui would pick up on Itachi's odd behavior.

Itachi was surprised Shisui had asked him be taken off the ANBU mission. Shisui was the one who had lectured Itachi on clan duties. Did he not trust Itachi anymore? Did he think that Itachi could be a spy? That thought hurt. It made Itachi want to crawl away and hide, but it could be true. Maybe Itachi was spying on his family, no matter how unwillingly. He wasn't even sure he could keep himself from going beyond spying.

_Where did your iron resolve go, kitten?_

Itachi shoved at the other. He wasn't going to be taunted by the voices in his head. He could push the other around if he wanted to, and he did it with relish. He stood a chance against the other. They were even in strength, and maybe Itachi was a little stronger now. It was hard to tell, because they were so rarely in conflict anymore. It wasn't really the other that bothered Itachi anyway, as they acted in one accord more often than not. It was the monster that bothered Itachi. The monster, Itachi was certain, was the one who would kill Itachi's family.

_He'll help you, but you'll put a blade to their flesh with your own two hands, kitten. I did. I killed everyone one of them, except Sasuke. _

Itachi shuddered and pushed down the swell of memories filled with blood and death and pale faces he knew very well. He shoved the other away, cringing away from the smell of blood and death and the feeling of slick death all over his hands. The other folded under, vanishing the recollections of murder. Lately, the other had been quick to surrender. Lately, the other was often hiding in Itachi's mind. Perhaps the monster scared the other as much as he scared Itachi.

With the monster there was no control. Itachi couldn't fight the monster. He was tossed about like a kitten in the paws of a big cat. He couldn't even remember all the times the monster had taken control and used his body. He was always left disoriented and sick afterwards. Last night was a good example of that. Itachi had found himself in his room, preparing for bed when his mother stopped at his door and asked him why he was home so early. Then Itachi had remembered the meeting. He had promised his father he would attend the meeting and give his report. He hadn't been to a meeting in a while, and he should have remembered that he had to attend the one that night.

Itachi had torn out of the house, barely pausing to redress. He'd arrived at the meeting out of breath, and had had to wait before entering the room to compose himself. Then, all his calm had been shattered when Shisui's suggestion had been brought up. Itachi closed his eyes tightly when he thought of it. Shisui...if Shisui didn't trust him...

Whatever Shisui thought, no one else shared his feelings. Itachi couldn't tell them about Danzou. He couldn't give out a name like that before he had solid proof, and he wouldn't light a wild fire that would burn everyone up by spouting baseless accusations. He needed solid proof so the Uchiha could back up any claims they made. If they proceeded without proof, then it would be seen as warmongering, and a clan just vying for more power.

Now, Itachi had to worry about getting proof while dealing with the monster. He had no idea what the monster did while in control of Itachi's body. He could do anything. He could...

_Blood painting the walls. Dying eyes asking 'why?' Dying eyes proclaiming him a traitor to his blood and birth. Dying eyes. His parents. His aunts, uncles, cousins, everyone lying and dying all over the streets and in their beds. _

Itachi shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut and pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. No. He wouldn't let that happen, but...the monster would do it. The monster was brutal, and cared little for any of Itachi's feelings. The monster could kill Itachi's clan, and Itachi wouldn't be able to stop it. No one would be able to stop Itachi either. He was their genius, and one-on-one, no one was a match for him.

_Shisui is_.

The other pressed forward the image of sunlight on water, and the bright smile that had always made Itachi's days better as a child. Itachi jumped on the possibility. Shisui was a match for Itachi. Shisui could stop the monster. Shisui, if worse came to worse, could keep Itachi from killing anyone. Better yet, Shisui knew something was off with Itachi. He wouldn't hesitate. He'd act as a faithful clan member and destroy the threat.

_Death before dishonor_.

Death before massacre, Itachi thought back grimly. Shisui would keep the massacre from happening. Shisui would stop it. He had to. Itachi pulled his hands away from his eyes and stood up. He wavered a bit, but his steps were steady towards the door. Sasuke caught him putting on his shoes.

"Where're you going?" Sasuke asked. Itachi turned to look at Sasuke, and the boy stopped his advance. He took an uncertain step back.

Itachi blinked and looked back at the small boy. "To see Shisui."

Sasuke nodded, taking another step back. "'Kay, I'll tell 'Kaa-san."

"You don't have to. I'll be back soon," Itachi waved off the offer and shuffled his feet further into his sandals. Itachi opened the door and stepped out into the sunshine with one thought running through his mind.

Shisui could stop Itachi from killing the Uchiha.

* * *

Shisui was tired. He hadn't eaten much but a thin broth earlier in the morning. His mouth still tasted like bile, and his stomach would have kept him from sleeping even if his head wasn't such a tangled mess of thoughts. Foremost in those thoughts was his concern for Itachi, and the look the boy had given him last night. Shisui was almost ready to go over and explain his comments to the boy. He didn't want to, though, He didn't want to run into Fugaku. Shisui wasn't even sure if Itachi would be home.

On top of all that, Shisui wasn't even sure he could make Itachi understand him. He had a niggling doubt that maybe everyone else was right, and Shisui was blowing things out of proportion. Maybe Itachi was fine, and Shisui was just worrying too much. Maybe he was being paranoid, but that hard knot in his gut when he thought about his cousin didn't go away. Genius or not, Itachi was falling, and it was up to Shisui to catch him before he shattered all over the ground. Now, he just had to figure out how to do that.

Shisui sighed and headed for his room, mulling over what he could say to Itachi. It all sounded hypocritical, given how Shisui had been lecturing Itachi on clan duties not too long ago. Shisui opened the door and froze. There was someone in his room. It was Itachi. He stood in the middle of Shisui's room, looking around as if he'd never seen it before. A second after Shisui opened the door, Itachi's eyes locked onto his cousin. Those eyes flashed red for a moment, and then were calm. Itachi looked at Shisui, and Shisui felt a chill go up and down his spine.

_Menace_. The word flashed through Shisui's mind and was gone, hardly having time to register. Neither of them moved or spoke, locked in a tense moment Shisui didn't understand at all. It felt like Itachi was sizing him up for a fight.

"Itachi...what are you doing here?" Shisui asked after a moment when Itachi didn't say anything. Itachi blinked, as if he was coming out of a trance.

"I..." Itachi stopped and looked around the room again. There was nothing to gawk at. The room hadn't changed in anyway since Shisui was thirteen, and Itachi had spent almost as much time in it as Shisui had for years. It was only recently they didn't seem to have time for each other.

"I wanted to talk to you," Itachi finally said. He looked small in the middle of the room. Shisui nodded, still a little wary as he closed the door behind him. He didn't know why he should be wary of Itachi—his best friend, practically his brother. His paranoia was getting out of hand.

_I could kill you_.

"About what you said last night, at the meeting," Itachi added, maybe catching the look in Shisui's eyes. Itachi _had_ thought Shisui doubted him. Itachi must have come to convince his cousin of his loyalty to the clan. Shisui's mind scrambled. He'd never meant to suggest Itachi was a danger to the clan. If anything, Itachi was a danger to himself.

"Itachi, I didn't mean it like that. I only meant..." Shisui moved across the room, closer to Itachi. Itachi was still shorter than Shisui, and maybe he always would be. He was slight and quick. He looked more shadow than substance at the moment, and Shisui was hesitant to touch Itachi, in case the boy crumbled under his touch, or Shisui's hand simply passed through him. There was stutter in the motion as he brought his fingers up to touch Itachi's shoulder, and there was no doubt Itachi saw that. He would have to be blind to miss it, and Itachi was anything but blind.

"I only meant-" Shisui began his faltering explanation again, eyes on Itachi's. "I didn't mean I don't trust you, or think you'd ever do anything to hurt the clan. Itachi, I only said I thought it would be good for you to take a break before you burned yourself out." Shisui knew this was a futile argument with Itachi. Of all the people convinced of Itachi's invincibility, Itachi was forefront. Having never faced any real failures or big losses, Itachi tended assume he would never have them. He was young and bright enough to believe that, for now.

"Shisui, you're wrong. I'm going to-" Itachi stopped, mouth open, like he was trying to speak but couldn't. There was a flash of frustration across Itachi's face, and then Itachi's next words knocked all thought out of Shisui's head. "I'm going crazy."

Shisui stared. His hand on Itachi's shoulder tightened. He'd never seriously thought, despite all his worry, that Itachi could already be...

"What?" Shisui had heard the words all right, but his mind couldn't believe them. He must have misheard Itachi. He _had to_ have misheard his cousin.

Itachi's eyes narrowed a little in annoyance at having to repeat himself. "I'm going insane. There...there are..._things_ in my head that aren't me. It-it used to be just one, and I could handle that, but now it's two, and I can't. The other's fine, we can get along, but the monster I can't control him, and I don't know what he's doing half the time, and I _need _to know what's going on right now. " Itachi's annoyance dropped away quickly, and his word started coming faster, almost as if he couldn't get them out quickly enough, or was afraid someone would stop him mid-speech. There was panic and fear laced under a very tenuous control.

"They're not genjutsu, or I would know. They're real, and they're in my head and they're _not me_." Itachi said the last words with a savage conviction and desperate for Shisui to _believe _him, and Shisui was thunder struck. Itachi...Itachi couldn't be crazy, but he was. Itachi wouldn't lie about hearing voices. Maybe it was just exhaustion, or maybe that was Shisui's mind trying to make this situation less dire. The Uchiha genius couldn't be crazy.

But, oh, it all made terrible sense! All those times Itachi had been acting oddly added up in Shisui's mind. Sasuke had even commented on it, saying sometimes Itachi wasn't 'Itachi', and he acted nicer. Shisui had thought before this that it was Sasuke misreading his brother, but now he was certain it wasn't. Itachi was crazy, and Sasuke had been the first person to pick up on it. The bridge incident came back sharply into Shisui's mind.

Ashes and _death_, Itachi _was_ crazy.

"Tachi, how long?" Shisui asked, lowering his voice, and struggling to keep his own emotions out of his voice. He wanted to sound in control and soothing. He mustn't make Itachi think that he couldn't handle this. He mustn't let Itachi doubt his decision to tell Shisui about this problem.

Itachi shook his head. "Ever since I got so sick. It started after that and I thought it was just a bad dream, but it wasn't. I thought it would go away, but it never did. I thought..." Itachi shook his head again and closed his eyes. "But then there were two and they _do _things I don't want to do and tell me things, and you're right. I should be taken off the ANBU mission because I can't even trust _myself_ right now.

"But there's no one else to take over, and I'm so close, Shi-nii. I'm _so_ close, and I just need a little more time and I don't even know if I have anytime before I-" Itachi stopped, coughing and choking. He'd been talking quickly, frantic and almost hysterical now. Shisui grabbed Itachi's other shoulder, and his heart hurt. It hurt worse than any physical pain to hear Itachi talk like this. Shisui wanted to rationalize it and decide this was all untrue, but he couldn't. This was the truth, and denying it would only make it worse. It would only hurt Itachi more.

Itachi kept coughing for a few more seconds, one hand coming up to touch his throat. He looked up at Shisui with huge eyes, waiting, vulnerable like he hadn't been in years. He put his fate in Shisui's hands with that confession. He was waiting for Shisui's verdict. Shisui sighed and closed his eyes. "Sit down."

Itachi sat with his usual grace, but his hands were quivering. His eyes were darting all over the place, and Shisui could see everything just falling apart. Itachi was breaking. He was maybe already broken. He needed to be pulled off all work and put into therapy _right now_, before he got any worse. Shisui sat down and put his hands on Itachi's knees, trapping the boy's quaking hands.

"I'll ask Fugaku-sama to take you off," Shisui said softly. It was the only option. Itachi blinked and shook his head.

"No! No, Shisui, you _can't _tell him, all right?" Itachi hissed, eyes suddenly sharp and desperate. Itachi acted like he expected someone to burst in and disrupt their conversation, though there was no one else in the house. Itachi would be able to tell that.

"Itachi, you need help. This isn't like a broken bone you can just splint and deal with. This is your _mind_, and the sooner you get help-"

"I know, I know, but, Shisui." Itachi's hands twisted like a hooked worm under Shisui's. "There's something I have to do, okay? You can tell everyone-anyone you want after I get this done. I just-I need you to watch me, okay? You're the only person who could take me out if need be. I need you to make sure I don't really go off the deep end and-" Itachi stopped and coughed again, almost gagging.

Shisui shook his head, alarm rising in him as Itachi said the words 'take me out'. Shisui wasn't even sure is he could do that anymore. Everyone knew Itachi had improved immensely lately, and that was leaving out the psychological aspect of it all. _Could_ Shisui take Itachi down? Take him _out_? "Itachi-"

"It's for the clan. If I give up now, it'll be a mess. I'm close, Shisui, and you know how long we've been waiting for something like this. All I need is a few more days, and then this will all be over." Itachi's eyes were bright, like a fanatics or like he was fevered, and the boy could not stay still. His whole body seemed to quiver, and his hands-Itachi had always had still hands that never wasted any movement. Now those hands twisted and fidgeted like a dying animal. They felt cold and clammy.

"No," Shisui snapped. "No, Itachi, I'm not waiting. Look at yourself! You're falling apart as we speak, and you _need_ help before it's too late. Look at yourself! Think about what it would do to Sasuke if you fall apart. Think about what it would do to your parents-to me. You've got to take care of yourself-"

"Clan before the child," Itachi whispered, eyes suddenly fixed on Shisui's. It was only a whisper, but it stopped Shisui dead. Itachi yanked his hands out from under Shisui's. "Clan first. Shisui, all I need is two days, and it'll all be done. _Two_ days. I'm not going to get any worse in that time, okay?" Itachi held up too fingers, and Shisui was beyond disturbed. This was not the cousin he'd grown up with. This was something else, and it wrenched at Shisui's heart to know he'd helped push Itachi to this frantic creature begging with shaking hands. Everyone had given him a little push to that edge, but Shisui…Shisui should have known better then to push Itachi this far.

Shisui had helped push Itachi over the edge.

Shisui shook his head. "No, Itachi, you-"

"I need to do this," Itachi's voice was hoarse. "Shisui, you don't understand. There's something I have to do, and if you lock me up right now...I have to do it, and then I'll do whatever you want. Just give me two days, all right? Two days. Then I'll be done. You can't tell anyone before I finish the mission or it will compromise everything we do, Shisui. We need this. The clan needs me to finish this, with a clean reputation or-"

"I'm not worried about the clan! Forget the clan Itachi!" Shisui grabbed Itachi's shoulders and shouted. "I'm worried about you! I'm worried about my damn cousin, not the Uchiha, or their genius, or whatever happens to them! I'm worried about _you_!"

"Then do it for me!" Itachi shouted back, matching Shisui's volume and adding in an adolescent squeak that made him sound desperate and frantic. "Then do it for me! I _need_ to do this Shisui. Forget the clan, but I need to finish this, or I…I don't know what will happen. You've got to let me."

Itachi's voice fell and he bowed his head. His hands came up to grip Shisui's arms. "Please, Shi, just two days. You have to let me try. Please don't tell them. Please just…"

Shisui leaned his head forward, resting his forehead against the top of Itachi's sleek black head. Inside that head was a brilliant mind like quicksilver. It was a frightening place to be sure, but the once swift pathways, clean and precise and bright, were falling apart. There was corrosion and disarray seeping into everything, and Shisui could almost see it. He could feel it in Itachi's voice—desperate, frightened, unreasonable.

"Two days," Itachi repeated, and the words were almost inaudible. Shisui could feel the plea in Itachi's hands as the gripped his arms. "Please you've got to…let me try to do it right this time..." Itachi spoke so quietly, it was hard for Shisui to be sure he'd heard every word correctly, but the tone broke Shisui's heart. It broke him apart and made him want to just _cry_ as he hadn't for years.

What had they turned Itachi into? What had _he_ turned Itachi into?

Two days. So much could happen in two days. Two days...why was Itachi pushing for hard for two days? Why did he feel the need to rip apart his sanity for the clan? Why was it so imperative he finish of the ANBU mission, which had dragged on for years, in the next two days? Two days. What could happen to Itachi's breaking mind in two days?

Too much. Far too much.

"Two days, but that's all, even if you haven't finished up." Shisui said firmly, trying to sound like he meant it, trying to get his cousin to calm down. Shisui had never been good at lying to Itachi, but Itachi nodded, hair rubbing against Shisui's forehead with the motion. Some of the frantic tension left him; he believed Shisui. Itachi tipped his head up a little, placing his forehead against Shisui's. Itachi was still shaking. He took a deep breath.

Even after admitting he was going crazy, Itachi still thought himself invincible. He'd asked for more time because he didn't think it would matter to his health, Shisui reasoned. Itachi probably thought there was nothing to fear from the brash venture. He probably couldn't imagine the worst happening to him. Maybe he thought this was the worst. Shisui needed to set his straight on that.

"Itachi-"

Itachi looked up sharply. He blinked, and something passed over his face. He shuddered and something in him crumbled. "I'm scared."

The words were scarcely more than a breath, whispered like they were some sort of dirty, shameful secret, but they struck Shisui to the core, harder than any shout ever could have. His heart wrenched, and he didn't think. Shisui reached up and pushed Itachi's bangs back from his face. He kissed Itachi's forehead as he had when they were children before pulling the boy to him in a hug. Itachi stiffened for a moment, and then buried his face in Shisui's chest. His thin, bird boned body curled around Shisui's, spider hands knotting in Shisui's clothes to keep him close.

Shisui held Itachi tight, as if he could keep the fracturing boy together a little longer. He could smell the strong scent of cinnamon from Itachi's hair, underlain with the scent of sulfur and steel. Shisui pressed his cheek to the top of Itachi's glossy raven head, and he wished there was no clan around them pressing them down so much Shisui couldn't lift Itachi up. Shisui wished, for the first time in his life, he was a nobody who only had to care for his father and cousin, and not a mass of people call the 'Uchiha' who claimed his allegiance simply by the fact he'd been born with their blood in his veins.

_Which means more to you? Itachi or the clan?_

Shisui knew his answer now. He was going to tell Fugaku what Itachi had told him as soon as Itachi left. Maybe Itachi was right. Maybe he needed to finish the ANBU mission for the clan. Maybe Itachi getting pulled off the mission would be the end of the clan, but a clan that had torn Itachi to pieces for its own advancement wasn't a clan Shisui could stand being a part of.

He'd rather there not _be_ an Uchiha clan than live with one like that.

* * *

**A/N: Filler chapter? Set-up chapter? You pick. . Unfortunately, as you've probably guessed, this will not be finished before July, but we're getting very close. ^^**

**Thanks for the reviews guys.**


	29. Family Ties

-Family Ties-

_And where can I turn. . .  
__Surrounded by uncertainty,  
I'm so unsure—_Conspiracy-Paramore

* * *

In the end, Itachi fell asleep, and Shisui let him sleep. The boy didn't even twitch as Shisui settled him on his own futon. Shisui looked at the relaxed form. Itachi must have been past exhaustion to sleep that hard. His training would fight against such a deep sleep. Or perhaps, Shisui thought as he bent over and started to pull the blankets over Itachi, the boy just felt safe enough to let down his guard.

Shisui shook his head. He looked over Itachi. Where the boy's shirt had ridden up, Shisui could see the sharp outline of Itachi's spine. The boy was thinner than he had been only a few weeks ago. There had never been much to Itachi anyway, so any weight loss would be a significant worry. Maybe after the boy woke up, Shisui could get him to eat a good meal before he left. Anything would help. Shisui would go talk to Fugaku after that.

Shisui paused and frowned. He leaned over and pulled the hem of Itachi's pants down a little. There was a small dark bruise-like mark on Itachi's back. It was low, right on the spine and positioned between the two dimples on Itachi's back. Shisui frowned, and ran a finger over the mark. It was slightly raised. Shisui leaned in closer, and he froze. It couldn't be…

Shisui traced the miniscule mark on Itachi's back. It might just look like an oddly shaped bruise to most people, especially if they didn't get very close to it, but Shisui recognized it as something else. He activated his sharingan. There was no flow of chakra to or from the mark. It wasn't active, but there was no doubt what it was.

Why did Itachi have a will suppression seal on him?

Shisui recognized the type of seal because it was similar to the one used on dangerous criminals by officers. This was a stronger version of that seal with something else mixed in, but Shisui knew what it would basically do. It would keep Itachi from going against the orders of whoever had placed the seal on his back. Shisui pulled his hand back and sat back on his heels. Who had put such a mark on Itachi? ANBU?

Maybe Root. Maybe that was why Itachi had been able to find the organization because they had let him. Maybe there were the ones who'd placed the mark on Itachi's back to make sure he didn't betray them, but he _had_. Itachi had told them about Root last night, so it couldn't be them. They would certainly have made provisions to keep Itachi from revealing their existence, unless Itachi had managed to break through the seal, which was entirely unlikely. Who did that leave?

Shisui closed his eyes and wrapped his arm around his stomach. He hunched over, trying to lessen the stabbing pain there. All Shisui's life, he'd been hearing complaints from Itachi about the clan. Itachi had always served them faithfully, but he never had any qualms about telling Shisui how annoying or oppressive he found his clan at times. Though he'd never taken Itachi's complaints very seriously, Shisui had taken it upon himself to try and make Itachi see that he was bound to the Uchiha as they were bound to him. They were all supposed to take care of each other.

Perhaps someone else in the clan had heard Itachi's griping and decided it was serious. Perhaps someone had decided that now was not a time for half hearted loyalty from their genius. There was a simple way to get someone to obey, even if they didn't want to. It took a strong seal, and a lot of charka, but if enough people with the same goal and determination to reach that goal got together…

Shisui felt bile rising in his throat. He pressed his hand over his mouth, and the pain in his stomach was so sharp he almost gasped. The Uchiha wouldn't…they wouldn't _do_ that to Itachi. They _couldn't_. He was their family. He was their flesh and blood. They wouldn't use him like that.

But Fugaku hadn't looked concerned at all when Itachi's trustworthiness was questioned. Had that been a father's trust that his child would do what was right, or was that the assurance that Fugaku _knew_ Itachi couldn't do anything but serve the clan to his fullest? Would Fugaku go so far as to _seal his own son_? Surely not. He never would. Fugaku was head of the clan, and he had responsibilities, but he _loved_ his son. He couldn't have sealed Itachi.

_It's not about what I want anymore. Clan before child. I have to do this. For the clan. Clan first._

Itachi's words rang in Shisui's head. Surely not. Surely not. Fugaku wouldn't…he'd never allow…but he had _no doubts_ about Itachi's loyalty at a time when others were questioning their precious genius. Itachi's devoted words came back to Shisui along with the fanatical look in his eyes. Those words coupled with that looked wasn't something Shisui had ever expected to see from his cousin.

Maybe Itachi, knowing he was going into a difficult situation, had asked to be sealed. Maybe he'd done it to assure himself that he couldn't be used against the clan. Shisui tried to convince himself that could be the case, but he couldn't. It sounded weak even in his own mind. Itachi would never ask to be sealed.

And this seal…whoever had put it on Itachi would have to have a excellent knowledge of seals, as Shisui didn't even recognize the alterations made to the simple seal.

Maybe the seal was the reason Itachi was going crazy. The will suppression seal they used on prisoners was never left on the prisoners more than a few days as not to cause permanent psychological damage. If a prisoner fought against the command set on him the seal would press back, and if enough pressing occurred, it could leave a 'mark' in the prisoners mind even after the seal was removed. If the prisoner fought hard enough against the seal, they sometimes simply broke their minds-like thrashing around in a physical trap could lead to broken bones. Will suppression seals kept the prisoners from performing a prohibited action, but couldn't make them do something. That required a different seal. Shisui knew the will suppression, if the sealed's will ran counter to the sealer's instructions, would be a constant strain on the sealed prisoner, with the seal trying to press the prisoner's mind in a way it didn't want to go.

If the seal was making Itachi crazy, that would mean Itachi's wishes ran counter to the Uchiha's, or whoever had sealed him. Shisui bit his lip and scrunched his eyes shut against the pain. The Uchiha would never seal Itachi. They wouldn't. Shisui swallowed and tried to fight down the feeling that he was going to be sick. The pain twisting in his gut like a hot poker egged it on.

_Would you put the life of one person above the welfare of the whole clan?_

Shisui had learned many uses for his body flicker technique over the years, and not all of them were very glamorous.

* * *

Mikoto was sitting in the kitchen talking to Shogo when she felt the familiar flicker of chakra. Mikoto had only been dropping by to leave Shogo some of rice balls she had made, as her elderly relative didn't like to cook. She hadn't expected Shisui to be home, much less running around the house like that.

The flicker was followed by the unmistakable noise of someone throwing up. Mikoto shoved herself up from her seat and hurried towards the noise out of reflex. She was a mother, and that sound had always brought her running. Shisui was practically her own, as much time as he had spent around their place.

Shisui was hunched over the toilet, finishing up a set of heaves. His face was white, and a cold sweat drenched his face. He sat back, falling back onto the floor and breathing in gasps as he kept one hand wrapped around his stomach. He looked terrible, and he hadn't even noticed that Mikoto was there. Shisui wiped the back of his free hand against his mouth, eyes closed tightly.

"Shisui, what's going on? Are you all right?" Shogo asked as he came tottering down the hall. Shisui looked up and was obviously startled by Mikoto presence. The boy looked suddenly furtive, and then clamped his eyes shut. He pressed his hand over his mouth and wrapped his arm tighter around his stomach.

Mikoto stepped further into the small bathroom to allow Shogo to look in at his son. Out of habit, she checked to see exactly what Shisui had thrown up.

"'M fine," Shisui managed in a hushed voice. "Breakfast just didn't sit well."

"You didn't eat breakfast," Mikoto said. The vomit in the water was frothy white with an added bonus of a dark, coffee-grounds-like substance. "Shisui, you just threw up blood." She looked down at the boy, who had his hand pressed to his mouth again. He knew what she said was true.

"Blood?" Shogo was peering past Mikoto to his son. "Blood. Shisui, what's wrong?"

"I don't know," Shisui managed, and his face scrunched up with pain. He lurched forward and vomited again, the hand clutching at his middle convulsing.

Mikoto grabbed a washcloth and wet it with cold water from the sink. When she turned back to Shisui he was sitting back again, his legs curled up against his body as he leaned against the wall for support. Mikoto knelt down by Shisui and, ignoring that he was almost too old for this sort of treatment, ran her wet cloth over his face.

"How long has this been going on?" Mikoto asked, a frown marring her face.

Shisui gave a weak shrug. "I started throwing up last night, but I-" Shisui stopped and grimaced, gritting his teeth. "Stomach's been bothering me for a couple of weeks. I was going to get it looked at, but…"

"You were always busy," Mikoto finished for him. She heard that excuse to often it was enough to make her want to scream. She hated it, but it was the truth. Everyone in her life seemed to busy to take care of themselves. Mikoto looked at the hand clutching Shisui's side and placed her cold cloth across his forehead.

"You've probably given yourself an ulcer working so hard, and then you were tired because you were losing blood, so you drank more coffee to stay awake, which made your stomach hurt worse, didn't it?" Mikoto sat back and pinched the bridge of her nose. She didn't have to look to see Shisui's miserable nod. The man-boy, _child_- was in pain. He'd been in pain for weeks, but he'd been too busy with clan business to stop and take care of himself. Worse, none of his elders or peers has stopped and made him take care of himself like they should have. Shogo couldn't be

Itachi had bled from his eyes. Shisui was bleeding from his stomach. When the clan had bled their genius children dry, what would they do then? Was a future built on the blood of neglected children ever worth living?

Mikoto looked at Shisui's pale, pain pinched face, remembered Itachi screaming in the night, and she knew: _nothing_ was worth this.

The Uchiha around her were all talking about a new and better era for the clan, and getting back the respect the clan had once had. They were all blind idiots. Their drive to regain the past was killing the future, and it wouldn't stop with Itachi and Shisui. It would keep going, and eventually Sasuke would be sacrificed to that merciless wheel of fate if someone didn't wake up and _realize_ what was going on.

Mikoto pushed Shisui's hair back from his sweaty face. "I'm so sorry."

Because she was just as much to blame as everyone else-maybe more so, because she had seen what was happening to them, and she hadn't tried harder to stop it.

* * *

"Drink this-all of it," Mikoto commanded with a motherly authority. "Take it in small sips, and you should be able to keep it down. It will help with the pain, and go see Dr. Genzai _today_, all right?"

Shisui nodded, feeling about twelve again. "Yes 'mam, I will." He would. He wasn't going to be able to take care of Itachi if he wasn't taking care of himself, and he _would_ have to be the one taking care of Itachi. Itachi had come to him with his confession of insanity, and Shisui had to help Itachi with it. One way or another, Shisui would help Itachi.

"Ah, 'Tou-san, do we have any of Chichi-baa-san's ramen left?" Shisui asked, looking over at his father. Shogo had married late, and his young wife had died very soon after Shisui's birth. It had been an arranged marriage planned by the clan for good breeding, and, evidently, it had worked. It never bothered Shisui that his father was more than old enough to be his grandfather. He'd had mother enough in Mikoto, and he'd never needed for anything in his clan. Everyone had taken care of him like he was their own child.

When had they lost that? When had power become more important than people?

"I wouldn't try eating just yet," Mikoto cautioned. She would know. Shisui thought he could remember Fugaku getting a similar stomach ailment years ago. It was the only time Shisui could ever remember the clan head being successfully confined to his bed.

"Oh, no, not for me," Shisui shook his head and took another slow sip of Mikoto's magic brew. "For Itachi. I thought he might be hungry."

"Itachi's here?" Mikoto sounded more surprised than she should. It wasn't odd for Itachi to be visiting his cousin, though it was a rarer occurrence recently. Maybe she had a right to be surprised. Maybe she was just surprised Itachi wasn't in here with them, fussing over Shisui. Itachi would have heard the noise, and he would have come to see what was wrong.

"Aa, but he'd asleep," Shisui hurried on when he saw Mikoto's concerned frown. "We were talking, and he just...fell asleep. The meeting ran very late." Mikoto looked mostly convinced. The meetings did run late-later with every passing day, it seemed, filled with more hopeful plans to raise the clan up. What was odd was Itachi dropping off in the middle of a conversation, and sleeping deeply enough that the noise of their conversation hadn't woken him.

"You were home rather early," Shogo put in, raising a bushy white eyebrow at his son.

Shisui flushed a little. "I...I didn't feel well." Shisui glanced over at Mikoto, and wondered if Fugaku had told her about last night's meeting. He didn't know how much they shared about clan business, but it wouldn't be long before Shisui's actions were all over the compound. He'd probably be in unofficial disgrace for a while and discounted as a wet-behind the ears alarmist for a while, even if he was regarded as the Uchiha's second genius. He didn't regret what he'd said, however.

"It's no wonder," Mikoto stood up and smoothed her skirt. "I'll leave Itachi here, then, since he's so tired. Please make sure he does eat something. He didn't eat much breakfast." From her tone, Shisui got the impression that Itachi would be asked a few pointed questions when he got home.

"I will," Shisui assured her. "Ah, and will you please not tell him about...what happened? I don't want him to worry about me. He's got enough problems without me adding to them." A look of sheer annoyance passed over Mikoto's face before she nodded.

"I won't tell him, but you should. It's not good to keep secrets from those you're closest too," She chided. Mikoto bowed to Shogo, who thanked her for bringing them some food before she left. Shisui felt more like a scolded child than ever, but maybe that was all he was. What separated a child from an adult anyway? Shisui couldn't say he was a child anymore, but could he call himself an adult?

Shisui shook his head and finished up the drink. His father spoke to him about his stomach problems, and Shisui agreed to visit go see Genzai-sensei with him, as soon as Itachi woke up. Shisui didn't want Itachi to wake up to an empty house, especially after their conversation. Shisui left his father pottering around the kitchen and went to check up on Itachi. He wasn't expecting Itachi to be awake, but he was sitting up, leaning against the wall.

"So, you are up! There's some ramen Chichi-obaa-san left for us if you want something to eat..." Shisui trailed off as Itachi looked at him. Shisui's eyes went wide and he stepped back towards the door. His eyes told him that this was his cousin-Itachi's body, certainly, just as he had left it here not so long ago, but the eyes that looked at him out of that young face were not Itachi's.

Those eyes were deeper, older. Shisui had never thought of Itachi's eyes as shallow, and lately he'd thought Itachi's eyes looked old and tired, but that was nothing compared to this. These eyes were ancient, and deeper than the oceans. They might even be bottomless, and they were exhausted, pulling on the last dregs of physical and mental strength. There was heavy strain in those eyes that made Shisui wonder how they were even alive. Despite all those things, Shisui was struck with one clear thought.

This was someone who could kill him in an instant.

"Shisui, what's wrong?" Not-Itachi asked. Those eyes looked _through_ Shisui, into something else. They didn't have to look at Shisui. They already knew everything about him. Shisui shuddered, and he felt cold. Was this...could this be one of the _things_ that Itachi had been talking about?

"Who are you?" Shisui asked, edging back into the room. His eyes were red, and his body was tense. He watched this person closely for any signs of movement, but Itachi's body remained lax. There was no obvious sign of threat, but Shisui's instincts told him not let his guard down. This person would kill him-had already killed him in his mind-and moved on to bigger, greater enemies.

The not-Itachi blinked. "You...so you know. How can you tell this time? Sasuke's the only one who'd been able to tell."

"I can tell," Shisui shot back. He wanted Itachi to come back. This was unnerving. It was disturbing on a level so deep that Shisui felt like something vital had been pulled out of him. He was used to people being impersonated, but this was something different. This was _something_ using his cousin as a mouthpiece that _lived_ inside his cousin- a fragmented piece on consciousness that acted independently from Itachi's wishes.

"Ah, I'd forgotten how perceptive you were-_are_," The not-Itachi shrugged lightly, still reclined against the wall, watching Shisui. His posture didn't even hint at a threat, but the eyes did all of that for him.

"Bring Itachi back," Shisui said, desperate for this..._thing_ to go away. "Why are you here?"

The not-Itachi blinked, and then stood up. "I don't know why I'm here, but I do know one thing." He fixed Shisui with a look that froze his blood and almost stopped his heart. "Take care of him, and trust your own judgment. _You_ know him best, and you'll know if something's wrong."

Shisui pressed his back against the opposite wall. "You're the one driving him crazy. Why would you want me to take care of him?"

The not-Itachi smiled, and Shisui had never seen a more cynical smile on his cousin's face. "The kitten's not as crazy as he thinks he is, but he could be. If the right pressures were applied, he'll fly apart in a second. You have to keep that from happening."

Pressure...Itachi was under pressure from everyone. His clan, his ANBU mission, and now that seal. Who had put it on him? That was a definite pressure, and the one most likely to drive him mad. "You mean the seal."

The not-Itachi looked startled. One hand moved back in an aborted motion, and Shisui guessed the motion was one that would have brought Itachi's hand to press against the seal. So, he knew about it tooo. Shisui crossed his arms, feeling a little bolder now that he hadn't been threatened outright. "Who put it on him?"

The not-Itachi opened his mouth, and then shuddered. The eyes closed, and, for a moment, Shisui could think the face creasing in pain was Itachi's-which it was, in a way, but it wasn't in more ways. Did Itachi feel the pain of this other being right now? How deeply were they connected?

"You can't talk about it," Shisui surmised. Of course not. If Itachi could talk about the seal, and tell people that it had been put on him, he could get it taken off at anytime. If Itachi couldn't talk about it, though, that would mean it _had_ been put on against his will, or against his knowledge. Or, perhaps, his being unable to speak of it was just a safety precaution. Maybe Itachi had been afraid he wouldn't be able to carry out his duties without the seal to keep him on the straight and narrow, but that would mean Itachi's view had changed and he was now fighting against the seal…

Shisui didn't know. All his guesswork sounded hollow in his mind. He might try to convince himself otherwise, but he was sure the seal had been placed without Itachi's consent. The question was, who had set the ink seal to the boy's back. Did Itachi know about it? Was that what he'd been afraid of?

Was that why he couldn't quit the mission?

The thought hit Shisui hard. It made sense. Itachi _wanted_ to quit the mission, but the seal wouldn't let him. Itachi had to know Shisui would want him off the mission after Itachi admitted he was crazy, but then he's insisted Shisui _not_ take him off the mission. It was driving him apart, his will straining against the command of the seal. Maybe these different people in Itachi's head were his way of protecting himself from the pressures of the seal. When it became too much, Itachi would retire and another persona would take over for a while.

Dissociative Identity Disorder-the mind's extreme way of protecting itself from repeated stressful situations, and the Uchiha had done this to Itachi. The seal had made Itachi crazy. His clan had placed it on him. Shisui didn't know if he wanted to laugh or cry, and his stomach was hurting again. He felt like he was going to be sick all over again, and he'd just managed to get something down too. Would telling Fugaku Itachi was going crazy do any good now? Would Fugaku even care? Had had to.

"Shisui, what's wrong?" Itachi asked. Shisui looked up and saw that Itachi was looking at him with sleep bleared eyes. There was an almost disconnected look to those eyes, and then Shisui realized they just weren't as deep as the other being's. They weren't as all knowing, serious and deadly. They were Itachi's eyes, colored with concern for Shisui, who was almost double over now, leaning against a wall across from Itachi.

"Stomach-ache," Shisui replied with a faint smile. He made himself straighten up and tried to keep any pain from his face. "I must have eaten something bad for breakfast. Are you hungry? There's ramen."

"A little," Itachi admitted, standing up. He was watching Shisui suspiciously. He wasn't sure if he should believe the excuse he'd been given. Shisui could see that.

"Good. Let's go eat, then," Shisui smiled and swallowed the excess saliva in his mouth caused by his churning stomach. He would not throw up. He _would not_. Itachi nodded, concern melting from his face, and Shisui realized how preoccupied Itachi was. Normally, the boy would have noticed that something else was wrong with Shisui. Normally, he would have been all over Shisui, trying to decide if his cousin was lying. Now, it seemed to be all Itachi could do to stand up and walk. It was all he could do to hold himself together. He didn't have the energy to spare to hold Shisui together.

Shisui would have to hold himself together this time.

Itachi glanced over at Shisui, who, for a moment, thought he'd been wrong and Itachi had seen straight through him as always. Itachi gave Shisui a small smile instead. "Thanks."

Shisui stomach flipped, but this time it had nothing to do with the pain. "No problem, 'Tachi. We're family. We take care of each other." Itachi's little smile widened marginally, and Shisui felt heart-sick. He didn't deserve that thanks or that look.

Not when he was terrified of asking Fugaku about the seal or telling him Itachi was crazy. Not when he was hesitating when Itachi well being was on the line. It was one thing to think your family was unintentionally pushing your cousin off the edge. It was another to _know_ they were doing it intentionally. Now it wasn't a matter of making them believe him. Now it was a matter of would they do anything at all to help? Would they even care?

If the Uchiha wouldn't help him save Itachi, who would?

* * *

**A/N: Good news! I finally have an ending planned out for this story :D. Bad news: I'm sick/have been sick(my lungs, they fail so bad it's not even funny right now), so Ascendant will be on hiatus until August. I will still be writing as I can, and, hopefully, we can make a sprint to the end when I get back.**

**Thanks for the reviews, and have a good month!**


	30. One Step Forward

-One Step Forward-

_I try to find myself,  
I find the stranger trapped inside,  
And I'll take one more step away,  
From the face I used to recognize_.-Break Me Down-Red

Mikoto went straight to the room designated as Fugaku's office while he was at home. It took him only a second to look up after she opened the door, but Mikoto caught the image of him, head bowed over his work, in her mind.

His hair was going gray, not so much it could be noticed easily, but it was there. His face was lined and fatigued. He was a man who had lived through a horrible war. He'd survived that war with his best friend, only to have that friend killed months later. He was burdened by a clan that was under suspicion, falling deeper and deeper into ignominy. His duties tried to pull him opposite directions at times, but he managed to stay whole. If he hadn't been born a hard man, he would have to be one now to have survived so long.

Mikoto looked down at her husband, his grey eyes more tired than hard today. "Did you know Shisui has a bleeding ulcer?"

Fugaku looked taken aback and placed his pen down. Mikoto had his full attention now. "No, I didn't."

"And why not?" Mikoto asked sharply. "He works directly under you half the time. Hadn't you noticed anything was wrong with him?"

"When I asked, he said he was fine-"

"And you believed what he said over what you saw? Do you think he'd admit he wasn't well, and give you another worry at a time like this?" Mikoto crossed her arms, eyes flashing. She was furious and sick. This was as much a lecture for herself as it was for Fugaku. She hadn't been pushing anyone to take care of themselves lately either. "He's not going to stop and take care of himself unless you make him. He'll feel too guilty otherwise."

"Clan first," Fugaku said, and he sounded just as wearied as his eyes looked. "He'll feel guilty even if I tell him to rest. He'll find other ways to work, ones I don't know about, and he'll be just as ragged as he was before."

"So you're not going to do anything?" Mikoto asked sharply. "Fugaku, he's your clan member. He's _your _responsibility, not some pawn that you can use however you want. Do you even hear what I'm saying-what you're saying? You can't keep driving him like this-"

"He's driving himself, Mikoto-"

"I know!" Mikoto stomped a foot when she wanted to reach across and try to strangle her husband with her bare hands. "Because we've raised our children right! Because we've taught them to put the clan first! _WE_ taught them how to beat themselves bloody, and get up and do it all again just because they're clan needs something.

"And now that they're bleeding out all over the floor, and all we're doing is congratulating them for doing their duty, and asking them to get up and do it again," Mikoto hissed. Her eyes were red, she knew that. Her face was flushed, and she was furious at everyone and everything that had brought them to this point. She watched Fugaku, and she tried to read him. She tried to remember if this was all there was to the man she'd married, or if he'd bled a part of himself dry for the clan too.

The clan had required Mikoto to quit being a kunoichi. Maybe it required Fugaku quit being a father.

"You told me Itachi wasn't a child anymore. Shisui's not a child anymore either, I know that, but what's going to happen when you can't use them anymore? Sasuke…he's next isn't he? None of them are children. They're Uchiha," Mikoto felt bitterness welling up in her. What could she do? She was just a woman now. She was just a mother. How could she understand the world of ninja? How could she make the children-_her_ children listen to her?

"You're right. This will never stop," Fugaku agreed. "If we use up Shisui and Itachi, Sasuke will be next. We'll devour our own, and we'll never stop."

"Then stop it," Mikoto said, feeling her finger nails cutting into her flesh. "You're clan head. You can stop this."

Fugaku picked up a roll of paper from his desk. He handed the scroll to Mikoto. She glanced at him curiously and then took the scroll. It was a mission scroll, and Shisui and Itachi's names were on it. Mikoto sank down as she read it. She re-read it, and when she looked up, Fugaku had gone back to his work.

"I'm afraid I'm not a very good clan head. I play favorites far too often," Fugaku said ruefully. Mikoto gripped the scroll tightly in her hand. She threw the scroll back down onto the table and reached across it to grabbed Fugaku by his shirt and yanked him forward.

* * *

Itachi came home feeling more hopeful than he had felt in weeks. The other was present in his mind, and the Monster was nowhere to be felt. Itachi had a back-up plan in Shisui, who would be loyal to the clan to the end. It wouldn't come to that, Itachi was sure. He'd get the proof the Uchiha needed to uncover Root, and then he could rest. He'd let them lock him up where the Monster could never hurt anyone, and it would be all right.

_Will it be all right_?

Of course it would be. It had to be. Itachi pushed the other's morose thoughts away. It seemed when Itachi was optimistic, the other was pessimistic. Itachi could feel the other's doubts weighing down on his mind. It was a soft, niggling whisper all through-out his mind, speaking doom and death and gallons of blood spread under the moonlight. Doubt was the inevitable massacre.

It wouldn't happen. Itachi wouldn't let it happen. He was a genius. He was the best of the best, and he would _not_ let his family be slaughtered, much less kill them with his own hands. He was going to get proof _tonight_, and then it would be over.

_Oh yes, tonight it will be over_.

Itachi felt the bitter tinge to those words and scowled. He walked to his room and ignored the other. Itachi wouldn't let his mood be dampened by the defeatist voice in his head. This would be his victory over madness and intrigue. Tonight was his, and he would make sure it all fell out as he wanted it to. There was no other option. Itachi wouldn't consider anything else. He had his safety net of Shisui, and that was all he needed. He'd never needed more than that.

"Nii-san…" Sasuke peered around the door of Itachi's room, large eyes and a pale face. Itachi turned, and he smiled on reflex.

"What is it Sasuke?" Itachi asked. The other's emotions changed too, growing warmer, and the sorrow changed from resigned to something deeper and more painful. All the other could see was a brother buried and twisted in hate. It made this eight year-old child with open trust on his face something more precious than life itself.

_For Sasuke, then. We can try._

For Sasuke, and it would be more than trying. It would be succeeding.

"Did Shisui make you feel better?" Sasuke asked, nose wrinkled as he walked into the room. He'd said he would take care of Itachi, but maybe he realized that he needed help in that.

Itachi nodded. "He did, and he said he'd help you take care of me." Itachi poked Sasuke in the forehead, and Sasuke scowled. He clapped his hands over his forehead and glared at his brother. It lacked fire and rabid hate. It was cute, not heart rending. Itachi almost laughed, and Sasuke pouted.

"But Shisui's always taking care of you anyway," Sasuke pointed out. "Like you take care of me." Like Itachi should take care of Sasuke, anyway. It wasn't always that Itachi took care of Sasuke like a brother should, but he promised himself he would do that from now on. Life would be better. He would make it better.

"Did you tell him you were sick?" Sasuke queried. He hesitated over the word 'sick', as if he knew that wasn't exactly what was wrong with his brother. What other word could he use? What other word made sense? Itachi knew what Sasuke meant, though, and that was what mattered. Itachi was sick. His head was sick and filled with poison and decay. Maybe sick was exactly the right word for this after all.

Itachi nodded. "I did." Sasuke looked surprised, mouth falling slack and then he just looked relieved. Yes, Sasuke knew this problem was too big for just him to handle. He could see that. Now, Sasuke had back-up in form of Shisui, who, while he wasn't the awesome big brother Itachi was, he was almost just as good. Ninja children learned early the fact that having a partner you could trust greatly improved the chance of a mission being successful.

_Even if the partner is only an imaginary voice in your head?_

Even then, and if the other could help Itachi save his family, then Itachi didn't care what it was or what it called itself. Itachi would use all the tools available to him to save his family from the Monster.

"Then it's gonna be okay?" Sasuke asked brightly.

"Yeah, it's going to be okay," Itachi promised. He felt, for once, the other's assent to that statement. It would be okay. They would make it okay. Together. Itachi ruffled Sasuke's hair. Sasuke scowled and protested, but there was bright relief under it all, and a laugh hidden beneath everything. Relief. Itachi felt it too. The other felt it. Everything seemed to breathe out a sigh of relief, and Itachi relaxed for one moment. For an instant, he was at peace of there was no guard.

Then _He_ pounced. Not on Itachi, no, he pounced on the other, who had been so careful up until now to hide itself from _Him_.

_**What is this?**_

Itachi felt his body go rigid. His mind grew hot and frantic. He could feel the other fight, panic rising up like a death scream in Itachi's throat. He could feel claws sinking into his mind, pulling it apart at will. He could feel probing fingers digging through his mind, searching out every little crevice and corner. Itachi couldn't feel anything but that. There was nothing beyond that. The Monster was here.

The Monster was _here_.

_**Monster? Oh yes, monster. Monster I am. What have you got in here with you, little one? What delusion is this? What does it know that makes you so happy? Let us SEE.**_

Itachi's unfeeling feet staggered backwards across the floor. His back hit a wall, but he couldn't feel it, though his mind told him he'd hit a wall. His body was hot and tight, drawn to a breaking point as the clawed fingers delved deeper and deeper into his mind, finally drawing to the place where the other came from- a place Itachi had never been able to find on his own before. He heard the other _scream_-a warning, a death cry, a noise that stabbed through Itachi's brain like fire, lighting him up with desperate panic.

_No, no, don't-if you do, he'll see. He can't _see_! DON'T LET HIM SEE!_

The Monster paid no heed, and Itachi felt all the barriers between himself and the other ripped down. He felt his mind submerged in memories that were _not_ his as the Monster flipped through the lifetime of another man with a casual disdain for privacy and a burning intent to find what he wanted. This was all a game to him. No rules, no consequences. This was all fun, and it was tearing Itachi up inside and out.

His back was agony. It was tight fire burning fast through his spine and then all through him. His chakra networks seemed to convulse. He wasn't aware of anything beyond the flashing memories draining out into his head and the bright pain that clenched and shook his whole body. He felt wretched. The more memories were splashed across his mind the more he hurt. His body seemed to be trying to turn itself inside out. Itachi felt like someone was stabbing knives into his nerves and ripping at his chakra coils with fishhooks. He might have screamed. He might have died. He might have done anything.

He didn't know. He couldn't see. He couldn't feel. Even the pain was gone, senses and nerves overloaded with the sensation. He was nothing, floating in a black space. Then the black space was flooded with memories, rushing through so quickly he shouldn't have known what they were. He shouldn't have seen them at all, but he knew what each one was. These were his memories, or they were going to be. Itachi tasted bile and felt a body that ached and shook like a leaf in a storm.

The Monster was laughing. _**I see. So this is what has been running you around. This is what's been driving you mad. And now, now you will carry everything out the same way as **_this_**. No other way. This is your way. This is your life. You will follow it.**_

There was more laughing, and Itachi felt the rough tatami mat under his face. He felt tears running down his cheeks. His body hurt, but his mind and soul were in anguish. He knew what would happen now. He knew it all as the other did. He knew how the Uchiha massacre would happen.

Knowledge was power, but as the laughing Monster, Uchiha Madara, pulled away from Itachi's mind, Itachi didn't think this would be enough power. He didn't think he could break the chains wrapped so tightly around his neck. He was choking-choked. He was an actor in a macabre play-just a puppet for the powers of the world.

What could he do to stop this?

Sasuke was gone, and Itachi heard the boy calling for their parents with a high, frantic voice. Itachi shoved himself to his feet. He would do whatever he could to stop this, but he had to go now. He had to _act_ _now_. He could feel the other's weak assent. This was the right thing to do. This was the only way, and they _would_ find a way, Monster be damned. Itachi struggled to his feet and went scrambling out into the garden. His head was still a jumbled mess, but he couldn't wait for it to clear. There was no time.

There as no time to explain to his parents the impending disaster, even if they would understand and believe. No time to wait for his weak muscles to recover. No time to wait for the fevered feel of his skin to dissipate, or the hot, angry burning of his chakra network to subside. There was no time to waste, and, maybe, not enough time at all.

* * *

Inoichi pinched the bridge of his nose and then rubbed at his temples. He'd even gone as far as to let his down from its normal ponytail and braid it back to relieve the pressure of it pulling on his skull.

"Still have a head-ache, old man?" Genma asked amiably.

Inoichi just gave Genma a look, and Genma shrugged. "Maybe you should get your head looked at. It's not like you to have a head-ache this long. Maybe someone went and knocked something in there loose."

"If you're suggesting that someone managed to put a genjutsu, even a partially successful one on me, without my knowledge, then you've finally lost the last of your marbles, Genma," Inoichi pointed out sourly.

"He's a genjutsu expert, pup, no one's gonna muck up his mind without him knowing about it," Tsume growled and thumped Genma on the back of the head.

"And don't even try justifying that by saying he's old. He's not _that_ old," Raidou added his own thump to the back of Genma's head. Genma glared at Raidou and rubbed the back of his head.

"Geez, give me a head-ache too, why don't you? I'm just saying, as a former medic, maybe he should get his head looked at, all right? Head-aches shouldn't last for days like this, and genjutsus can cause head-aches. Excuse me for thinking the reason a genjutsu user would have a head-ache would be a genjutsu," Genma grumbled, glaring at Tsume and Raidou.

"Nice reasoning, kid, but I'm sure it's not a genjutsu. I'm just getting too old to run this many missions in a row. I'm going to go home, take a nice hot bath and a long nap." Inoichi nodded to himself. Ino would be over at her friend's house, so there'd be no little girl to take care of. He could nap without worry or interruption.

"Ha, see, he is getting that old," Genma shot back at Raidou. They all knew they were running a race against the clocks, using their bodies past human limits. Chakra could only strengthen your bones and ligaments so much. Sooner than later, they'd start giving out and breaking down. This was a rough life, and even if you survived it, you had to live with your scars.

"Well, he can still kick your butt, nine times out of twelve, so he's not old enough to worry about yet," Raidou returned as he rubbed at the scar across his face. Genma scoffed, and Tsume barked a laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, you should quit while you're ahead and make way for the new generation or ninja, old man," Genma snipped. "Like that one." Genma pointed to Itachi, who had just turned a corner and come into view. The boy looked up, eyes blank for a moment before they lit up with recognition.

"Oi, brat, how're your ribs doing?" Genma asked as they approached each other. "Are you back to running missions already?"

"My ribs are fine." Itachi shook his head. "But, no, I'm not. I start back tomorrow."

"Then why're you here now?" Genma asked, the senbon in his mouth waving languidly back and forth. "You should be resting up for whatever hellish missions they decide to send you on as punishment for getting injured."

"I…" Itachi paused, and Inoichi could swear the kid's eyes looked blank for a moment as he spoke. Were they a little bloodshot too? Was the kid shaking just a bit? "I'm going to the subbasements."

"Subbasements? What for?" Genma asked curiously. Inoichi was curious to. Itachi wasn't part of T&I, and they were the ones that mostly used the subbasements. It wasn't a very pleasant place, overall. No one spent more time there than they had to.

"I need to collaborate a report of a field interrogation," Itachi replied smoothly, his earlier hesitation gone. "Just paperwork, so I'm all right to do it even though I'm still on injury leave. If you'll excuse me…" Itachi bowed to them all and slipped past. Inoichi watched him go.

"Did he seem a little…off to you?" Genma asked, though that made the assumption they knew Itachi well enough to know when he was off. Genma would. Raiodu might, but Inoichi shouldn't.

Except, he did know something was off. Inoichi pressed his fingers to his temples as his head-ache roared to new life. He'd insisted over and over again this had nothing to do with a genjustu, but Itachi's actions stirred something in his mind-something he couldn't touch and could barely feel, but…

"I think I will go and get my head looked at before I go home, just to be safe," Inoichi decided. "By Haruko-chan."

Genma gave him a sharp look. "She's a Yamanaka."

Inoichi nodded. "Exactly." There was a silence, and Inoichi walked on a few steps without his squad. Then he heard them hurrying after him.

"We'll walk you there," Raidou said calmly, though Inoichi knew they were all just a little concerned. Of course they were. They were a squad of ninja, and that made them almost family. Family took care of you, even when you might not need it. Itachi might not have been on Inoichi's squad but once, but the kid was still family of a sort-shinobi family, and that was what had Inoichi heading for a very extensive, very thorough head check.

* * *

**A/N: Aaaaand, here we go! The sprint to the end! Please note the chapter has not be beta'd. ^^;; sorry about that, I'll get the edited one up soon. **

**And thanks for the reviews! :D**


	31. Running Home

-Running Home-

_Taking shortcuts through the alleys,  
While you're racing through my mind,  
Cops can chase but they won't catch me,  
Not before I get to speak my mind,  
If there's still time_-Talk You Down-The Script

* * *

Itachi was gone. By the time Sasuke got his parents to his brother's room, Itachi was gone. Sasuke was still upset. He'd just been _talking_ to Itachi, and then his brother had gone all pale and started staggering back. He'd fallen over, shaking, eyes wide and unseeing. He wouldn't respond to anything Sasuke said. He hadn't been there, and it had _scared_ Sasuke so badly. He'd done the only thing he'd known to do.

And still, Itachi was gone. Mikoto and Fugaku hadn't even known the boy was home. Mikoto asked questions, but Sasuke didn't think they were taking this seriously enough. This was Itachi they were talking about. Didn't they know how bad he was getting? Didn't they see that _someone_ needed to do something? Sasuke was trying, but he couldn't make it right on his own. He needed help.

His parents couldn't seem to see that Itachi was sick. When he'd told his mother she'd shaken her head and said that Itachi wasn't sick. Itachi was just tired. Sasuke knew differently, but his mother had insisted in her calm voice that Itachi was just tired, and once he got some rest he'd be fine. Itachi had been right. Not only could their parents not fix what was wrong with Itachi, they couldn't even see that there was anything wrong with Itachi.

Sasuke's much needed help came about an hour after Itachi vanished. Sasuke was brooding around the kitchen when someone knocked. Sasuke bounced to his feet and ran to the door. He opened it a little, and then flung it open as soon as he saw who it was.

"Shisui!" Sasuke threw himself around the teenager's waist, burying his face in Shisui's stomach before looking up at him. "Itachi got sick again."

"Sasuke, Itachi isn't sick," Mikoto scolded as she walked up. She smiled at Shisui. "And what did Genzai-sensei say?"

"Ah, he gave me some medicine and told me to take it easy. I also have a list of foods I'm not supposed to eat," Shisui replied. He ruffled Sasuke's hair with both hands, but the action was absent. Shisui was definitely thinking of something else. Sasuke tugged on Shisui's shirt.

"Are you sick too?" Itachi hadn't said Shisui was sick. He should have at least mentioned it. If Sasuke and Shisui were going to be partners in keeping Itachi safe, Shisui being sick was something Sasukle should know about.

"Only a little," Shisui said with a smile down at the boy. "I worked too much and hurt my stomach. Now it's bleeding-like a kunai cut, and I have to take extra good care of it until it gets better. Don't tell Itachi, all right? He'll think he gave it to me." Shisui held a finger to his lips and winked. Sasuke nodded. He liked keeping secrets, and Shisui's secret would only make Itachi worry and get sicker. Shisui was taking care of himself. Itachi wasn't.

"Fugaku needs to talk with you before you go, Shisui. I'm sorry, but Itachi's not here," Mikoto said, and she sounded unhappy.

"Actually, I'm here to see Fugaku-sama," Shisui explained. "But, ah, Genzai-sensei gave me some tea I'm supposed to drink every few hours...could I borrow your tea pot?" Shisui asked with a small bow that was hampered by Sasuke still clinging to his waist.

"Of course, Sasuke, please make sure Shisui finds everything he needs, all right?" Mikoto gave Sasuke a look that told him to behave and not bother Shisui. Sasuke already knew that. Shisui was sick, but talking about Itachi wouldn't be bothering. It would be telling Shisui what he needed to know.

"Yes 'mam," Sasuke nodded and Shisui suddenly hoisted him up into the air, tossing the boy onto his shoulder.

"Come on, Sasuke. You can make sure I don't burn down the house or anything," Shisui teased, carrying the boy off with him to the kitchen. Sasuke laughed, not bothering to grab anything for balance. Shisui would never drop him.

Shisui put Sasuke down on the kitchen table and went hunting for the things he needed. Shisui knew where everything was, a virtue of almost living in this house for years and a genius memory. Shisui _was _a genius, even if he wasn't as genius as Itachi was. Sasuke watched Shisui work for a couple of moments before Shisui spoke.

"How was Itachi sick?" Shisui asked, glancing over his shoulder with dark worry in his face.

Sasuke jumped on the question. Maybe his parents didn't believe him, but Shisui would because Itachi had told him! Sasuke felt immensely relieved, and was horrifically glad that Itachi had finally told someone else. People believed Itachi. They didn't believe Sasuke. They thought he was too young and that he didn't see what was going on.

He did see, though. He saw a lot more than anyone would ever guess.

"He was talking just fine to me, and then he went all pale and started breathing hard and sweating, and then he staggered around a lot and fell over," Sasuke took a quick breath. "I-I got scared and went to get Kaa-san and Tou-san, but Itachi was gone by the time we got back. They didn't believe me when I said Itachi was sick. They just said he was tired."

Shisui's hands paused for a moment, and he looked closely at Sasuke. "Were they worried that he'd been sick?"

"Yeah, I guess, but not a lot," Sasuke sighed. "They think I worry too much. They said Itachi's going to be fine, but everyone keeps telling me that, and Itachi _is not_ fine, and no one else seems to notice it but me and you."

"Or care," Shisui said tightly, and then he was moving on. "I'll go see if I can find him after I talk to your father, all right? I'll make him come home and get some rest. He really is very tired, and if he could rest, then he would feel a lot better."

"Okay," Sasuke nodded and swung his feet. "They'll listen to you. They just treat me like a little kid."

Shisui laughed. "You are a little kid, Sasuke. You're only eight."

Sasuke scowled. "If I was like Itachi they'd listen to me. Itachi was a gennin already when he was eight. If I was a gennin instead of just a student at the Academy, then they'd listen to me."

Shisui set his tea water to boil and then turned to face Sasuke. He walked over to the boy and sat down on a chair, placing his head below Sasuke's. Shisui looked up at the boy. "But you don't need to be a gennin to help Itachi, do you? You're doing just fine being what you are. I bet Itachi's really thankful that he's got a little brother as awesome as you are."

Sasuke smiled very slowly, and felt a flush of pride start in his cheeks. "Maybe..." Sasuke was far from being as good at anything as Itachi. Itachi was probably a much better brother than Sasuke was, but Sasuke wasn't _that_ bad at being a brother at least. He tried. He tried really hard, though, lately, that didn't seem to be enough.

"If...if we both try really hard, it'll be okay, won't it?" Sasuke asked suddenly. "We'll be able to make Itachi all better, won't we?"

Shisui hesitated, face flickering with emotions. He tried to cover it up, but Sasuke saw doubt painted in debilitating strokes across Shisui's face. Sasuke felt his stomach drop, and even though Shisui smiled and said that they would, Sasuke didn't really believe him.

Shisui was still an adult, after all, and Sasuke was just a kid who wouldn't see what you didn't want him to see.

* * *

Itachi shuffled through papers and scrolls. The other was whispering madly in his head. They were in a very hard to get to storage room in the subbasements, looking through files that shouldn't exist. Any of these would help Itachi, but he needed one that would pin Danzou and Root both in one swift blow. He needed irrefutable proof, and he needed it now.

When the door of the room swung open, Itachi shoved the scroll he'd been reading into the pocket of his vest and turned to see who it was. It was Misao. She looked at Itachi, speculative and a little wary before she spoke. "Danzou wants to see you."

Itachi nodded, relieved she didn't ask him why he was in this room. As he walked past her, she drew back, and Itachi saw guarded wariness in her face and body posture. She was scared of him-this little Uchiha genius. She should be. All of Itachi's squad had been placed around him by Danzou to watch him. They were guard dogs, and Itachi was a very dangerous little boy to try and shepherd.

Misao followed him down, to Danzou's hidden room that served him as an office. Danzou was sitting behind a desk, his gnarled face bent down to study some report. Misao waited outside the door Itachi closed with a tight snap. Itachi felt a surge of thick black hate and revulsion at the sight of the man. He'd never liked Danzou, but now he hated him with a cold passion that would last his lifetime and only grow with time.

"You called for me?" Itachi said stiffly, watching the man without any expression on his young face. Itachi, to Danzou, was just an unwitting pawn. He was a puppet to be played with, and Danzou held the strings. There was nothing Itachi could do about that now. The other had been right about that at least, and the burning pain in Itachi's spine was proof enough.

"Yes," Danzou looked at Itachi, and Itachi didn't know if the man looked greedy or simply repulsed that he had to deal with Uchiha. Itachi wondered if any member of the clan had ever personally taken power from Danzou's grasp, or if he hated the clan on principle. They were a check on the Hokage's power, and on Danzou's own power as he sat behind that desk. They'd have him in chains for not disbanding Root, and maybe even killed.

"There's a mission I'd like you to carry out. Tomorrow night will be soon enough. Understand this is a mission of the greatest importance, and you must carry it out to the letter. You must never tell anyone about this mission, and you will carry it out without any help from your squad or any other squad in ANBU." As Danzou spoke, Itachi could feel the requirements wrapping tightly around him. They sank into him like barbed needles, and he knew, he would _have_ to do what Danzou commanded.

The man pushed a mission scroll across the desk, and Itachi picked it up. The scroll looked like any other mission scroll from ANBU. There was nothing on the outside that told Itachi what he would find when he opened it.

If it had, he never would have opened it.

Itachi's eyes went wide, and his sharingan flared to life. He read the scroll. He read it again and looked over it at Danzou. The man was _smiling_, oni drag him to hell and eat his still beating heart. Itachi's mouth was dry, and the other's shock reverberated with his own. This…this was too soon. It shouldn't be _yet. _They just needed another day. One more day-a few more _hours_.

"You will exterminate the Uchiha clan."

A hot brand, binding him to a duty he didn't want. An oral command on top of the written one, reinforcing the binding. An order that threatened to rip his soul apart, but he could _not_ disobey. The seal on his back made certain of that. Itachi would have to follow Danzou's orders. If he fought the seal, than it would be easy for the Monster to step in and make Itachi do whatever he wanted-what _they_ wanted Itachi to do.

Still, as Itachi felt the order reverberate through his body and mind, he rebelled against the idea. He shoved it away, insistent that he would not do this. Never. Nothing could make him.

And then Itachi was on the floor, blood in his mouth, and his body ached. Danzou was standing in front of his desk and looking down at him with a pleased smile. Itachi struggled to rise, and he knew Danzou would be more pleased with his weakness. He knew the man _enjoyed_ this, ordering Itachi to kill his family and watching the boy fight against the order futilely. He was enjoying having power over the Uchiha genius.

"All but one." And Danzou meant Madara with that one, but Itachi would use it for Sasuke. He didn't think Madara as part of the clan. Madara had left and betrayed them long ago.

Itachi made it to his knees and glared up at Danzou with hi sharingan. He was trapped. He would have to kill his clan. The seal bound him to Danzou's orders. Itachi couldn't break the seal…or could he? Itachi stayed on his knees, and the fight went out of his eyes. He just looked at Danzou-a little lost boy who had realized he was defeated,

Danzou had been the one to place the seal on Itachi, so it was linked to the man's chakra. If the man's chakra were gone, would Itachi be free from the seal? Would he be able to save his clan? Even if that wasn't the case… Itachi pulled a kunai into his hand.

"And killing yourself is not allowed, under any circumstances." Danzou added, casually.

"Yes sir," Itachi looked up and smiled, and he knew Danzou saw his mistake. He knew the man tried to speak, but Itachi was the Uchiha genius. It took much longer to tell him not to kill than it took him to bury a kunai in your windpipe. He hadn't expected Itachi to attack him, and, from this close, youthful speed won over old cunning.

It was unfortunate, that when Itachi left the room, Misao looked in. Itachi had never had a personal problem with her, only the fact she was in on the plot to kill his clan. Maybe she'd been coerced into it, maybe not. Maybe she didn't even know, and had been following orders. Maybe she deserved Itachi's hate as much as Danzou. She got the same thing he had, either way.

* * *

Shisui finished his tea before he went to speak with Fugaku. Sasuke was out in the garden with his mother, while Fugaku was still in his study, working as he always was. Shisui knocked before he walked in and bowed; Fugaku greeted him, tired and distracted as always. Shisui sat down, and, despite the soothing tea, his stomach churned.

"How are you feeling?" Fugaku asked as he shuffled papers on his desk.

"Better," Shisui replied truthfully. Mikoto seemed to have told Fugaku about Shisui's stomach. Shisui looked down at his hands and bit his lip. He knew what he had to do, but it was by no means an easy thing. He still had doubts and fears coursing through him.

"Good," Fugaku's voice was deep and strong, despite being tired. He sounded like the sort of person you could confide in. He sounded trustworthy, but Shisui knew enough to look below the experience. After all, they were both ninja, and lies and deception were what they were bred to. "I'm relieving you of your normal duties for the time being."

"Ah." It was a break, or a punishment for speaking out at the meeting. Shisui didn't know which. It could be both. "Fugaku-sama…about…about Itachi…"

Shisui could feel Fugaku's eyes on him, boring into him, reading his soul. "I understand you're worried about Itachi, Shisui, but you should take care of yourself first. He'll get his turn to rest."

Shisui clamped his teeth down on his lip and then looked up at Fugaku. "I think Itachi needs a rest right now more than I do."

"If this is about what Sasuke said…" Fugaku shook his head. "I know you have your doubts about Itachi's abilities, Shisui, but Sasuke is still disturbed over Itachi being sick a few weeks ago. He's become a little alarmist."

"No, that's not what I mean, Fugaku-sama," Shisui's voice was a little stronger now. "I do not doubt Itachi. I have more faith in him than anyone, but he is human. He's only thirteen, despite everything he can do. He has limits, and I think he's reached them-no, I _know_, he's reached them. He's passed them, and you need to pull him back before it's too late."

Fugaku was giving Shisui an unreadable look. "What exactly do you mean by that?"

Shisui shifted nervously. He wished the man would show _some_ flicker of emotion to let Shisui know what he was thinking. "Fugaku-sama, it's not just that he's physically tired. He's hearing voices, and…" Shisui had to pause there, and he shuddered. "It's Dissociative Identity Disorder. I came to see if he was awake, and he was, but it wasn't _him._ What I spoke to _was not_ Itachi, and I know-_you_ know, what that means. This is something new, and if you don't act now…"

Shisui trailed off as Fugaku pushed a mission scroll across to him. Fugaku looked troubled now, but he didn't speak. Shisui hesitated, and his picked up the scroll. It was a mission scroll, and it held two names. His and Itachi's. Shisui looked back at Fugaku, shocked. Was this the man's answer to hearing his son was crazy? Send him on a mission?

Fugaku's face softened minutely after Shisui's broken look. "Read the whole scroll, Shisui."

Shisui did, growing number as he went. He was also confused. Shisui placed the scroll down and looked at Fugaku. It was a simple mission, for two members only: an Uchiha and his ANBU guard.

"But…we've been on good terms with Kusa for years, why send…?" Shisui didn't finish the question. He felt foolish. His cheeks flush, and he wondered how he had ever thought of Fugaku that way.

"When can you leave? I haven't informed Itachi," Fugaku said, and his voice was an ounce less tired, maybe triumphant.

"Tomorrow. We'll leave tomorrow morning." The sooner the better. Shisui wanted to laugh. He felt weak with relief. It was obvious what Fugaku meant with the mission. Sending them as ambassadors to a place that was already friendly with Konoha would be more a vacation than anything else. This would be their rest, and Shisui would make sure Itachi used it as that.

"I will be counting on you to take care of him, and see that he uses this mission for what it's really for," Fugaku added.

"I will," Shisui smiled. He folded himself down in a bow. "Thank you, Fugaku-sama. Thank you."

There was a small silence. "Itachi may be like a brother to you, Shisui, but he is my son. I've done this as much for myself as for anyone else."

Shisui nodded and straightened. "All the same, thank you." Shisui couldn't stop smiling, and then he remembered the seal. He hesitated again, face falling. It couldn't have been Fugaku, right? The man had just proved that he had his son's best interests at heart.

"Fugaku-sama…Itachi…you haven't…you gave no orders for him to be sealed, did you?" Shisui asked weakly.

Fugaku's face was answer enough. "I would _never_ seal one of my fellow clan members, much less my own son, Shisui. Not for any reason would I ever do something like that." It hadn't been Fugaku then, but could it have been an Uchiha all the same? There had to be things that went on Fugaku didn't know about. Who else could have done it?

Root? Someone from outside of Konoha? The Hokage, even?

"Someone sealed him, though. It's a will repression seal right on his back, and I think he's been fighting it enough to drive him crazy. I don't know how long it's been on though, or who put it on. Itachi couldn't tell me." Well, it hadn't actually been Itachi, but it had been a part of his cousin.

Fugaku's face was dark and forbidding. "Shisui, you go and find Itachi now. I want that seal off, and I want to know who's responsible." Shisui shot up to his feet, and then he heard thundering feet in the hall. The door burst open, and there was Kaika, sweaty and panicked looking.

"Fugaku-sama! There's an attacker in the south square!" Kaika gasped.

"What?" Fugaku and Shisui's exclamations came out at once, and Shisui's stomach dropped. Oh no. Oh, _please_, no. Not when they were so close…

"It's an ANBU," Kaika managed to say between gulps. His face was white. Shisui was already moving. He didn't have to hear the words that Kaika said next to know who it was, but he heard them anyway, and it ripped into his heart and soul like poisoned barbs.

"It's Itachi."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry guys :D Good news is, there should be, barring accidents, weekly updates until the end. :D**


	32. To Hell

-To Hell-

_The last mistake before you die,  
So don't forget to breathe tonight,  
Tonight's the last so say good-bye,  
The secret is out_.-The Modern Myth-30 second to Mars

* * *

Danzou was dead, but, still, the command held Itachi in a cage of hot pain. He almost staggered his way out of the subbasements, fighting back _hard_ against the compulsion singing through him. Kill the Uchiha. Exterminate them. _Murder_ his _family_. The harder he fought, the harder it held him-the louder it screamed in his head-through his nerves. His feet stumbled forward on their own, and Itachi's chakra twisted against him, ramming the order home every time he thought of fighting.

And the other...

Insanity was the other laughing in Itachi's head. Vindicated, because Itachi had fallen into the same trap despite everything. The horror was about to begin. The climax was at hand, and the naive hero was trapped again, against all odds. He'd known what was to happen, and the villains had still turned the tide against him _again_. This was truly Hell of the worst kind. It was sickening. It was marvelous. It was a scream driving out all rational thought.

Itachi puked in the halls of ANBU headquarters, and no one saw. No one knew. No one cared.

Tonight, there would be a massacre. A grand masterpiece of blood and gore and family ties painted across the walls of the Uchiha compound-the enclosure, the cage. Cage up the wild dogs before they bite you. Before the madness spreads. Send the rabid dog against the others-don't waste one of your own to take down the diseased. Use their own genius-their own spawn. Use their own hope against them.

Poetic justice. Twisted sadism. It depended on where you stood.

And the MONSTER…

Tonight Itachi would be a monster in full form and flesh, but _the_ Monster would be there as well. He'd be laughing along, enjoying the sounds and screams and scooping up the stragglers with his all seeing eyes and ever-reaching hands. The Monster was the one who would make this slaughter a thing of monstrous beauty, touching up Itachi's frenetic slashes of paint across the walls. _The _Monster would make sure the mural was perfectly horrible. Itachi was the instrument, the Monster was the artist.

There was no escape tonight. The Monster would be here, and it would all be too late.

It was all too late.

Itachi's hands slammed into the metal lockers, and he screamed-but the sound only echoed in his head. No one heard it. Itachi leaned against the cold metal, gasping-tears streaming down his face. Death. Death was coming. The end times. The End. Murder and massacre. Itachi felt the world had broken in pieces, and taken him with it.

He wanted to die-to fall down dead where he stood. He wanted to cease existing. He wished there had never been ever a breath taken by Uchiha Itachi. He wished he'd been born mute, blind, dumb, so he could never have been used this way. He wished he were crippled. He wished he'd been captured as a child, and twisted into uselessness. He wished, but if wishes were horses, beggars would ride and Itachi would drop dead where he stood.

Itachi choked, and laughter, not his, echoed through the room.

Itachi's head whipped up, and he saw Renji. The man's face was glowing with delight.

"They gave you the order, then? You know what you will do?" Renji's face was bright, delighted, excited. He looked like he'd been given everything and had to pay nothing. How pleased he was, to see the clan he so loathed tossed down. Killed by their own spawn. For him, it was poetic justice.

"I always hated your clan-for their airs and their snobbery. If you're not _full _Uchiha, then what do you matter to them? You don't. You're dirt and scum. They act like they're so special, but are they really? I never thought so. I always knew they weren't, but then _you_ came along. They were so _proud_. A genius. Why should such a 'strong' clan make so much of one little genius?

"And what a genius. ANBU at twelve. Captain and thirteen and mass murderer too. They'll all be so proud." Renji laughed. Itachi knew madness when he heard it. Were all ninja mad?

"Do you know if you had been acknowledged as half Uchiha, you would never have been able to live outside the compound?" Itachi asked. He'd never thought that odd until now. No Uchiha lived outside those walls. No Uchiha could, but what Uchiha would want to?

Renji spit. "Better to fence in the filth. The Uchiha have always been war mongers, sticking their noses in where they'd not wanted. Busybodies-meddlers. They're always trying to get a bigger slice of the glory. Your father…War hero-one of the greatest until the Yondaime showed him up. I bet that soured him. Did you all have a huge party when the Yondiame died?"

"He cried." Itachi felt the twist and pull in his eyes that was the Mangekyou. "He _cried_. You burning fool. You _knew_. All this time, you knew-it knew. That's why it hated you..."

Renji wasn't listening anymore. "I only regret I can't be there to see it happen. I'll make sure Danzou puts me on the squad that goes to see the damage. It'll be great fun, finally seeing those stuck-up prigs getting what they deserve-and from _you_, their darling little heir and genius."

Itachi's hand found a kunai. He flipped it into his hand, and he smiled. "It's too bad you won't see any of it." Renji didn't even have a moment to register shock before the mangekyou took him, tossing him into his own world of horrors before Itachi silenced any more thoughts. Itachi wondered how long Akihiko would survive this night, and he hoped the man died soon.

Itachi pulled on his ANBU gear with a whirling mind, feeling the other crash into thoughts, ideas, feelings, and send them ricocheting across Itachi's head. It was nigh impossible to think with that going on in his head, but Itachi didn't need to think anymore. He had one chance if he had any chance. He knew how this was _supposed _to go.

Wait for tonight. Kill the clan-all except one. Madara would be along to make sure nothing happened to prevent Itachi from carrying out his mission-to make sure no one slipped out in the confusion.

_A cage of our own making. For our own breaking._

Right. Itachi smiled as he placed the white mask over his face. For the breaking.

* * *

Shisui was fast. He was known for it. He'd heard that ninja in other countries told ghost stories about him to scare children. He was only a shadow, flickering through the night with glowing red eyes and a kunai for your heart.

Shisui had never moved so fast, but he felt like he was walking. He didn't want to get there, but he had to get there. He didn't want to see that it was Itachi, but he couldn't stand not seeing and knowing. He had promised Itachi, that, if worse came to worse, that Shisui would be there to stop him. Shisui had to get there. There was no other choice for him. He couldn't break his promise.

Shisui topped a roof, bare feet skidding on the hot tiles. The late afternoon sun beat down hard still, and Shisui felt like he might suffocate. The burning heat that prickled his feet through his calluses meant nothing. There was an attacker in the south square. It was an ANBU.

It was Itachi.

Shisui knew it without a doubt. There was no other ANBU so small, not even among the women. Clad in an ANBU's unforgiving black and white, Itachi looked like the child he was. He limbs were fine, joints thin. He moved with an elastic grace that spoke of a body still limber and changing and growing into itself. There was no rigid set to him-he could be anything he needed to be. His signature black ponytail flowed behind him like a banner. His face was covered in the leering red and white ANBU mask.

It was Itachi-the quicksilver boy cutting through the air like he could fly. No one could catch him. A group had gathered to try-to defend themselves from him, from their genius, from their child. Someone was going to die. They were _all_ going to die. Itachi could do it. He was that good. He was that untouchable to these mortal men playing at being a ninja like Itachi. They were all going to die.

Shisui's feet barely touched the ground, and he hit Itachi with a bone-screaming jar that knocked them both into a chaotic pinwheeling mess of limbs and steel and blood red eyes spinning in madness and fear. Shisui rolled and bounced to his feet first. Itachi slid, rolling only to a crouch. The faceless mask leered empty sentiments at Shisui.

"Stop it. Itachi, stop it," Shisui spoke, but he knew it was hopeless. Itachi couldn't stop. His black gloves were already bloody and Shisui wondered if someone had already died. Had he been too late? Those black hands flipped a kunai into them-casual grace and deadly intent. Itachi didn't speak, and Shisui could see the boy's labored breath jerking his chest up and down unto the armor.

Shisui felt a kunai fall into his hand-he had drawn it, but he hardly noticed the motion.

_I need you to watch me_.

Itachi's body was tight, vibrating with tension. Shisui crouched down, eyes flashing wide and red.

_In case I really go off the deep end and-_

Steel met steel. Shisui had never fought Itachi in earnest. They'd never tried to kill each other, and that was what it would take. Shisui could hold back nothing, or he would lose this fight. The last thing he wanted was to kill his cousin, but what could he do? He had promised, and he would not break his word. He was the only one who could stop Itachi now, and killing seemed to be the only way he could do it.

Shisui was faster, but Itachi always seemed to know where Shisui was going to be. Shisui was larger, stronger, but Itachi's chakra control and quick and precise. Genjutsu was impossible. They were both too accomplished with the sharingan to be able to trap each other. Shisui might have had the edge in that field, but Itachi's eyes were hidden behind his mask.

Shisui's bare feet slid on the ground and he changed direction. He leveled a blow at Itachi's legs; Itachi hopped over it like it was nothing. He came at Shisui with a fluidity Shisui had never seen in Itachi before. There was something more studied about his grace-less natural talent and more skill. There was a swift economy of movement that took Shisui off guard, and he scrambled to avoid the simple kunai that almost tore his throat out.

Shisui came back at Itachi, hands spinning through signs to create a ball of fire. Itachi dodged it with ease, right into the knife strike Shisui had prepared. Itachi dodged that too, receiving only a glancing blow, and then his little hands grabbed Shisui's shirt. Shisui threw his weight to the side, and they both went down. Shisui rammed his heel into Itachi's upper thigh, twisting and writhing enough to rip his shirt from Itachi grip. Itachi was flipping back to his feet.

They could not seem to get an advantage over each other. There were glancing blows, and almost disasters, but, Shisui realized, they were almost too evenly matched. Maybe, if Shisui hadn't been expecting to be attacked so viciously, Itachi could have taken him off guard, but now, it was impossible. Itachi had an advantage that would tell in the end, though. Shisui would never be able to deliver a final blow. He might go all out _now_, but, if it came down to it, Shisui could not kill his cousin.

Itachi would not have such qualms.

Shisui felt kunai rip into his arm as he dodged the earth that tried to trap his flying feet. He jumped away, flying through the air and skidding on the rooftops. The ANBU stood inscrutable, watching Shisui from the square. People had scattered, but gathered again to watch on the very edges of sight to see how it would all turn out. Itachi seemed to be ignoring them. He had eyes only for Shisui.

The ANBU was suddenly on the roof beside Shisui. Faster than sight sharingan , or with a jutsu Shisui had never seen Itachi use before, the ANBU was just suddenly _there_. Itachi's hands blurred through signs as Shisui whirled to face the threat, and also moved to jump away from his attacker. Itachi's hand brushed him, and Shisui went _flying_. He managed to collect his limbs and roll as he smashed into the ground. He felt his bones try to give out under him, but they held. Thank all the gods and demons that they held.

Shisui heard Itachi's feet hit the ground while Shisui was still stunned and trying to get to his feet. He couldn't find his feet. They seemed to have vanished away into nothing. His body was a mass of disconnected parts that didn't want to work. Shisui fumbled to his feet at last, as the ground opened beneath him to swallow him again. He stumbled away, jumping through space and scrambling to the safety of another rooftop for distance. There was blood pooling in his mouth, and his chest was on fire with pain.

The ANBU wasted no time coming after him. Shisui's hand whipped through signs, but it wasn't fast enough. The ANBU was coming. Death was a leering mask with no heart.

"_**NII-SAN!**_"

Sasuke's high, frightened shout brought Shisui's head around. The ANBU froze, only a few feet from Shisui. Sasuke, looking tiny as he raced from the crowd, was running towards them. His little legs were pumping frantically. Mikoto ran out after him, catching him up quickly in her arms. Sasuke shouted for his brother again, fighting futilely against his mother's hold.

The whole thing took seconds. Shisui's eyes jerked back to the now frozen ANBU, and he immediately moved into an attack. Itachi wasn't moving. Shisui's elbow, with chakra enhanced force of desperation behind it, crashed into the ANBU mask over the high point of Itachi's cheek bone.

Itachi dropped. His body went limp, and he didn't try to save himself as he hit the roof tiles, toppled head over heels by the blow. His mask flew off. Shisui stood in shock as the boy rolled over the edge of the roof, hitting the ground in a lump of white and black. Shisui skittered for the ground, landing between Itachi at the group of gathered Uchiha.

Itachi was struggling to rise. He propped himself up on an arm and vomited. He retched and coughed and struggled up to his feet. His face was white and wet with sweat. Blood ran down from Itachi's eyes, which were a mad scarlet with a twisted center Shisui didn't recognize. Itachi looked at Shisui, and wiped his lips. The eyes were the worst. They didn't look dead-no, dead would have been a relief. Those were the eyes of a man in anguish-a child in pain.

Itachi looked past Shisui to the Uchiha. He shuddered, and the look on his face twisted. He _smiled_, and it was madness laced with pain and despair. It was the smile of a man who expects to die or damn himself beyond redemption. It was the grin of a crazy man with no hope left.

"There are no loopholes there, are there?" Itachi looked back to Shisui. Itachi _laughed_. "Nice and neat, isn't it? I can leave one alive, myself not included. Am I an Uchiha anymore, Shisui? Will you divorce my memory in the name of humanity? Will I be wiped from history as another mad failure? I am a failure. The second time through this madness, and I still failed."

Itachi's voice was jerky, eyes darting everywhere as he spoke. His hands twitched, and there was blood trickling from his nose now.

"I'll stop you," Shisui said the word with a confidence he didn't feel. He would stop Itachi. He had to. How could he not stop this quivering boy, who was a slave to his own madness? Itachi looked half dead already. Shisui was faster. He could do this.

Itachi saw Shisui gather himself up, and the smile turned sad. His strange sharingan spun.

"_Tsukiyomi_."

* * *

The world was ending. Itachi hurt all over. Every move hurt him. Standing still hurt. He was going mad in a way he had never been before. He couldn't make the world make sense. He couldn't control the thoughts spinning in his head. He didn't know what he was to do.

_Exterminate the Uchiha_.

Yes, that was it. That was his mission. That was his purpose and goal in life. He would kill these Uchiha, and he would enjoy it. He'd start with this one-the one that moved like lightning but was still afraid to hurt Itachi. All the better for Itachi. Killing him would be easy. Itachi knew just the jutsu that would kill him instantly. He only needed to get close enough.

Itachi's face twisted into a smile behind his mask. Exterminate the Uchiha. All but one. Start with Uchiha Shisui, right here, right now. With the others tricks and years of battle to help him this time, it would be child's play. The jutsu grew through signs, and Itachi prepared to end this battle and begin the rest-

And Sasuke was screaming for him-fear, doubt, betrayal. Itachi froze, mind snapping into its proper place. He was shaking all over, and his gaze fixed on Sasuke-his lifeline, his brother, his savior, his killer. Itachi would stay sane for Sasuke. He would try his hardest to fight the seal twisting him into being what he didn't want to be. He would _fight_. It might kill him, but he would fight.

Shisui knocked him down, to the ground, knocking his mask off, cracking it into fragments. Itachi didn't bother catching himself, and he felt like his face had broken like the shattered mask. He wanted to be hit. He wanted to fail. The thought was seized, and pain burned through Itachi. He wasn't allowed to die. He had to kill the Uchiha. There was no other option for him. No promise from a friend could help him now. He had his orders, and he _would_ carry them out. The order pulsed through him with each heartbeat, pulling him back under.

_Fight, kitten. Fight it._

Something was trying to hold him up. Something was trying to keep him from drowning. Itachi went under anyway, swallowed up beneath the order and demand. It inundated him, wiping all thoughts of Sasuke and family from him. He was to kill the Uchiha.

Itachi was looking at Shisui again, face bared to the light and air. Everyone could see who he was. Uchiha Itachi was here to murder his family. Itachi smiled, and the other turned it sad and bitter. Itachi wanted to scream. He couldn't stop himself.

_Tsukiyomi._

It was the sort of technique hurt the user as much as the victim, in some cases. It burned through Itachi's eyes, and it cast Shisui into Hell-a three day hell that took all of seconds to live. Itachi saw it too-every moment of it. He lived it with Shisui. Shisui's hell was watching Itachi kill everyone of their clan members-everyone in their family, and then turn his blade on Shisui. It played over and over again, and Itachi could remember the other seeing this, and the times the other had relived the experience with Sasuke.

Shisui was on the ground. He was covered in sweat and his sharingan was gone. The effects of the tsukiyomi had been too much. He couldn't hold concentration for even his bloodline limit, and he was staring at Itachi like the boy had just killed everyone in truth. Itachi smiled.

_Exterminate the Uchiha_.

He'd start with Shisui, and save him the horror of living through his family's death again. Itachi pulled out another kunai. It would be easy and quick-a cut to the neck, and it would all be over for Shisui. Again.

"I'm sorry," Itachi managed to say, and the smile was bitter on his lips. "I was trying to stop this."

"Itachi...don't do it. Please, You _can't_..." Shisui's voice was broken, and he was breathing in short gasps. The fight seemed to have gone out of him. "I know you don't want this."

Itachi laughed. He tipped his head back and laughed at the sky that was fading from its afternoon blue to sunset red. The sky was painting itself red, all in honor of them-in honor of their deaths. How dear and sweet of it. How wonderful.

_Oh, kitten, kitten, I am sorry…Again. Again we'll kill them all, and nothing can change the legacy of the Uchiha._

"It's not about what I want! It never has been! It's about what _I must do_!" Itachi shouted the words. It ran close to the order not to tell anyone, but slipped by with only a warning stab of pain. When his whole body was on fire from his fighting, what could one more stab matter?

Sasuke was screaming, calling for him. Itachi couldn't stop. Not even for Sasuke now. He would do anything for Sasuke, but he could not stop his hand as he spun the kunai and prepared to slam it into Shisui's neck-the first kill of the Uchiha massacre, just as it should be. Everything was falling out just as it had. The other was laughing and crying and repeating a litany of 'I told you so's as the nightmare it had foretold came to life in full color in front of them.

And there was nothing Itachi could do to stop it. He had failed. Once more, even with this second chance and all his new knowledge, he had failed to keep his family from falling to tragedy at his hands again.

And this time, Sasuke was here to watch it.

Itachi screamed.

* * *

**A/N: Sooo...what would you guys say to a Sunday update after this one? I feel bad about another cliff hanger after the last one. Let me know. **

**Thank for all the reviews, keep it up, please!**


	33. Empty

-Empty-

_Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up?  
Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck?  
Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?-_Swing Life Away-Rise Against

* * *

The blade stopped. Itachi stopped. His body jarred and arrested in motion. The breath froze in his chest, and there was a deadly silence.

"Fugaku-sama!" Inoichi, in full ANBU gear, sans mask, came down from the rooftops. He was out of breath. Chouza followed him. Itachi could see the shadows pooled at his feet. Shikaku, out of sight, held him tight in a trap of shadows.

"Not a moment too late it looks like," Chouza sounded pleased. Inoichi nodded, but he didn't look sure.

"Fugaku-sama, we're here to take Itachi into custody. It's been found that he has been acting under the control of something hostile to Konoha. It's been wreaking havoc in his head and in his body for a while now. This is probably the cause of his current behavior," Inoichi explained, looking at the boy. Itachi whimpered, relief marred with pain. His hand opened and dropped the weapon. He held his hands out to his side and held them palm up. He backed away from Shisui slowly, and each step was jerky.

"There's a seal," Shisui croaked. He staggered to his feet and looked at Inoichi. "There's a seal on him. Someone...someone sealed him and told him to kill the Uchiha." Shisui didn't need to be told exactly what had happened to make Itachi come after his clan. He was smart too. He could connect the dots.

Inoichi's eyes narrowed and he glanced at Itachi. Itachi was firmly under the control of Shikaku's jutsu, and steadily moving away from those gathered around. Fugaku stepped forward with a formidable frown on his face. Itachi felt like his body was being ripped apart with every step back he took. It screamed out in agony. Itachi wanted to cry, He felt like he was going to scream. He wished they would just kill him here, and not risk trying to give him mercy or justice.

"This should be handled by the Uchiha," Fugaku said firmly, and his eyes were on his son, not on Inoichi. There was heart break there.

Inoichi nodded. "I am aware, but given the…personal nature, I think it would be best if ANBU took him into custody for now. It will be safer for us to handle him."

Shisui was shaking like a leaf, and Fugaku was slowly nodding. Mikoto had released Sasuke, and the boy was moving forward, looking at his brother with a stricken face. It was all over, wasn't it? Itachi felt the other breath out a huge sigh of relief, and Itachi wanted to laugh-except his body was on fire. There was blood trickling from his nose as well as his eyes now.

"Nii-san.." Sasuke stopped before he got too close, and he peered up at his brother. Shisui moved on unsteady feet to stand beside Sasuke. Thanks to them, this disaster had been averted. Thanks to everyone. It was over now. They were safe. The other laughed. They had prevented the inevitable.

**This is not what I meant when I told you to follow the plan**_**. **_

The monster's presence rolled into Itachi's skull. Itachi coughed as choked as he was mentally shaken. His body fought harder against Shikaku's justu, burning to carry out its command with renewed vigor. The other jumped between the Monster and Itachi. Itachi could feel the anger and fear and desperation pushing at Madara-trying to keep _him _from Itachi.

_It's too late. You can't do anything here!_

Madara laughed, and Itachi shook with it. **I can't? **

Itachi felt his chakra twist. He felt himself shoved under thick, black hatred that choked his senses. Itachi wanted to scream, but his mouth wasn't his to control. He felt himself take a step forward, _shoving_ his chakra against the resistance of Shikaku's jutsu in a way that should not be possible. Itachi staggered forward a few more steps, nearly falling on his face as he freed himself from the jutsu..

"Shikaku!" Inoichi shouted.

"He broken loose-how did he even…" Shikaku's rough voice faded away. Itachi felt a grin split his face. He felt the Monster yanking him from control. They had been so close-so close to stopping all of this. Itachi felt the other fighting again, and fighting like Itachi had never felt the other fight before. Itachi was too dazed to help. His body was screaming with pain. Why wasn't he dead from all this pain? How could he even _move_?

**Now, we kill them**.

_NO!_

Itachi felt a kunai come into hand, and Itachi's eyes fell on the first Uchiha he saw. It was Sasuke, held in Shisui's arms. Itachi's body shifted, and he fought. He tried to fight. He pushed and shoved with all his might against the unbearable weight pressing down on him. Everything dimmed. Awareness was draining out of him, and Itachi heard the Monster laughing. Itachi _shoved_, and he felt the other shove with him,. pushing with all their combined might against the seal and the Monster. Against the inevitable. Against the unbreakable cage.

The last thing he saw was Sasuke's terrified face. The last thing he heard was someone screaming for him to stop.

Then, something shattered and Itachi fell down and under where everything was black and dead.

* * *

Sarutobi looked at the two scrolls sitting on his desk. He had been Hokage for years—too many years, some might say. Looking at these scrolls, Sarutobi was almost ready to agree. He'd seen many things, and lived through too many wars, but, sometimes, people still managed to surprise him, and not always in a good way.

One scroll was a mission scroll. It detailed in simple terms the extermination of an entire clan by one of its own members. Sarutobi didn't have to see the seal to know who had written it up. Extermination of the Uchiha was something he and Danzou had talked about, but only as a last resort, and only if they had solid evidence the Uchiha were planning to plunge Konoha into civil war. Fugaku and Minato had started working on integrating the Uchiha more into Konoha's society as soon as Minato had taken office. After the fox attack, work towards that end had been difficult.

Sarutobi would admit he was wary of the Uchiha. He had been taught by one of the Senjuu, who were deeply rooted in the earth and maintaining peace. To someone taught and almost raised by the Senjuu, the Uchiha were an almost alien group. It was a wonder they'd ever been able to make a treaty with the Senjuu.

The Uchiha were more flighty and hotter tempered. They had uncompromising morals and ideals of justice. They held themselves to these same standards, but they lived so apart from everyone, it was hard to see that. The Uchiha were like half-feral cats, and it was nigh impossible to make pets of them. They were too headstrong and independent. They were blunt. Their bloodline limit made them strong ninja, something to be used or feared if it couldn't be properly used. The Uchiha were such an old clan, so steeped in their own traditions, that it was hard to get them to change their ways. They could change, but they would do it slowly, and in their own way.

Sarutobi's talks with Fugaku were long and frustrating. The man was more tractable than most of his clan members, but he still had the unbending Uchiha spirit. Lately, that spirit had been worn, which made him more defensive against outsiders. Fugaku hadn't wanted Sarutobi to see how the clan was becoming frenzied, how people were pushing now for more violent action to get what they all wanted. There wasn't an Uchiha that didn't want to have more freedom—more respect.

Sarutobi saw what was happening in the clan anyway, and he didn't want the Uchiha to feel more pressured. He knew the Uchiha were not to the point of calling a coup, but they were getting close. They would, if a compromise could not be reached, go that far. They were not there yet.

The order to kill them had been premature at best, and completely unnecessary at worst.

The other scroll helped to explain what had gone to horribly awry. Root was still around. Danzou had never disbanded it.

"You never could stand giving up power you saw as rightfully your, could you my friend?" Danzou had always thought he knew best out of everyone. He'd always thought he could see the clearest, best path to the future. Most of the time he was right about the path, in some ways, by some ideologies. The gentle rule of peace had never suited him much. Danzou did not want war, but he did not want the peacetime softness. He was wary of an attack at any time, and that Konoha would not be able to defend herself.

In that way, he was a little like an Uchiha: always wary, uncompromising, and blunt.

Root had been his solution. Root had been created during before the Third War, and it had been regarded as a good thing during the war. The ninja in Root were raised as if they were in war \time conditions. They were more killing machine than human-more ninja than was safe for anyone to be. They were excellent tools and soldiers, but they were terrible people. Their quality of life was abysmal, and that was not what Sarutobi wanted for his ninja. They should have as much chance as they could to live as happily as possible.

Root was supposed to have been disbanded years ago. Danzou had assured Sarutobi the organization had ceased to function. Evidently, it was still running and doing what Danzou thought as necessary to make Konoha strong and keep her safe. One of those necessary things was removing groups that would cause unrest within Konoha, and any he saw as a danger to Konoha's well being.

ANBU and the Uchiha were supposed to work against each other. Each organization was supposed to keep the other in check, making sure neither abused their power of got too out of hand. There were also times they would have to work together, but, most often, they worked to keep each other in a balanced position. Both answered to the Hokage, and would report to him if they thought the other was getting out of line.

Root was out of line.

The Uchiha should have come to him with suspicions, but would Sarutobi have believed them? Danzou had been both a friend and a rival. Sarutobiwould not have wanted to believe ill of him. He had no choice but to believe ill in him now.

The ANBU squad that had just come back from the Uchiha compound was waiting, and even they looked shaken by what they'd seen there. Kakashi's squad was with them. Sarutobi knew he could trust Kakashi not to be mixed up with Root. The others were handpicked by Sarutobi for their unquestioning loyalty to him. These would not be in Root. It saddened him that he did not have more standing in front of him now.

"The rot must be dug out, before it fells the tree," Sarutobi said simply. There were nods. They all knew how to get rid of rot. You cut it out and discarded it. Danzou would approve of the measures. Sarutobi wished there was no cause for it.

Root would be destroyed. If Sarutobi had to tear ANBU up and plant it again, he would do it. What he would not do would be allow something like this to ever happen again. He was Hokage, and the safe keeping of Konoha and her ninja was his duty.

He would never let this happen again.

* * *

Yamanaka Haruko had spent the last five hours pouring over psychological forms. She was now going to be conducting a psyche evaluation on the unconscious Uchiha Itachi. In light of recent events, it was a little risky. There was no telling what state the boy's mind was in. Inoichi's notes were disturbing, detailing how something in Itachi's mind had pushed the man out and placed him under a genjutsu. Uchiha were well known for their proficiency with genjustu, but so were the Yamanaka. Inoichi was a master. Anything that could get to him to easily wouldn't have a problem dealing with her.

She was the most proficient Yamanaka available at the moment, so the duty fell to her. She knew she should find a very well structured mind filled with boxes, and Itachi waiting for her within. What she didn't know was what else would be in there with the boy. She was ready, though, and had set up seals and guards that would help keep her safe. If whatever was in Itachi's head was strong enough, though, it wouldn't matter how many pre-cautions she took.

Haruko sighed and centered herself. She looked at the boy, whose face was mottle with bruising and pale under that. His eyes were closed, and someone had washed all the blood off of him. He looked small and frail. He didn't look dangerous, but he was. Haruko had heard reports of what had happened. Even now, Itachi was restrained, just in case he should wake up. No one was certain what he would do when he did wake up-_if_ he did.

Haruko folded her hands through signs, and gently lowered herself into the genjutsu that would take her into Itachi's mind. Other genjutsu users were waiting to pull her out if it all went wrong-another precaution. She hoped she wouldn't need them

Haurko stepped out into Itachi's mind. For a moment she was disoriented, and then she gathered herself up. Looking around her, it was obvious why she'd been so disoriented. The place she stood in was chaos.

The white space fading to grey the farther out she looked was covered in boxes. These boxes were not neatly stacked. They were strewn all over, thrown upside down and emptied. The contents of the boxes, Haruko assumed that was where the random object around her came from, littered the ground. Haruko could see no sense to all the chaos. This was a mind where order had ceased to exist.

"You...do you belong here too?" A soft voice asked. Haruko glanced to the side and found Itachi.

His hair was falling out of its low ponytail. His ANBU mask was tied with red string into his hair on the side of his head. His face was smeared with dirt and dried blood. One eye was black and bruised, and the white of that eye was completely red. Itachi was dressed in his ANBU uniform, but wore only one glove and his breast plate was askew and falling off. He looked like a child playing dress-up.

"No, I don't," Haruko said hesitantly.

"Ah," Itachi nodded, but he looked unsure. Itachi looked around him, and then reached down and picked something up.

It was a doll. It had short, dark hair, and glossy grey eyes. The stitched smile was wide, and it was dressed in a little yukata and held a small fan in its hand. Itachi turned the doll over in his hands, running his fingers over it as if he saw it with them instead of his eyes.

Itachi looked at the boxes around him, and then looked at Haruko, holing the doll up for her to see. "Where does this go?"

Haruko felt her heart drop at the lost, questioning tone. She shook her head. She couldn't tell him. She couldn't even try to give him a hint. If she tried to restore order to Itachi's mind, it would only hurt him. He had to do this himself-to re-create his mind on his own. Haruko _could _help him, technically, but he would only be Haruko's perception of Itachi. It was better for him to remain like this forever then for him to live with a mind designed for him by other people. If she were outside his mind, she would try, but here, linked so closely, she didn't dare in case he picked something up from her she'd never intended to impart.

Itachi looked back down at the doll, and Haruko watched in morbid fascination as Itachi picked one eye off and then dropped the doll back into the tangle of objects on the floor. Haruko gave herself a shake. She was supposed to see if anything else was in Itachi's mind beside himself right now. She couldn't sense anything, but she had to make a thorough investigation.

Haruko set out carefully through the scattered objects. There were countless objects that had, at one point, symbolized some memory or emotion for Itachi. Articles of clothes, dolls, toys, and even small plants were scattered, around some half in boxes, some smashed into the white ground. Haruko divided her attention between not disturbing anything she found, and searching for any other presence.

She couldn't feel anything. There was a hollow emptiness all around her. The place felt abandoned, and it looked like a ransacked home. How did you function with a mind like this? Haruko had seen mental disorder, but never anything like this. This was completely different from what Inoichi had described. How much worse was it to go from Itachi's usually meticulous mental order to this mess? Could the boy ever recover from this?

Itachi appeared beside her. He was holding a cardboard box painted red with a black fan on it. He was now wearing simple dark clothes with the Uchiha symbol embroidered in his chest. The white of the fan was dotted with brown blood, and the headband Itachi wore around his head was devoid of any mark except a line through it. "Why are you here?"

Haruko hesitated before answering. Itachi's nearly blank eyes were disturbing. There was only the suggestion of emotion in them, as if the boy was uncertain of what he was supposed to feel. Haruko shook her head. "I'm looking for someone."

Itachi nodded. "Me too, but I can't find anyone. There's no one here, except you. And me." Itachi paused. "Are you looking for me?"

Haruko shook her head. "No, I'm not." Itachi nodded. He looked into the box, and Haruko decided there couldn't be anyone else here. She would have felt them by now, or Itachi would have. It was just her and Itachi. Haruko started forming the signs that would release her from the genjutsu. She tried to convince herself she just wanted out because she had finished her job, and not because she was so deeply disturbed by what she'd found.

Itachi looked up at her, his eyes suddenly sparking with hope and interest. "Do you...do you know who I am?"

Haruko's heart dropped, and she felt almost ill. Tears gathered in her eyes. "No, I don't."

She couldn't give him anything, not even his name, in case that carried over connotations from her mind. Haruko completed the signs, and she left a lost little boy staring at a half filled box, wondering who he was and what everything around him meant.

* * *

Life was a funny thing. You could define it in so many ways, and yet, you couldn't define it. A flower was alive, but was it alive in the same way as a cat or a dog? Was it alive in the same sense a human was alive? Did simply growing, and turning food into energy constitute living? What was life? How did you say when someone or something was really living or not?

Flowers were alive, in their own way-turning to the sun, basking in its warmth, taking energy from it and using it. Flower grew. Flowers were alive, but in a very simple sense.

Itachi sat, face turned towards the sun. The simple yukata wrapped around him accentuated the thinness of his body. His skin had a healthy looking tan from sitting the in the sun all day. He soaked it in, as if the sun alone could sustain him. His hair had been brushed and tied back in a ponytail with a piece of white cloth. He looked like a painting, his dark lashes resting on his brown cheeks. He looked perfect, until one realized what he should be.

Then he looked frozen. He looked broken. He looked like a fragment broken off from a greater whole. He was still Uchiha Itachi, in form, at least. Something had gone out of him-some life or vitality had been drained out of his skin. It was no wonder, given what had happened to him.

Itachi sat, face turned to the sun as its warmth grew less. He sat as the trees lost their green and their leaves began to fall. He sat and he knew nothing of the turmoil he'd brought down on Konoha. He knew nothing of the disbanding of ANBU. He had been told, but it wasn't right to say he _knew_ of them. These things didn't touch him as the sun did-as the smooth boards of the porch under his legs did, or the stones and grass underneath his feet did.

People told him many things. He never seemed to hear. He had finally begun to respond to commands, but it was a slow process. He took his time, moving at a pace the rest of the world had long passed by. He was no longer the quicksilver shadow boy with a burning bright mind faster than sight. Somedays he didn't move at all. Those were days when the sun seemed darker, the nights seemed longer, and the shadows in the corners threatened with criminal intent.

Sasuke sat in the grass of his mother's garden, and looked up at his brother's blank face. He'd spent the last two hours telling Itachi all about his day at the Academy. Itachi had sneezed at one point. Sasuke sighed and blew his bangs out of his face. Itachi didn't stir. He did blink. At least he did that. Sasuke would have hated if they had to tape Itachi's eyes shut. They would have done that if he didn't blink.

"Ne, Shisui, he didn't say anything today," Sasuke said with a deep sigh. Shisui, who was taking down Itachi's hair to brush it out and braid it for the night, sighed a little at that. It was always the same complaint from Sasuke.

"But he listened," Shisui pointed out with a wan smile-the reply he always made to Sasuke's complaint.

Sasuke scowled. "You can't tell."

"Of course I can. The same way I can tell when Itachi's hungry, or tired, and he's not happy. He was listening," Shisui nodded confidently, and smoothed his hands through Itachi's hair.

Sasuke was silent. He couldn't deny that Shisui knew all of those things, though he couldn't begin to guess _how_ Shisui knew those things. "Then what does he think about what I told him?"

"He thinks..." Shisui's hands stilled, and he leaned his forehead against Itachi's head. "He thinks that you are the most awesome and wonderful little brother that there ever was, and he loves you very much." Sasuke smiled, and Shisui reached around Itachi to hug the inert form, smiling over Itachi's shoulder at Sasuke.

Itachi didn't move. He wasn't helping, but he wasn't hurting. He wasn't anything. They were all safe, and Itachi would never be able to hurt Sasuke and Shisui or anyone else again. He could hear his mother and father speaking in soft voices in the house. They were all together. They were all alive. They were all safe.

All in all, Itachi thought, it was a nice dream.

* * *

**A/N: See you next Friday for the final chapter(and a few more definite answers)!**


	34. Cold Night

-Cold Night-

_Don't know how much time has passed,  
Oh, god it feels like forever,  
But no one ever tells you that forever,  
Feels like home sitting all alone inside your head.-_Through Glass-Stone Sour

* * *

Itachi woke up.

It wasn't such a startling thing, but he had been living in a dream for what felt like years. Now he opened his eyes and really saw what was there. The air was cold. Clouds appeared in front of his face, created by his breath. Itachi was wearing a thick yukata. Someone had pulled a thick blanket over him as well, and placed him in bed. It was dark.

Itachi sat up slowly. His muscles were weak. His arms almost shook with the effort of pushing himself up. He automatically reached back to push his hair back from his face and found it was braided back. Itachi smoothed his hands absently over his head and slowly, awkwardly found his feet. He was in his room-in his house. He could hear no other noises, and he couldn't sense anyone.

Itachi walked slowly out of his room. His socked feet scuffed against the tatami matt as he wandered through the house. It was deserted. Itachi felt a growing sense of urgency. There was no one here. A fog was lifting from his brain, and Itachi realized that there was no one in his house. He was alone.

_Oh, ashes, no_.

Itachi's feet stumbled as he tried to move more quickly than a walk. He staggered to the front door and slid out of it. The streets were dark and silent. The moon was heavy in the sky, and there was snow on the ground. Itachi looked up and down the deserted street, and he stumbled out into the snow, heedless of how it soaked into his socks. Itachi started off down the street, and quickly as he could manage, casting all his senses wide for any sign of life.

He couldn't feel anything.

Itachi tripped and fell. He hadn't gone far, but his breathing was coming in great gasps. He slipped face first into the snow twice before he found his feet. He continued walking. The streets were all empty. There wasn't an Uchiha to be found. There was nothing alive here.

This was because Itachi had killed everyone, and dreams were just dreams.

_No, no, it was _real_. We made it. We did it._

Itachi scrambled for the other inside his head after that frantic thought for reassurance. Itachi's head was growing more muddled as the minutes went by. He thought...he thought he could remember Shisui and Sasuke being there with him, but had that all been a dream? He was crazy, after all, so he could dream up the dead all he wanted. Was this all a grand hallucination? The other wouldn't answer him. The other wasn't _there_. Itachi couldn't feel it.

There was no one here. Not a soul.

Itachi tripped and slid down the bank to the river. It was snowing again, lightly catching in Itachi's hair and sticking to his eyelashes. The hem of his yukata was soaked, as were his socks. He could hardly feel his feet anymore. It made getting to his feet and walking almost impossible. Itachi looked at the river, placidly reflecting the moon on its smooth surface, and he walked slowly towards it. Everything felt cold and numb, and maybe it was more than just the weather.

What else had he dreamed? Had ANBU really been dissolved? Had Root been stopped? If the Uchiha were really dead, had they gotten justice?

Of course they were dead. Itachi had killed them. They were dead.

Itachi turned and walked beside the river. His head felt empty. It echoed, and when he called for the other there was nothing. Itachi stumbled and fell. It took him five tries to get to his feet, and his legs were shaking as he started walking again. He didn't know where he was going, or what he was looking for. Every step took him farther from home. Did he think he could find the Uchiha if he just looked hard enough for them?

Itachi didn't stop. He kept moving, but the motion was mechanical. He had failed, hadn't he? He'd gone crazy and after he'd failed he'd dreamed that everyone was still alive and all was well. Itachi wondered if he was still crazy now, or if sanity had come back to torment him. He couldn't find the other. He couldn't feel the Monster. He was alone in his head. It wasn't as great a comfort as it should have been.

It didn't matter if he was sane or not. His family was still dead. Nothing had changed except him. He was now the crazy Uchiha that had killed his family, not the missing-nin with a brother that hated him. Itachi smiled bitterly. Oh, that was so much better.

His gut twisted. Sasuke was dead now. He wasn't tormented with hate or driven by revenge. He was dead. A victim of madness. A victim of Itachi. A victim of selfish power plays and politics that he was too young to be involved in.

Itachi tripped and fell again. He nearly fell in the river. He didn't bother to try to get up. He was too cold. Itachi curled up around the snow, feeling it seep into his clothing and soak his hair. He wasn't shivering-had he been shivering to begin with? Itachi closed his eyes, and found he couldn't catch his breath. When had he gotten so weak? How far had he walked?

Itachi didn't know. Maybe he was still dreaming. Maybe this was all a genjutsu. Maybe he was just crazy. Maybe...

"Itachi!"

Someone was calling for him. Itachi opened eyes he didn't know he'd closed and all he saw was white. It was snowing. The moon was making it glow.

"I-taaaaaa-chi!"

Was he dying? Had he just woken up to crawl out into the snow and die like a dog? Someone was calling him. Were they dead too? Nothing sounded real. Nothing felt real. He was tired. He was cold. When had he gotten so tired? When had he gotten this cold?

"Itachi!"

Someone was calling him. Itachi closed his eyes. They would find him whether his eyes were opened or closed. Itachi was falling asleep again. He was going to keep on dreaming that wonderful dream where everything was fine. He rather liked it. Maybe this time he'd move and talk and tell Shisui and Sasuke all the things he wanted to say.

"Nii-san!"

Sasuke was calling him. Sasuke was dead. Itachi managed to get his eyes opened the barest crack. He saw something glowing brighter than the snow. It jerked and hovered off the ground- a small glow of light. A small fire.

Nii-san!"

Sasuke was calling, and Itachi would go to him.

* * *

_"Spring cleaning?"_

_Itachi glanced up. The sleeves of his white yukata were tied back, and his hair was pulled up in a bun to reveal the fan marking on the back of the yukata. His fingers had new, pink flesh on them "Something like that, but it's not spring. It's winter."_

_"Eh, what better time to do cleaning? You can't do much else." Kisame shoved a pile aside with his foot. "I always knew you had a weird mind."_

_Itachi felt a smile pull at his lips. "Are you trying to say I've always been crazy, Kisame?"_

_Kisame chuckled, sitting down on a large crate labeled 'explosives: fun times' "You've always been the best sort of insane, Itachi."_

_Itachi shook his head. He held up an old, worn kunai. He pressed the old metal to his head and breathed out slowly. Shisui. Learning how to throw. Frustration and elation following each other in circles. Remember. "I'm not the one you knew."_

"_You're Itachi, aren't you?" Kisame asked. He wasn't troubled when a box appeared beside Itachi, and the Uchiha dropped the kunai in. This was all tedious-maddening. It took so long, and Itachi was so unsure even when he did manage to place something. Was he getting it right? Was he mixed up? It was so hard to tell, and there were so many things to sort through._

"_Yes, but you knew a different Itachi. I'm not him," Itachi said firmly. He picked up another object and turned it in his hands. After a moment he discarded it._

"_You're sorting through memories, aren't you, and deciding where they go-or which ones you should keep?" Kisame nudged a pile of shells and scattered them with a musical crash. "You have his memories-why else would I be here?"_

_Itachi shook his head. "Maybe I do, but…I'm still not the Itachi you knew." _

_Kisame's teeth bared in a mocking grin. "You're not the Itachi your brother knew two months ago either."_

_Itachi stopped he looked at the grinning man. "I'm not, but I'm still Itachi." It was almost a question. He was Itachi, wasn't he? He knew that was his name, but who _was_ Itachi anyway? What made up the human people insisted on labeling Itachi?_

_Kisame laughed. "Of course you are, and you always will be. You're too bloody stubborn to let anyone change that fact, and you'll never be able to change that yourself._

"_What we're trying to decide here, is who Itachi is."_

_Itachi looked at the man, who sat in a sea of chaos. This, Itachi knew, was his mind. This was what he was thinking. He was only talking to himself-Kisame wasn't really here. Itachi looked down at his hands, which were scarred and calloused beyond the new, pink flesh on the ends. Who did these hands belong to?_

_"Itachi is me." Itachi looked up. He clenched his hands. "But I don't know what that _means_." He had to remember what it was to be Itachi. That was what he needed to do-that was what he was trying to do._

_"Then figure it out. You're supposed to be a genius, aren't you, kitten?"_

_Itachi picked up a kodachi. The blade was rusted. "I'm not a kitten."_

_"You're not the other either." Kisame pointed out._

_"No."_

_"Then who are you?"_

_Itachi watched the kodachi crumble into dust. "I'm Itachi." And that was all.

* * *

_

"Come on, Itachi, just do what I do. Genzai-sensei said we needed to get you to move around as much as possible, so we're going to do kata!" Shisui declared, and his hands were pulling Itachi up off the porch. Genzai-sensei had said it might help Itachi to be engaged in tasks he'd done when he was well. Sasuke hopped beside them, bundled against the cold. Itachi moved in slow, stuttering motions that made Sasuke want to cringe.

Sasuke hadn't realized how great his brother was until Itachi wasn't so great anymore.

"Nii-san, I'll do it too," Sasuke piped. Shisui swore Itachi could hear Sasuke, and that he liked to listen to what his brother said, so Sasuke would keep talking even if Itachi never said anything. "We're starting to do really hard kata in class now." Part of that was because Itachi wasn't teaching Sasuke things ahead of time anymore.

Shisui was setting Itachi's body into the right stance, cajoling with words and touches to get Itachi to start the motions of the kata. Sasuke started on the other side, and he was glad the focus of his own movements took his mind away from Itachi. Sometimes, thinking about Itachi hurt. It twisted up something in Sasuke's chest, and it made him want to cry.

Sasuke hadn't cried since Itachi had wandered off in the snow of New Year's Eve. They'd left Itachi at home, because they'd known it would be cold at the festival. No one had expected Itachi to get up and wander away. Itachi's fingers and toes had been frost bitten, and all the skin had peeled off. Genzai-sensei had told them Itachi was lucky they had found him when they had.

"That's it, Itachi," Shisui said, and there was a sad smile in his voice. Shisui took the most time of anyone with Itachi. Fugaku tried, but Sasuke could see it hurt him even more than it hurt Sasuke. Mikoto worked with Itachi like she didn't know what to do with him. Shisui never seemed to have a problem with it, though he was always melancholy lately. Sasuke wished he could be like that-so sure of everything, and able to keep the black sadness from swallowing him whole.

Sasuke was scared. He was scared he'd never get his brother back. It made him not want to look at Itachi-to think about how different his brother was now.

"Sasuke, your stance is sloppy," Shisui admonished. Sasuke jumped, and glanced guiltily at Shisui. Shisui smiled around Itachi. Itachi still moved through the kata, his motions not as jerky as they had been-

Then Itachi moved, and it was perfectly fluid and deadly, and not the beginner's kata Shisui had been doing with him. He moved off through the softly snow covered garden, away from them, feet sliding softly across the ground. The motion arrested abruptly.

Itachi's hands suddenly flew to his face, and he fell back onto the ground. He curled up, bringing his knees up to his face, and Sasuke was running towards his brother. Shisui got there first, and he pulled Itachi's hands and knees away from his face. There was blood streaking Itachi's ruddy skin.

"Oh, 'Tachi..." Shisui reached up to rub at the blood, his face troubled. Sasuke felt sick. Itachi looked between them, and the look was sharp and pained.

"It's all _wrong_." Itachi's voice was rough with disuse. It sounded strained and old. Sasuke blinked in surprise. It was the first thing Itachi had said since...since then.

"Nii-san? Nii-san!" Sasuke shook Itachi's arm, and Itachi look at him. He frowned, and Sasuke felt elation seep into him, despite the blood on Itachi's face.

"You're...Sasuke?" Itachi asked, heart-breaking hesitance in his voice. Sasuke's heart plummeted, and he thought he was going to cry.

"Yeah, he's Sasuke," Shisui said after a moment. He reached up and smoothed a hand over Sasuke's hair, trying to comfort him. Itachi glanced at Shisui.

"And you're Shisui." That was less a question, but Sasuke could see the light fading from Itachi's eyes. In a few seconds, he knew that whatever intelligence or emotion he'd seen was now going back to where it had been hiding for months.

Sasuke sniffed hard, and he was _trying_ not to cry. It wasn't working as well as he wanted it to work. Shisui reached over Itachi and pulled Sasuke to him, leaving Sasuke's legs across Itachi's lap. Shisui gave Sasuke a tight hug. "It's okay. He'll come back. He's just...he's just lost."

"Yeah, just lost," Sasuke agreed as he buried his face in Shisui's shoulder.

Neither of them wanted voice the possibility, that grew stronger with each passing day, Itachi wouldn't ever find his way back to them.

* * *

Genma was sitting and drinking tea in the kitchen of the Uchiha clan head's house. It was something he hadn't done in years. Inoichi and Tsume were closeted with some of the Uchiha elders and a few other weighty members of the Konoha ninja society. They were talking over reforms and new legislation for what would replace ANBU. The organization had been practically razed, an operation that had been carried out in part by the Uchiha, and in part by a good number of ANBU members.

Genma was happy to be left out of the planning. He and Raidou had tagged along to visit Itachi. Genma, after learning it might help, and made a habit of coming to see Itachi. Iruka dropped by as often as he could, though Genma knew for a fact the man usually spent his time talking to Fugaku and Mikoto about Sasuke. In four more months, it would be a year since the disaster. It would be a year since Itachi had been what he was supposed to be. Genma could only imagine how hard the year had been on the Uchiha, especially on Mikoto, Fugaku, and Sasuke.

"Oi, don't mope," Raidou reached across the table and whacked Genma on the arm.

Genma winced. "I'm not. I was just...thinking, and no, that doesn't count as moping."

"If you were thinking about Itachi, it might," Raidou warned. He sipped philosophically at his tea. Genma pulled an annoyed face, and then settled back into a more pensive expression.

"He's never going to be the same person he was," Genma said after a few moments thought. "After everything that happened, there's no way he will be. Also, given what happened to his chakra network...Raidou, it's been six years, and I still can't heal after my chakra system cracked up. Itachi had a seal wrapped around his like a sticker vine, and then had it ripped out. He might never be able to use chakra again."

Raidou sighed. "I know that just as well as everyone else. The Hyuuga made sure everyone knew what he was saying when he told us about Itachi's condition." Raidou's face changed to mirror Genma's thoughtful expression. "He'll be all right, though."

Genma scoffed. "You sound so sure."

"He's Itachi," Raidou shook his head. "Maybe you were too close to see the things that kid overcame as a gennin, but, I'm convinced, if anyone can get over this, he can. Trust me Gen, one way of another, Itachi will be all right."

Genman sighed. "If anyone. There's no guarantee anywhere, Raidou, for anyone. Head injuries are nasty things..."

"Itachi!" Shisui's slightly alarmed voice rang out. Genma and Raidou rose and peered out of the kitchen to find Itachi was pulling on his shoes. Shisui was looking down at his cousin with a bewildered expression. He looked up at Genma and Raidou and shrugged.

"He just got up and walked off. I know Genzai-sensei said to let him do things for himself, but..." Shisui shrugged. He was supposed to be in the meeting, but he was Itachi's unofficial keeper. No one else could manage Itachi half so well as Shisui did it. Genma applauded him for that. The task would have driven Ganme mad within the first week.

"Don't worry, Shisui, we'll follow him and make sure he doesn't get into trouble. Did he say where he was going?" Raidou asked, watching as Itachi stood up.

Shisui gave Raidou an almost exasperated look. "If he had, I might be passed out in shock." The young man bowed. "Thank you, I really need to get back..." Shisui cast another anxious and curious look at Itachi, and then hurried off back into the house.

Genma sighed and pulled his own sandals back on before following Itachi outside. At least Itachi did this much now. Shisui had been making sure that Itachi exercised, usually in the form of kata. Now Itachi _could_ actually get up and wander around without falling down on weak limbs. It was both a curse and a blessing, as the warm weather seemed to be stirring Itachi into mindless movement that had him wandering aimlessly around Konoha at all times. Shisui had mentioned earlier in the week Itachi had gone on a ramble that had lasted three hours. Shisui had had to piggy-back Itachi back home.

No one questioned them as they walked through the Uchiha district, but several people greeted them. Genma and Raidou returned the greetings, ambling after Itachi in companionable silence. The boy still moved like a ninja, Genma noted. There was a quiet stalk to his walk that just screamed ninja. Genma shook his head. Just because Itachi could still walk didn't make him a ninja.

Genma was surprised when Itachi finally led them up to the Hokage's tower. Itachi paused at the doors and look at the Jounin guarding it. It was Kakashi.

"I need to see the Hokage," Itachi said carefully, and his voice was hoarse and rusty sounding. Kakashi blinked, practically a gape of shock for him, and glanced back at Genma and Raidou, who were equally surprised. They shrugged. They didn't know what was up.

"I think he's having tea, but why not?" Kakashi shrugged, evidently choosing to humor the now invalid Uchiha. Kakashi lead Itachi into the tower. Genma and Raidou waited, expecting Itachi to be out soon.

They were surprised when Kakashi came out and told them the Hokage would see to it Itachi got home safely after they'd finished their discussion. Genma and Raidou exchanged looks and shrugged. They left, though. What else could they do?

The afternoon sun was warm enough to banish the bite of winter from the air, but there was still a hint of it. Itachi walked out of the Hokage's tower, and he felt an urgency drop away from him. He stood by the doors, looking up at the sky. He felt free-he felt so free he felt lost. Where did he go from here?

"Are you all right?" Kakashi asked languidly from where he stood guard.

Itachi blinked and looked over. "I'm...Yes, I'm fine." Itachi smiled, and he meant it. Kakashi didn't show any surprise at Itachi's answer, or that Itachi had answered at all.

"It's about time for the Academy to let out, isn't it?" Kakashi asked, as if Itachi should know.

Itachi looked at the sky. "Maybe." Itachi stepped out then, and he knew where he was going. He was going to pick up Sasuke.

It was odd, Itachi decided as he walked down the street. It was odd to be awake after so long of living in a world of half dream and half reality. He thought he knew what was real and what wasn't, but he wasn't so sure. It was hard for him to tell. It was also odd to be this person that he was now. He wasn't the kitten, not entirely, and he wasn't the other. He wasn't a simple mix of both either. Something inside him had broken, he knew that, and while it had healed, Itachi's mind did not have the same shape or flavor it had possessed before all of this madness had fallen on him.

Itachi was a new person, but that wasn't such a bad thing. He had, just moment ago, told the Hokage about Uchiha Madara and his Moon's Eye plan. Maybe he could play a small part in saving the world this time around. Maybe he'd play a part in damning it that much quicker. Whatever part Itachi would play, it would be different from any role he'd ever played before in his life-in any life he'd lived.

He was free, and that was a terrifying and exhilarating prospect.

Itachi reached the Academy quickly. He knew the children would be running around and playing under the teacher's watchful eyes as they waited for their parents to come and pick them up. A small group of parents was gathered talking, but the kids ignored them. Play was more important. Itachi edged closer, and he felt out of place. He was...he was unsure about himself-about his state of mind, about who he was at this moment. He was afraid he might fall back into that waking sleep at any moment, or someone would only recognize his physical shape and find his mental one a stranger's.

Itachi didn't feel like a person. He felt like a concept, and he was afraid he would cease to exist if he came under the scrutiny of a real person.

"Itachi!" Iruka's surprised and delighted exclamation made Itachi jump. He turned and looked warily at the other man. Iruka pretended not to notice the wariness and placed his hands eagerly on Itachi's shoulders.

"You're here," Iruka laughed, and 'here' seemed the right word to Itachi. He nodded, but it took him a moment to make himself speak. Iruka waited expectantly, but patiently.

"I'm here to pick up Sasuke," Itachi said at last. Iruka nodded and turned to point him out in the swarm of children. He didn't need to. Itachi could tell easily which dark head was Sasuke. It was the one turned to look at them, and Sasuke was the small form that had stilled from playing, watching them.

Sasuke took an unthinking step forward, away from the other children, and then he stopped. Itachi could see the uncertainty flitting across the boy's face. Could this really be his brother? Could Itachi finally be awake? Could he finally be _here_, as Iruka had put it? Itachi let his hands fall from his face. He felt a sad smile pull at his lips.

He wasn't the brother Sasuke was expecting. Could he even call himself Sasuke's brother at all now?

Itachi cupped his hands around his mouth. "Sasuke!" The call wasn't loud, just enough to reach Sasuke, but it might as well have been a thunderous shout for how Sasuke reacted. He jumped, his little eyes growing round, and then he moved. He took two walking steps, and then he ran.

Itachi didn't know if it felt like hours or just a second before he was scooping Sasuke up in a hug. Sasuke latched onto Itachi's neck with a ferocity that surprised Itachi. Sasuke was bigger now-heavier. That didn't matter though. He was still Sasuke.

"You're _back_," Sasuke said fiercely. He pulled his head back and looked up at Itachi. "You came _back_."

Itachi smiled, and leaned his forehead against Sasuke's. "I did. I'm sorry I was gone so long."

Sasuke nodded. "Just don't ever go away for so long again, all right? You made everyone sad." _Especially me_. Itachi heard that unspoken sentiment, and he smiled.

"I won't. I'm here to stay now." Itachi shifted Sasuke in his arms. He was aware Iruka was watching, and other people were starting to stare. Itachi didn't care. The unreal feeling vanished with the solid weight of his little brother in his arms.

He was Uchiha Itachi, brother to Uchiha Sasuke. What else mattered?

"Let's go home," Itachi suggested.

Sasuke eyes flashed with a sudden delight as he realized he could go home to a whole house and a full family. "Yeah, let's go home."

Home was a place in the middle of the Uchiha compound. Sasuke led Itachi through familiar streets lined with familiar faces. Itachi felt warmth infuse him at the sight. They'd done it. They'd saved the Uchiha.

_I did it_.

Sasuke was pulling Itachi up to their house. Sasuke flung the door open, and almost fell over trying to pull his shoes off in a hurry. Itachi noted, via shoe count, that all the guests had left. It would only be his family home. Itachi relaxed a little. That would be best, for now.

"'Tou-san!" Sasuke exclaimed. "Itachi-Itachi came to pick me up!"

Itachi glanced up from slipping his own shoes off, slightly unsteady as he balanced on one foot. His father looked down at him, and Itachi saw that the man was trying hard not to hope. He'd been so disappointed for so long. Itachi smiled, slowly, hesitantly, happily, as he hadn't for years-or maybe months. Time was something that was still fuzzy to him. It didn't matter. It only mattered he could smile now.

Fugaku's face lit with realization. "_Okeri nasai_."

Itachi stepped forward, and he wasn't as surprised as he might have been at one point in his life that his father enfolded him in a strong hug. Itachi smiled into the embrace, returning it, and, for the first time in a long time, he felt safe.

"_Tadaima_."

* * *

**A/N: Japanese words mean 'Welcome home' and 'I'm home' respectively.**


	35. Epilogue

-Epilogue-

The sun beats down, burning hot on their skin. The moves they make are perfection. They slide around each other, intent on making the killing blow first. Their eyes are demonic red, burning scarlet. They barely seem to touch the ground. For now, they move slowly, languid in waiting.

Then everything happens at once. It's a flurry of blows, too fast to see, almost too fast to be real. They look evenly matched.

Still, it's Itachi that hits the ground, throat bruised. It's Shisui who scrambles to help him up. Sasuke watches from the porch, munching watermelon and waiting for the sparring match to end. They're going out to catch fireflies on the river as soon as it gets dark. Shisui and Itachi are going to teach him how to walk on water.

Shisui watches his cousin straighten, and then says something he's been thinking but hasn't said before. "You're different."

Itachi looks at him, and those red eyes are hard. They peer into Shisui with an intensity that a child should not possess, but Itachi is not a child like other children. He has been broken, and then remade into something _else_.

Itachi then smiles, as he is so prone to do now days-almost enough to make Shisui forget the other habits Itachi now has. "Everything is." Itachi suddenly holds a kunai to Shisui's gut. Shisui isn't alarmed. Itachi will never hurt him again.

"What are we training so hard for?" Shisui asks his cousin as they walk for the porch.

"Revenge," Itachi says simply, and his voice is old and dark. His face is shadowed, and Shisui gets a chill. Uchiha Madara, Shisui knows, will die as soon as Itachi get his strength and control back. Shisui knows something else as well. He'll guard Itachi's back when that fight comes. He's never letting his cousin go into the lion's den alone again.

"I'm going to eat all the watermelon without you!" Sasuke calls, his voice light as the butterflies that flit around the garden. Itachi looks at Shisui, and he laughs. It's a child's laugh, and Itachi has never been more of a dichotomy than he is now. He promises death with the face of an embittered old man on moment and then laughs like a child the next.

Something about Itachi has changed, but, as Shisui races to the porch, he cannot see change as a bad thing.

* * *

**A/N: Yes, the epilogue is in present tense. Shhh, it's artistic license! I'm going to go back and do minor editting on earlier chapters now.**

**So you know, you guys just finished a 166 page story of over 100,00 words! THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REVIEWS! You guys have been awesome! (p.s., check out the poll on my profile if you've got a minute.)**

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